1996

“Jaebum, if you keep dyeing your hair like that you’ll eventually go bald.”  Jinyoung poked his boyfriend in the side.

Jaebum ignored him and continued to press the bright pink dye onto his fringe, leaving streaks on his bleach blond hair.  “I’m still young, I’ll be fine.”

Jinyoung shrugged and went back to packing the last of his things in a suitcase.

“I can’t believe you’re actually leaving.”  Sungjin popped out of the bathroom and plopped onto the bed next to Jinyoung.  “We’ve been together for four years now…”

After graduating college Jinyoung had big dreams.  He had moved into a small apartment with his boyfriend and Sungjin, but he knew he wouldn’t be staying around for long.  “I have nothing left for me in this small town, it’s time to finally hit the big leagues!” 

“All the way to New York?  I still don’t know how I feel about this.”  Jaebum finished dyeing his hair and he got on the bed as well.

“You guys don’t understand!  I want to be on Broadway!  One doesn’t get to Broadway if they aren’t in New York.”  In Jinyoung’s mind, he already had his entire life planned out.  Move to New York, join a company, impress with his acting skills, debut on Broadway, convince Jaebum to move out to New York with him, ask Jaebum to marry him, become a celebrity, adopt a few kids… perfect.  A flawless plan.

“Aren’t you going to miss me too much?”  Jaebum teased.

“I’ll be fine, but the offer still stands if you want to move to New York with me!”  Jinyoung tried but he knew Jaebum wasn’t that interested.  If he would agree he could get that whole life plan moving quicker.  Jinyoung was ready to charge forward but Jaebum was still stuck- unsure what his next move in life would be. 

“I’ll call you every day babe, don’t worry.”  Jaebum got up and pulled Jinyoung into a hug.  “Chase your dreams, don’t worry too much about me, alright?”

“I’ll keep on eye on him to make sure he behaves!”  Sungjin shouted from behind.

Jinyoung gave in.  “I’ll miss you, seriously.  I still don’t know how I’ll manage without you, Jaebum.”

“I believe in you,”  Jaebum said, giving Jinyoung a quick kiss on the lips.  “Your taxi is waiting outside.”

“Guess there’s no turning back now.”  Jinyoung had already received a job offer from a play company in New York.  This was really it.

“Oh, Jinyoung, I have a friend up in New York, you mind giving this to him?”  Jaebum handed him a worn-out journal.  “I wrote his name and number on there, give him a call, alright?”

“Got it.”  Jinyoung tucked the book away in his shoulder bag as Sungjin helped put his suitcase into the trunk of the car.

“I’ll call you both as soon as I land!  Love you!”  Jinyoung yelled as he was driven away, en route to the airport.

This is it.

---

 

“So, you’re Park Jinyoung?  The new intern?”  A man eyed him up and down as he reported on his first day on the job.

“Yes! This is really an honor- I’ve heard about this company in the news.  I am great at acting, singing, dancing-“

“Two caramel macchiatos, three americanos, and one green tea latte.  You got all that?”

“I…”  Jinyoung was confused.  “What?”

“TWO caramel macchiatos, THREE americanos, and ONE green tea latte.”  The man emphasized again.  “We don’t have all day; our actors are thirsty, they can’t function properly without caffeine.”

A credit card was shoved into Jinyoung’s hand and it didn’t hit him until he stepped outside that they had instantly turned him into the company coffee boy. 

He didn’t fly all the way to New York to become a coffee boy.

Jinyoung hoped after the whole coffee thing he could start acting or overseeing or anything other than fetching scripts and coffee.  Unfortunately, three coffee trips later and Jinyoung realized all his hopes and dreams had been crushed.

“Hey, if you guys need an extra to play- maybe a passer-by?  I don’t even need lines-“

“You.”  The same man from earlier pointed at him.

“M-me?”  Was this finally his chance?

Instead, another script was shoved into his hands.  “I need ten copies of this, go to the copier in the basement.”

Jinyoung huffed.  “Yes, sir.” 

Jinyoung mumbled curses to himself all the way down the stairs.  How could he have been so stupid?   What was he going to tell Jaebum?  Did he come all the way to New York to buy coffee and make copies?

