The snow had stopped falling as the chilly weather started rising in temperature. Gone all the thick outerwears, and the layer of clothes people were wearing lessened bit by bit. In place of the blanket of white smothering the earth, plants grew and flowers blossomed. And along with the spring, came Jaebum with his new hair color.

Jinyoung was lounging on the couch reading a book, papers almost against his nose, when he heard the clicking of the lock opened. He didn’t even bother to raise his head knowing who that was, too immersed in the story typed on the pages, merely murmuring a welcome home.

“I bought groceries on my way home. What do you want to eat?”

Only then he looked up, feeling his eyes sparkled. Jaebum’s cooking was his favorite, second to his mother’s, and it would always had his best interest. He parted his mouth to talk, only to leave it gaping open as his eyes caught Jaebum’s hair, the shade so bright except for the area around the roots which was still black.

“What happened to your hair?” Jinyoung asked after he found his voice.

Jaebum chuckled, maybe finding his expression funny. “I dyed it pink.”

“Pink? What, like the cherry blossom?”

Jaebum knitted his brow, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he leaned on the kitchen’s cabinet, thinking. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s spring, sweetheart,” Jaebum grinned, “and also to celebrate our date tomorrow. You haven’t forgotten, right?”

Right, that date. It had been almost a month since he agreed to Jaebum’s unreasonable condition. It was always getting pushed back thanks to their piled up assignments and project, but since the semester had almost ended, they were finally free. Jinyoung looked down, nervously fumbling with the paper edge. “Do we really have to do it?”

Jaebum frowned. “What? Don’t tell me you change your mind. You can’t pull back your promise, you’ve agreed to it.”

“I know, but…”

Jaebum walked up to Jinyoung, gently lifting his chin so he met with his eyes. He looked so sad and Jinyoung felt something tugged at his heart. “Do you really hate going on a date with me that much?”

“No! That’s not it,” Jinyoung let his book fall free to the couch, forgetting that he hadn’t marked the last page he read yet. He took Jaebum’s hand in his, holding it tightly, cursing himself for making the other misunderstood. “It’s just, I never go on any date before, so I don’t know what to do. The way it’s put out as a date makes me nervous. Can’t we just hangout like we always do?”

Jaebum’s eyes popped wide, stunned. “You’ve never gone on dates?”

Jinyoung nodded, blushing, for the first time feeling embarrassed of his nonexistent love life.

“Not even once?”

Jinyoung nodded, blushing even deeper.

“So tomorrow is your first? So I’m your first date?”

Jinyoung nodded again, and a wide grin beaming up Jaebum’s face, his eyes disappeared into crescent. The pinkhead raised their hands together, kissing the back of Jinyoung’s hand while smiling playfully, and he stopped breathing.

“Don’t worry, leave it to me. I’ll give you a first date you’ll never forget your whole life.”

--

Jinyoung tossed and his bed, unable to stay still. He couldn’t sleep, and it was still too early anyway. He just turned in early because he was too nervous being around Jaebum. He could’ve treated tomorrow as a another hangout instead of a date, but that was the problem, he couldn’t. He wondered what would be different? Would it be different because of the way Jaebum treated him? Would Jaebum treat him differently? Not as a friend, but as a date? How did Jaebum treat all his date? He remembered how the other kissed his hand, and he felt the blood in his veins rushed to his face. Was that Jaebum treating him as a friend? Or a date?

They were all firsts for him, he didn’t know what to do or what to take. No one had ever treat him like Jaebum did, even before that. Jackson was clingy with him, but the way Jaebum being touchy with him felt different. And Jackson sure often praised him a little over the top to the point it was embarrassing, but Jaebum’s compliments embarrassed him in a different way. Jaebum kept saying he was beautiful, and Jackson definitely never said that. Did Jaebum do that to all his friends? Everything about Jaebum was confusing to him.

And why did he agreed to that ridiculous condition anyway? It wasn’t like he was really curious about it he would die. He didn’t know, his mind just went blank at that time, and before he realized he already nodded his head. Why did he always become weird whenever he was around Jaebum? He was never like this around anyone else. It wasn’t even the first time someone trying to approach him, and he always paid no mind to it. Yet why it was so hard to do when it came to Jaebum? Wait, did Jaebum even interested in him? And why did it even matter to him, when he never cared about it before? Did he like him?

