JUST MET

Jaehwan smiled to himself under the running water as he recalled the day’s events, the image of Ravi’s face floating around in his mind.

He reached for the soap bar and scrubbed himself all over – stopping, however, at his left wrist.

I’m not erasing any remnants of his touch, he thought. He remembered Ravi’s warm grip around his wrist. It was not the first time he had held his hand – he had grabbed him while screaming for dear life in the amusement park.

But running hand-in-hand away from two angry dogs at your heels? He chuckled to himself. That was more memorable.

“What??” he yelled suddenly. “What am I thinking?”

He quickly wet his face under the cold running water. You can’t be daydreaming about that. He’s someone you just met.

He quickly dried his hair as he stepped out of the shower, looking around the empty hotel room.

He sighed. It did to be a lone tourist – he suddenly missed Hyuk’s presence.

To Hyuk:

Hey wanna meet up

There’s an arcade near my hotel

Please don’t bring Leo along though

Can’t wait to tell you about my adventures so far

From Hyuk:

What, Lee Jaehwan is actually alive?

To Hyuk:

I’m sorry for leaving you with him

I should have discussed it with you earlier.

Leo and I just won’t get along. Didn’t wanna put you in a spot

But anyway how have things progressed between you two? ;)

From Hyuk:

We are just friends and I'm pretty sure you know that.

It doesn't make what you did any less impolite

I’m sick of all the hate he is getting. Don’t you think you were too much? I mean, what did he even do to you?

Did you even try to know him better?

You hurt his feelings by leaving us behind.

Jaehwan paused for some thought. Hyuk rarely stood up for what he thought was outrageous, but right then, the man seemed really furious.

He knew Hyuk was right – he had indeed crossed the line. It had been a rash decision to part ways with his two travel companions, and even Jaehwan himself was surprised by his own rudeness.

I don’t know, Hyuk, he mumbled to himself. I don’t know what’s got into me. I can’t explain it…

He jumped in astonishment at the sound of his ringtone.

“Ravi?” he stared at his screen, his mouth hanging open. He nervously accepted the call.

“Hey, Jaehwan…?” a low voice rang through the speaker. “Uhh, I just wanted to thank you for ’s toy. He really likes it.”

Jaehwan blinked twice. “O-oh, right,” he grinned. “You’re welcome, haha.”

“I mean…it was already meant as a token of gratitude from me to you,” he laughed. “There was no need for you thank me in return.”

There was a short silence at the other end of the line.

“…Jaehwan?”

“Yeah?”

“You really like , right?”

Jaehwan raised an eyebrow. “I guess?”

“Umm, do you wanna see him again?”

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Ravi was uncertain.

He did not truly know why he had asked to meet Jaehwan. He had not been content with how things had ended the last time they met.

He knew was just an excuse – he needed to see his new friend again, for he had forgotten all about the favour he had promised Hakyeon, realising so only just after they had parted ways.

“I’m sorry, Jaehwan,” he mumbled as he waited patiently at the park bench, fumbling with his toes. “But Hakyeon will kill me if I didn’t get your autograph.”

He did not admit it, but he knew that even that, too, was an excuse.

We can’t just part like this, he told himself. Especially not after we’d had so much fun together.

He watched nibble on his slippers. He noted how his dog was lucky, having received so much love from both Hongbin and himself, as well as from Jaehwan.

“Hey, you,” he whispered. “How does it feel to be loved…?”

did not respond.

“I won’t ever know,” Ravi sighed. “I’ve stopped receiving it from he who was my everything.”

“Hey!!!”

He looked up to see Jaehwan, who had stopped by the bench to catch his breath.

“Hey,” he laughed. “You ran here?”

Jaehwan nodded, a wide grin plastered on his face. “Sorry to have kept you – and – waiting.”

“No worries. We just got here, too,” Ravi replied. He had arrived an hour early, but he was not ready to disclose that detail.

Jaehwan bent down to pet the dog. “Happy first birthday!” he chirped, his eyes forming black crescents beneath his full brows. “You’re going to be an adult soon.”

Ravi smiled at the scene. He did not truly know how old was, but he had figured it was just about time for his first birthday – a perfect reason for a celebration, and a perfect excuse for him to see Jaehwan again.

“How are you planning to celebrate your dog’s big day, anyway?” Jaehwan asked. “You were so secretive on the phone last night.”

Ravi just shrugged. “I don’t really know, actually. Never really been thinking about it.”

“Oh.”

Jaehwan played with the dog’s ears, as if in deep thought. “I’m sure you’ll think of something soon,” he grinned. “With a loving owner like you, it’s gonna be ’s happiest day of his life.”

“I’m not capable of that…”

Jaehwan turned to Ravi, surprised by his words.

“I mean,” Ravi shifted his gaze uncomfortably. “I can’t even make myself happy, hehe. I’d be surprised if I made his day.”

He saw Jaehwan’s stumped expression, instantly regretting his words. It felt like he had scared him.

