Jinyoung threw himself on the space next to Jaebum over the couch as soon as he got home. His muscles were screaming, his bones were cracking, his mind was wrung dry. He reached over the bag of potato chips on Jaebum's lap, crunching two of them with his teeth. The other diverted his attention from the variety show broadcasted on TV and watched him with sympathy.

"Tired?" Jaebum asked, not really needing an answer, just giving him a chance to complain. Jinyoung sighed and close his eyes.

"Well, you know how crowded it is at the restaurant every weekend, especially on Saturday night. There's no break and I'm on my heels throughout my shift. And I brought an order to a wrong table because the cook misinformed me when he gave me that. The customer happened to be a cranky old man who made a big fuss over it and I ended up getting told off by the manager after my shift. So yeah, I'm thoroughly tired and since my energy has been drained, I'm totally hungry."

Jaebum chuckled, "Alright, alright. What do you want to eat?"

"Ramyeon would be nice."

"Just ramyeon? Okay, I'll make a special one for you."

Jinyoung felt the weight disappear from beside him, and he smiled. He actually thought of just a simple ramyeon, but hearing Jaebum would make a special one for him make him look forward to it, wondering what kind of ramyeon Jaebum would make, and it lighten up his mood a little bit. He could hear every single sound from the kitchen before it silenced. Then he sighed in appreciation as fingers all of a sudden gently pressing on his temple and the crown of his head. He let the fingers pushed him forward as they climbed down to his neck and massaged his shoulder, unraveling the knots. He whined as the fingers disappeared, but they quickly appeared again on his jaw to pulled him back to the backrest and his eyes opened wide when he felt a pair of soft lips on his. Jaebum pulled up with a grin on his face.

"Payment," he said before going back to the boiling water at the kitchen, leaving Jinyoung with the dumb face he made. Only after his mind could register what had happened his heart started beating again, seemingly trying to make up for the beatings it lost since it pounded rapidly. It sounded so loud in his ears, drowning the sound of television. Since their first kiss (and his very first kiss as well), Jaebum never shy away from touching him, constantly giving him sudden attack such as hugging him from the back, cuddling him on the couch, holding his hand when they walked together, and kissing him on any part of his exposed skin, like earlier. Usually though, it was always his nape, cheeks, or forehead. That was the first time he kissed him on the lips after that time at the beach.

His heartbeat barely returned to normal when a strange yet pleasant smell hit his nose, and Jaebum was back with a bowl of ramyeon which grey was slightly different from how it usually was.

"What did you put in?" Jinyoung asked.

"Maesaengi (seaweed fulvescens). It smells good, right?"

Jinyoung hummed in agreement as he brought the bowl close to his nose, relishing in the scent. "It smells like sea and spring. Just like..."

"... our first date?" Jaebum cut him off with a knowing smirk.

"No, I was going to say home," Jinyoung said, though it wasn't really the truth. It indeed reminded him of their first date, the scent of cherry blossom and salty sea fused together, and how Jaebum's cologne got into the mixing. Jinyoung put down the bowl and took his chopstick, wishing the burning on his cheek could be passed off as getting hot from the steam.

"Itadakimasu~"

He started eating, and he moaned at the taste. It did has sea flavor, and it freshened his body up. He gobbled up the food in front of him, half from hunger half from the taste.

"Hey, ease down, eat slowly or you would get choked up again."

Jinyoung stopped eating for a moment, taking a breath as he slowly chew the food inside his mouth. "But it's so delicious, I can't help it."

Suddenly a thumb brushed over his lips, wiping the soup that was smeared all over his mouth and chin from how messy he ate. He watched dumbfoundedly when Jaebum brought the thumb to his own mouth and humming as he on it.

"It really is delicious. It's the first time I try making this after I watched it on TV, so I didn't know how it would taste. I'm glad it turns out okay."

Again, the sudden attack. He could never get used to this. He didn't know how to react, so he quietly finished his ramyeon, slower this time, took a bath and turned himself in for the night.

--

"Jinyoung, tell me what did you do to Jaebum."