Jinyoung shook his head so hard he almost got a cramp on his neck. No. He never fell in love before, and when he did, it wouldn’t be with someone whose life was dedicated in colors, like Jaebum. He shouldn’t. They’re way too different, like two side of a coin.

Too many thoughts filled his mind and he ended up fell asleep with too many questions unanswered until almost dawn. When he woke up, Jaebum was already gone. He was confused for a while, with slight disappointment he would never admit, until he found a note stuck on the fridge with a magnet.

Gotta go to get something real quick. Get ready, I’ll pick you up later!

Jinyoung breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t know what kind of face he should make when he saw him, and somehow that day he felt ashamed to let Jaebum see his shabby out-of-the-bed appearance even though the other already saw it everyday. Either way he was quite glad he had some time to prepare himself, and Jaebum would come back to pick him up anyway so everything was okay.

Fresh from the bath, he was staring at his monochrome wardrobe even to normal eyes at the moment, thinking what to wear that day. Not a single gray visible among his clothes. He didn’t want to look funny for possibly wearing mismatched clothes, so he settled to the only two colors he knew. As Jackson said, nothing would go wrong with black and white, convenient and easy.

He took out a long-sleeved black tee, only to hang them back inside because he thought maybe it was too casual. He also put back the white button up since he thought it was too formal. After going through the cycle of taking and putting back clothes, he ended up slouching on his bed wearing white knitted sweater with a pair black slim jeans snacking on a chocolate bar, all ready to go anytime Jaebum came back, which happened fifteen minutes later.

A message arrived, telling him to come down. He took his phone, wallet, and after contemplating a little bit, the bucket hat with him before he left the apartment. When he reached outside, he found Jaebum leaning on a white pickup car with a wide red stripe circling around the body, grinning as he saw him. He felt like a fool for pondering over his clothes so much when the other casually wearing white hoodie where Popeye proudly showing off his bicep on his chest, knee-length jeans, and sneakers. The bright haired boy bowed down when he closed in, one hand opening the door and another over his stomach.

“I’ve arrived with a royal carriage for our dear prince,” he said. Jinyoung laughed, hitting his shoulder playfully.

“Where do you get this?”

Jaebum straightened up, arms crossed over his chest, smirking smugly. “I’m just this capable of a man who can just get a car whenever I want, you know.”

Jinyoung scorned at that. “If that makes you happy, I’ll say I believe you. I can do at least that much. And it’s not even a car, it’s a truck.”

Jaebum laughed. “This is my uncle’s. I often borrow this to bring all the equipments needed whenever I perform. Are you satisfied? Now, get in.”

Jaebum closed the door for him after he did, and got into the driver seat himself. Jinyoung sat there, staring at his lap as nervousness started kicking back in, being in a closed, narrow space just the two of them. Suddenly he heard Jaebum chuckled.

“Aren’t you going to fasten your seat belt? Or are you waiting for me to do that for you? Alright then.”

Jinyoung jolted back to the back rest as an arm slid across him. He looked at Jaebum to protest, only to be silenced from finding the other’s face so close to him. He only realized he held his breath when he exhaled deeply after his seat belt was fastened with a click and Jaebum moved away from him to fasten his own seat belt. He started the engine and connected his phone to the car audio. Smooth tunes of an r&b song began flowing through the speaker, filling the car gently and soothed Jinyoung’s nervousness away.

“Okay, let’s go~” Jaebum released the brake and the car finally started moving. He was humming along with every song that was played, and Jinyoung didn’t disturb him with talking because he liked hearing him. Maybe Jaebum was right, he really was his biggest fan. However, when they were stopped for a little while by the traffic lamp, he felt the other staring at him and he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“What?”

Jaebum smiled, amused, turning his head to the front as he stepped on the pedal to get the car moving again. “You’re wearing my hat.”

