CHOICES

One day ago

“I’m fine,” Leo mumbled, turning away from Hyuk.

Hyuk sat down next to him on the bed. “You’re not.”

Leo blinked back the tears in his eyes, hoping Hyuk had not seen them. “I’m sorry that you had to watch that…Maybe we should have picked somewhere else for a holiday.”

“Conflicts are meant to be resolved,” the younger one said. “Not avoided.”

Leo lifted up his head to look at Hyuk. He did not know that the guy had a mature side to him. “Some things are just meant to be kept as secrets, Hyuk.”

“It’s been tearing me apart,” Leo continued, relaxing his shoulders. “…for a whole year now. I’m anguished, I’m torn – but I’ll never regret my decision.”

Hyuk just listened quietly. He wondered what secrets Leo had to himself.

“You know…a-about what I said just now?” Leo asked softly.

“Which…?”

“About betraying Ravi’s love because of you,” he replied. “I hope…you didn’t take my words to heart. It was just meant for Hongbin to hear.”

“As an excuse?”

Leo nodded. “I can’t tell them the truth. It’s too complicated. Lives are involved. I can’t let Ravi know who I really am.”

Hyuk was expressionless. “I’m suddenly learning a lot about you that I’ve never known.”

Leo sighed. “I’m sorry, Hyuk. That’s the way things are. Nobody knows much about me, about what I do. Not even Hongbin or Ravi.”

“I could be the first one,” Hyuk replied, leaning back. “If you want.”

Leo bit his lip, wincing in pain from agitating his injury. “Can I trust you, Hyuk?”

“Look at me,” the other replied. “Nobody takes me seriously. I’m just a clown without ambitions. I’m the last person anyone would expect to confide in.”

“But I have a heart, Leo,” he continued. “I can listen. I can understand. I may not have advice to give, but at least I will be here for you till the end. That’s what friends are for.”

Leo smiled for the first time in hours. He never knew Hyuk was capable of such a corny speech.

“You see, Hyuk…” he stood up to close the curtains. “Well, I don’t know where to start.”

Hyuk waited patiently for him to continue.

“Promise me, whatever you see next…please don’t faint.”

The other raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“I…” Leo continued, opening his palms before him.

Hyuk squinted. Am I supposed to see something?

Leo eyed the other man intently for his reaction as blue flames began to extend from his palms. They glowed in a rich shade of royal blue, leaving a faint blue tint on Leo’s face.

He raised his palms up higher, and in response, the flames reached further out in space, almost his face.

Hyuk’s eyes grew wider and wider. “What the is that-“

In a split second, Leo closed his palms, the flames vanishing instantly. He took a few steps towards Hyuk, who backed away in fear.

“What are you?!” he shrieked. He saw, for the first time, that Leo’s eyes had turned the same shade of blue.

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Leo whispered.

“Wizard?? Demon??” Hyuk yelled, cowering in a corner. He narrowed his eyes. “Magician?? It’s not funny, Leo.”

“I wished it was,” he replied, taking a seat in a chair at the back of the room. “If you’re scared, I’ll stay as far away from you as possible.”

Hyuk relaxed a little, but his gaze never left Leo. “C-continue…?”

“I’m a Deaths Planner.”

Hyuk kept silent. He noticed that Leo’s eyes had returned to normal.

“My real name is Taekwoon, and I work for Karma – the deity who is the determinant of human destinies. Every single soul out there – including you – has his own book of records that documents his previous doings, good or bad.”

“What religion is this…associated with?” Hyuk managed to utter.

“None,” Leo sighed. “Humans worship gods like they are untouchable beings in the celestial heavens, but really, we are just all around you like ordinary human beings.”

“Ordinary?!” Hyuk cried. “What you just did falls nowhere close to ordinary.”

“We often keep our identities concealed, Hyuk. Not doing so complicates matters.”

“Karma keeps track of all human behaviours and actions,” he continued. “Some wrongdoings are so terrible, they continue to haunt souls in their next life. These so-called Class Five Punishments – including anguish, illness and death – extend beyond an individual’s single lifespan, and may manifest themselves again in his next life after rebirth.”

“What’s Class One, then?” Hyuk scoffed. “A papercut?”

Leo was expressionless. “Don’t underestimate these Punishments, Hyuk,” he said. “Every single action results in corresponding karma, depending on its severity. A small lie can result in a Class One Punishment, but a major one may result in Class Three.”

“Like a criminal justice system? Taken to another level?”

Leo nodded.  “Parallel to that, there are Rewards, too. Class One Rewards include finding some coins in your pockets, whereas Class Five may mean striking million-dollar lottery, or recovering from major illnesses. I could go on rambling, but I think you get the point.”

Hyuk was silent. He had many questions in his head – he wanted to ask about his own book of records, about what karma had in store for him; he wanted to know more about the severity of everyday actions, and perhaps what he could do to earn Class Five Rewards.

 He pulled himself out of his trance. What am I thinking? He wondered. What’s all this crazy ?

“Go on,” he heard himself say. “I mean, what’s the relevance of all these…?”

“My specialisation,” Leo answered, “is drafting and executing deaths for individuals who are meant to receive Class Five Punishments. I plan fatal car accidents. I deliver lethal viruses. I incite suicidal thoughts. I plan murders- “

“Enough,” Hyuk cut him off, his eyes widened in shock. “Y-you…sound like a ing monster.”

Leo sighed for the umpteenth time. “That was where I was getting to, Hyuk. My work is that morbid. I excute fatal events for whomever I am tasked to.”

