Jinyoung had always lived his live in grayscale. There were literally no colors in his life. He could never understand how people could feel anything from colors, like how pink was sweet, blue was calming, yellow was joyful. Because he could never see it. Because all he could see was black, white, and every shades of gray between them just like watching television in early 19th century.

While every other kids was afraid of the dark, light scared kid Jinyoung so much because it hurt him. Under the daylight, he couldn’t even see anything. He always confined himself inside his room, thick curtain closed with only the company of the dim light that illuminated the space. He was a loner, decided to isolate himself from the annoyingly childish classmates who always questioned him for wearing sunglasses everywhere, even inside the class, and mocked him for saying apple was black. His world only consisted of the stories written in the form of blank ink on white pages, constructing a concrete wall around himself until Jackson and Wonpil built a door after the became classmates at highschool and brought others in, all of them fitting themselves in the small space. Still, he kept it dark, because he still hated the sun and colors as much as he yearned for it.

People said colors were beautiful. He knew the colors of common objects, he knew now that apple was red, the sky was blue, his little cactus was green, all those things. He could even recognize some colors based on the depth of their shade in his eyes. However, he wanted to know why people thought they were beautiful, he wanted to feel it. So he tried to learn. Everytime he found any colors described in the books he tried to imagine it, but he just didn’t get it. He couldn’t feel it. At one point he just gave up, and resigned himself in his boring monochrome world. And that was why he laughed when Jaebum asking him permission to let the only thing he could never get acquainted with out of him.

“You really have a way with your words. You must be popular with girls, I can understand them. Even I feel my heart flutter a little bit. You can just ask without trying to flatter me if you need anything, okay? What do you want me to do? Wash the dishes?”

A grin slowly broke on Jaebum’s face as he pushed his dirty dishes to Jinyoung, “Who am I to refuse if you insist?”

“Just as I thought, you’re so easy to see. Alright, I’ll do it,” Jinyoung grumbled playfully, gathering all the dirty dishes and brought it to the sink. He tried to ignore the slight disappointment gnawing his heart.

Well, maybe in one remote room at the corner of his heart, the hope for someday understanding the colors was still lit, though dim.

--

Jinyoung walked through the corridor, eyes fixed to the floor beside the quick glances he took from every doors he passed by. He felt out of place, wandering around in the department he didn’t belong to. He felt sticking out like a sore thumb, looking way too nervous and fidgety. If not for Jaebum, he would never step a foot into this place. What business would a literature student like him have at the art department?

But it wasn’t the time to think about that, he needed to find Jaebum as soon as possible. He cursed under his breath. Where the heck was the studio Jaebum was in? Why were there so many room here? Only after fifteen minutes that was felt like an hour did he let a breath of relief, finding the room Mark, who turned out to be in the same department as Jaebum, mentioned when he asked where his roommate possibly be. He quickly went in. However, when he took a step inside, he couldn’t move an inch from where he was standing, forgetting the reason why he needed he was here.

There were a few people other than Jaebum, each sitting in front of their own easel, just like him. Yet without having to look around, Jinyoung’s eyes fell by themself on Jaebum’s figure beside the window, like being drawn by a magnet. The sunshine should’ve made it hard to recognize his face, yet he still knew it was him. Maybe it was because the light wasn’t too strong since the window didn’t face the sun, but he could see his face, gleaming from the daylight that fell on it. However, what took his breath away was his gaze, and the aura surrounding him.

It was the first time he saw that kind of look in the other’s eyes. The intense gaze fixed on the canvas that fueled the flame burning in the dark of his eyes. However, despite that, the aura pouring out from his skin was soft, calm, and peaceful, intertwining with the light shining through the window, made him look glowing.

“Beautiful,” he whispered even before he knew it, surprising himself. And Jaebum just had to notice his presence in that flustered state, raising his eyebrow. He put down his brush and palette before coming over to Jinyoung, who used the short time it took to quickly reorganize his mind and controlled his expression.

“What brings you here?” Jaebum asked.

“Your mom called me, told me she can’t reach you. You must’ve too lost in your own world again to notice the tens of missed calls your mom made.”

Jinyoung had only met the kind lady twice, and when they did, her hands would always be filled with the side-dishes she packed for her son and him. Her face was the splitting image of Jaebum’s, even more so with the way their eyes disappeared when they smiled. She was as friendly as Jaebum, if not more since the first thing she did the very first time they met was enveloping him with bone-crushing hug, making him wondered how such strength come from a small body.

“I finally got another son,” she said then, saying she would take care of Jinyoung in place of his mother who was far away at Busan, while Jaebum’s home was only two to three hours drive from Seoul. After that she always looked for Jinyoung whenever she video called his son. She even called him personally sometimes, and so did he. The thing was, Jaebum was so different around his mother. He naturally did aegyo he would normally never do once every hour, and didn’t shy to give her kisses. When Jinyoung asked Mrs. Im about it, she raised her eyebrow in confusion and answered, “Isn’t he always like that?” leaving his jaw fell hanging in disbelief.

Jaebum quickly fished his phone out from his pocket, and his eyes widened in surprise.

“, twenty missed calls from my mother!” He shrieked, and Jinyoung sighed, shaking his head. “So, what’s so urgent?”

“She said Nora is sick.”

Shock and concern spread across his face, knowing something was wrong with his precious cat. Jinyoung often heard Jaebum talked about her fondly, but yet to see her.  The worried owner of the pet put both his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders, gripping them tightly it almost hurt. “What?! What happened to her?” Jaebum asked frantically.

