Decaf, nothing else.

“Where are you going?” A gruff voice asks, gripping the white sheet that was draped across his lovers legs.

“To get a shower.” His lover replies somewhat distantly.

“Stay with me a little longer.”

“Jonghyun, it’s time to get up anyways.”

Jonghyun looks up to his lover with pleading eyes before mumbling. “I’m off today.”

“Doesn’t mean you get to be a bum.” Kibum grumbles in response. Jonghyun sighs heavily before tugging the sheet away from Kibum’s legs. “Hey!”

“Stay in bed with me.” Jonghyun pleads, his glimmering with mischief.

“It’s ing cold—give that back!” Kibum shouts.

Jonghyun stumbles out of the bed, blanket in hand. “Come and get it from me, Kibum.” He taunts, waving the blanket as though it were a flag.

Kibum stares at him and then shakes his head. “You’re annoying, I don’t have time for this.” He shoves a hand through his dark hair, pressing at the temples on his forehead. Jonghyun’s shoulders droop.

“What’s with you anyways?” He asks, his tone shifting with annoyance.

Kibum glances up and sighs. “Nothing, we’re not….” He pauses, his eyes dancing along Jonghyuns well built body. “We aren’t kids anymore.”

“Doesn’t hurt to act like we are from time to time.” He says bitterly, throwing the blanket at Kibum before disappearing into the bathroom.

*

The eggs are sunny-side up and a bright yellow, reminiscent of the sun this morning, Jonghyun notices, but not of the mood. Kibum has his back to Jonghyun as he’s snooping around the fridge in search of something to eat. They both quickly got dressed, Jonghyun in a stylish tee and sweatpants and Kibum wore ripped jeans that were practically falling off his legs and a casual white tee. “Are you going to eat?” Jonghyun asks, his voice loud in the silent kitchen.

Kibum stands up straight and says without looking back at Jonghyun. “No…I’m still full from last night.”

“Full?” Jonghyun tilts his head. “I don’t remember you eating…” he trails off and then swallows. “Are you on a diet?”

“I don’t diet, Jonghyun, damn.” He slams the fridge. “If I say I don’t want to eat, then I don’t want to eat.” Kibum looks back at him, a pissed gleam in his eyes. Jonghyun backs off with a raise of his hands.

“Hey,” his voice returns softly. “Are you sure you’re alright?” He questions, his chin coming to rest in the palm of his hand. Kibum blinks and then crumples against the fridge, his hands shooting up to cover his face.

“…tired…” He murmurs, but Jonghyun doesn’t catch the broken tremor of the word.

“Babe, if…if you want to take a break from—“ Kibum lifts his hand silencing Jonghyun.

“It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s….” Kibum sighs heavily, sliding down the fridge and sitting on the ground. Jonghyun jumps up from his seat and rushes over to him.

“Kibum, tell me what’s wrong.” Jonghyun grips his arm, hooking a finger under Kibum’s chin and lifting his head. Kibum forces a smile onto his face.

“I told them.” He mumbles. “I told them we were dating.”

“Who? You told who Kibum?” Jonghyun wanted to shake him for answers.

Kibum’s gaze slides away to the window and he stares saying softly. “My parents….” Jonghyun’s eyes widen and his hand drops away from Kibum’s arm.

“Why—why would you do that?”

Kibum shrugs. “I wanted them to know—they kept forcing these girls onto me.” Kibum laughs. “I wanted them to know about you—us.”

“But, Kibum…” Kibum shakes his head and sighs wistfully, struggling to get back up and onto his feet.

*

They walk down the street, side by side, but not holding hands. Jonghyun was looking towards the sky, while Kibum kept glancing behind. “Don’t ya think the coffee you made was a little too strong?” Kibum asks, striking up a random conversation.

“What?”

“The coffee…it was strong.”

“I thought you liked it that way.” Jonghyun was confused now and Kibum laughs brightly.

“I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore.” He murmurs, slipping his hand in Jonghyun’s and pulling him down the sidewalk.

*

For some reason—later that day—when they made love on the couch, it was painful and slow, almost endless. Kibum kept going on and on about how he couldn’t feel Jonghyun’s fingers on his skin—at some point he had started crying and Jonghyun ended up crying too, his face smeared with perspiration and tears. He wondered what was happening to them, to those ten years of being together…was everything just dying away. Kibum inhales, his body sated with the afterglow of their . “Jonghyun…” his voice is deep and worn.

“Yes?”

“Jong…hyun…”

“Kibum?” Jonghyun glances up, his head resting on Kibum’s chest. “You’re scaring me.” He says honestly and a sad smile dances across Kibum’s lips.

“Sorry…” Kibum places his fingers in Jonghyun’s hair. “Everything’s growing dull.”

“Are you bored?” Jonghyun asks seriously, Kibum shakes his head.

“Just…tired.” He mumbles and this time Jonghyun heard it, he saw it—in the way Kibums chapped lips trembled and his eyes glazed over to a faded brown.

“Do you want to…do you want to end it then?” Jonghyun questions, his voice shaking, but Kibum had fallen asleep.

*

If Jonghyun could rewind it to the past…he wouldn’t…honestly he’d leave it just as it is because it’s only the past and this is the present. It’s the present Kibum he’s in love with, the present Kibum that he admires and cherishes and spoils, the present Kibum he doesn’t want to lose to the past.

“Have you talked to them about us again?” Jonghyun asks as he’s browsing through the rack of clothes. Kibum peeks around the rack and nods.

“I tried to, but they didn’t want to hear any of it.”

Jonghyun scoffs. “I took your parents for open-minded people.”

“Yah, watch your mouth, they still brought me into this world.”

 “Right, right, at least there’s that.” Kibum rolls his eyes and Jonghyun watches him, his arms crossed over his chest. With a smile he shakes his head. “You stupefy me Kibum.”

“Why’s that?” Kibum asks with squinted eyes, ready to jump at Jonghyun if he had a smart- remark in tow with that comment.

“Just because.”

Kibum tilts his head as he picks out a pale blue shirt from the rack. “This?” he raises it up to Jonghyun in question.

“It looks like a first love.” Jonghyun responds as he walks over to Kibum.

“First…love?” Kibum echoes not fully grasping the meaning behind Jonghyun’s words.

“It looks like us.” Jonghyun clarifies as he pinches the shirt by the hem. “Pale blue and innocent and…beautiful.” He looks up with his eyes without moving his head to gaze at Kibum. “Kibum…”

“Hmm?” Kibum continues to shuffle through the clothing rack, his eyebrows knit in concentration.

“Do you think we can keep this up?”

“What?”

“How long…” Kibum’s looking at him now. “How long can we be together?”

The knot between Kibum’s eyebrows loosens before tightening into a scowl. “Jjong, what?”

“I’m asking a question.”

“So am I.”

Jonghyun clicks his tongue as he yanks the shirt from Kibum and places it back on the rack. “Forget it.” He turns away from Kibum, but he stops Jonghyun from walking away.

“Tell me what you were going to say.”