Jinyoung looked away, hiding his cheeks that were blushed for sure. “I just felt like we’re going to be outside for a long time, and I don’t feel like wearing sunglasses, so I put this on. And by the way, it’s no longer yours since you said you gave it to me, so it’s mine now.”

Jaebum laughed. “Easy, Jinyoung, no one wants to steal that hat from you? Are you always this possessive?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “Dunno, maybe. Where are we going anyway?”

Jaebum smirked, half mysterious half mischievous. “A place you would really like. It’s true that it’s outdoor though.”

Not wanting to waste his energy, knowing the other wouldn’t budge, he didn’t argue. He couldn’t stop his yawn, sleepy from feeling too comfortable and lacking sleep. Jaebum chuckled.

“I thought you slept early last night.”

Crap. Jinyoung didn’t answer, didn’t know how. Why did he seem to always embarrass himself in front of Jaebum?

“Just take a nap, it’s going to take a little while for us to reach there.”

Feeling embarrassed and sleepy, he shut his eyes close. Jaebum lowered the volume of the audio, and didn’t make a sound after that.

“Don’t stop,” Jinyoung said, “I like hearing your voice.”

There was nothing but silence for a minute, and then a deep, melodious hum vibrated through the air, a lullaby that escorted him to the dreamland only to find Jaebum again there, smiling brightly at him.

--

“Jinyoung, we’re almost here.”

Those four words dragged him back to the real world. He sluggishly forced his heavy eyes to open. However, the scenery that welcomed him blew the haze in his mind away and his mouth gaped in awe.

In front of him was endless chain of cherry blossom trees, softly swayed by the wind. Jinyoung opened the window, stuck out his head and filled his lungs with the sweet scent. He rested his arms on the edge of the aperture left by the window, leaning his head on them.

“It’s so pretty,” he exhaled.

“Look over here, Jinyoung,” he heard Jaebum say. He turned his head around, only to gasp in amazement from seeing the waving sparkles in between the trees. He almost screamed.

“We’re going to the sea?!”

“Well, you kept whining on how you miss the sea at your hometown, so I figure this will do. Do you like  it?”

Jinyoung felt the tips of his mouth hanging up high to his ear as he nodded excitedly. He never expected Jaebum to take it seriously. Jaebum’s features softened into a gentle smile, looking at him straight into his eyes before focusing back to the road.

“It’s good then.”

Jinyoung stared at the guy driving behind the wheel, trying to figure him out with a mixed feelings. He was so thankful toward the other, yet at the same time he wondered why did he go to such extent for him, why did he always so gentle to him. Jaebum was like a book with not Hangul or even Latin but Russian alphabet text, so foreign he couldn’t understand a word. Or maybe he was just too stupid to understand.

“What? Am I too cool you can’t take your eyes away?”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You wish. By the way, your hair… it really is the same shade as the cherry blossom.”

It was true. In his eyes, his hair was the same gray as the cherry blossom. Jaebum laughed.

“So I’ve become a walking cherry blossom tree now? Okay then, I’ll become one that won’t wither even when the spring ends.”

A few minutes later, they entered the beach and Jaebum parked the car facing the opposite of the sea. They decided to just leave their shoes in the car, so as soon as Jinyoung stepped down from the car, he could feel the soft texture of the sand against his sinking feet. He already rolled his jeans to his knees so it wouldn’t get dirtied. He took a deep breath, inhaling the salty ocean scent he had been missing as much as possible. Dust of light scattered all over the sea blinking at him, seducing him to get closer. So he did.

He walked down to the shore, letting the cold water bit on his feet. The chilly sea breeze gently brushed his skin, playfully trying to blow his hat away yet fortunately not strong enough to do that. It was quiet and peaceful, not many people was there since the weather was still a little cold. Any other noise was drowned by the sound of racing waves, so familiar it untied every knots in his body, mind, and heart.

A clicking sound surprised him, and he turned around to find Jaebum, with a backpack hanging over his shoulders, holding a small, black camera, looking at him through the viewfinder. Even after that, the shutter sound still continued to be released every few seconds before Jinyoung grabbed the other’s arm and pulled it down.

“Stop it! I must’ve looked ugly.”

“Nope,” Jaebum smiled, “you look beautiful and adorable and magnificent background makes you look even more dazzling, that’s why I took it.”

