The winter had passed and the spring has come
We have withered and our hearts are bruised from longing
 

(I’m singing my blues)
Used to the blue tears, blue sorrow
(I’m singing my blues)
The love that I have sent away with the floating clouds oh oh

Under the same sky, at different places
Because you and I are dangerous
I am leaving you, one letter difference from ‘nim’
It’s cowardly but I’m hiding because I’m not good enough
Cruel breakup is like the end of the road of love
No words can comfort me
Perhaps my lifetime’s last melodrama
Now its final curtain is coming down

I was born and I met you and I have loved you to death
My cold heart that has been dyed blue
Even with my eyes closed, I can’t feel you

The winter had passed… *click*

“Hey, why do you turn it off?” Wonpil yelled at Jinyoung. They were at Wonpil’s room, the owner on the desk studying for his upcoming exam and Jinyoung on the bed reading a novel he didn’t move a page from since hours ago. His mind was too occupied to get absorbed into the story like he had always been before.

“I hate it. It feels like they’re mocking me.”

That was right. Park Jinyoung was a coward. That day, after the doctor diagnosed Jaebum with a fractured arm and moderate traumatic brain injury, he spent hours of agonizing wait in front of the surgery room. He clenched his hands as hard as his prayer for Jaebum, until the nails that dug into his skin managed to penetrate it and dark blood trickled down to join Jaebum’s own that had dried. Fortunately, his prayer was answered. The surgery was successful and soon enough the injured man passed his critical phase.

After he made sure that Jaebum would live, without even waiting for the patient to regain his consciousness he left him in Jackson’s care, whom he had called before the surgery, and went home. He knew he had lost the right to stay with him after what he did. He packed his things, at least every important things he could bring with him like clothes and books. He knew Jaebum’s parent would come, and he needed to be gone before then. He didn’t have the guts to face them, looking at their resentment when they knew he was the reason their precious son almost died. He couldn’t handle that. Since then, he had been occupying the long sofa at Wonpil’s apartment.

“Why don’t you just go back?” Wonpil asked, sighing. He had already known everything, Jinyoung told him right away after his sudden appearance with his belongings. Being a soft hearted man he was, he cried together with Jinyoung while hugging him tightly that day. Jinyoung finally closed the book in his hands, giving up on trying to read. He stared at the white ceiling over him.

“No. This incident must’ve opened his eyes that I’m not that angel he had imagined of his first love, I’m just a horrible monster. He must’ve hated me now. He would never forgive me, and even if he does, I don’t deserve it. I don’t have the right to see him anymore.”

“Or maybe you should’ve stay with him and do whatever you can to pay for your mistake until you deserve it. I know you’re just scared, Jinyoung. Scared of him pushing you away. But what if you’re wrong? It’s not that easy to completely turn love into hate, you know.”

“He doesn’t even actually love me, Wonpil,” Jinyoung sighed. Everytime he admitted that hammered a new nail on his heart and it hurt.

“Again, it’s just your assumption. What if he sincerely loves the you now? You’re just hurting both Jaebum and yourself for nothing.”

Jinyoung was more than relieved to escape from this topic when his phone was ringing right at that moment. He took his phone and Jackson’s face filled the screen. He swiped the green button and brought the phone over his ear.

“Hello?”

“Jaebum is missing, Jinyoung.” That information snapped him up from the bed, surprising Wonpil.

“What do you mean? He just got out from the hospital two days ago, right? Maybe he feel bored from being confined inside for long and go for a walk.”

“He’s not in the condition to do that, Jinyoung, physically and mentally.”

“What do you mean?”

“He injured his head, right? It’s affecting his eyes. The doctor said it’s going to be hard for him for dancing or doing detailed tasks like reading or painting. Even after going through treatments, his eyes might not going to be able to go back like how they were before. You know how important they are for him. He also lost some of his memories. He actually doesn’t remember how he got injured, Jinyoung. He remembers me and Mark but forgets our name. He forgets which door his apartment is. I’m afraid something might happen to him, or worse, he does something foolish.”