Jaehwan recalled what Ravi had said a day before. Happy moments? I’d rather not have had them, he had commented.

“Happiness is a choice, believe it or not,” he smiled, straightening his back to look at Ravi in the eye. He noticed the hint of pessimism that clouded his dark pupils.

“I’d rather be numb,” the other looked away. “I’d rather not feel anything – happiness, anxiety, anguish or anger – if I even had a choice, that is.”

“That’s an interesting opinion,” Jaehwan beamed, noticing how their conversation had grown serious. “But only with such extremes can one actually feel alive, right?”

Ravi blinked. Alive?

“Our life. Our consciousness,” he continued. “To be able to feel is a great privilege that we as human beings have.”

Jaehwan stared intently at Ravi, hoping for a reaction. He had no idea what he was saying – he hoped that whatever he had churned out from the back of his mind could at least improve the guy’s mood.

“Even when it seems like we’d be better off numbed, better off dead inside…embracing our inherent ability to feel is what sets us apart from…” he pointed to the ground near Ravi’s feet. “That rock over there.”

Ravi smiled with unease. “Such big words…coming from you.”

Jaehwan laughed shyly and looked away. “I mean, I believe that we were given this consciousness for a reason. To be both biologically and emotionally alive is what distinguishes us from the dead of the universe.”

He paused for thought. What bull was that? I probably shouldn’t go any further.

“You know…” Ravi started. “I used to think like you, too.”

“I studied astronomy. I knew everything about the Universe. Astronomy isn’t just a scientific study – it’s an equally philosophical pursuit,” he said. “I wondered why I was alive, why there was a chance for life on Earth. Why, in this vastness, did we have to exist?”

“I met someone with the same burning passion for astronomy as I did,” he continued, his eyes turning cold. “And it turns out that he had the answer to everything.”

Jaehwan listened attentively.

“I believed with all my heart that he was the reason for my existence. Yet, I wasn’t the reason for his.”

Ravi stared at the ground, refusing to look at Jaehwan in the eye.

“With every ounce of human desire in me, I loved and loved hard. And for three years, he did the same, too,” he felt his voice breaking, but pressed on. “But turns out that his underlying passion for philosophy eventually overwhelmed it all.”

“What do you mean…?”

“He wanted to pursue spiritual enlightenment. Perhaps all those talk about the Universe had put him into a permanent existential crisis,” Ravi said quietly. “He was my universe, but I was just a small part of his.”

“Romance is an unnecessary obsession,” he sighed. “Those were his exact words.”

Jaehwan watched as tears rolled down Ravi’s cheeks. It brought about an uneasy feeling in his chest, but he fought to restrain it.

“From then on, I hated the Universe. I hated the stars. I hated anything that had caused the change in him, anything that had guided him to believe in his bigger purpose. What is human existence, anyway? We are all insignificant in the vastness of space and the perpetual nature of time. One day, a few billion years from now, the Sun would engulf us all, and we’d all be dead. The Universe would be lifeless, just like it had been before us, and nothing will change. All I need was to wait it out, to wait for my life and suffering to end,” he choked.

“So that’s why you’d rather be numb?” Jaehwan prompted. He felt he needed to contribute more to the conversation.

“I want to be, but I can’t…every day, I fight against the inherent sorrow. It engulfs me. I can’t be numb, Jaehwan,” he replied. “I can’t be rid of any pain.”

“What’s worse is the continual, stubborn desire for him to return. The desire that no amount of sadness could drown out,” he added. “It’s this hope that has kept me going, but I guess it’s also the reason for my continual pain.”

“I’m sorry, Ravi. That you have to go through all this.”

“It’s okay,” he took in a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders. “You know what? I’ve come to realise that I should probably learn to move on,” he sighed. “All this time, I blamed the wrong things – I blamed the Universe, I blamed myself…I blamed everything else but him. But now, I’m starting to see things from a more rational perspective. I’m beginning to think that an irresponsible douche like him doesn’t deserve my pining.”

“Irresponsible?”

Ravi nodded. “I’m sorry that I can’t see the bigger side of things. I’m just an ordinary man with ordinary pursuits. It doesn’t matter what noble reasons he had – to a normal man like me, he gave up on our love, and that’s it. Ultimately, it was his choice to end it all without even a proper goodbye…he mismanaged our love, Jaehwan. It was outright irresponsible.”

Jaehwan opened his mouth to say something, but the loud barking from disrupted their conversation.

“Oh , I think it’s his feeding time,” Ravi laughed, wiping away the last remants of his tears. “Think I got too carried away talking about my life. Sorry for making you sit through such boring .”

Jaehwan raised his eyebrows. “It wasn’t boring. I feel like I know you inside-out now.”

“What have I even done,” Ravi sighed, bending down to pick the dog up. “It’s only our third day of meeting and I just let you see such a horrible, pathetic side of me.”

He looked away in embarrassment, playing with ’s nose to avoid Jaehwan’s gaze.

“To be honest, I wasn’t expecting that, too,” the other replied in a light-hearted manner. He followed as Ravi walked ahead, carrying in his arms.

