The atmosphere is intense with the CEO staring at him with both of his hands flat on the table. It was obvious that this would happen and he is usually known as the crazy one in the industry, but seeing someone stare at him so intensely makes him uncomfortable.

“I still don’t understand why you did so many skinships knowing that Dispatch catches everything. You know that fans do not like their idols dating.”

“I am old enough and my fans are also older Sajangnim…” Heechul just wants to release a letter expressing his relationship with Sohee but Kim Youngmin isn’t having any of that. Truthfully all of Korea should know he always had a crush on Sohee and now that they are together, it shouldn’t be a shock to anyone at all, but of course the company cares about their reputation and the money fans brings in.

“Fine, we will release a statement that you two are together. How long have you two been together?” Kim Youngmin knows there is no use arguing with Heechul because he will not back down.

“If we say a couple days then fans would think I’m rushing and showcasing my relationship too fast…say three months then.”

--

It was bad to release that to the public because everyone on Knowing Brothers questioned him when he arrived at the filming set. The brothers were as close to him as s so they all knew of his relationship with Kyunghoon, the problem is they also knew Kyunghoon quit recently and now the news of him and Sohee together 3 months ago, driving everyone to assume he cheated on Kyunghoon.

“I didn’t cheat. We broke up and then I got with Sohee....”

“But you two got together right after you ended your relationship with Kyunghoon...” Youngchul’s voice isn’t happy and sounds very serious. Both Heechul and Kyunghoon were like younger brothers to him and he cannot pick sides, but right now it was so messy. “Kyunghoon has gotten so many hate messages online about leaving the show and abandoning us while you found someone else so easily.”

“It wasn’t easy! It was so hard breaking up with Kyunghoon. I knew it would cause a problem within work so I kept delaying the right time to break up with him and it finally happened. I didn’t think he would quit the show though.”

“You out of all people should know he has a glass like personality, remember his depression before he went to the military…?” Youngchul doesn’t want to be tough on Heechul because this relationship is between the two of them, but the studio will feel so empty without Kyunghoon.

Hodong lets out a sigh and stands up from his seat, “We have a show to shoot soon and the guest will also arrive soon. Let’s give the audience laughter like always and not burden the guests about this.”

“Kyunghoon is always the one that laughs at my jokes…” Youngchul whispers to himself but everyone hears it. They all miss Kyunghoon as well but no one knew what to do.

--

Kyunghoon’s room looks almost destroyed. The desk overturns, contents spills onto the floor, and messy books from a nearby shelf, their pages torn.

Seeing s right now isn’t exactly what he has in mind. The latter begins shaking slightly and a couple blankets were spread over his body, he is naturally always sensitive to the cold but seeing the four guys surrounding him, their presence are making him feel more cold. His band decided to visit him at his house knowing that he doesn’t like to go out, but the look upon their faces were just cold.

Kyunghoon plays with the hem of the blanket, thinking that he just wants to curl into a ball and hide under it forever. His group argues a lot about trivial things and since he is the youngest, he doesn’t really like to interfere, but now it’s about him.

“We disbanded in 2007 and went through a lot of hardships to get back together, but now you just want to quit the industry for good because of your ex?” Yejun’s voice raise showing how angry he is. It’s so hard to be the leader of this band when they just keep quitting because they want to and especially Kyunghoon who just does whatever he wants.

Woohyun nods in agreement with the leader. “When we decided to come back together we decided that no matter how much we argue, we cannot just break up the team or leave anyone behind. Did you forget that?”

“Hyung…you found Na Dokyun to replace me before…” Kyunghoon says in a whisper but Yejun hears it.

“He replaced you because you went solo when we were doing our military service you brat!” Yejun gets on top of the bed and grabs Kyunghoon’s shoulder trying to shake some sense into him before Junki and Sunghee tries to break them apart. It is like the leader to get fired up but it’s understandable because being a leader is a lot of stress.

The air within the room is thick, Kyunghoon’s breathing slightly strain and each rasping breath he takes fills the air in the silent room. Sunghee sits on the bed besides Kyunghoon and stares into his empty eyes. “Hoonie, we are all married, but before that we understand the feeling of love and bad relationships. Just think of Heechul as a bad relationship, you will find someone better than him. There are so many people out there, you are known to having the most fanboys in Korea…why let Heechul knock your confidence down?”

Kyunghoon’s body tense, his mouth opens and close several times before he was finally able to speak, his voice hoarse and broken.

“Heechul hyung made me realize I liked men…before that I only dated girls and when I broke up with them, I felt sad but it quickly went away. Being with Heechul hyung felt different, not just because he’s a guy but because I really fell for him…I did everything to make sure he wouldn’t fall out of love with me, I gave him everything I had” Kyunghoon’s lip trembles as he speaks, “he found someone else before breaking up with me, a person he admired for years…I didn’t even know that they have been dating for 3 months...”

“That bastard cheated on you?” Junki’s expression changes dramatically in the span of a moment. Gone was the kindness of the member and replaced with a look of pure disgust. “How dare he let you suffer alone while he made sure he got the celebrity crush of his life before leaving you?”

