“Have you finished?” Jaebum asked.

“Not yet,” Jinyoung answered without taking his eyes off of his laptop screen, the fingers dancing on the keyboard never missed a beat.

Jaebum whined. “Why are you taking so long? I’m bored to death.”

“I still need to revise a whole chapter, Jaebum. Just wait, okay?”

“But you promised to continue reading for me before I go to the hospital!”

He had promised, indeed. Since it became hard for Jaebum to read without having a headache and his eyes could get worse if he strained them too much, they had fallen into the routine of Jinyoung reading books for him, one chapter a day. They were always collection of stories, since Jaebum was worried it would burden his eyes and throat too much, yet would die out of curiosity if it had been a continuous story. He was the type to finish a book in one sitting, after all. At the moment, they were about to get into the last story of a book from his favorite author. However, he really wanted to get this assignment finished before his part time job started so he could just fall asleep after that.

“Just wait a little bit, alright?”

For some moment there was no response from Jaebum, so Jinyoung thought he had given up. How wrong he was. Suddenly, a black head slipped through the gap between his arm and the laptop on his lap, and a sulky face blocking his view from the screen.

“Hey!” Jinyoung yelled, but the other just wouldn’t budge. He kept staring at him with his sparkly cat eyes and pouty lips until Jinyoung surrendered and moved his laptop to the table because who is he to deny them, really. Jaebum grinned contentedly and wrapped his arm around his waist, snuggling onto his torso. Jinyoung knew it wasn’t really the book that made him kept disturbing him. Jaebum just had this cat-like personality sometimes that craved for attention. He also read somewhere that cats loved to rub its head against its human, marking them with its scent and enjoying human’s warmth. Maybe he picked it from Nora, he wouldn’t know. Even when he slept he often sprawled with arms lifted up and his legs open, just like some photos of the cat he once showed Jinyoung. And Jinyoung couldn’t stop himself from petting his head fondly, complying to his every whim. After all, people was slave to their pet, right?

“You’re gonna get your cast opened today, right? Are you happy?”

“Of course, I’m so excited. Finally we can eat decent food that’s not salty or burned. I think my tongue is getting weird day by day.”

Jaebum yelped when Jinyoung flicked his forehead. “Be grateful you can eat! I don’t even cook for my family, yet I cook for you. If anything, you should feel honored.”

“I do feel grateful,” Jaebum said, taking his hand and planted his lips on its palm. “Thanks for being here for me, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung brought their hands up to his lips which curled up into a smile against the back of Jaebum’s hand. “Who wouldn’t when they’re being loved as much as you love me? They must be crazy.”

“And you love me too much,” Jaebum smirked teasingly, earning a pinch on his straight nose.

“Enough, okay? Now where’s the book? The sooner we finished it the faster I can continue doing my assignment.”

Jaebum grumbled, yet still giving him the book. He smiled at the childish act. He opened the book, straight to the page where he put the bookmark yesterday, and started reading.

“She sometimes had trouble remembering her own name. Usually this happened when someone unexpectedly asked what it was. She’d be at a boutique, getting the sleeves of a dress altered, and the saleswoman would say, ‘Your name, Ma’am?,’ and her mind would go blank. The only way she could remember it was…”

--

Jinyoung walked home with a huge smile hanging on his face, barely holding back from swinging his hand and ruining the cake he was holding. After work, he had stopped by the bakery a few shops from the restaurant and bought a blueberry cheesecake. Just a really small, round one, enough for two people. He hummed cheerfully, couldn’t wait to get home quickly.

His mouth stretched wider as he found Jaebum leaning back on the door of their apartment, beaming a smile when he noticed him. He walked straight into the waiting arms, wrapping his own around the other, feeling his body melted as he was engulfed by Jaebum’s warm temperature after fighting against the harsh autumn wind outside.

“It’s finally how it should be. Has been way too long that I forgot how nicely you fit here, cocooned by my body,” Jaebum chuckled.

Jaebum was right. It felt like he finally where he was belong. He sighed when a pair of warm, soft lips pressed multiple times against the bare skin of his neck. It felt so nice that he barely caught his whine before it left his mouth when Jaebum released him a minute later. However, it seemed like his disappointment was still shown clearly on his face as Jaebum smirked, amused.

“I don’t mind giving a show all night to everyone passing by this corridor, but it might be inappropriate to the kids. Well, if you don’t mind all the complaint you would be getting tomorrow, let’s continue.”

Jinyoung’s head was about to explode from embarrassment as he was reminded to the fact that they were outside. He quickly opened the door and stomped inside, closing the door on Jaebum’s face. He could hear him laughing from behind the door and he wished he could dig a hole somewhere and bury himself. He walked as fast as possible to his room when he heard the front door clicked open, but when he was about to grab the knob, he was turned around and backed up to the door. His gasp was blocked by a mouth pressed against his own.