“Deaths Planner…” Hyuk repeated and Leo nodded. “And you do all these without batting an eyelid?”

“It’s my work, Hyuk. It’s my duty and mission. Besides, Karma never assigns to anyone Punishments or Rewards he or she doesn’t deserve. Those who were meant to die had it coming.”

Hyuk blinked twice. Was he really having such an out-of-this-world conversation with his friend?

“Is that why you were always so secretive about your work? Because you couldn’t go around telling people that you were murdering their wives or fathers?”

Leo nodded. “I kept it from Ravi, no matter how many times he asked about it. I couldn’t let him know I was such a monster. Besides, I needed to use magic, or witchcraft – whatever you saw just now.”

“Wait- but you could love Ravi??” Hyuk questioned. “Is it not forbidden? For people - or deities - like you to get embroiled in human relationships?”

“That’s the crux of our discussion, Hyuk.”

Hyuk noticed that Leo’s face had grown stern and cold. He searched for the same magical blueness in his eyes, but only saw a hint of wetness.

“It was not forbidden, but extremely inadvisable,” he continued. “I was told it was an unwise decision. That it would surely complicate matters. That it would interfere with my work and my heart. But I didn’t listen – the temptation was too strong to resist.”

“And?”

“And one day I received orders to take Ravi’s life.”

Hyuk stood rooted in his spot, his mouth hanging open. “B-but what did he even do to deserve that?”

“Class Five Punishments can extend to one’s next life, remember,” Leo replied. “Apparently he had done some horrible stuff three hundred years ago.”

“All these reincarnation stuff is bull – like, it’s not even the same person after rebirth!” Hyuk cried. “It’s not his fault he has to die…and what had he even done? Worked at a horse slaughterhouse?? Killed his own mother??”

“That’s beside the point,” Leo continued. “Karma just works like that. As a Deaths Planner, I have no access to the knowledge about his past wrongdoings – I just had to do what I was tasked to.”

“But you must have done something, haven’t you?” Hyuk asked. “He isn’t dead…yet. Or are you still just trying to avoid your task as best as you could?”

“I did something. I had to do something. I knelt before the higher-ups, and pleaded with them for days. I begged for a lighter sentence. I did not want him to die,” Leo said, his voice breaking. “And I did not want to be the one taking him away.”

Hyuk listened silently. He could not imagine how painful it must have felt for Leo.

“I knelt for about fifteen days. I cried till my eyes dried up. But they refused to budge.”

“Death by the worst disease, they had said,” he continued. “I was furious. I was livid. They’d decided for me his cause of death, and it was one of the worst ways possible.”

“What did you do, then?”

Two steady streams of tears had formed on his face. His chin was dripping wet and his collar was soaked.

“They finally gave me a second option. It was to leave him forever…and in place of his Punishment, I…I was to take fifty innocent lives. At my own discretion. Only then would he be freed of his karma.”

“Innocent??” Hyuk cried. “W-what do you mean?”

“Fifty souls who did not deserve Class Five Punishments – in fact…fifty souls who were on their way…to receive Class Five Rewards. But I was to change their destinies forever.”

Hyuk was speechless. It was so ethically wrong…

“And…I was told that choosing this option – and killing fifty innocent people – would make me a Heavy Sinner…Usually, deities are not bound by the rules of karma, but in this case, I…I was to serve Punishment for such a major sin. I don’t know what it will be, but I was told that I would receive it sometime in my life.”

“Then, the choice was obvious, wasn’t it?” Hyuk spoke slowly, eyeing Leo’s face for any signs of an answer. “Don’t tell me you took that option…”

There was silence.

 “I-I loved Ravi…” Leo choked between sobs. “…more than I loved myself.”

Hyuk listened in horror. He felt the wetness of his cheeks – he realised he had teared up, too. All this…was so ed up.

“And so you left Ravi forever, as agreed…?”

Leo nodded. “And began my task.”

Hyuk was at a loss for words.

In a single session, he had learnt about the workings of the celestial systems that governed the human world, about the reality of karma and the consequences of love; he had learnt how screwed-up the system was and how tormenting it had been for Leo all this time.

He balled his fists up.

“I’m sorry I’m such a monster, Hyuk,” Leo started. “My callousness is already turning people away - I have no friends, Hongbin hates me and Jaehwan avoids me. I guess I do give off that kind of vibe already..."

"You can hate me all you want, too," he added. "But…if I went back in time, I would still make the same choice all over again.”

“It’s not your fault, Leo,” Hyuk replied coldly. “Such terrible consequences because of some forbidden love? The universe’s ed up.”

“I…I’m sorry you had to know all of this,” Leo added apologetically. “That was too much information for such a young and naïve heart like yours…”

Hyuk took a few steps towards Leo. He was no longer afraid, but grieved by the tragedy that Leo and Ravi’s love had to end with.

“You sacrificed so much for Ravi, but all this while they resented you for leaving.”

“It’s fine with me, Hyuk,” Leo mumbled softly. “At least now I have you…and it felt so good letting it all out.”

Hyuk gave Leo a pat on the back. He was helpless, and the best he could do now was to empathise with his friend.

“Leo..?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“How many lives…have you already taken? The innocent ones.”

Leo looked away, playing with his fingers uncomfortably. He cleared his throat and wiped the tears off his face.

“Forty-nine.”

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(A/N: This was a long chapter...big revelation. Lemme know your thoughts if you want to.)