It was cold, so freezing cold that it seeped through his clothes and bit into his skin. Then a searing hot pain, paralysing him. The short moment of feeling as if he was going to suffocate, then it was over.
Minseok’s head snapped up and he sat up. He had fallen asleep on the chair next to Jongdae’s bed. Sweat was rolling down his temples. It was the first time he had had a nightmare of his past. He had expected those nightmares to come while he had been doing the therapy but then he hadn’t had any nightmares at all. He cleared his throat and tilted his head to rid himself of the uncomfortable lingering feeling on his neck. Was it because the infiltration of Junmyeon’s house had felt so much like back then when he had been doing all those missions? Was this the reason of his memories returning to him in such an unpleasant way? It had not been necessary to put much effort into concentrating on the task, he had been focused. Getting into the house, shooting, knocking out, killing, none of it had been a problem. He had followed script perfectly. Why had Sarah been able to inject that poison into him? When had he been so unfocused to not notice her? Why?

His eyes fell on the man still unconscious lying in front of him. Jongdae was still connected to many machines but he was improving. He shouldn’t have followed Jongdae because of that they both had been unfocused for that decisive moment.
Jongdae had turned around when Minseok had dropped the gun and one of the wounded men on the ground had taken advantage of it and had shot at Jongdae. Why had he ignored everything his instinct had told him? Why had he decided to join Jongdae? Everything could have gone well, had it not been for Jongdae. No matter how many times Minseok ran the scenario through his head of how it could have gone or should have gone, it all led back to Jongdae each time. Jongdae knocking loudly against the office door and shouting. He had been distracted by his voice. No, just simply by Jongdae. Jongdae running off alone to fight down the arriving police or security guards to buy the others time. He had followed Jongdae instead of accepting his sacrifice. He had followed him despite being weakened. He had thought about it.
What if he had let him go? What if he hadn’t followed Jongdae and had done as he had learnt to be, had done as he had always done? Ignoring others, focusing on his own survival. Fulfilling the mission. He should go now to make sure it never happened again. This was his chance, he had to leave right away. He should have left right after Sean started treating Jongdae, he should have left the house, the city. He should have left everyone behind immediately, but he hadn’t.
It was his last chance now, before Jongdae woke up he had to leave. Minseok got up, he wasn’t yet sure where to go but he had to be quick and quiet. No one could know. He looked at Jongdae’s sleeping face for a few seconds and then turned around.

 “Minseok?” He turned his head in surprise. Jongdae was awake.
  “What – what happened?” he said gravely. He sounded exhausted.
  “You – you were shot”, Minseok said roughly. “You were shot”, he repeated then almost as if it surprised him how heavy those words weighted.
Jongdae looked at him, his face was halfway covered by a breathing mask.
  “You saved me”, Jongdae said then.
  “No, Sean did”, Minseok corrected him. He flinched when he felt Jongdae’s cool fingers weakly trying to touch his hand.
  “No, you did”, Jongdae repeated. Minseok frowned.
  “What are you -?” he started.
  “You followed me”, Jongdae whispered. His breath was going heavier and his eyes were closing and opened up quickly. He was fighting to stay awake.
  “Why – did you?” Jongdae murmured. Minseok just stared at him.
  “Why – did you follow me?” Jongdae muttered and his eyes closed.
His breath was calming down and he fell asleep. Minseok opened his mouth, trying to formulate an answer, still staring at Jongdae. Then finally he tore his eyes away from Jongdae’s sleeping face and looked at Jongdae’s fingers resting on his hand. Jongdae had been asking the same question. Yes, why had he followed him?

 “Why”, Minseok repeated quietly. And the answer that had slowly come to take form in his mind as soon as Jongdae had opened his eyes and called his name, was now suddenly so clear. And he knew why he hadn’t left while he had had the chance and why he would not leave now.

2089

February

Yifan looked into the cracked window of a dusty shop to see his reflection, he had shaved for the first time in over a month. With the fresh clothes, it had improved his shabby appearance.
The streets outside were empty. This was the part of the city no one was supposed to know about. Where the people lived who could not buy themselves into this glorious safe city, they had worked their way in. Here lived the people who were really poor but were tolerated because they did the dirty work no one else wanted to do.
Cleaning duties, going underground, doing the dangerous tasks.
Back when he had still lived in the city, this part of the city had not been this dirty and run down. It had only worsened over the years. His wife’s parents had lived here, their little house was still there. Empty, dusty and dirty. But it had been a good hideout for the past one and a half months because they had died years ago and the house had never been registered under their name. It was hard to find a connection between him and the house he was hiding in. He knew that they were looking for him. The police, the government. Probably also Kyungsoo and Jongdae, should he have made it. He closed his tired eyes. Running and hiding was tiring. He had fulfilled all his duties, there was only one last thing left to do.
His hand slid into his pocket and he pulled out a small device that was not even the size of his hand. He put his hand on top of the screen and it came alive, scanned his handprint and unlocked. Yifan looked at the screen but his sight turned blurry. He let the tears come and drop down as he looked at the pictures. A girl on her first day in kindergarten, a birthday party, her first day at school. She looked so much like her mother. Yifan pressed his free hand to his mouth to muffle his sobs. He remembered how Junmyeon had shoved the device into his hand, how heavy Junmyeon’s breaths had been, his trembling hand on his as he begged him to end it.