“I’m mad at you, you know?” Jinyoung said as soon as his attacker pulled away, pouting. Jaebum smiled and kissed his nose.

“That’s why I’m so sorry right now.”

“It seems you like being sorry, because your face says you really enjoy this whole situation.”

Jaebum shrugged. “I don’t know about being sorry, but I definitely enjoy how cute you react.”

It earned him a stamp on his feet, and he yelped.

“Hey! Although my cast has already been removed, I’m still a patient!”

“Be more like a patient, then! Ugh, now I regret buying this cake for you.”

Jaebum’s eyes widen, just noticing the box of cake hanging on his hand. “You bought a cake for me?”

“Yeah, I thought we can celebrate the removal of your arm cast, but I change my mind. I’ll just eat this alone.”

“Whoa, stop, stop,” Jaebum said, stealing the cake away from his hand. “You bought this for me, so this is mine.”

“Hey…”

“And since I’m kind,” Jaebum cut him off, leaving a peck on his lips before dragging him to the couch, “I’ll share it with you.”

Jinyoung could only rolled his eyes and gave up. How could he stay mad when he was exposed to that adorable smile? And it wasn’t helping that there was something different in his smile that left him wondering, all the while pretending he didn’t notice it.

--

Jinyoung couldn’t seem to slip into slumber that night, no matter how hard he clenched his eyes shut. Somehow, his ears were deaf to the silent lullaby sung by darkness. He tossed and his bed, submerged his head under the blanket only to emerge again. He couldn’t forget the way Jaebum smile, and it made him worried.

Jaebum was pretty simple. After he stopped holding himself back from his feelings toward the man, he realized that Jaebum was actually pretty easy to be figured out. How happy he was, how sincere his smile was, it could be seen by how much his upper teeth was shown when he did it. His gums would even be revealed when he was truly ecstatic. And the smile before told Jinyoung that he was only trying to look like he was happy in front of him. He must be hiding something from him, yet he didn’t know what it was.

Suddenly a creaking sound from a door being opened somewhere sliced through the stillness of the night. He kept listening as quiet footsteps passed across his room. He got up when he heard the door to his balcony slid open, finally sure that the owner of the footsteps wasn’t just in a short journey to the bathroom. Jinyoung softly open the door, finding the familiar back view sitting outside the opened glass door. He pulled the blanket off of his bed and walked to the balcony.

“You’ll catch a cold like that,” Jinyoung said, making the sitting man jumped in surprise. A dazed look followed him as he crouched down and put the blanket around Jaebum. It softened into a smile when he tugged the hood of his hoodie up, pulling the string and tying it below his chin. He would look so adorable if not for the creases of sadness mapped on his face.

“Did I wake you up? Sorry,” he said.

Jinyoung smiled. “Now, that’s what you call a sorry face, but you don’t need it. I wasn’t asleep.”

“Can’t sleep?”

Jinyoung nodded. “What about you?”

“Me too.”

Jinyoung nodded again. He patted the egg-shaped head. “I figure you might want to be alone, so I’ll go inside for now. Don’t hesitate to call me over if you need me, yeah?”

Jinyoung stood up and about to leave when a hand on his wrist stopped him. Jinyoung stared down at the man, but he didn’t meet his eyes. So he bent down again, taking the hand in his.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“I do, but…,” Jaebum hesitated, “you must be tired after doing your assignment and working all day, you also have first period tomorrow. You need to rest.”

Jinyoung smiled and kissed him softly. “Silly, why would you worry about something like that? Besides…”

Jinyoung turned around and fitted himself in the space between Jaebum’s legs, snuggling back to his chest. “I can’t sleep anyway, so I’d rather stay with you.”

Jaebum smiled back, wrapping the blanket around both of them before leaving his arms circling his torso. He kissed his jaw and asked, “Why can’t you sleep?”

“You keep my mind busy.”

“Me?” Jaebum laughed, “What are you thinking about that’s connected to me in the middle of the night? Is it something dirty? You can just come to my room and do it instead of just thinking about it, you know.”

Jinyoung elbowed his ribs, yet still failed to stop his laugh. “What about you? Why can’t you sleep?”

Jaebum slotted his chin on the crook of Jinyoung’s neck, exhaling deeply. “When the night’s at its deepest, the wolves are out of their nest and roam free in the darkness, hunting for their prey. The muteness of their howls are deafening, making your skin crawl and your heart uneasy. They feed on your fear, so they rip your biggest one out in the open with their claws, tear away any other thoughts into shreds with their fangs, and let you be consumed by dread so they can eat plenty. And I just happen to be one of their prey tonight.”

“And what is it that you’re so scared about?”

