A nurse passed by, I should go ask her. She probably knows where did Seol ah go.

"Excuse me, where is Seol ah?? Ah... The girl who was in this room, why is she not here?" I asked.

"Oh... that girl. You must be her boyfriend. She asked me to give you this." She handed me a letter.

"What is this? Why aren't you answering my question? I asked you, where is Seol ah? Where is she?"

"You have to calm down first, sir. I'll tell you. 

Yesterday, her condition suddenly got so much worse than before. We thought we were going to lose her, she had to stay in the resuscitation area almost all night. A friend of hers came and said that she has to be transferred to another hospital abroad. The doctor tried to stop him and warn him about the risks she'll have to face by traveling abroad like that. But her friend refused to listen to him, he said that he'll make sure she'll be alright and that all the documents were ready. I'm sorry but everything seemed to be legal, we couldn't stop him. I was there when she finally gained consciousness. I was there with her, even though she was still dizzy and weak, all she was talking about was you, she kept saying your name and she told me to tell you that she's sorry and that she will be back. She also asked me to give you this letter. " She said.

What is she talking about? She didn't leave. Seol ah didn't leave me again. Did she? ...

The nurse left, and I was left alone again in that empty and cold room. This is the second time, she left again. And left me a letter. Didn't she promise that she will never do that again? I'm shocked, I can't even feel anything anymore.

I slowly opened the letter.

(The letter was written one week after their last breakup)

<

Now that I'm thinking about it, in movies, couples usually write love letters for each other but all that I've written to you are farewell letters. I should have shown you more love I'm sorry about that. I don't know how many times I'm going to say that I'm sorry in this letter, but I' really sorry, I mean it.

It's been a week since we broke up. And even though I don't know why you broke up with me, I trust you and I know that you did it for a reason, I was so mad at you, is it because I knew I didn't have much time left? I just wanted to stay with you until the end. I was so selfish, that's why I was mad. But for some reason, I feel relieved that you were the one who broke up with me. I didn't know how to tell you that I'm so sick, I was worried I'll hurt you again. I hated myself so much when I left you alone a while ago, I knew you were suffering because of me, and I didn't want this to happen to you again. When JYP CEO asked me to go back to the company, I accepted for two reasons. The first one was because I needed money, the doctor said that there is a chance I may survive and I needed money for that. And the second reason was that I wasn't strong enough to completely get over you. I wanted to see you, I wanted to be with you, even if we're not together. I wanted to at least see your face, but it's getting harder for me now. It's so hard Myungsoo yah... Sometimes I feel like I'd better just give up but then I look back at all the times we spent together. 5 years is a really long time... But why do I feel like everything happened so fast?

Do you remember our first anniversary? You tried to cook my favorite meal for me but you ended up burning it because you fell asleep and I was out. You looked so embarrassed but I told you it was okay and we burst out laughing. We then ordered Pizza. You felt sorry because we couldn't go to a fancy restaurant but I felt like I was the happiest person in the world that day.

Do you remember those days when we couldn't meet because you were too busy so we used to talk on the phone every night until we fall asleep? Those were some really happy nights.

The times when you were jealous because I was too close to BTS members, I was so mad because you kept telling me to stay away from Jungkook because you knew he had feelings for me, but I kept saying that you were just overreacting. We had so many fights because of that, remember? And when he confessed to me, I felt sorry for getting mad at you because you were right. But he is not a bad person, he was so cool with it when I told him that I was in love with someone else, he just wanted to stay my friend. I haven't been in touch with any of the members recently, they must be so busy. It's really tough to live as an idol.

Um.... what else? Myungsoo Oppa has always looked so cool and cold on Tv and even in front of me for the first few months, but the more I get to know you the more you become a dork. I find it so adorable. That makes you more humanlike.

And... that day when I met your mom. It was a summer day and you left your phone in my room when you went to the store. Your mom kept calling, and you took too long outside, I was worried something might be happening so I answered the phone. She was so nice to me, she only wanted to check up on you, she even invited me for dinner. I was so nervous back then but you told me that she is a nice person, and you always talked to her about me and that she loves me already so I didn't have to worry about anything. That was a really nice day, and the food was so delicious. I've always wanted to have a family and cook for them delicious meals as well. That was one of the times when I imagined myself cooking dinner for you when you come home after a really long day of work. I probably was asking for too much... My wishes should have been a little more realistic.

That day when I met you in London, my heart was racing too fast that I thought it will explode. I couldn't think properly, even though I left you for your own good I couldn't do it again after I saw you, and without knowing it, I've given up to you again that day. I couldn't think of anything, I was so in pain because I was away from you and I got so upset when I heard that you and Suzy were officially together, I then felt so happy when I heard you singing the song I wrote for you. And after I met you I forgot all the negative feelings I felt during the time we were away from each other. When I saw you, I just wanted to stay with you, to hug you and hold your hand. I didn't care about anything else. That's how you make me feel. You always make me forget about everything else in this world.