Yifan looked through the window, through the distorted reflection of his face. The sun was just rising, it was a clear day. He tapped the screen and it closed, then he turned around and put the device under the tattered mattress he had slept on. No one would look for it but he did not want to risk it being traced back to Junmyeon. His fists clenched when he thought of the weight on his back as he had carried him out of the house. He didn’t ask Kyu where she would take him and it was none of his business. He had done his part of the plan, even though it had not exactly been Junmyeon’s plan. The guilt was heavy as he thought of Junmyeon and that he had until the end convinced him that Yifan was following Junmyeon’s plan to end it - to end it all.
Would he be angry? It didn’t matter much. As soon as he stepped out of this house, he would continue to stick to the original plan. Once everything was settled he would not deny having killed Junmyeon and make a confession. He had to because only then their whole plan would work, only then everything had been worth it. Only then, no one would look for Junmyeon anymore. The police would not find any evidence that Kyu, his sister or he had been there. Kyungsoo probably would not tell them either.

It was warmer today, spring was a short season in the city. The trees in the park stood in full bloom and the ground was covered in petals that the rain of yesterday had dragged down. Kyungsoo knew that there was a playground for children near the University Park. With his new position, Kyungsoo also had more resources so he could easily find out the school Yifan’s daughter went to. It was close to the University Park and Kyungsoo felt that surely parents would take their child to the park where they could see the flowers and trees blooming when the weather was nice. Indeed the park was very crowded with students and families.

For the past month Kyungsoo had kept an eye on places where Yifan might show up to see his daughter but Yifan knew how to stay hidden. Kyungsoo could not find him anywhere and he was still rather reluctant to ask Baekhyun for any possible informants. But should he not find him soon, he knew he had to ask Baekhyun. It had been over a month since Yifan had disappeared, since Junmyeon…
Kyungsoo shook his head, he pushed the thoughts away. He knew that it was not helpful to push those thoughts away. While he had been fighting, running and hiding from the government, the police, the camp guards and whatnot it had been easier. He had to focus on surviving, nothing else had mattered. But now, he was living in a safe city and had a job. It was hard to sleep, to eat or to get up and go out. But Kyungsoo was glad he had a job, a purpose and something to do.
It was an excuse to escape the house where Kenta and Jongin where. Somehow he could no longer look at Jongin and Jongin couldn’t understand it and Kyungsoo didn’t know how to explain it. They still spend the evenings together and lay side by side in the same bed but they hardly spoke. Kyungsoo had expected Jongin to leave as soon as he would see that Kyungsoo could no longer show him what it meant to be human. There was nothing good left in him, nothing but pain and anger. He was just broken and he could not do anything for Jongin anymore. But Jongin did not leave, he was always there when Kyungsoo came back from home, when they went to bed and when they woke up. He still looked at him with the same unreadable expression in his yellow eyes. Kyungsoo felt that he did not deserve Jongin’s patience or whatever it was that kept him from leaving.
For a moment the horrible pain and fear of losing Jongin nearly crushed him then he gained back control over his thoughts.

Kyungsoo had rarely been to this part of the city, he had always been in the parts of the park near university. The playground was however on the other end of the park. The playground was not as crowded as the park; there were just families and nannies with children.
Kyungsoo spotted Yifan near the fence at a bench. He was sitting there, his eyes straight ahead focused on the playing children. After one month of searching, finally there he was. He had spent many hours investigating Yifan, his past and putting theories together where he was hiding. But after everything, Kyungsoo no longer believed that Yifan would really have killed Junmyeon. Somehow there was this absurd hope that Yifan had done a deal with Kyu and had him brought away. It was stupid and made no sense whatsoever and he didn’t know how it would have been possible, how they should have done it. They hadn’t had any time to come up with such a thing. He just desperately wanted there to be another plan. But there was no other plan. No one could have thought this all through up to this point.