At the bottom of the stairs he thought he would be greeted by a copy machine, but instead, he was in front of a desk.  A man with unnaturally bright red hair was sitting behind it, solving a Rubik’s cube.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for that copier…”  Jinyoung asked.

“How many copies?”  The man held out his hand.

“Uh, ten.”  Jinyoung handed over the thick stack of papers to the red-haired man.  He carefully scanned each page, pressed a button on a huge copy machine, and let the copies print out very slowly.  He then sat back down and picked his cube back up, hardly acknowledging Jinyoung’s existence. 

“So… I just wait?”

“The printer is old and slow, you will have to wait.”

“Okay… are you part of the company too?  Your job is making copies?”

“Yes.”  He answered promptly, not even looking up.

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

“No.”  He answered.  The loudest thing about this guy was his hair.

Jinyoung stayed silent for another moment, listening to the printer slowly ease each copy out.

“I’m Jinyoung, the new intern here.”  Jinyoung finally said to break the awkward silence.

“Okay.” 

“…and you are?”

“Mark.”  Another awkward conversation ended there.

The printer finally printed out the last of the copies and Mark got up to staple them together.

Mark handed over the stack of papers.  Another awkward silence.

“It was, uh, nice meeting you Mark.”

“Yup.”  Mark said before he sat back down and went back to his cube.

Jinyoung couldn’t tell if this guy was rude or dead inside.  Either way, he didn’t take much time to think about it, hurrying back upstairs with the copies.

---

 

Jinyoung had been working at the company for three weeks now and it had not gotten any better.

“Are you okay?  That’s your fourth drink in the past hour.”  Youngjae was the only other intern at the company- and he also happened to be his temporary roommate in New York.  Jinyoung had big plans but he suddenly wasn’t so sure he would be able to live in New York permanently anymore.

“I’m fine, I need to drink away my sorrows.”  Youngjae was a bit tipsy himself, so he laughed at Jinyoung’s misery.

Even though Youngjae was also an intern at the same company his specialty was stage lighting and they got him doing that as soon as he got there.  The company had no shortage of actors so Jinyoung was left with nothing to do other than coffee and copy runs until they needed him.

“Cheer up, you have a boyfriend back home who’s crazy about you.  I’m sure he wouldn’t want to know you’re crying in a bar at one in the morning.”  Youngjae always about Jaebum- since his work life was a disaster he spent most of his time talking on and on about how much he was in love with him.  It was extremely sappy but true; he missed him a ton.

“Is there a phone in here?  I need to call him.”  Jinyoung shoved his glass into Youngjae’s hand after he spotted a payphone in the corner of the bar.  “I’ll be right back.”

Jinyoung pulled a mess of coins out of his pocket- a couple scattering on the floor.  He didn’t care enough to pick them up.  He pushed the coins into the slot and dialed Jaebum’s number.

“Jaeeeebuuum!”  Jinyoung slurred.

“Jinyoung?”  Jaebum yawned.  “Why are you calling me so late?”

“I looove you.  Soo much…. My handsome boyfriend.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Babe, you need to visit me in New York.  I miss you sooooo much.” 

Jaebum sighed.  “You sound like a mess.  Honestly, I was planning to surprise you but, I might be coming down to visit next weekend.”

“Wait, really?” 

“Yes.”

Jinyoung was so happy he almost burst into tears.  “This is so great!  My gosh… I… I love you.”

“I love you too, and if you love me so much you’ll put the phone down and go home.  Can’t have you out so late and so drunk without me.”

“Yes, sir!  I can’t wait to see you, babe.  Sorry for waking you up.”

“It’s alright- oh, did you call Jackson yet?”

“Who?”

“I told you to drop the journal off…”

“Oh!  I called and left a message, don’t worry I’ll try to stop by before the weekend,” Jinyoung smiled again.  “And then I’ll see you.”

“Of course.  Good night Jinyoung, get home safely!”

“Sweet dreams darling.”  Jinyoung made an obnoxious kissing noise into the receiver before hanging up and getting his drink back from Youngjae.

“Someone’s in a better mood.”

“I’m asking Jaebum to marry me.  This weekend.”

