IT'S NOT EASY

Wonshik walked alongside her, humming yet again to the same tune.

“He’s really a mysterious man,” she said. “I’ve learnt so much about him, but there just seems to be a huge missing piece. It’s as if he has deliberately kept a large part of him hidden.”

Wonshik just nodded and continued humming.

“Are you even listening?” she snapped. “It’s always the same melody – that annoying, yet enchanting melody. Is that the only song you know?”

Wonshik stopped in his tracks and fell silent.

“Firstly, I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that Taekwoon's the cause of all your misery,” he scoffed. “That’s enough information to answer your burning questions.”

“That’s too vague-“

“And second,” he smirked. “I know you love my humming. It’s music to your ears. I mean, who wouldn’t like such a nice song?”

“Why are you even obsessed with that melody,” she rolled her eyes. “That tune - does it have a name?”

Wonshik laughed. “I knew you liked it.”

“Beautiful Liar,” he said, leaning against the nearest tree. “That’s the song I always hum to.”

She frowned. That name sounded so familiar...

She remembered why.

“How the hell did you...” she questioned, her voice trailing off as she eyed Wonshik intently. “That was supposedly my favourite song, according to Taekwoon.”

“Oh?” Wonshik asked, sounding unsurprised. “Well, that happens to be my favourite song, too.”

She replayed the tune in her head. So that was what Beautiful Liar sounded like – she had never heard Taekwoon sing it, but from Wonshik’s humming, she understood why it could have once been her favourite song.

“I guess we’re bound to share the same favourites,” Wonshik commented. He stood up straight, brushing dirt off his shoulders. “You know, since we’re both practically the same person.”

She heard the music in her head stop. “What are you talking about?”

Wonshik took three steps towards her, causing her to back away in surprise.

“It's time you knew. You and me,” he said. “We’re in fact the same person.”

She blinked twice.

“W-What do you mean?”

“The old man did tell you that all these existed within your inner world, didn’t he? I am just part of your imagination.”

She gulped. She had always thought Wonshik was an exception to what the Wise One had said.

“I am you, and you are me. We are the same entity.”

She could not comprehend what his words. Were they not best friends? Wonshik was the opposite of her: calm, composed and indifferent, whereas she was lively and always full of curiosity. She had always thought it was precisely why they fit so well together. Besides, he was not even female to begin with. How were they the same?

“I knew that crazy, juvenile idiot was out there, somewhere. It was nice to finally meet this other half of me,” he said. “The laid-back, nonchalant Wonshik was starting to die of boredom in this mysterious place.”

“But you sound like you are talking about two separate individuals-”

“It’s about having two separate sides to the same person.Your naïve side ought to be balanced by a more rational one – and that’s what I am here for. To remind you about, and guide you towards, the logical reasoning that this version of you lacks...especially when it comes to dealing with the jerk whose name is Taekwoon.”

She frowned. “A rational side…?”

Wonshik sighed. “Yes. That’s me – your complementary half. We are both the result of inner conflict and turmoil.”

“Conflict? Turmoil?”

“Just like the angel and devil…perched on the different sides of your shoulders. And boy, conflict there sure is,” he rolled his eyes. “Ninety percent of the time you make such stupid decisions, such as falling for Taekwoon all over again, and leaving me with the knowledge of his irresponsible and heartless doings. How can one be so naïve?”

“But what did he even do?”

“You see?” he raised his voice. “That’s your problem. Your ignorance about everything that had gone wrong, everything that he had done to hurt us…Your faith in his good and only his good, and how you’ve chosen to ignore the reality of his character. It’s getting on my nerves.”

She quivered. Wonshik was scaring her.

“But it’s okay,” he added, his voice returning to its normal tone. “That’s what I’m here for.”

She stared at him, taking in his words. Were they really the same person?

She was dumbfounded. How could Wonshik be her rational side? If anything, he was being irrationally harsh towards her.

After an eternity of solitude, has it turned out that her first friend was in fact nothing but an illusion?

She reached out towards him. He felt just like flesh and blood – warm to the touch – but there was a strange tingling sensation at her fingertips.

If Wonshik was right, what had Taekwoon done to have roused such anger in him? What had created the divide that resulted in their existence?

-----------------------------------------------------

“Dude,” Ravi nudged his sibling. “Go and have your dinner and stop thinking too much into it.”

Hongbin did not budge, but continued to stare blankly at the ground.

Ravi sighed and shook his head. He was surprised that Hakyeon did not want to carry the relationship further. Watching Hongbin spend his days looking out of sorts, it pained him – but he was at a loss for what to do.