“We can’t do anything about that though” Yejun cuts in, “Guys we are all older now and so is Super Junior. We cannot go around arguing like kids. Fine Heechul cheated on Kyunghoon but what can we do? He isn’t going to magically come back to Kyunghoon because he feels guilty. He cheated and with Sohee now and their relationship is also confirmed to the public. Kyunghoon right now all you can do is let him go and-”

“And what hyung? Go back to acting like everything is okay? I spent half my life in the entertainment industry and never once was I happy. We were always arguing and disbanded, I went out solo alone and felt so much depression from what the public were saying about me…I gained so much weight and even after I lost it, everyone said I was too skinny and looked like a beggar. The company kept putting pressure on me and despite their intentions on making me famous and big again, I was never happy. The only time I felt happiness is the last two years with Heechul hyung…” Kyunghoon lets the tears fall from his eyes and his hearts beats faster. “That happiness is now gone…”

“So being with the band is nothing compared to Heechul?” Now Yejun is even more upset and looks at Kyunghoon’s gaze who is fix firmly on the floor. “You know what? Fine. We won’t pressure you, you can do your own thing like you always do because you do not even know the line between people who care for you and people who doesn’t. You may be 33 years old Kyunghoon but you are still childish, you don’t know anything because you are always in your room. You have the capacity to turn many guys gay and can do so much to prove to Heechul you’re not weak but instead you run away from it. Heechul has the upper hand because right now he can see you as pathetic, just like the rest of the world.” Yejun motions the other members to leave the room and close the door.

When they walk into the van Sunghee lets out a heavy breath he was holding. “Hyung, I know you were trying to teach Kyunghoon a lesson but isn’t it too much? He just got dumped by someone he really loved a week ago…”

“I want him to prove to Heechul that he’s much better than that. If Heechul can find someone else, why can’t Kyunghoon? Instead he wants to drop reality show and quit singing. He has so much talent and it’s restricted by a guy.”

“We are all married” Junki cuts in, “Maybe Kyunghoon feels like he wasted two years with someone he saw potential with and now back to square one. I mean I don’t see why you guys aren’t furious about what happened…Kyunghoon really gave everything to Heechul, he expressed his deepest fears and all his emotions that sometimes he is afraid of telling us, he poured out everything and learned different skills to impress Heechul. Then suddenly he finds out Heechul has been with Sohee for three months.”

“People cheat all the time” Woohyun shrugs his shoulder, “The world now is different…”

--

A month later, it seems like the media has died down and Heechul is able to relax without the company calling him in for conferences and making statements. Dating is such a huge crime in Korea.

“Till now I still don’t know why you wanted to get caught by the media.” Heechul changes the channel on the TV while Sohee tries to prepare food for the two of them. They are in her apartment because it’s the only way to be alone.  

“If we got caught that means it will make the news…I just wanted Kyunghoon to see it and not cling onto you. You finally asked me out after breaking up with him and I was afraid that he will be back to convince you otherwise.”

“Do you still not trust me? He should’ve been more jealous of you because everyone knows I had a ridiculous crush on you since 2007.”

“Then get your up and help me prepare dinner!” Sohee whines and stomps her feet. Heechul sigh and gets up from the couch, he knows he cannot win when she showcase her cuteness.

He doesn’t know how to cook at all but here Sohee is, forcing him to make the food and he is clueless where to start. 

“Don’t tell me Kyunghoon cooked for you the whole time.”

“Yeah, he told me he joined the show what shall we eat today to learn how to cook for me.” Heechul smiles to himself when he recalls how proud Kyunghoon looks even though his meals were a fail at first, but he was so cute trying to cook because Heechul always complimented him.

“I thought he was just flirting with the MCs on the show and showcasing a bunch of aegyo. I didn’t know he really cooked for you.”

“Of course he tried to cook for me. But what do you mean showcasing a bunch of aegyo? He is naturally cute, he doesn’t do it to flirt with people.”

“It looked like flirting to me, he made Shin Dongyup and Sung Sikyung say they fell for him and practically made a love triangle on the show fighting for him. I was really wondering why people kept calling Min Kyunghoon cute like a puppy when he’s more like a conniving fox.”

“He is really innocent and the most pure person I’ve met and I guess all the hyungs think the same. His trash personality on Knowing bros is to be entertaining. He has never fell for any of the guests on the show either, he only does it because he’s curious about them, he isn’t a flirt and definitely not a fox type.”

“Why do you sound so defensive? Did I say something to hurt your ex?”

There are several things in the world that Heechul doesn’t understand and one of them is probably woman. He hasn’t fully grasp the situation because suddenly Sohee takes off her apron and throws it on the counter.

“Why are you so upset? What did I say wrong?” Heechul asks.

Unbelievably Sohee was too angry to leave, she looks at Heechul and studies his expression. “Another reason I wanted to get caught by Dispatch early is because I wanted them to know our relationship is serious. I didn’t know even after a month you are still defending your ex. I’m saying from my observation is that Kyunghoon tends to play the cutesy act to make men like him, which is why more than half of his fan base are male. This is from my point of view, I just think that he is not as innocent as he portrays.”