Jinyoung turned back and walked ahead, hiding the face that must’ve became the same hue as Jaebum’s hair. The way Jaebum could say things like that easily with a straight face was something he could never comprehend. Whether he really meant those words or not was lost to him.

He could feel Jaebum’s presence beside him, following him as he trailed along the drenched sand across the shore. Repeated cycle of the crawling tide caressed their feet as it ebbed down before crawling up again was soothing. None of them say a word, just silently enjoying the humble beauty of the scenery, the tranquil air, and each other company. However, all of a sudden Jinyoung noticed that Jaebum wasn’t beside him anymore. Bewildered, he looked around and found Jaebum crouching a few steps behind him.

“What are you doing?”

Jaebum looked up, beaming in childish happiness that revealed rows of pearly white teeth and hid his eyes in a pair of crescent moon. He held out the thing he picked out from the ground, excitedly showed it to Jinyoung.

“Look, it’s so pretty, isn’t it?”

Jinyoung bent down, studying the seashell on the other’s palm, and hummed in agreement. It was indeed pretty. He watched as the bright-haired man put the seashell back on the sand and took a photo of it with his camera.

“You’re not keeping it?” Jinyoung asked, curious.

Jaebum shook his head and smiled. “There are many who need it more than me with their life hanging on the line.”

He looked so sweet and endearing that it broke Jinyoung’s face into a fond smile. He patted Jaebum’s head, his hand slid smoothly over the silky hair.

“Good boy, good boy,” he said, half teasing.

“What am I, a puppy?” Jaebum pouted, yet made no move to remove his hand. Jinyoung laughed.

“Let’s look for more,” he said, and was met with a dumbfounded face.

“You’re okay with that?” Jaebum asked, making him confused.

“What do you mean?”

Jaebum shrugged. “My friends always thought it’s boring, why bother searching for it when you’re just gonna leave it. They said it’s a waste of time, you don’t get anything from it.”

“Well, for me it’s not. It felt like treasure hunting. We get to see many kinds of beautiful gems of the sea, and we do keep them. We capture them in our memory at their prettiest, that way it’s beauty will remain forever. Isn’t that right?”

Jaebum didn’t reply for a minute, and then the corners of his mouth slowly curled up tenderly. “Right.”

Jinyoung grinned, satisfied, and held out his hand. “Okay then, let’s go!”

Jaebum accepted his hand and Jinyoung pulled him up. They started looking for seashells and more. They took picture of whatever caught their interest, crab’s footprint, strange looking marine plants, anything. They even got lucky enough to see sea turtle. They got lost in time and without realizing a few hours had passed already. However, when Jinyoung walked over the tide, a sharp pain suddenly shot across his leg from his sole. The leg lost its strength and he landed hard on the sand. He checked and found about a centimeter cut on the ball of his feet. It was small, yet it stung as hell.

“What happened?” Jaebum asked, his face distorted in worry. Jinyoung tried to smile.

“Nothing, just a small cut,” he said.

Jaebum frowned. “A small cut like that hurts the most when sea water gets in, you know.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he tried to get up, but the throbbing pain on his tailbone in addition to the sting on his sole made him fall back down. He grimaced, waiting for the pain to pass. But all of a sudden a wide back filled his vision, and both his arms pulled across the shoulders.

“Hold on tight,” Jaebum said before lifting up his thighs and his whole weight with him, and Jinyoung instinctively did just that so he wouldn’t fall. He was too dumbfounded to say anything and before he knew it, the other had already started walking.

“Hey, it’s fine, I can walk,” he said after he found his voice back.

“No it’s not, and you can’t. Just be quiet and enjoy the ride, okay?”

Jinyoung didn’t argue further, knowing Jaebum enough that he knew he wouldn’t be let down anytime soon. And if the other was to carry him all the way to the truck, he wasn’t about to make Jaebum waste his energy arguing. The least he could do was staying still so he wouldn’t add more unnecessary burden.

