“We can’t keep dragging this on when we do not match. The only reason I didn’t talk to you about a breakup before is because I was afraid we would make the show awkward but now it. I’m tired of this relationship and I’m tired of acting like I’m happy when I’m not.”

There is an unmistakable edge of fear in the other eyes and Heechul doesn’t know if he could keep on going with this but it is too late to turn back. He shakes his head slightly, forcing his thought back in the right direction. This time he has to end it, he has been too immersed in Kyunghoon’s feelings and safety that he has not even acknowledged his own emotions.

Now that they were sitting outside, alone on the bench, Heechul decided it is time to put his foot down and convey his hidden feelings.

“W-When did you start to feel unhappy with me?” Kyunghoon’s words were a mere whisper. 

Heechul suddenly feel a loss of words, his heart beats rapidly in his chest, as he looks straight into his old-lover eyes, Kyunghoon’s brown eyes seeming to penetrate into his, so familiar and yet so strange. Kyunghoon’s voice is soft and quiet as he blinks away the tears starting to form in his brown eyes.

“When I realized that sometimes I really fall for the guests that come to the show. At first I was just messing around because I had you, but then later I realized I was also lying to myself. We argued a lot before because you were always jealous when I was flirting with them and at first I got really upset by that, because you also flirt with them as part of variety, but then you flirt for variety and I flirt because I did have some interest. I guess the truth is that people kept thinking I was gay so I thought maybe I could be, so I wanted to be with you to try out-”

“Was I an experiment for you to test your uality?” Kyunghoon raise his voice, ears turning red from the way Heechul’s words felt like splashing cold water to his face.

The sound of approaching footsteps from random people makes Heechul signal Kyunghoon to calm down. It was dark and cold outside but it’s the only place they were able to be without people recognizing them.

Kyunghoon lets out a silent sigh and turns to Heechul. “Did you perhaps find someone else?”

“No…I just want to end things before starting over. I don’t feel excited when seeing you anymore and I feel guilty towards you. I already told you before we started dating, I cannot make long commitments and stay in a long relationship, to be honest, I’m surprised we lasted two years.”

The words were hard to say and hard to receive. Kyunghoon knows he isn’t misinterpreting anything because every word sounds so clear. On the contrary, Heechul doesn’t seem to falter while speaking anymore, it seems like he already made his decision. In fact, Heechul never sounded as confident as this.

Kyunghoon’s eyes start to water as he wipes them away with his hand. He wishes this was all perhaps a fragment of his imagination but it wasn’t. It was the cold reality. He looks up at the dark sky to recollect his thoughts. It’s been two years together and he cannot imagine being with someone other than Heechul.

“Is it the way I acted that made you unhappy or bored? My personality? Or because you were tired of dating a guy?”

“It’s everything Kyunghoon! I been so stressed and thinking about this break up for months but I couldn’t do it because we work together. I didn’t want the hyungs to worry and ruin the show. I’m honestly hoping you could let me go and we act like when we first met, go back to being strangers...”

“Did you love me at all?”

“Of course I did Kyunghoon. I loved you a lot.”

“Then how could you end this relationship so easily?”

“Sometimes things happen that we don’t expect…”

Kyunghoon reach out and grabs Heechul’s hands, both looking at each other in the eyes. “So you don’t have any feelings left for me? B-Be honest…”

Heechul feels like because he knows that the next word he says will completely end their relationship and possibly their friendship. Kyunghoon looks so broken but Heechul already knows what his heart is thinking. He is willing to take on great hardship and get cursed out by others and hated on by Kyunghoon now than lie and keep acting like he’s still in love with the other.

“Yes, I have zero feelings left for you.”

He didn’t miss the way Kyunghoon lets go of his hands and wipes away the tears in his eyes. 50% of his body wants to reach out and stop Kyunghoon from crying, to wipe away those tears but the other half knew that he could not lead Kyunghoon on anymore.

Kyunghoon doesn’t say anything and stands up from the bench. He pulls the heavy jacket closer around him and looks at Heechul, he finds himself thinking he is rather strange, getting dumped and not knowing where to go from here. Thinking back on it, Heechul must have found him very suffocating if Heechul decided to leave him like this.

“Let me grab a taxi for you.” Heechul takes Kyunghoon’s hand but Kyunghoon pulls away. They walk silently beside each other and Heechul waves a taxi over. He opens the door for Kyunghoon, as if it’s his last nice gesture and Kyunghoon gets inside not saying a word.