That was the first thing Jackson said to Jinyoung when the earlier sat beside him at the campus cafeteria. His hand stopped right before his lunch made it into his mouth and raised one of his eyebrow, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what did you do to make Im Jaebum blushes and becomes giddy like a teenage girl in love whenever your name is mentioned."

Jinyoung's mouth gaped in disbelief. Jaebum never blushed in front of him, and he definitely was never giddy. He felt his cheeks heated up as put down his chopsticks and said, "Stop making up things, Jackson. I can't even imagine it."

"It's so unimaginable and uncharacteristic of him, that's why it's even more shocking. He was always indifferent even when he was dating, and now look at him. What did you do to him that he became like that? Be honest with me, you're actually studying black magic instead of how to analyze poetry, right?"

Jinyoung scoffed. "Maybe, should I turn you into a frog? You can start praying Mark wouldn't mind kissing a frog his whole life."

"Can't you at least turn me into a gorilla? They're cool, I could keep my muscles and have a nice as a plus. And I would be taller than Mark too, isn't that nice?"

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and continued eating. "Very well."

"Okay, back to the original topic. You know, he beams up whenever the topic about you arises, and he always bugs me about things you like and dislike. You don't know how stressful it is to answer his every questions. And for your information, he was the one who asked me first about the lease of my room when I showed him your picture. Maybe he was already interested in you that time. So, how is it? Do you finally remember him?"

He nodded. "Do you remember the bucket hat's owner I had been looking for? It's him."

Jackson's eyes widen. "So that ugly hat is his? No wonder I felt like I've seen it before!"

Jinyoung waved his chopsticks. "Was his. It's mine now, he gave it to me."

Jackson clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Look at you, being so possessive over a bucket hat that's not your style at all. Guess Jaebum's not the only one who has became weird. So that's the only time you met him before he came to the apartment?"

Jinyoung shook his head. He actually didn't want to tell Jackson about his first meeting with Jaebum since it was so embarrassing. But he knew Jackson wouldn't stop bugging him about it, so he told him. About the rain, the cat, and Jaebum, although using much different words from when Jaebum told him. He couldn't possibly call himself beautiful, right?

When he finished telling the story, Jackson was staring at him with gaped mouth. "That's right. Now that I think about it, he did say that he used to live at Busan for some time. Damn, so he's been in love with you for, what, eight years? So you're the reason his relationships never worked out."

Jinyoung frowned. "Hey, now you make me feel like . What do you mean by that?"

Jackson scratched his chin. He always did that whenever he was nervous about something, but in the end he told Jinyoung anyway. "Well, he's pretty selfish, you know. He only cares about the things he loves. His family, his little circle of close friends, art, and dancing. He never cares much about other things, that was why he never approached someone first. At first he still accepted when people confessed to him. But that's the thing, they aren't included in his list to begin with, only people who didn't know what kind of person he really is and only attracted to his seemingly chic and politely friendly attitude. He would date them, but they would always come second to his priority. When they started demanding more attention from him, he would broke things off with them."

"After a few times, he thought dating is a hassle to the things he loved and a waste of time since it always ended the same way, which led to him against dating anyone. But now, look at him being all over you, caring about what you're thinking, doing whatever he can to get close to you. All this time I thought that was the only reason, however only now I truly understand why he couldn't bring himself to care and love all his exes. It's because he can't forget about you and still hoping to meet you again. I'm glad it came true."

Jinyoung processed all the information Jackson gave him, feeling guilty to all Jaebum's exes because he was so happy to hear those all. Who wouldn't be happy knowing someone love him that much? The knowledge, however, also feeding the seed of fear inside him. Jackson then continued to ask, "Now, what about you? Aren't you together?"

Jinyoung put down his chopsticks, losing all his appetite, and sighed. "I don't know."

Jackson frowned. "Why, do you dislike him?"

"Even worse, Jackson. I fall in love with him."

Jackson knitted his eyebrow, confused. "Then it's all good, right? Why is it bad?"

"Because I become addicted to him, Jackson. I'm addicted to his touch, I'm addicted to his voice, I'm addicted to his scent, I'm addicted to his existence, I'm addicted to all of him. He's like a green fairy to me, a glass of dangerously addicting absinthe that makes me crazy."

