Cold Christmas.... That's what I'm about to have. With all the lights around me; happy faces on delight; songs singing merrily: I'm sad.

I should be happy. I should be thankful that what I'm afraid of, didn't happened. those who said that confession, breaks friendship! In my experience, it did not. I was hoping for an upgrade though.

I already told you, what I was feeling for someone. I told you, I don't want her to know, for I don't want to stain our friendship. You forced me to tell more about her, and soon, with a stern look, you commanded me to tell you who she is. Being the princess that you are, of course you got what you want. "Its you." I said, hoping for the best, while expecting the worst.

After few seconds of tormenting silence, you gave me an assuring smile and a pat on the shoulder. "don't worry..." You started. You want me to feel at ease but in the contrary, your statement got me all nervous and anticipating. "Nothing will change, we're still friends." FRIENDZONED it is!

It was okay though, I am not expecting for you to return my feelings anyway. I just wanted to 'inform' you this, and take this burden out of my system for making it a secret.

Indeed, nothing changed...with you. You're still comfortable around me, we still have skin ships every now and then, telling me your most precious secrets, asking for my advice like nothing happened. But I'm not sure if that was good. If you're just being true to your word that nothing will change between us or you're being too numb. Numb for not even feeling that I am hurting. That for every mention of your real love's name, you're adding salt on the wound. The pain was too much for me to handle and I snapped.

"Princess. Enough!" I said rather, yelled. I don't want to shout on to you, it just happened. I saw on my peripheral vision that you were shocked on my sudden outburst. "You knew what I am feeling for you, and you really have the heart to tell me how good she is for you and how much you missed her?!" I stormed out, leaving you to eat alone.

I was so angry, mad, hurt... I felt humiliated! I don't wanna see, nor hear you. We weren't talking for the record breaking 3 days. Yes that was the longest time that we have a quarrel. You'd been trying to apologize, but that's the least I need from you. I know I was making you feel guilty, I'm sorry princess, but I have to do this.

For what? Well to be honest my anger subsided on the first day. I guess, I just can't be angry with you for too long, but I have to act. Don't you know when I see sadness in your eyes, and knowing it was me who put you through all this, I want to smack my self so hard, but I put in my mind, that this is for a good cause.

It was on the second day of our quarrel. I was already planning to reconcile with you but coincidentally, it was also the day that we will pick a name for our exchange gift. It was for the Christmas party that was exclusive for our closest friends within the company that will be happening tomorrow night. I don't know if life was really playing tricks on me when I picked out your name.

2 days. I act as I was still angry with you until our Christmas party came. I was still ignoring you all throughout the party. Soon, we have to give our gifts. I held the mic, and say my introduction, and then saying your name. You were so shocked when you held the gift I gave you. You tore a piece of the wrapper that's just enough for you to see what's inside. I saw your eyes widen and show your happy face to me. It was a teddy bear along with a letter. With, that, we're okay again.

Your expression turned 360° from gloomy to super happy. I was so satisfied to be seeing your expression. The act was indeed all worth it. We enjoyed the whole night with our friends, singing, dancing, taking pictures and videos.

It was when I went home and checked our photos and videos, I saw one vid that made all my sadness and pain all throughout December crashed out of the window. It was a video of your best friend in our group singing like a dork, but it wasn't her that got my attention. It was you on the background, hugging the gift I gave you like it was something precious. Whenever you go, you carry it with you. You even hide it to those who wanted to peek in.

Then I received a message, from you.

"Thank you. You said on your letter that I could hug the teddy, whenever I missed her."

‘Yes I said it. I was a masochist. I will be happy if I see you happy, even if it wasn't me who gave you happiness.’ I thought as I continued reading her message:

"But, whenever I do so, it was you, who is popping in my mind, not her."

•••••••••••

Days passed, our relationship came back from before all the drama happened, except that we hardly talk about her. You built my hopes up with or whithout you noticing, until I finally had the courage to, not just confessed but to ask you. Well, you actually forced me to do so.

It was a usual night after our work together, when you and I would hang out on a park. You wonder how I managed to have many relationships if I don't even know how to pursue a girl. I said "I just ask them." I said plainly but what you responded shook me. "Then ask me."

I gulp hard. Okay... I explained it and you agreed. I started by looking deeply in your eyes and say "I love you so much." Sincerely. Then I said your full name in between kisses of my finger tips on your forehead, on the nose, then on the cheeks and I paused to ask my question ‘do you love me too?’ but instead,  "do you feel the same?" Slipped in my mouth. Then I sealed it with a peck on the lips still, through my fingertips.

With tears already pushing their way out of my eyes, I cried louder when your answer reached my ear. Oh how I wish I would just be deaf.

"No." You said clearly and every sound became blurred. "No. Because your love is so great, I don't think I can match that." You reasoned out.

So should I be blamed for not asking the right question? If only I asked, ‘do you love me too?’ your answer could have been ‘yes’ right? But, I can never be sure about that. And I can only take the fact that you don't love me the same as I love you, than not to love me at all. Still, I'm thankful for your honesty. And just like that, I experienced my second heartbreak within a month.

Can this December be any better for me?????????

A/n: if its not happy, then its not the end.