I could smell them when he leaned towards me, their warm scent filled my entire being and I was drawn to him—to touch him—to stain myself with that scent; the scent I called ‘his.’

Blow Away~

Jonghyun hadn’t meant for their hands to brush or for their gazes to lock, he only meant to say hello and to ask about his day—not to fall in love all over again, not to yearn for him again. But it was too late, but then again, maybe he wanted it to be too late. “Jonghyun?” hearing his name being called by that voice, from those lips caused Jonghyun to shiver where he was standing. He quickly jerks his hand back, afraid that past memories would resurface from his touch. He smiles “So it is you!” his ex exclaims with bright eyes, Jonghyun nods and says softly.

“I didn’t think we’d meet again, Kibum.”

“Well you used to think that all the time back then.” What Kibum meant by ‘back then’ was two years ago when things were bright and dandy—when they were together. Kibum clears his throat and bows his head in a belated greeting. “You should stop by the garden sometime.” He suggests warmly and Jonghyun swallows, there was no way that he was doing that. Not with all those memories; the touching, the hugging and kissing. No—he couldn’t go back.

“Well…I’ve been busy at the studio.” Jonghyun lies and he could tell by the glint in Kibum’s eyes that he knew he was lying.

“Really? Hmm, then maybe I’ll visit you there.” Kibum smiles thinly, his face aglow. Jonghyun wondered what would have happened if he stayed…

“Touch me…there.”

Would he have suffocated in the bed of dandelions with Kibum beneath him?

“Aaah, again, do it…again.”

What would have happened?

Intoxication. Frustration. Wild, wild dandelions.

“You don’t mind do you?” Kibum asks and Jonghyun snaps out of his daze.

“No, no…feel free to do…whatever.” He mumbles and Kibum beams, he steps forward and squeezes Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“If I don’t come to you,” he leans forward and whispers “You can find me in the garden.” Jonghyun’s eyes roll back and his legs turn to jelly. The garden. Dandelions. His smell—him. It was much too late to go back.

Drifting Petals~

Two years ago Jonghyun was awakened to love and desperation, he was only 22 and Kibum 21, they had been dating for a few months, but knew each other prior to their relationship. The days when they were together were soft ones—like clouds—but as their relationship deepened, so did the kissing and caressing.

 Jonghyun dreamt often that he was still in that bed of flowers with Kibum. Holding onto him and marking him. The combined scents of dandelions and their drove Jonghyun mad. He knew—that garden—that Kibum would let Jonghyun break him over and over and as much as he liked. Jonghyun didn’t want to do that—didn’t want to face his awakening desires, so he broke things off, it was as simple as that…yes…just that simple.

Secrets hidden with flowers~

He ed often with the lights turned real low, he held himself and he’d call out his name. It became a sort of ritual after their fateful encounter—a sin he called it. Like withering roses that pricked his skin in the most delightful ways, He wanted to touch Kibum again—to smell and grip his hair. “Yes, yes.” He’d chant as his hand worked swiftly. He only did it a couple of times—to suppress the frustration in his chest, to ease the longing.

This love was never ending, he wanted to go back to him—needed to. The dandelions, the bright yellow matching his bright smile.

~

Kibum was watching the clock, his expression devoid of emotion as he though of his brief encounter with Jonghyun. Even after two years he seemed to have remained the same. Timid, unwilling and afraid. “Just let yourself go, you can go wild when you’re with me.” Kibum knew Jonghyun’s secrets and sensitivities, knew how he liked to touch others and speak to them soft and low. He also knew that he was afraid of his desires and what they could do to Kibum.

In the dandelion bed, that’s where they would lose it all. Skin on skin, chafing jeans and flattened flowers. “Kiss me harder.”

Two years ago was heaven.

Fear not my love~

The wind blows, swaying the flowers every which way. Jonghyun watches them from the gate that led to the garden. He’s continuously told himself that he wouldn’t go back, but the memories Kibum left with him were unforgettable. It wasn’t the , the kisses or anything centered around the physical aspects. It was the brief moments when their eyes met, the moments when words were no longer needed and they would look towards each other before looking towards the sky. When Jonghyun first stepped into this garden years ago, he thought he was stepping into a paradise—an oasis created just for them.

“Take me there Kibum and never bring me back.” Jonghyun had pleaded, their hands interlocked against the grass before they kissed. And now that he was back here it felt as though that gap of two years never even existed, that time had stood still and Jonghyun never left.

I watch & Wait~

The gate creaks open and his brown eyes peep around; he wonders if he’s being watched—laughed at or mocked. He wonders if anyone will find out that he’s back, but all that there is, is the wind. Blowing, steadily blowing. The gate slams shut behind him and he runs a hand through his pink hair.

It was only a week after they had reencountered one another. Kibum never showed up at the studio, so Jonghyun—aching, needing, wanting –to see him, was here. His feet crunch against the grass and his heart would thump loudly with each step. Kibum was prone to jump out and scare him. When they were dating he would always do that; his black head of hair swishing through the bushes like a fluffy shark as he hunted his prey.

Cute. He was always. Cute.

Jonghyun stops, his eyes landing on the bed of dandelions. It was still there and as yellow and full of life as ever. His skin prickles with goosebumps and his eyes with tears. The longer he stared, the more he felt like crying.

But why? Why cry now? He blinks back the tears full of memories and lost time with Kibum. He has to have been with someone else, he must have waited….he must have watched as we grew further and further apart.

Jonghyun isn’t thinking as he yanks off his coat and falls face first into the flowers. The scent wafts up his nose and so do the memories.