"Wait, what's with these green fairy and absinthe? Don't tell me it's another one of your literary thing again. Also, isn't that what everyone feels when they fall in love? I'm addicted to Mark, too. It's normal, Jinyoung."

"It is, but I'm not normal, Jackson. The one he loves is the middle school me who he didn't know anything about. Then he came to know about my disability. Now it might still be okay, while in his eyes I'm still beautified with the memories of his first love. But how about later, when that filter was broken and he finally realized he couldn't share the thing he loves the most with me? I've seen him painting, Jackson. He's someone whose world is surrounded by colors, more than anyone else, and he can't live without them. Remember the movie we watched together, Upside Down? They're so close, yet they live in two different worlds way opposite to each other. Well, of course everything ended up well and they got together, but it was a movie. Reality, though, didn't work that well. If he think I am a waste of time and leave me when I'm far too addicted to him, I'll die."

At this point, tears had already trickled down his cheek. Saying what he had been fearing of made those feelings even more real. With every words he could really imagine it happen, and it tore his heart apart. Jackson pulled him into his arms and let him ruin his shirt with his tears, patting his back gently trying to comfort him. However, Jackson not refuting any of his statement only hurt him more, since it could only mean he thought that it was possible for Jaebum to do. After all, he knew Jaebum longer than him. So he cried his tears dry on Jackson's shoulder, ignoring the stares people pointed at him.

--

After that day he poured his heart out to Jackson, he started avoiding Jaebum. All those time he had always been hesitant, his craving of the other male won over his judgement. He had, however, decided to stop this all for once. He knew he had already fallen too deep into the chasm, but he needed to find a foothold to stop himself from falling deeper and try to climb back up to the top of the cliff. Better late than never, right?

That was why he took more part time job in addition of the one he already had. He either already gone by the time Jaebum woke up or still sleeping when Jaebum went for his class, and he mostly came home after Jaebum fell asleep. Even when he didn't, he always went straight to his room and kept himself there. He also ate outside or make simple dishes by himself. He did everything he could, yet he couldn't stop his feet from taking him to Hongdae at the night Jaebum performed.

He watched from the back of the crowd so Jaebum wouldn't see him. Jaebum was as dazzling as always, yet that night watching their performance hurt. Jaebum was so in harmony with the girl, and he felt jealousy gnawing on his heart.

Jackson had told him about that girl. Her name was Baek Ayeon, from the same major as Jaebum. She wasn't one of Jaebum's ex, but she was closest to Jaebum more than anyone else. They were so similar and comfortable with each other. They had the same passion, art and performing, so they often do things together and share their thought between both of them. They understood each other well. She was the only one whom he still let to stay close to him even after she confessed to him. Jaebum once said she was too important of a friend to lose, so he told her honestly all the reason why he couldn't accept it. She truly respect them and never talk about it again. No one knew whether she still liked Jaebum or not. That was why before knowing about Jinyoung, Jaebum's friends always thought that if Jaebum going to end up with someone, it was her.

That information fumed his burning jealousy, insecurity, fear, and hatred. He hated that she was the perfect girl for Jaebum. Once Jaebum stopped getting deluded by his first love, Jinyoung could never compete with her. At that moment, she was the everything he wanted to be. It was the first time he felt that way, he had always been contented with who he was, and it made him hate himself. Since Jaebum was the reason of it all, he also despised Jaebum as much as he loved him.

He couldn't bear watching them anymore, so after the second song ended, he was going to turn around and left. However, Jaebum's introduction to their next song stopped him.

"The third song is about someone I miss, someone I love so much. Even though there's only small possibility of him listening to this, I still want to sing this for him. I hope you, who listen to this instead of him, would enjoy this."

*The ruby stone reflects your heart

O gentle lover in the art

I see in the dark

O little diamond, shining star

You're so beautiful

O so luminal

You're unbreakable

O, so, beautiful

I saw you then, I see you now

O bitter truth in your eyes

You clear the chaos

O day of days, night of nights

You're so beautiful

O so luminal

You're unbreakable

O so beautiful

You're so beautiful

O, so, luminal*

Unlike the usual, Jaebum sung by himself. It was a song of praise toward someone, yet it sounded so sorrowful. It was as if the adoration itself made him in pain. Maybe he should've felt touched since he knew the song was meant for him, and guilty since he also understood that him avoiding Jaebum most possibly the reason he was hurt. Yet his mind was too occupied wondering whether the song was meant for him or Jaebum's first love, though he was convinced that it was the latter.

