18 December 2017

 

It was just anoher usual day, Monday Blue

There wasn't any sign of discomfort or weird feeling that I've felt that day.

It was just a usual working day, just like any other days.

 

It was till 5.30pm, I got the notification from my friend.

A news article was shared to me on Facebook, with a comment from my friend

"SHINee JongHyun committed suicide..."

 

What a joke.. This was how I fel the moment I read that message.

I chuckled while replying to his comment, "Are you serious? hahahaha"

Certainly, out of curiousity, I refereshed my FB newsfeed

 

JongHyun found dead in his apartment

SHINee JongHyun committed suicide

FOUND DEAD

COMMITTED SUICIDE

Those were the words I saw all over my newsfeed.

 

Disbelief. Shock. I went in further to read one of the articles.

SHINee JONGHYUN...

...COMMITTED SUICIDE

...COAL BRIQUETTES...

 

I couldn't believe what I've read, what appeared on the screen.

But, my feeling that time wasn't in a mess, yet.

I didn't feel the pain YET..

 

I went back home as usual, keeping myself updated on Facebook.

But everything that I was seeing were similar one after annother - FOUND DEAD, COMMITTED SUICIDE

Yet, I still consoled myself, keeping my faith to him strongly that those were just rumors.

I thought about how scary it was, where one single news, or even just a rumor of something would actually cause a wildfire for all other media to follow the trace.

 

5.30 till 9.30pm - 4 hours of reading the same news, paraphrased, copy-paste, news credits etc

Felt unsettled, but I had to hold on to my emotions and to be strong. Majority of the SHINee World have already started mourning, crying, leaving messages; RIP

On Twitter, hashtags of him, things related to him trending worldwide.

Yet, I still didn't feel the impact yet.

 

I thought I have seen the light around 9.30pm when my friend left a message on our groupchat ;

"Appearantly, Jong Hyun is still in hospital. Doctors are trying to resurrect him"

Straight away, I refreshed my twitter and related messages appeared;

Doctors trying to bring back him alive

JongHyun is not dead yet. Stop spreading rumors

His hear stopped for a minute but it beats again after receiving CPR, he's still in ICU

I prayed so hard for those to be true and everything that I've read for the past 4 hours were false, wrongly written, rumours, FAKE, FALSE!

 

Everything shattered at about 10.30pm

It's confirmed. JongHyun didn't make it through.

He passed away.

 

My heart died down.

5.30pm to 10.30pm - 5 hours of keeping my faith turned out to be worthless afterall

I felt the pain. But it wasn't that bad yet until the following days.

His death has taken over me completely.