Jaebum looked up at the dark sky, smiling faintly. The way the moonlight shaped his side profile seemed so, so sad Jinyoung’s heart broke. “Do you know? The moment sun descends from its throne, colors disperse. Moon arises in its place, but moon's paintbrush has only a palette of shadows: creamy gray, inky black, illusive indigo. Indigo is a color, of course, lonelier than every color out there. It’s included as one of the color of the rainbow, yet many people denies its identity just because it’s neither primary nor secondary color. It doesn’t know why it’s being put there, never be sure where it belongs to. Sad isn’t it?”

Jinyoung frowned. “You’re dodging my question, Jaebum.”

Jaebum chuckled. “I’m not. I might become that indigo, Jinyoung, that’s what I’m so scared of.”

“What do you mean?”

“The doctor said my eyes doesn’t show any improvement, so they gonna have to change the therapy method. If all methods fail, I have to get a surgery. However, even after the surgery, it doesn’t guarantee that my eyes would be normal again,” Jaebum’s voice started to waver as he sank his face on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “I’m so scared. What if I couldn’t paint and dance anymore? What kind of painter doesn’t paint? What kind of dancer doesn’t dance? It feels like a monkey had stolen my identity, just like the story you read to me today. I would lost everything that made me who I am, and be denied the places where I belong. I would be no one.”

Jinyoung felt his heart shattered. He reached back to the other’s hair softly. “Why are you no one? You’re Im Jaebum, your parents’ son, and the person I love. You’re a great artist, and the moon of Hongdae stage. Your disorder won’t change any of those facts, and you will paint and dance again. Doctors always say the worst possibility first so they won’t be held accountable when the result isn’t good. But they’re professionals, they will find a way to cure you. If not this doctor, then we can look for others. Don’t worry, okay? Everything will be fine. It’s only the beginning, Jaebum. It might take quite some time, but I’m sure you’ll be able to paint and dance again. There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.”

Jinyoung shifted a little to cup Jaebum’s face in his hands, staring at the dark eyes, glistened under the moonlight. He wiped the trails of tears away from his cheeks. “You have nothing to be scared of, okay? And if you ever feel it, don’t keep it by yourself. Tell me, just like this, before it builds up and swallows you. I’ll always be with you and I want to be your support, so you can tell me anything, okay?”

Jaebum nodded. “Okay.”

“Promise to tell me everything?”

“Promise.”

“Then kiss me.”

Jaebum leaned in, and the next second his lips caressed Jinyoung’s tenderly, wet, slightly salty from tears, sealing the promise. Jinyoung parted his lips and melted as the kiss deepened, breaths mingling together. They savored each other’s flavor in a slow pace, relishing in how they tasted, mixing together. It sent a bittersweet wave through his being, and he wished he could soothe away all of Jaebum’s fear and sadness. He pulled away, only to press a kiss against his forehead, his eyelid, his cheek, his nose, his other eyelid, his other cheek, his jaw, his chin, and at last his lips again. And then he smiled, reclining to his chest again and leaned his head back to his shoulder.

“It feels so nice. It’s warmer here than inside my room, even though it’s outside. It’s so comfortable I might fall asleep.”

Jaebum’s chest softly shook from his laughter. “Let’s stay like this a little longer. You can sleep if you want.”

Despite what he said, he was the one who fell asleep with his head resting on Jinyoung’s shoulder fifteen minutes later. Only after that he let his tears dripped on his cheek, barely holding back his noise as it could wake Jaebum up. He felt helpless, unable to do anything for the other.

He said he was sure everything would be fine, and he wanted so bad to believe it would. However, no one knew of what the future would bring. He shouldn’t have promised him about something he didn’t have any control of, yet he couldn’t bear to see the sadness in his eyes. So he prayed to all the Gods he knew of until the sun emerged from the horizon, claiming back its throne and declaring the start of a new day.

P. S. :

An update, finally! Sorry it took quite long. I'm quite stuck because it's a difficult color, so it's kind of hard to connect it to the story. By the way, I just watched the replay of Got7's LieV yesterday and there's so much treats for JJP shippers I squealed throughout the whole video! Why are they so sweet with each other I can't >///< It's sad that Jackson can't make it though, wish him well soon TT

Anyway, the story Jinyoung read in this chapter was titled "A Shinagawa Monkey" from Haruki Murakami's book "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman". It tells the story about a woman named Mizuki Ando, who suddenly has trouble remembering her name only to find out that her name has been stolen by a monkey living in the sewer of Shinagawa. I can still remember when I read this years ago in my room, how this story sent shivers down my spine, and I really felt like a monkey would suddenly show up behind me. It's actually not scary, but somehow my skin crawled. For me it's the best and most memorable story from the book. If you haven't read it yet, you should check it out if you want ^^ If you don't want to read the book, you can find the chapter here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2006/02/13/a-shinagawa-monkey

At last, what do you think about this chapter? Do you like it? I really hope you do! Thanks for reading :))