“You’re what?!”

Jinyoung chugged down the last of his drink.  “My job , but if there’s anything I’m sure of is that Jaebum and I are meant to be.  What’s the point in waiting?  I’m ready and I’ve been ready since the moment we met.”

“Have you guys even discussed marriage?”

“No, but it’s the only logical path.  Once we’re engaged Jaebum will move down here permanently so even if I’m miserable I don’t have to be miserable and alone.  It’s the perfect plan!”

“Are you sure you should be making these decisions drunk-“

“Sungjin will be the best man!  I must fly in all my family in from Korea… I mean I don’t have all the money in the world but I’m sure we’ll manage.  All that matters is the love in our hearts!”  Jinyoung said dramatically.

“Okay, that’s great but maybe we should talk about this more when you’re… sober.”  Youngjae calmly took Jinyoung’s hand.  “It’s time to go home.”

“Alright!  Don’t try changing my mind Youngjae!  The power of love always wins!” 

Jinyoung was positive this would all work out.

---

 

“…Jackson?”  Jinyoung had made it out to this Jackson guy’s apartment to drop of the journal for his boyfriend, but he was greeted at the door by a much older man wearing only a robe.  “I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong place.”

“No, Jackson is here.  Come on in, I’ll get him for you.”  Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he should walk in, but against his better judgment, he stepped inside.

“Do you live with Jackson… or?”

“No, just here for the night.”

“Oh, you’re his…”

“Daddy.”

Jinyoung was utterly confused.  “You’re his father?”

“Park Jinyoung!”  Their conversation was interrupted by a handsome man entering the room.  “I’ve been expecting you.”  Jackson looked over at the older man and signaled for him to get out, so they could talk alone.

“Jackson Wang?”

“That’s me!  Wow, so you’re Jaebum’s man of the hour…”  Jackson studied him, his eyes glancing up and down.

“If by ‘man of the hour’ you mean ‘boyfriend of four years’ that would be me.”  Jinyoung clarified.

“Amazing!  I didn’t think Jaebum would ever settle down.”  Jackson motioned for Jinyoung to sit down.  “Sit!  Do you want something to drink?  Water, juice, vodka?”

“I actually just came to drop off this journal-“

“Some water at least.”  Jinyoung couldn’t read this guy’s personality so easily and it was freaking him out.

“Water… is fine.”  Jackson smiled as he hurried into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water.  “That’s not your father, is it?”

“Is that what he told you?” 

“He said he’s your daddy.”

Jackson laughed at that.  “He’s my economics professor.”

“Your what-“

“Anyway!  Park Jinyoung!  Enough about me!  Tell me about yourself,” Jackson sat down across from him, his elbows on the table poised to interrogate.  “How are you liking New York?”

“Uh… it’s been challenging, but I’m slowly warming up to it.”

“Must be hard being so far away from your boyfriend, such a handsome guy roaming the streets all by yourself…” Jinyoung took a long sip of his water.  “I’m surprised nobody has tried to snatch you up for themselves.”

“I can assure you, I’m not interested in anyone e-“ Jinyoung felt Jackson’s hand on his knee and jumped up, spilling the rest of his water down his shirt.

“Oh!  I’m sorry, do you need help cleaning that up?”

“No!  No, I’m fine,” Jinyoung started walking backward.  “I’ll just leave this book on the table.”

“Wait!  Don’t look so scared, I’m sorry.”  Jackson followed him as Jinyoung tried to leave, pulling him as they stood outside of his door.  “Jinyoung…”

“What do you want?”

“Jaebum is really lucky to have such a dedicated man-“

“JACKSON!  DADDY’S HUNGRY!”  The old man yelled from inside the apartment.

Jackson sighed.  “I’M COMING, GIVE ME ONE SECOND!”

“What are you-“ Before Jinyoung could react Jackson leaned in and pressed his lips to his. 

It was weird- Jinyoung should’ve pulled away but he let Jackson kiss him for a few moments.

“I just wanted to see what that was like.”

Jinyoung’s face was completely red at this point.  “Uh, yeah.”  Jinyoung’s mind was practically screaming at him.  You’re practically an engaged man!