It was the first time he was physically this close to anyone. He could see beads of sweat streaming down the pale skin, he could smell the scent of his shampoo, the scent of his cologne. He could hear him breathing in and out, he could sense his warmth all over his body, he could feel every move he made. Almost all of his senses was filled with Jaebum, and along with every step the bright-haired man took, the stronger his heart pounded against his chest that it started to hurt, yet he didn’t know how to control it.

The truck was finally in sight, and before long Jaebum had already opened the tailgate and sat Jinyoung on the edge of the cargo bed. He squatted down and put down the bag dangling over his torso, opened the zipper and rummaged through it before taking out a bottle of water and a small box. He took Jinyoung’s wounded feet and washed it clean from sand. He opened the box, revealing a bottle of antiseptic liquid and bandages. He let a drip of the liquid fall on the cut, making Jinyoung winced from its sting. Jaebum gently blew on it, tickling his skin and soothing the pain at the same time. The man then covered the cut with a bandage, a cartoon one with faces of animals on it, bringing a chuckle out of Jinyoung’s throat. What an animal lover.

“It’s cute,” he said.

Jaebum didn’t reply, instead asking, “Are you hungry?”

Only then he realized that yes, he was hungry, and was reminded of the fact that he only had a chocolate bar that morning, so he nodded. Jaebum stood up and sat beside him, taking out three plastic containers and two pairs of chopsticks from his bag. Jinyoung’s eyes widen as the other opened the lids. Inside the containers were filled with kimbap, tuna pancake, and cubed radish kimchi.

“You prepared all these?” Jinyoung asked in amazement. Jaebum, however, didn’t answer. Usually at this moment he would’ve playfully showed off how capable he was. That was when Jinyoung noticed something was wrong.

“Hey, what’s happened?”

It took a moment for Jaebum to answer. “I’m just… upset,” he said, sighed.

“Upset? At me?” Jinyoung asked anxiously. Well, he did ruin the day with being careless and getting hurt.

“No,” Jaebum shook his head, “I’m upset at myself. I’m upset that I let my sight off of you. I’m upset that I let you hurt yourself. If I were beside you then, it wouldn’t have happened.”

Jinyoung was at loss of words at the confession. Why was Jaebum beating himself over a small cut caused by his own foolishness?

“Why are you blaming yourself? It’s not your fault, it’s me who was careless.”

“But I could’ve prevented it.”

Jinyoung smiled, touched by how much the other care about him. He put his hand over the Jaebum’s hair, it lightly.

“It’s only a small cut, alright? I’m fine. Let’s not ruin our date further with gloomy mood, okay?”

Jaebum slowly nodded, and a smiling hesitantly. Jinyoung sighed, knowing the bright-haired man wasn’t completely over it yet. He took a pair of chopsticks and started eating, complimenting the food in every bite earnestly to make Jaebum feel better and because the food was truly delicious. However, he was only met with subtle response, and he snapped his chopsticks in frustration.

“If you really feel guilty, sing me a song, and then we’re even.”

Jaebum knitted his eyebrow in surprise and confusion. “A song? What song?”

“Whatever you want.”

Jaebum was silent for a while, and when his mouth opened again, the sweet, honeyed voice was dripping in melodious notes.

When I first saw you, it was very different
I want to talk to you – 
Every time you smile, I find this out
Now every time I see you, my heart gets so big
Now all my time will be spent always laughing with you,
Longing for this night, wanting more out of a day
As I wait for you

What do I do? I’m still so bad at this
But my feelings have leaked and my heart grew bigger
And it keeps leaking

When you’re not here, it’s painful
I want to tell you how I feel
When I close my eyes, I picture you again
Now each time I breathe, you become so big
Now all my love will be spent always laughing with you,
Longing for this night, wanting more out of a day
As I wait for you

What do I do? I’m still so bad at this
But my feelings have leaked and my heart grew bigger
And it keeps leaking

Beautiful you, I tried to hold it in but
The night is getting dark and loneliness is coming

What do I do? I’m still so bad at this
But my feelings have leaked and my heart grew bigger
And it keeps leaking a little bit more
I tried to hold it in but
My heart has grown bigger and your heart has grown bigger

Jinyoung put his chopsticks down to give Jaebum a wholehearted applause when he finished. It was still as good performance as ever, although there was no accompaniment and he wasn’t dancing. They weren’t the reason it felt weird. It was his choice of a song. Usually, Jaebum would sang old western song, so this was the first time Jinyoung heard the other singing a korean song, and although it wasn’t really new, it wasn’t that old either.

