This was requested by illymaisara. Thank you for requesting this! UwU

Chan knew that he wasn’t the most favored member in the group. He saw it at fan signs when some of the fans weren’t as excited to see him as the other members. He knew he wasn’t as talented as the other members. He didn’t get as many lines as they did. He felt like he wasn’t as good at dancing then Jun, Minghao, or Sooyoung. 

             He knew he wasn’t as handsome as the other members. He wished he could look as good as Mingyu or Jeonghan. He knew he didn’t have any special talents like his hyungs. He was just the maknae. He just didn’t feel special he didn't feel needed. 

            They were currently at dance practice stretching and fixing parts of the choreography. Chan looked around at s. He felt his insecurities surfacing and he couldn’t stop the thoughts going through his head. He shook his head and told himself not to think those thoughts. 

          He looked around one last time before looking down and continuing to stretch. None of the members seemed to notice his sad aura. He was sad that they didn’t notice but it bothered him still. Dance practice proceeded and he kept messing up. 

          He felt embarrassed about it and felt like crying but he didn’t because he wouldn’t show he was weak. Once dance practice was over the other members started packing up to leave while Chan stopped and watched them pack up. “ Channie are you not coming,” Seungkwan asked. The other members looked at him and he shook his head confirming his answer. 

           He felt good that all of them had left the room. He just wanted to be alone and not be reminded of what he isn’t. He looked into the mirror and cringed at the sight o himself. Chan decided on just quickly fixing parts that he got wrong during dance practice. He put the music on and danced. He felt free dancing, like a bird flying and not having to worry. 

            The second he finished he fell onto the floor and laid there for a while. He put a hand on his chest and thought about his insecurities. He looked at the clock and decided it was time to go back to the dorm. 

           He picked his things off the floor slowly and made his way to the dorm. He walked on the streets looking around at everything. He didn’t even notice that he had arrived at the dorm he just let his feet take him where they led him. 

         When he entered the dorm it was dark. Chan realized that everyone must have gone to sleep. He walked slowly to the bathroom and shut the door. Chan looked at himself in the mirror and felt disgusted once again that day. He wanted to stop the thoughts in his head. Chan wanted to stop the voices from telling him he wasn’t good enough. 

       He looked at the shower and grabbed a razor. Quickly he took the blade and put it on his leg he didn’t want anyone seeing the marks. He dragged the blade across his skin and felt the relief. He cut a few more times looking at the blood running down his leg in satisfaction. 

        Everything had felt hazy to him at first but he came to his senses. Chan looked around and started to sob. He felt like a freak, someone who couldn’t even think well of himself. He felt sadness and disappointment f someone found out. Chan honestly didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. 
    
       His sobs had gotten louder and louder. Somewhere outside the bathroom, someone was listening hard it was Soonyoung. He couldn’t sleep and he felt alarmed when he heard someone enter the dorm and started crying. He jumped out of his bed and ran to Jeonghan’s and Seungcheol’s room. 

       “ Hyung, Hyung wake up I am pretty sure Channie is crying in the bathroom,” he whisper-shouted. Jeonghan with his mother instincts woke up quickly and heard the crying. He jumped up careful not to wake Seungcheol. The two of them quickly walked to the bathroom and stopped outside the door. 

          Inside the bathroom, Chan was lost in his mind. Nothing mattered to him at the moment. He just wanted to go hide in a hole where no one would find him. He could barely hear anything but he did hear someone knock on the door. He listened carefully and heard someone say Channie. That was when it hit him very hard.

        He could now hear people crowding outside the bathroom. He was starting to feel very tired and his sobs started getting quieter. He didn’t realize the door had opened until he saw Jeonghan standing in front of him. Jeonghan stared at Chan for a while before quietly saying “Channie?” Then everything went black and Chan fell to the floor. 

For people who are curious yes I am doing a part two just stating the obvious. Thank you for reading this and have a good day!