“But, Ravi, I don’t think that was pathetic, really,” he called out.

Ravi turned around, surprised that Jaehwan was a little hesitant to make a move.

“Quicken your steps, dude!” he shouted.

“I…where are we going…?”

Ravi just smiled and turned back around, walking ahead with larger strides. “My birthday boy's starving!”

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Hongbin looked at Ravi, then back at Jaehwan.

“What are you doing,” he hissed softly to his twin.

“He’s my friend,” Ravi replied matter-of-factly. “And I’m inviting him here for a cup of tea.”

He placed on the ground. The dog trotted off into the kitchen happily.

“You’re letting someone you’ve just met into our house?”

“We haven’t just met. Come on, we both met him like, maybe a month ago.”

“I know that,” Hongbin rolled his eyes. “And just because you stalked him on the Internet for weeks doesn’t mean you guys are best friends now.”

Jaehwan blinked. Stalked?

“Who stalked who, Hongbin?” the older twin smirked. “You studied his profile for ages just to know what Hakyeon liked in him.”

Ravi instantly regretted his words. I should have been more sensitive, he thought.

“Stay out of my business,” Hongbin scoffed. “Whatever. Suit yourself.”

He turned to leave, but Jaehwan reached out to stop him.

“Your name is…Hongbin?”

Hongbin looked back at the man, startled. “Yeah.”

“You’re Hyuk’s Dumbbin?” Jaehwan grinned. “What a small world.”

Hongbin narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“You mean, you know Hyuk? His annoying roommate?” Ravi cut in excitedly.

Jaehwan nodded. “We’re here on a vacation- MMPHHH“

Hongbin moved at lightning speed to cover Jaehwan’s mouth, upon his sudden realisation.

“What the are you doing?” Ravi shrieked in disbelief between Jaehwan’s muffled cries. He grabbed Hongbin’s wrists and pulled them away from Jaehwan’s face. “Even if you didn’t welcome him, you didn’t have to attack him..!”

Jaehwan coughed and spluttered. “Your fingers…t-taste like mud…”

“Well, I’m not sorry for that,” Hongbin remarked, wiping his palms against Jaehwan’s shirt. “Take your saliva with you.”

Jaehwan frowned at the man, then at his shirt. “Your brother’s weird,” he glanced back at Ravi.

Ravi shrugged. He pulled Jaehwan into the kitchen, reaching for dog food in the upper cabinet.

“Shhhh, he’s just jealous, I guess,” he whispered, checking to see if Hongbin was listening from the living room. The man, however, seemed to have vanished.

“Of what?”

“Haha, nothing,” Ravi smiled sheepishly. In one day, he had told Jaehwan all about his life – he figured that babbling on about Hakyeon and Hongbin was an unwise decision; after all, Hongbin was right, and they did only just meet.

“You know, I can leave if you want,” Jaehwan began. He watched as Ravi scattered some dry food into ’s food bowl. “If he doesn’t like it.”

Ravi waved his hand at Jaehwan dismissively. “Nahh…he’s just like that. He’s pretty distrustful of strangers. Or of people in general. Don’t be put off by him – he’s actually really fun to be around once you get to know him better.”

“But don’t blame him,” Ravi continued quietly, his eyes fixed on as the dog happily nibbled on his food, oblivious to its surroundings.

“He was pretty upset…by how that man…left me. They were best friends,” he said. “He’s become a much colder person since then.”

Jaehwan nodded, although Ravi was not looking in his direction. That was too much information to learn in a day, and he was truly clueless about responding in the most appropriate manner.

“You know what?” Ravi piped, startling Jaehwan with the sudden change in his tone of voice. “Let’s have ’s birthday celebration right here.”

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“I can’t believe I’m actually initiating a conversation with him,” Hongbin muttered to himself has he plopped down on his bed and browsed through his contact list. “But desperate times call for desperate measures.”

To StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

What the Han Sanghyuk?

I told you and that jerk to stay away from Ravi.

But you ing sent your other friend here?

You need to clear up this mess. I don’t know what your motives are, but you need to get your friend the hell out of my house. Now.

From StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

What are you talking about

To StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

That Ken guy?? He’s the other friend you were talking about, isn’t he

He’s in my house. Right. Now. Because Ravi invited him over

And it seems like it will not be long before my brother learns that Jung Leo is in town.

Get him out

Call him

Or something

DO IT

From StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

Okay wtf is he doing with that Ravi guy…

Umm what do you want me to tell Jaehwan now

I’m kinda not in the mood to talk to him after what he did

To StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

I don’t care about whatever’s going on between you three

Just take it that I’m begging you

Please just do something

From StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

Wtf do you want me to do

Hongbin tapped his fingers impatiently against his mattress.

To StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

I don’t know, man…why are you asking me?

Aren’t you the one who’s always full of stupid ideas?

From StupidSpoiltBratDon’tingAnswer:

Take a chill pill

You know what, I’ll call him now

But I need your cooperation

Okayy?

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