“Why do you choose that song? Are you unable to forget your first love?” he asked, trying to say it in joking manner. However, he never expected the other to nod, and he felt his heart twinged a little bit.

“Who… are they?” he asked nervously, half curious half not wanting to hear. He didn’t knew what he should feel when Jaebum’s story started flowing out of the gap between his lips.

“Back when I was still a middle school student, on a rainy day that fell upon the last of cherry blossoms, I saw a boy crouched at the edge of the neighborhood lane, holding a transparent umbrella. He was so achingly beautiful, outshining the fallen cherry blossoms which scattered all around him, and on his umbrella. It was the opposite, they made him looked even more ethereal in my eyes. I was wondering what he was doing there, and started worrying that he might be sick. So I approach him, and when I got close, I saw a kitten curling at the box beside him. I asked if he threw away the cat and he shook his head, saying that the cat wasn’t him. He said he couldn’t bring it home since his sister was allergic to cats, so the least he could do was protecting the kitten from the rain. I said I would bring it home then, but he stopped me. Do you know what he said?” Jaebum chuckled at the memory.

“He said if I’m not going to keep it anyway, the cat better stayed outside. If the cat was given warmth only to be thrown away in the cold again, the cold would feel harsher. At the moment I realized why he didn’t touch the kitten at all. I assured him that I’ll keep it, telling him that my whole family was a cat lover. And just like that, I became a captive of his seraphic smile. Funny, isn’t it, that it only took a few minutes for me to fall for him, yet it took my whole life to forget him. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even try,” Jaebum laughed, and Jinyoung’s heart clenched at the slight bitterness in it. The longing for someone was something he couldn’t understand since he never felt it, but feeling it for years sounded painful, and he hated seeing Jaebum in pain.

“I thought it was just a fleeting feeling, so I let him go without a second thought. But I keep on remembering him, as clear as the day, wishing hopelessly that I could meet him again. As I was with another, I kept thinking about him. And when that hopeless wish come true, from the way I recognized him from the first glance, I knew I’m hopeless. I would only have my eyes on one person for the rest of my life. That was why I’ll never let him go again.”

Jinyoung felt something cracked inside him. Well, that was another reason why he shouldn’t fall in love with Jaebum. He was glad he was careful, not reading too much into his actions. He changed the topic and continued eating, glad the other wasn’t as gloomy as before. They kept chatting until the sky slowly grew darker and the sun prepared to lay down.

“By the way, you promised you’d tell me about our first time meeting each other. Now, tell me.”

Jaebum smiled. “I just did,” he said, making Jinyoung confused.

“When? You only told me the story about your first…” a realization suddenly hit him. Memories came back to him in a flash, and then he remembered. The kitten. The boy. Jaebum.

“Yeah. The kitten was Nora, and the boy was you,” Jaebum said, confirming it further. Jinyoung felt like his heart was about to break out of his ribcage. He avoid the other’s eyes, trying to hide his burning face, but Jaebum wouldn’t let him. He gently lifted Jinyoung’s face to meet his gaze, and his face slowly got closer until he could feel the warmth of his breath against his skin. Jaebum hovered over his lips for a few seconds, as if giving him a chance to push him away, before lightly touching them with his. Maybe Jinyoung should really have pushed him away, yet he only closed his eyes and let Jaebum deepened the kiss, basking in the taste of Jaebum’s soft lips against his. Small pulses of electricity flowed through his body and he felt lightheaded.

Maybe he made a mistake. He wasn’t careful enough. And maybe he was already doomed to fall for Jaebum since the day he gave him the bucket hat.

___________________________________________________

So finally... their first kiss. And wow, this chapter is so long! I didn't even realize it when I wrote it. I think I'm too immersed in writing their interaction. Please bear with it ;) Anyway, thanks for reading! What do you think? I hope you like it!

Song: Busker Busker - First Love