Kyungsoo sat down next to Yifan without a word. Yifan did not look up or avert his eyes, it seemed like Yifan had expected Kyungsoo to turn up. Kyungsoo watched him for a while until he noticed that Yifan was watching a young girl with brown hair put up in pigtails on the swing. She was laughing while a man was pushing her so she could swing higher and higher.
  “How old is she now?” Kyungsoo asked then.
  “Six”, Yifan said.
  “Are you not going to say hello?” Kyungsoo asked then.
  “She won’t remember me. She hasn’t seen me for almost 2 years”, Yifan said.
Kyungsoo suddenly felt an aching pain in his chest as he saw the suffering in Yifan’s eyes. He felt sorry for him and suddenly did not know how he could arrest him. He had been through enough, he had suffered enough. They all had.
  “I’m sure she hasn’t forgotten you”, Kyungsoo said softly.
  “It would be better if she had. I wouldn’t want her to remember the last time we saw each other”, Yifan said.

They were quiet for a long time and the little girl got down from the swing. She ran toward a woman who put a braided crown of flowers onto her hair. The girl beamed broadly and laughed. She spoke to the woman and they got up and left the playground. Kyungsoo was surprised when they neared their bench but they walked past them.
  “Here you go, sweetheart”, the woman said.
When Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder, he saw the man and the woman picking flowers together with the girl so she could make a braid of flowers, too. She braided the flowers into a bracelet and was just finished when the flower crown on her head was blown of the wind. She cried out and reached for it as it escaped her little hands she ran after it. Yifan got up and caught it and the girl stopped before him with big eyes. She looked up at the tall man, looking intimidated. Yifan however crouched down and put the flower crown back on her head.
  “Careful, princess. Here you go”, he said gently.
The girl looked at him wordlessly and touched the flower crown. Then she realised she was still holding her self-made flower bracelet. She took Yifan’s big hand into her small ones and put the bracelet around his wrist. Yifan looked down at the bracelet.
  “Thank you”, the girl said then brightly.
Yifan opened his mouth and looked at her. The girl turned around and ran back to her adoptive parents who had stared at Yifan. Kyungsoo quickly got up, if the parents called the police because they had recognised Yifan then there would be a big scene. And Kyungsoo would not have it that Yifan was arrested in front of his daughter. He pulled out his badge and flashed it in their direction, making sure the child would not see it, and their faces relaxed.
  “Let’s go”, he said quietly and put his hand onto Yifan’s shoulder as he showed the badge back into his pocket.
When Yifan didn’t move Kyungsoo looked down at him and saw that there were tears on Yifan’s face.

Kyungsoo called a taxi and got in it with Yifan. They were silent for almost the entire ride only when they were a few meters away from their destination, Yifan spoke up.
  “Is there a grave? For Junmyeon?” he asked. Kyungsoo turned to look at Yifan who was still looking out the window.
  “Uh, yeah”, he said. Yifan loosened the flower braid around his wrist and gave it to Kyungsoo.
  “Can you put it there, please?” Yifan asked. Kyungsoo looked at the flowers in his hand.
  “But it is –“, he started.
  “Junmyeon kept his promise, I couldn’t thank him”, Yifan just said and looked away again.
  “His promise?” Kyungsoo asked puzzled as the car stopped. But Yifan did not respond.

They got out of the car and Kyungsoo guided Yifan into the police headquarter.
When Kyungsoo left the headquarters he wished he could lay down and scream, but he drove to the graveyard as promised and put the flowers on Junmyeon’s grave. They had put up a grave even though there had been no body to bury. The grave was already covered in flowers.
  “Yifan sends his thanks. He said thank you for keeping your promise. He met with his daughter, the flowers were meant for him. So it means a lot that he’s giving them to you, doesn’t it?” Kyungsoo said out loud.
Then he sat down, hugging his knees. He stared at the tombstone and the flowers on the grave.
  “I couldn’t apologise to you and I didn’t thank you… you were my friend, you really were my friend”, Kyungsoo whispered.
And finally the tears fell. He let himself fall into the grass, the smell of the wet grass and earth in his nose, he cried. Before Junmyeon he would not have to hide anymore, he knew how broken Kyungsoo was. It was getting darker and as the sun was setting, it started raining.
Kyungsoo thought of the kids at the shelter who had prayed. He wished he could believe in something that could ease the pain. Something that told him that Junmyeon was still out there somewhere and they would meet again so he could properly apologise and thank him.
It was warm at the shelter, comfortably. The fabric of the tents brushed his face, Jongin’s hand was touching his cheek. Junmyeon was turning on the mattress on the floor and Kyu was running her fingertip over the beautiful drawn map. Junmyeon was flipping through Kyu’s book, looking very concentrated and the sunrays fell into the hall through little cracks. Junmyeon looked up and smiled, it was odd. He had rarely smiled.
  “Kyungsoo”.
The sun was blinding Kyungsoo now, he could hardly see Junmyeon anymore.
  “Kyungsoo!”