“I don’t know the details, she sounded panic. She only said she’s going to bring her to a veterinarian. I think you might want to see how she was by yourself, that’s why I’m looking for you right after the call.”

Jaebum released him, running his hand through his own hair, “You’re right, but… what should I do? I have my part-time job after this. Seonsaengnim wouldn’t be able to find someone to replace me with such a short notice, and he can’t cancel the class either.”

If Jinyoung could, he would go in his stead. However, Jaebum’s job was teaching elementary students how to create a painting at an art studio, something he most definitely couldn’t do. Fortunately he already prepared another solution.

“Mark has agreed to fill in for you if you want to go, I’ve asked him beforehand. He said he also taught there last year, so he knew seonsaengnim won’t mind him doing it again in your place. Sorry I’m meddling in your business, but…”

Jinyoung’s words was cut when the air was forced out of his lungs by how tight Jaebum hugged him, with as much strength as his mother.

“Thank you so much, you really are an angel, Jinyoung,” Jaebum softly spoke, tickling his ear with the warmth of his breath. He quickly pushed the other away before he could also hear the deafening pounding of his heart.

“Stop that, you better go now,” he said, trying to school his expression.

“You’re right,” Jaebum said, taking off his apron as he went inside again to clean up and gather his things. He gave Jinyoung one last hug and thank you before he left, and only after Jaebum disappeared from his sight he let the fire exploded on his face, cursing his heart that refused to calm down.

--

Jinyoung opened his eyes, and it wasn’t any different from when he didn’t. The silence that filled the whole darkness was broken by the sound of a pair of rubber shoe soles against the floor which steadily grew louder, until it stopped and replaced by the clicking noise of a key turning in its keyhole. Someone entered the room, closing the door again after opening it. He couldn’t make the face of the newcomer, but who else would have the key of his apartment beside Jaebum?

“Why is it so dark? Is it another one of your ritual?”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “If my ritual can make the whole neighborhood get a blackout for three fckin hours, I must be some kind of God.”

He could hear the other clicking his tongue in amusement. “And you’ve been staying in this complete darkness all those time? You really is something else.”

“What else I can do? There’s no moon outside, and no emergency lamp or even any candles in this apartment. I’m too tired to go out and buy them, and I thought you won’t be coming back so I don’t ask you to buy it.”

“There is.”

Jinyoung knitted his eyebrow as he turned his head to where Jaebum was supposed to stand. “What? Where?”

Jinyoung’s ears caught the sound of another door opened and some rustling sound before the footstep became closer and closer and a weight was dropped beside him on the couch. A clicking sound of metal, and then a small flame illuminate Jaebum’s face and the room, which was transferred into a small glass jar Jaebum was holding. However, instead of burning smell, some kind of fresh, sweet, and delicate scent caressed his nose, and somehow he a little of his fatigue was softly blown away. He slumped back down to the backrest as he filled his nose with the relaxing scent.

“What’s this smell?” Jinyoung asked curiously.

Jaebum smiled as he put the jar on the small table beside him. “It’s nice, isn’t it? It’s orange blossom. I always lit it up before sleeping so it can help me sleep well.”

Jinyoung shook his head as he felt the corners of his mouth lifted up, a small laugh escaped his lips. “I never thought you’re the kind to buy scented candles and lit them up regularly.”

“A man with many unexpected sides is charming, right? You can fall for me if you want.”

At that point, Jinyoung had gotten so used to those kind of jokes Jaebum often threw at him that he just ignored him and asked, “How’s Nora? Is she alright? I thought you’re gonna stay with her tonight.”

A glint of sadness flickered through the dancing light reflected on Jaebum’s eyes. “She had to be hospitalized for I don’t know how many days. They said something is wrong with her digestion system. I’m just gonna overthink it and get sadder if I stay home while she’s not there anyway, so here I am.”

It was the first time Jinyoung saw his roommate in such a dejected state, and he didn’t know what to do to comfort him, what to say to make him feel better. The one who was good with words was Jaebum, not him. However, he knew how important Nora was for the other, and he wished so much to give strength for him, no matter how. That was why he slipped his fingers in between Jaebum’s, squeezing his hand tightly, silently encouraging him through the warmth of his palm he hoped would get across. It seemed like it did, seeing how his roommate frown softened into a small smile, which he replied with a wider one of his own.

All of sudden Jaebum lifted their intertwined hands and leaned down to rest his head on Jinyoung’s lap, which made him gasped in surprise. Jaebum closed his eyes as he placed both their hand on his chest, ignoring Jinyoung’s confused stare.

“Let’s stay this way for a while,” he said, “today’s so draining, let me rest a little bit.”

Jinyoung didn’t do or say anything, mind still lost in a daze. And Jaebum continued to surprise him by taking his free hand with his own and put it on his hair.

“Pet my head,” he said.

Jinyoung, though still dumbfounded, automatically did what he was requested. He softly run his hand through the silky hair, watching how the light created waves on it as it shifted. Jaebum sighed and said, “It feels so nice.”

Jaebum’s breath eventually evened into a slow, steady pace. Despite both his thighs starting to hurt, Jinyoung found himself smiling at the gleaming face of the sleeping boy. The light from the candle made sharp contrast on his feature, emphasizing the contour of his face, and at that moment he felt like the world of black and white could actually be wonderful. He rested his head back on the back rest, deeply breathing in the sweet scent filling the air as he also closed his eyes. He felt the warmth on his palms and the one seeped through the fabric of his pajama pants spreading across his body.

He’s right, he thought, it does feel nice.

____________________________________________________

P. S.:

Sorry it took quite long for me to update TT There are too much happenings this month. I'll try to update more often so please forgive me :D I hope you like this chapter!