 Heechul could see the other man trying his best to hold his tears so it’s better if he talks to the driver. “Ahjussi, can you take him to Namyangju? It is a far ride so I’ll pay the fee now.”

“It will cost extra, for distance and the fact that it is dark out now.”

“It’s fine.” Heechul hands the taxi driver 60,000 won. Before he closes the door, he looks at the younger man and ruffles Kyunghoon’s hair, he probably seems like a bigger trying to be the good guy when he dumped the other but it’s the only way to let his conscience not eat him away. He let his thoughts depart from the sorrow and smiles at Kyunghoon. “Go home safe ok? Don’t get sick and be careful of the cold.”

Kyunghoon doesn’t say anything, but after Heechul closes the door, finally the tears fall out of his eyes.

He tries to keep his crying silent, afraid to make the taxi driver annoyed. The man was a lot older than he was and focusing on the road, the last thing he wanted to do is distract the driver. Kyunghoon looks out the window and wipes away his tears with his jacket. He cared and cherished Heechul more than words could express, till now he doesn’t know what he did wrong.

“Aigoo why are you crying so much when you’re so loved?”

The ahjussi’s kind words cause Kyunghoon to cry even harder. He covers his face with his hands and the tears running down his face were unstoppable. He is glad the taxi driver doesn’t know he’s famous or else this situation would be more humiliating.

This will be a long ride.

After several minutes, he calms down and wipes away his remaining tears and tries to recollect his thoughts. “I-I’m sorry for making this awkward for you ahjussi…” he says in a genuine tone.

The moment the taxi driver hears his choked up voice, he lets out a smile and continues driving calmly. “Not awkward at all. I’ve been working as a driver for so many years so I’ve had many different types of customers. I just hope you will feel better because tears don’t suit your face, a smile makes everyone more beautiful.”

It feels strange to be comforted by a taxi driver but at that moment Kyunghoon feels like he really needed it.

--

Kim Heechul reportedly on a date with Wonder Girl’s ex member- Ahn Sohee!

Yesterday night Heechul was caught picking up Sohee in his car. The two walked around together and held hands.

SM Entertainment has not made any statements. 

That was fast. Kyunghoon isn’t the type to ever watch Television or check out news online but he finds himself curious knowing every movement about Heechul. His surroundings were remarkably too calm compared to the pain he felt inside. He inclines his head and looks at the other pictures Dispatch took of the couple, his mind has gone weirdly numb seeing how happy the two looked together.

It’s only been around 3 days since the break up, it’s impossible to imagine Heechul moving on this fast. Judging from the pictures, it seems like they wanted to get caught dating. When Heechul was with him, they kept everything on the down low, Heechul never held his hands in public nor kiss him (not even in the car.)

In the pictures, Heecul was suppressing a smile but he looks like he has the whole world.

Kyunghoon rubs his eyes seeing that his tears were falling all of a sudden.

--

“What do you mean you want to quit Knowing Brother? Are you in your right mind?” His manager Kang Minhyuk yells at him, making him feel so small again. “You have been inactive for so long and now you are gaining so much fame from the show and you want to quit again? What is wrong with you Kyunghoon?! Think before you say something so ridiculous.”

Granted, his manager makes a lot of sense but right now he isn’t exactly in the right mindset to go back to shooting the show with Heechul there. He still has feelings for the other and he does not want to play it off like nothing happened between them when part of his life is taken away from him. He spent two years with Heechul, he gave everything he could and adjusted himself to fit Heechul’s type because he was so in love with the other, now going back to just playing around and laughing, it isn’t that easy.

“I’m tired of being the breadwinner for the company. I-I want a break…”

Minhyuk seemingly out of instinct, approaches Kyunghoon slowly and grabs his shoulder. “Min Kyunghoon what is going on? You had a long enough break and recently gaining a lot of newer fans, at this peak you want a break? I have never met someone so stupid.”

Minhyuk feels guilty when he notices Kyunghoon stiffens and tears forming in his eyes. Kyunghoon rubs his eyes with both of his hands and turns to leave the room but the hand that grabs on his wrist permits him from leaving.

“I got dumped hyung! I gave someone everything and it wasn’t enough to make him stay. I don’t want to shoot the show with someone I still have feelings for because it hurts so much just thinking of him and someone else being happy while I am not.”

Minhyuk doesn’t say anything else so Kyunghoon pulls his wrist away from the other and leaves. He’s made up his mind and he isn’t going to change his decision.

--

Author’s Note: I wanted to make this a one-shot but it was so difficult. So I’ll turn it into a short fanfic…?