Great, I'm even jealous at my past self. How much lower am I going to go?

I hate this.

He turned and walked away even before the crowd's cheers died down, didn't look back even once. And he crashed at Wonpil's place for the night, not wanting to come home to where Jaebum was. He only got back to his apartment at the morning. He knew Jaebum had first period that day, so he didn't need to worry about running across the other. But turned out he was wrong.

"Where were you last night?"

Those was the first thing Jaebum asked after he close the door. He hardened his expression, forbidding his feeling to flow through.

"None of your business," he answered harshly, "don't you have first period today?"

Jaebum's face fell, and he looked like he was about to cry Jinyoung had to hold himself back from reaching his hand out to hug him. "So it's true that you're avoiding me," he said, pain evident in his words.

"So what if I am?"

"W-why?" Jaebum seemed shocked and wounded at the same time, not expecting him to admit it blatantly. Hurting Jaebum hurt, so Jinyoung needed to end this fast before his mask crumbled down.

"I don't want to see you. And since you seem like you're not going to leave, I will."

Jinyoung opened the door and left the apartment. However, right before he reached the stairs, Jaebum managed to catch up and stood between them. Jaebum grabbed his shoulders, so hard he couldn't release himself. The black orbs staring at him pleadingly were layered with tears.

"Why? What did I do wrong?"

Jinyoung kept silent, didn't know how to answer that. Because really, Jaebum did nothing wrong. The only problem was Jinyoung himself. Suddenly a pair of arms was wrapped tightly around him, and the familiar scent of Jaebum's cologne filled his nose.

"Please, don't be like this, okay? I love you, Jinyoung, I love you so much. Please don't leave me."

His heart throbbed with venom. Tears started blurring his sight. He wanted to scream, "No, you don't love me, the one you love is the past me that you don't know anything about!" but instead, the one that bursted out from his lungs with all his might was, "I HATE YOU!"

His mind was filled with his own hatred that it was only a moment later that he had pushed Jaebum away. The eyes looking back at him was filled with shock. His hand fly out to reach Jaebum's, but it was too late. The tips of their fingers only brushed for a moment and Jaebum's slipped away before he could grasp them. He could only watch Jaebum fell on the middle of the stairs, rolled down the steps, and landed on the bottom, laying there unmoved.

His heartbeat escalated as he ran down the stairs and knelt beside Jaebum, crying out his name, hoping he would open his eyes and talk to him again. That hope was, however, in vain. Jinyoung sobbed in panic and fear as blood streamed down from Jaebum's head. He took out his phone to call for an ambulance, trying to make his words coherent enough to be understood between his sobs. Maybe he had went crazy, because in the middle of the chaos his mind was in, suddenly a quote from a classic literature piece he read before popped up in the front of his head.

"O beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on."

Jaebum was his green fairy who had trapped his eyes, his mind, his heart with his spell until he turned into a monster that threatened the life of his beloved.

What a vile monster you have become, Park Jinyoung.

P.S. :

The song was called 'So Beautiful', sung by Michael Patrick Kelly. The quote was taken from William Shakespeare's play, Othello. And the idea of the ramyeon was from an old episode of Happy Together where 2AM Jo Kwon and Jinwoon guested and made this for a segment. It looked so delicious I wanted to make it but unfortunately couldn't find the ingredients T_T

Now, I myself keep wondering. JB is my ultimate bias, but why do I always make him suffer in my fics? It's not like I want or like to see him suffer T_T Anyway, I'm sooo excited for their upcoming comeback! I think playful and chill songs like 'Teenager' and 'One and Only You' suit GOT7's vibe the most. Well, I like 'You Are' too but I think it suited JJP's new vibe more than GOT7. I hope 'Look' would have similar vibe too ><

Okay, enough about my thoughts. How do you think about this chapter? I hope you like it and thanks for reading!