“I bought spaghetti. It’s your favourite.”

Hongbin did not answer.

Ravi shrugged and turned to leave, heading for the kitchen.

“Ravi, wait-”

He jumped, spinning around immediately. It could have well been the first words Hongbin had said in days.

“I’m sorry.”

Ravi looked back at him, puzzled. “What for?”

“When that jerk left you, I was always too eager to condemn his actions. I criticised him. I discarded his pictures. I yelled at you,” he sighed. “All just to pull you out of your hellhole.”

Ravi frowned. It sounded strange for Hongbin to be talking about Leo, particularly at this time.

“And?”

“I’m sorry for that,” Hongbin continued. “I was too eager to see you move on, but failed to put myself in your shoes. What you needed was not advice nor encouragement, but just the assurance that someone understood what you were going through, and would allow you to take your time to heal.”

Ravi gave him a small smile. “You know I never resented you for that. You meant well, after all.”

“All this time you’ve been suffering, but I’ve never once been helpful. Now that I understand what you’ve been through…I-I’m just really sorry for being an unreasonable .”

“I told you to move on and forget him. I made it sound so easy,” he added. “And now I know that it is not easy, at all.”

Ravi kept quiet, knowing very well that nothing he said would help matters. Hongbin was right, after all.

“You know what’s worse?” Hongbin continued, tears b in his eyes. “Pretending to be okay in front of Hakyeon. Going back to our usual routine as if nothing had happened. Smiling even when I felt like my heart had been broken into a million pieces.”

It was the first time in days that Hongbin spoke about his feelings openly, and Ravi felt a familiar taste of sorrow hit him as he empathised with his twin. It felt as if he had forgotten, for a moment, what such pain felt like – he was so used to it, he had begun to become numb.

He stayed silent, watching as Hongbin fought back his tears. Perhaps he had really begun to forget how it felt to be miserable – it was more horrible than he remembered. It hurt him even more to realise that this time, he was just a mere spectator.

“Don’t be sorry for anything,” he finally said. “At least Hakyeon dealt with things way better than Leo did.”

Hongbin turned to him with an eyebrow raised.

“You were right about Leo. He was irresponsible. He was cruel. He had the heart to abandon our relationship,” Ravi continued. “Sometimes I, too, wonder why I continue to cling so stubbornly onto a man like this…why I never listened to you.”

He felt the words roll out from his tongue as he recalled what he had read earlier in the day. Your faith in his good and only his good, and how you’ve chosen to ignore the reality of his character, Wonshik had pointed out.

The story character Taekwoon was synonymous to Leo, and Ravi felt that Wonshik’s words made a lot of sense. Perhaps he had been suppressing his rational thoughts for too long, having chosen to grieve over their love that never truly mattered to the man who left.

“At least Hakyeon wants to remain as friends with you,” he continued. “If that helps…”

Hongbin kept silent. Ravi at consolation, he thought.

He knew that remaining as friends with the man he loved could potentially eat him up inside in the worst way possible. However, from the point of view of someone who was entirely abandoned by his lover, friendship perhaps sounded like a much better alternative.

He sighed. At least it seemed like Ravi was beginning to move on.

-----------------------------------------------------

Jaehwan lightly separated the curtains and took a peek. The sun was beginning to rise, and along the streets, traffic had begun to grow as the city slowly woke up to a new day.

He turned around and looked at the two motionless men sprawled on their beds. While Leo seemed like a heavy sleeper, he knew he had to be extra cautious around Hyuk.

He tiptoed towards his luggage. Since arriving at their hotel the previous night, he had not bothered to unpack, knowing very well that he needed to leave as swiftly and as noiselessly as he could the next morning.

The ominous feeling he had towards Leo had been growing, but Hyuk always dismissed his concerns. Even as someone who usually brushes off his own instincts, Jaehwan felt the need to leave the two friends on their own. He did not feel like he would ever belong there.

He thought that perhaps Leo had feelings for Hyuk. From the way the man quietly tolerated all of Hyuk’s mischief, to the way he always looked out for Hyuk, Jaehwan sensed that he was almost always the third wheel. He felt that Leo did not welcome his presence – it was a perfect reason for them to part ways.

He felt bad for Hyuk. He made a mental note to call him as soon as he had found a place to stay.

This is gonna be my holiday, he told himself.

He twisted the doorknob, checking to see if Hyuk had heard it. To his relief, the man did not even stir.

He crept out into the doorway, closing the door behind him. “Sayonara”, he mumbled softly.

-----------------------------------------------------

(A/N: Leo fans, hang in there. I feel bad portraying him like that, too.)