“Tell me if Jaebum comes into town, maybe all three of us can… hang out together.”  Jackson smirked.

“A-all three of us?”

“Yeah,” Jackson patted Jinyoung on the shoulder.  “It was nice meeting you.”  He pulled his door shut and Jinyoung was just left there standing in front of his closed door.

Jinyoung decided to pretend the last bit of that visit never happened.

---

 

The emotions finally hit Jinyoung when he picked up his engagement ring from the jeweler- this was really happening.

It was late in the evening when he decided to stop by at an ice cream place after he got off work and picked up his ring.  He was proud and decided to reward himself for moving up in life.

“One vanilla scoop please.”

“That’ll be $5.25.”

“Five dollars?!  For one scoop?  Back home I could get any scoop I wanted for less than three dollars!”

“New to New York?  That’s the price of living up here.”  The guy didn’t look like he was pleased by Jinyoung’s sudden outburst.

“I can pay the extra two dollars if you’re really that stingy.”  Jinyoung heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Mark?”  Jinyoung had almost forgotten he existed.  They had met a few more times since their first encounter but they still barely managed to have a conversation.

“Hi.”  Mark smiled at him, pulling out his wallet.

“No!  I can pay- it’s fine.”  Jinyoung got out his own wallet and paid for his scoop with no more hassles.

“Kind of late for ice cream, isn’t it?”  Mark said as he stepped forward in line.

“I could ask you the same question.”  Jinyoung got his cup of vanilla and stepped to the side.

Mark just laughed in response.  “One scoop of strawberry and olive oil in a waffle cone please.” 

“Strawberry and olive oil?  What kind of flavor is that?”

“Don’t knock it until you try it… not like I’d expect someone who orders vanilla to know anything about trying new flavors.”

“Vanilla is a classic.”

“It’s also painfully plain.”  Mark retorted.

“Since when did you talk to me?” 

“Since I found out you have awful taste in ice cream.” Mark was handed his cone and the cashier scanned his card. 

“Looks like that’s free today; happy birthday.”

“It’s your birthday?”  Jinyoung asked.

“Why else would I be getting ice cream so late at night?”  Mark smiled but there was a hint of sadness.

Jinyoung followed Mark as he walked outside.  “Happy birthday!  Did you have any plans…?”  Mark looked so strangely alone, Jinyoung had to pry.

“Well, I had plans.  My boyfriend was planning to take me out, but he decided to take a last-minute gig since he’s more interested in his music career than me- so now I’m just here with my ice cream.  I was planning to hit up a pizza joint too, maybe also fried chicken, then some more ice cream…” 

“I’ll take you out for a birthday dinner.”

Mark raised an eyebrow.  “Why would you do that?”

“I can’t see you waste away on your birthday alone like this…”  Jinyoung knew he should probably head home since Jaebum would be arriving in the morning, but his conscience couldn’t let Mark suffer like this.

“Hmmm,” Mark took a bite of his ice cream as he pondered the suggestion.  “Most restaurants would be closed by now, how do you feel about a bar?”

---

 

To say that they both were tipsy would be an understatement.  They had too much fun at the bar which turned into multiple drinks and maybe some dancing?  Jinyoung couldn’t quite remember.  He only remembered having the time of his life.

“So, this Jaebum guy you keep talking about, he’s your college sweetheart?”  Mark asked as they both stumbled down the street, walking through a deserted park.  It had to have been past midnight at this point.  Jinyoung wasn’t keeping track of the time.

“Yes!  He’s the love of my life!  The… best.”  Jinyoung slurred slightly. 

Mark huffed.  “If you like him that much, why don’t you marry him?”

“Actually,” Jinyoung felt around in his pocket for the ring he bought earlier, popping it open to show Mark.

“Holy .”

“He gets it tomorrow, I made a reservation at a fancy restaurant.”

“That’s amazing!”  Mark gave Jinyoung a hearty pat on the back. “What are you going to say?”

Jinyoung hadn’t planned that far.  “I’m still working on it.”

Mark started giggling. “You’re getting engaged and you don’t even know how to do the proposal?”