He gasped and sat up. There really was a light that was blinding him, but he did not feel warm at all. His clothes were drenched and he was shaking. It was cold and dark. Yellow eyes were glowing in the darkness above him.
  “Kyungsoo”, Jongin said.
But Kyungsoo could not get up, he was so exhausted and tired, so tired. Jongin picked him up and carried him. His head rolling against Jongin’s chest, it was the first time in over a month that they had been this close.

*

The next day, Kyungsoo was woken up by Jongin who gently tapped his shoulder.
  “Kyungsoo, there is someone here to speak to you. He says he is a lawyer”, Jongin said.
Kyungsoo got up but did not bother to brush his hair or put on fresh clothes. He was still staying at Jongdae’s house, the bedroom had been left untouched. Everyone was waiting for Jongdae’s return but no one spoke about it. Minseok was as long and often at the hospital as possible but he was not allowed to stay. Jongdae had undergone several surgeries and was stable now. But he would have to stay at the hospital for at least another month to be sure the recovery was going well.

In the kitchen a man in dark clothes awaited him.
  “Mr Do Kyungsoo”, he said and reached out his hand. “Dylan Yamamoto”, he introduced himself. “I am here because of Dr Kim Junmyeon’s last will”, he added.
Kyungsoo had to sit down, Jongin remained in the doorframe, waiting to be send away. But neither the lawyer nor Kyungsoo said something.
  “He has expressed his wish for a comprehensive clarification and education of the citizens of this city about the project. He has left all his files and information he has collected to be published. He has also made several notes about maps and information which he had to leave behind at his hometown and at a so called shelter in the desert. He wishes for the house of his grandfather to be torn down, as it is a crime scene which has yet to be given free, we cannot follow this wish just now. But he has left you, Mr Do Kyungsoo, all the books of the library, the technical equipment and valuable objects of the house. He writes that you will know how to distribute them to those who might find proper use for them. He has also left you a significant amount of his money, as well as this letter”, Dylan Yamamoto said.

He handed Kyungsoo a thin letter and placed a document onto the table.
  “We have to go through a bit of paperwork because of the money and the valuables he has left you. We will go through them and I will need your signature so you can collect them at the house”, Yamamoto continued.
Kyungsoo was hardly listening, he did not care about the valuable objects or books. He wanted to open the letter. He quickly signed the documents and agreed to collect the valuables as soon as the crime scene was declassified as such.

When the lawyer had left Kyungsoo left the house as well, he wanted to read the letter alone. Jongin seemed confused when Kyungsoo shook his head. Kyungsoo went down to the beach and sat in the cool sand. It was cloudy that day and it looked like it would rain soon. Monsoon season was about to start. Kyungsoo opened the letter and unfolded the paper.

 Kyungsoo,
I am very sorry for all the pain and worries I have caused you. Believe me, please that I have never wanted to deliberately hurt you or lie to you. Should this all go well then I won’t be able to tell you personally what has been going on. I worked this out with Kyu but I think should she survive this, she will not stay in the city. I’m not sure whether you will meet her therefore I believe I owe you a lengthy explanation. However I am lacking the words to tell you about everything. I have written down everything I could find out about the experiment and the Aureum Luscus.
I think on this planet, there is no place that is entirely good. But after all, I hope this city might be a bit of a better place now that we have put an end to the experiment. I hope you can live here a good and happy life. You deserve it.
I left you and your friends all my money, I hope it is enough to build you all a new home so you can lead a safe and stable life.

Thank you for being my friend.

Junmyeon

 

Kyungsoo folded the paper again and put it back into the envelope. Why did Junmyeon apologise? Kyungsoo should be the one to apologise. To Junmyeon, to Jongin, to Baekhyun and Chanyeol, to Jongdae and Minseok...

He leaned back into the sand and listened to the waves of the ocean rushing back and forth. Only a few months ago he had stood here, seeing the ocean for the first time and had thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Back then the guilt had been crushing him, too. He was going to betray Baekhyun and Chanyeol by bringing everyone into the city.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and twitched as the horrible pictures flashed in his mind. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw those scenes, the people who had died, those who he had killed...

He did not deserve forgiveness but that didn't change the fact that he had to ask everyone for forgiveness. He had made a promise to Jongin and if he wanted to keep it - and he was determined to do so - he needed to put the pieces of himself together and get a grip. He was sure that he certainly did not deserve a good and happy life but Jongin did.

Guys, there is only one chapter left to go! I can't believe this story is almost over...
Thank you for coming on this journey with the characters and sticking with them up until now.

Please anticipate the last chapter next week!
It will focus a bit more on Jongin and Kyungsoo again, I know the moments between the two of them have been rather rare the last few chapters.
I hope to resolve a few of your questions that are still open.

Thank you for reading this story and leaving comments and upvotes! It really means the world to me.