I think that's the reason why I'm like this right now, it's because I've always relied on you to make me happy, my whole world was revolving around you. Only you. Everything was about you. I shouldn't have relied on you that much, I should have known that things like that don't really last forever. I've realized this too late because I've always imagined my life with you, even when I'm not with you I keep thinking about you, like how will both of us be after another 5 years? or maybe after 10 years? I wanted to grow old with you. But now  I know that I'm not even going to reach 30 years old.

Oppa... If you're reading this, please don't blame yourself. Don't be sad, and don't cry. Don't worry about me, I'll be in a better place, I won't be alone. As you know, my parents are there and my best friend is there too, that's why I don't want you to be alone too. You'll have your friends by your side, they're always there for you, just rely on them for a while and be happy.

But if the surgery goes well, what should I do? Then I'll first have to make sure if you really forgot about me, and if you have really stopped loving me by then, I'll just try to live happily with our precious memories but if I found out that you still love me. I'll go back to you, I'll find you and I'll never let you go.

Myungsoo yah, my love. A part of me wants you to completely forget about me and live happily. And the other part wants you to remember me forever, to remember our love and all the lovely moments we spent together. So if you're reading this and if you're still in love with me and still missing me, please let our memories make you stronger, just like how they're making me stronger right now. I didn't know much about this world, I've always relied on my parents. They always gave me everything, even the things that I never asked for. But after I lost them things became harder for me, I didn't know what to do or how to be. But Anna and her parents helped me so much, that's when I wanted to be more responsible and do things on my own. After I moved to Korea everything was new, sparkly and perfect. It was like I came to Wonderland. Everything was just too perfect. I made so many friends, and I was loved by so many people, or maybe that's what I thought. But it all quickly fell apart after two years, my best friend passed away and the people I thought were my friends started treating me as if I was their worst enemy, I was so sick of everything and I wanted to end my life, but you were there to save me. I thought I knew everything for a while since I spent some time alone but when you came, I started experiencing another new thing, a new feeling, something I never believed it existed. Love.

You're my first in everything. That's why I looked up to you so much. I'm so happy that I met you and I'm so happy that I temporary lived by your side. I'll always be your number one fan. I'm sorry, and I love you.>>

-Seol ah-

This letter is... I was crying with a stupid smile on my face remembering all the moments she mentioned in the letter... We sure have spent so many unforgettable moments together.

You said you'll come back and find me... you'd better do as you said Eun Seol ah... I'll be waiting for you. I'll remember you, I'll think of you every day, all the time until you come back. I won't lose hope. You'll be back healthy and fine, I'll wait for you Seol ah yah... 

(One year later)

A year has passed and I still haven't heard anything about her yet. I don't know where she is or how she is... she would still appear in my dreams every now and then, I still miss her every day. I still cry every time I think of her... I'm still waiting for her. 

Since the day our company merged with the other one, the company hasn't been the same. Things became pretty different for Infinite. We've been doing solo activities more than the group ones. Each of us has become more focused on his own work, I haven't been doing much. Woohyun, Sungyeol and Hoya are now more into acting, Dongwoo and Sunggyu are busy participating in musicals, and Sungjong is also busy shooting commercials. The CEO has told me to get ready for my upcoming solo album but I don't think I'm ready for any of that yet. 

All I do lately is lying on my bed most of the time, I still go to the company every now and then but everyone seems to be focused more on JYP's artists, even our CEO. It's a good thing for me though, I'm not in the mood to do anything and he's finally leaving me alone.

(After another year)

Another year has passed, and everything is still same as last year. Everyone is so busy with their packed schedules except me, I'm still the same. Everyone is a bit concerned about me, my parents, my members, and my fans. But I'm still trying to act fine and normal and fake laughs and force smiles. It's all I can do for now. I still don't feel like doing anything, but I still have to work. Even though I don't do that much.

Today, the members suggested to have dinner out and drink together. It's been a long time since we did things like this. 

We went out, we talked, we laughed and we had so much fun. I've been doing fine and so was everyone until I suddenly became quiet. I don't know why but my mood has suddenly become down and I suddenly felt like I just want to go home and lie in bed, I felt frustrated, mad and sad. I don't know what kind of feeling was that.

"You still think about her, right? You haven't forgotten her yet..." Woohyun who must have noticed that said.

I just nodded sadly.

"The CEO said that he won't give you more time. He said that you have to start preparing for your first solo album. Why don't you sing for her? She must be somewhere longing for you too... Write a song and sing it for her. Make it the title of your album. Tell her everything you want her to hear through the song, haven't you two always been contacting through music? What happened now? Are you giving up already? I'm pretty sure that she will listen to your songs whenever she is right now. You might find your way back together again like this." He said.

"I...I don't even know if she's still alive or not... " I said in a shaky voice as I looked at the floor.

"Shhh... aren't you the one who always says that she is still there somewhere? That we should never lose hope? Go to the company tomorrow, tell them that you're ready and that you will do your best. Stay strong and never give up my friend." He said as he patted on my shoulder.

I went back home around midnight. And here I am thinking about her again, reading her letters again and looking at all the stuff she gave me or we ever shared. I'm still keeping them all. I still smell her scent on my stuff. Should I do as Woohyun said? Will she come back to me if I do that?