Heechul’s mind freezes for a moment, not sure how to assimilate this dreadful situation. Perhaps he has been with Kyunghoon for too long and used to Kyunghoon’s simple thinking that he cannot adjust to Sohee yet. “I don’t even know how we got to this conversation. Kyunghoon and I ended our relationship and we haven’t talked since then, I don’t see why you have to badmouth him though, because I have been with him for 2 years and I know how he is.”

“Do you still like him?”

“Eh? If I still liked him would I have dumped him for you?”

Sohee sigh and walks closer to Heechul, “I guess I overreacted. I’m sorry…I just felt jealous all of a sudden.”

“You don’t have to be…I don’t have any feelings left for him.”

Suddenly his phone rings and he rushes over to the table to pick it up. “Yeah Teuk, what’s up?”

“Kyunghoon is at our dorm right now…at first we thought he was here to find you but he hasn’t mentioned about you. He’s in Donghae’s room right now and they’re talking. To be honest, I thought Kyunghoon never leaves his house but maybe he misses you…”

“I-I’ll be back soon, I’m with Sohee right now.”

He hangs up the phone and sees a curious Sohee looking at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…let’s continue cooking.”  

--

Heechul comes back home later that night, in time to see Kyunghoon exit Super Junior’s shared apartment. They have their own house but the apartment is for them to have gatherings together incase some gets bored or lonely.

Heechul is surprised Kyunghoon is in Seoul, the guy never leaves his house.

Kyunghoon has lost a lot of weight and it was easy to tell, Heechul is a bit worried seeing the man in front of him. It really seems like the time Kyunghoon lost a bunch of weight after bulimia and became skinny as a skeleton. 

“Kyunghoon, what are you doing here?”

“It’s been a month since we last talked” Kyunghoon’s voice sounds like a whisper but Heechul comprehends everything. “I-I just wanted to see you.”

“Why? Did you have something to say to me?”

“N-No…I-” Kyunghoon tries to avoid eye contact by looking at the ground, looking at Heechul makes him feel so nervous. “I haven’t seen you in so long so I just wondered how you’re doing…I-I missed you…”

Being with Kyunghoon for 2 years, Heechul knows that Kyunghoon is very honest, the guy cannot keep anything hidden and as much as he also missed Kyunghoon, he’s afraid that this relationship would make Sohee misunderstand.

“I’m doing fine, but Kyunghoon-ah if Sohee is around, we cannot be seen with each other. She will get jealous and I am afraid of hurting her.”

Heechul doesn’t even know why he is so blunt sometimes, but it’s the only way to make the point clear without any misunderstandings. He sees the way Kyunghoon looks at him, his eyes fill with sadness and emptiness in them.

“Y-You really forgot about me…I-I must look so pathetic right now” Kyunghoon’s voice is broken and his heart feels heavy again. He took an hour train from his city to Seoul just to see Heechul but in return Heechul never wanted to see him. Heechul is afraid of hurting Sohee but what about him? He’s been so hurt by Heechul that he doesn’t know what to do anymore. It’s the first time he left the house and to be greeted this way feels worst than getting physically hurt.

“It’s not that Kyunghoon, it’s just I’m afraid because you know, I have a new girlfriend right now.”

“You are afraid of hurting her but what about me? You cheated on me.”
 

“I didn’t cheat on you. I broke up with you and then dated her. The whole 3 months thing was just so the fans don’t think I got in a couple days relationship and then already show skinship in public.”

“Do you think I would believe that? You must have had something with her before dumping me.”

“Fine! I had something with her and then dumped you. Did you want to hear that? Then fine. I felt our relationship was already going downhill and wanted to break up but I was afraid of things getting awkward during filming. She was there for me and my old crush on her started coming back so then I finally had the guts to end things with you. Now that I said everything, do me a favor and just don’t show up in front of me again.”

Kyunghoon’s eyes gets blurry from the amount of tears filling them up, hot tears runs down his face and he doesn’t even bother to wipe them away anymore. He doesn’t know how many tears he has cried for the man in front of him but even if he cried a whole lake, Heechul will not return to him.

“Y-You’re a jerk and I am a fool for loving a jerk. I won’t show up in front of you anymore and I’m sorry I bothered you so much...”   

Heechul doesn’t want this to happen but it was for Kyunghoon’s own good. He doesn’t want Kyunghoon to still have feelings for him and he wants the latter to move on, find better people. Kyunghoon walks away without another word and Heechul enters the apartment with a heavy heart.

His eyes widen at the amount of food on the table and sees Leeteuk and Donghae still there.

“You haven’t had dinner right hyung?” Donghae asks, “Kyunghoon hyung prepared these for you while waiting for you to come back. He said he learned a lot of cooking skills from Shin Dongyup and Sung Sikyung sunbaenim and wanted to showcase them.”

“He is too kind to me and I honestly don’t deserve it. So I told him to not show up in front of me again. You should enjoy his cooking because he won’t come anymore.”

Donghae looks at Leeteuk and even the leader is speechless. They didn’t want to interfere with the messy relationship either so both remained quiet.

--

Author’s Note: When did this one shot become a short story……………honestly at this point idk how to even make an ok ending. It’s full on angst.