“It can’t be that hard.”  Jinyoung was aware he probably sounded ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop talking. 

“Practice with me!”  Mark said grabbing Jinyoung by the shoulders and making then stand face to face.  Jinyoung almost tripped from how sharply Mark had turned him.

“I’m not marrying you.”

“I said it’s practice!  Come on, you don’t want to mess up with the actual love of your life, right?”  Mark crossed his arms.  “I’m Jaebum!  Your love!”

Jinyoung mind was so cloudy.  Something was telling him this entire night was a bad idea, but he kept playing along.  “Alright,” Jinyoung clumsily got on one knee, holding the ring up.  “Will you, uh, marry me?”

Mark burst into shrieking laughter at that attempt.  “Are you serious?  That wasn’t convincing at all.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat and spoke more confidently.  “Will you marry me?”

“Hmm… still a no from me, sorry.”  Mark smirked.  “Where’s the feeling?”

“What do you want from me?!”

“You’re asking this guy to spend the rest of his life with you, what are you really thinking?  Convince me.”

“Listen…I…” 

“Speak from the heart.”

Jinyoung took a deep breath.  “I love you and I have loved you since the first moment I saw you.  We’ve been through so much together and never for a moment have I ever imagined a life without you so if there, so please, since I can’t live without you will you… uh, marry me?” 

Mark was silent for a moment, then he started giggling.  “Cheesy, but I liked it.  I’ll marry you, I guess.” 

“You guess?”  Jinyoung was kind of offended, he really put his heart into that one.

Mark laughed in response.  “Walk me home?”

---

 

“Why do you have so many copies of Lord of the Flies?”  Mark had invited him in and Jinyoung had come up- against his better judgment again.  He was thirsty, and Mark’s home just seemed so inviting.  “You must really like the book.”  There were at least thirty copies of the book lining a bookshelf in Mark’s living room.

“Oh, I’ve actually never gotten past the second chapter.  Reading isn’t my thing.”  Mark said as he handed Jinyoung his glass of water and sat next to him on the couch.

“What?  Why do you have so many copies then?”

“Back in the day my dad got me a copy for my birthday, he wrote a pretty lengthy inscription in it.  At the time I would’ve rather received the skateboard I’d been eyeing for a month, so I was kind of angry when I got the book instead,” Mark took a sip of his water.  “That was the last gift I ever received from him.”

“What happened?”

“He died in a car accident three weeks later.” 

“I’m… so sorry.”  Jinyoung instinctively reached an arm around Mark’s shoulders to comfort him.

“Anyway, the years went by and my mom and I moved away.  The book got lost… every time I see a copy in a used bookstore I walk in and pick it up to see if it’s the copy from my dad.  I don’t know why I started buying them- all the ones I own have inscriptions.  It feels nice to read them sometimes even if I haven’t found the one from my dad yet.”

Jinyoung was still sad but Mark smiled at him.

“Don’t look so down, it’s nothing I haven’t gotten over,” Mark got up and the radio.  “So, what else did you want to talk about?”

---

 

Talking with Mark was surprisingly easy- considering the first few times they had met Mark had barely spoken a word to him.  They were definitely sobering up now that it was o’ clock in the morning, but Jinyoung wasn’t tired at all.  He wanted to talk to Mark for as long as he could.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?  Coming all the way to New York to become a performer on Broadway?”

“Nah, if that’s what you’re passionate about I can only applaud you for making it this far.”

“What about you?  Making copies can’t be your lifelong dream.”

Mark groaned.  “I don’t know, and I don’t know how to know what I really want to do.”

“There has to be something, not even a job, just something you want to do?”

“Well, I’ve always wanted to travel, visit all the places I know nothing about… I’ve been saving money.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“Well, my boyfriend isn’t too keen on it because his job is over here…”

“Honestly?  If he can’t even spend your birthday with you I don’t think he’s worth your time.”

“Honestly, you’re probably right,” Mark was looking at him funny, his eyes kind of glazed over.  “You know what?”

Jinyoung leaned in a little closer, what was this weird tension?  He didn’t understand it at all, but he was entranced.  “What?”