(Next morning)

I woke up and took a quick shower then went back to my bed. I took my phone and started reading my fans' comments. That's all that's keeping me going on until now, they love me and even though I haven't been doing much lately they still support me and cheer for me. I kept reading the comments for hours, there were millions of them. I suddenly saw a comment saying "Myungsoo yah, my love. Cheer up! I'll always be your number one fan." I tried to quickly go back and see who wrote it but so many people were commenting and it was too fast that the comment got lost between all the million other comments. I tried scrolling up but I couldn't find it. Is that real? Is it what I'm thinking it is? I'm probably just overreacting... most of the fans call me their love and most of them say that they're my number one fans... But the two of them in one sentence? It can't be Seol ah. She said that she'll come back, she can't just leave a comment on one of my posts and disappear, can she? Ahhh! This girl is driving me crazy... was that really her?

"I'm pretty sure that she will listen to your songs whenever she is right now. You might find your way back together again like this." What Woohyun said yesterday kept echoing in my head.

Woohyun is right... That's probably the only way to get her back to me. She's probably waiting for me to make a move. 

I spent days or maybe weeks working on that song. The one that's going to be the title of my album. It has to be perfect and I have to make sure she'll listen to it no matter what.

I decided to go to the company to tell the CEO that I'm ready for my first solo album. That I'm gonna do it and that I already started preparing for it.

Once I got near his office I could hear him shouting. I wonder what's going on this time.

CEO: I'm sick of this, I sick of you and your boss doing whatever you want in my company. I don't care if you're so famous, I won't let this happen anymore. Disband you said? You must be out of your mind. And Myungsoo isn't doing any other duet with you, It's been two years since his girlfriend left, you did all sort of things to separate them. But he still doesn't even look at you. You even used his mom's illness to get rid of Seol ah, but it didn't work. What else are you going to do huh? She's not even here anymore yet you can't even make him want to talk to you. That's enough. I'm done making a fool of myself just for you and your boss to be satisfied. 

Wait... What? What is he talking about? And... Is that Suzy? Does that mean that they planned it all? Were they the ones behind our breakup? And Suzy? I can't believe she used my mom's illness to make me break up with Seol ah... she even kept acting so innocent. I really can't believe that. And... that day when she hugged me. Does that mean that she did it on purpose? She knew Seol ah was there and she wanted her to see that... Oh, my God, I was an idiot for letting them do that to me without even noticing anything. I even left Seol ah for two months when she needed me the most... 

I violently kicked the door. "You two are the worst persons I've ever seen. How could you do that to me?" I yelled at them. "I know all you wanted was money but seriously? You went too freaking far." I said to the CEO. "And you?" I pointed at Suzy. " I can't believe that it took me this long to finally see your true colors, I was so stupid for thinking that you were my friend. You're the worst." I said. 

Suzy: Myungsoo... no wait, I can explain.

CEO: When did you get here? ...

They both were shocked to see me here.

"DOES THAT MATTER? DOES ANYTHING MATTER ANYMORE? YOU RUINED MY LIFE." I raised my voice as loud as I could.

"I could've at least stayed with her for those two months... If only I could see her again for just one day, no just one hour.." I said in a lower tone. 

CEO: Suzy, tell your CEO that we're going to cancel our partnership. That's why I called you here. I've thought about it and I made my decision.

Suzy: What? Are you serious?

CEO: Yes. We're going to focus on Infinite and their activities. I'm also planning a comeback for them after such long period of time. I won't do this anymore, we've been only focusing on the other artists for the last two years. I don't think that the merge was a great idea. We'll have to cancel it.

Suzy: You're seriously all bunch of losers. I'd better get out of here. 

She left.

I don't know what to feel about what I've just heard but it seems like our CEO is finally getting back to his senses. I can't forgive him for what he did to Seol ah and me though. But I have to admit that he's finally doing the right thing.

He apologized to me and said that he will formally apologize to all the other members, he said that he will do his best to keep us together and successful and he was so happy to hear that I started preparing for my solo album.  I still hate him but I'm glad he's finally acting like a real CEO.

(A few months later)

I finished working on my album and today I'm finally going to sing on stage alone after a really long time. I'm so nervous and worried. Will I do well? Is she going to be there? Is she going to listen to my songs and watch me? I really hope she will...

________________________

It's finally the time to go on stage. My heart is pounding. I'm on my way to the stage...

"Hello everyone, it's Kim Myungsoo. It's been so long hm? Did you miss me? Ah... I missed you too. Today, before singing. I'd like to talk to you about someone who's really precious to me. Even though we were together for quite a long time, we couldn't spend so much time together. And for some reason, we haven't seen each other in a long time. I don't know where she is right now, and I don't know if I will ever find her but I hope she's watching me at this very moment. This song is called " I Temporary Lived By Your Side." I wrote it for that special person. Seol ah yah... If you're listening to me I want to confess my love in front of all these people. And please remember, even if you meet someone else, I temporary lived by your side. I love you Eun Seol ah."

The End.