“It’s nice we can just sit here and talk without worrying about flirting and all that …” Jinyoung might’ve leaned in first, he can’t remember.  He only remembered the way Mark’s lips feel on his, the way his arms pulled him closer, the way he tastes when his tongue slides into his throat the way…

They both freeze when Jinyoung leans in a bit too far and a tiny box topples out of Jinyoung’s pocket.

They both stare at each other in panic for a second, until Jinyoung got up and shoved the box back into his pocket.

“I gotta go.”

---

 

The sun was already rising when Jinyoung got back to his building, the tiredness and guilt finally hitting him hard.  All he wanted to do was climb into bed and forget the entire night happened but when he got up to his apartment he was greeted by the last person he wanted to see.

“Jinyoung!”  Jaebum smiled as soon as he saw him but Jinyoung panicked.

“Jaebum?  What are you doing here so early?”

“I took the early flight in to surprise you!”

“I was just explaining to him about how you were at the company all night practicing your lines for the upcoming production, isn’t that right, Jinyoung?”  Youngjae gave him a knowing smile.  Thank god for Choi Youngjae.

“Oh, right!  I was working hard all night,” Jinyoung leaned in and kissed Jaebum, feeling a little dirty doing so.  “I really missed you.”

“You’re acting kind of strange, is everything okay?”

“I’m fine!  It’s just been… a weird week.”  Jinyoung tried desperately to rub the tiredness out of his eyes.

“I actually really need to talk to you, but I need some fresh air.  You mind going for a walk?”

“Sure, I need to talk to you as well.” 

They end up in a strangely familiar park.  There’s a pond right beside them, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, the scenery as gorgeous.

Jinyoung felt the small box in his pocket and decided he couldn’t wait any longer.  He had to do this now and not dwell on any sort of doubt running through his mind.

“Jaebum, I love you and I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you,”

“Jinyoung?  What are you saying so suddenly?”

“We’ve been through so much together and I can’t imagine life with you,” Jinyoung got down on one knee.

“Wh-what are you doing?!”

“So please, since I can imagine a life with you,”

“No, no, please Jinyoung, get off your knee…”

“Im Jaebum, will you marry m-“

“I SLEPT WITH SUNGJIN!”

I took a second for that statement to fully register in Jinyoung’s mind.

“You… WHAT?”

“Don’t freak out, please.”  Jaebum grabbed Jinyoung by the arm and sat him down on a bench.  “I didn’t think you’d really… my god.”

“Sungjin?!  You’re into Sungjin?!  This entire time-“

“I’m not into Sungjin, not in the slightest, I wanted to break it off with you and I didn’t know what to do…”

“You slept with Sungjin to prove the point?!”  Jinyoung groaned, it felt like all his plans were coming crashing down on him.

“Listen to me Jinyoung, I’m not good for you.  We’re in our early twenties for god sake, I’m not thinking about marrying anyone anytime soon.  You have so many big dreams and plans and being together with me would just hold you back.  I have no idea what I want to do with my life yet and I can’t sit here and lie to myself saying that I’m ready for all of this.  You need to live your dreams and I need to figure out my life.”

“I thought my dreams included you... our dreams.”

“No, your dreams.  You’re going to do so many incredible things and I’ll make you miserable because I’ll be holding you back.”

“Jaebum-“

“Listen, I’m letting you go.  You’ll be just fine, I know that.”

Jinyoung’s heart still felt like something had pulled it out of his chest and stomped on it, but there was nothing he could say to make Jaebum change his mind.

He had to move on.

---

 

“I heard you got your first supporting role, congrats.”  The first time Jinyoung saw Mark again was at the monthly social at the company, a week later.

“Thanks…”

“You don’t seem so happy about it.”  Mark said, his voice light.

“I’m sorry about last week.” 

“It’s fine.”

A moment of silence.

“We wouldn’t have worked out anyway, you and I are completely different.  Cats and dogs.”  Mark said.

Jinyoung took a long swig of his beer.  “You’re right, like oil and water.”

“Sandpaper and bare .”

“That’s disgusting.”

Mark laughed.  “You’re the .”

“Thanks.”  Jinyoung laughed for the first time that week.

He was still young, there was still time.

Everything would turn out okay.