Jinyoung’s heart stopped. He felt tears welling up on his eyes. What had he done to Jaebum? How could he make Jaebum suffer that much? He couldn’t even imagine how devastated Jaebum was.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Jackson? Why only now…”

“He asked me. I don’t want to hurt him, so I lied to him that you just go back to your hometown, that’s why you’re not here. He told me not to tell you because you would be worried. And I didn’t want you to blame yourself more. I’m still hoping you would come to see him, that’s why. If you knew, your guilt would get bigger and you would run away even more. I don’t want that.”

Jinyoung choked up on his tears. How could Jaebum still care for him after everything he had done? He really despised himself. Jaebum deserved much better that this.

“Calm down, Jinyoung, you could grief over this after we find Jaebum. Me and the others have searched over every place we know he frequents with no result. Do you know some place he might go to? Maybe somewhere you went to just the two of you?”

He snuffled, trying to clear his mind to think. The place he might go to… the place they went together…

He might know where he was.

--

By the time Jinyoung arrived, it was already 5 pm. The road he passed through was no longer surrounded by cherry blossom, and the only smell that filled his nose as he stepped out of the taxi was the salty scent of the ocean. He didn’t even care his shoes was dirtied by the sand, he only focused on searching for Jaebum. He breathed a sigh of relief when he finally the familiar figure sprawled on the sand. However, it turned to worry when the figure stayed unmoved even when the tide reached past his knee, the fabric of his jeans soaked wet. How long had he stayed like this? Was he alright? What if he catch a cold? Did he lose consciousness again? Many different thought filled his head as he ran up to Jaebum and knelt beside him.

Jaebum’s eyes was closed, dark circles surrounding them. The hair was cut quite short that the only color left was its original color, black threads swayed by the wind. His arm was encased in a cast, a sling connected it to his neck. The tears stung inside Jinyoung’s eyes as he lightly run his fingers on the sunken cheek, indicating how much weight Jaebum had lost in just a little more than a week. Why did Jaebum has to be the one who paid and suffered for his mistake? Why did they had to meet each other? If they didn’t meet this wouldn’t have happened. Jaebum deserved much more than a spineless monster who can only hurt the person he loved.

Suddenly another hand grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away. The pair of eyes that revealed themselves no longer had the spark and warmth inside them as they stared at him, like a knife slicing through his heart.

“Why are you here?”

The voice that cut through the air was so cold, Jinyoung’s skin crawled from the chill. Jaebum had never talk to him like that before, and it was scary.

“I-I… I’m looking for you...”

“Why?”

“You haven’t completely recovered yet, Jaebum… everyone’s worried. Let’s go home.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

Jaebum sat up without releasing either his hand or his gaze. “Are you also worried about me?”

Jinyoung knitted his eyebrows, confused. “Of course I am, I wouldn’t be here if I’m not.”

“Why would you worried over someone you hate?”

Jinyoung’s heart shrunk, his breath halted. He tried to pull his hand, but Jaebum’s tightened grip wouldn’t allow him.

“It’s a lie that you went back to your hometown, isn’t it? I remember everything now. You hate me so much that you didn’t even come to see me after you pushed me away, so why would you get worried now?”

His lungs failed to form any words, choked by the lump in his throat, and he started shaking from the weight of hurt in Jaebum’s words. Jaebum finally released his hand, yet it couldn’t move an inch from where Jaebum left it hanging on the air. Jaebum stood up and brushed the sand off of his jeans with his healthy hand.

“Jackson sends you here, right? No need to burden yourself with someone you hate. Just leave me alone.”

Jinyoung sat there frozen, gasping for words he couldn’t form. Jaebum, however, unwilling to hear more of him and started to walk away. Jinyoung went after him and caught his wrist.

“T-that’s not what I mean,” Jinyoung stammered, “It’s not that I hate you, Jaebum, I’m just… I’m just…”

“What?” Jaebum snapped at him, jerking his hand off of Jinyoung’s grip. “Why didn’t you come to see me even once if you didn’t hate me?”

“I know… I know that you detest me, but please… let’s go home, okay? You’re not well enough to wander around like this, Jaebum,” Jinyoung pleaded, stubbornly held the other’s hand again. Jaebum’s laugh was dripping with sarcasm that was like venom to Jinyoung’s heart.

“Me? Detest you? Are you sure it’s not the other way around? Fine, you’re right. I detest you, loathe you, so much. Do you know why?”

Jinyoung looked down, letting go of Jaebum’s hand. “Because… because I took your most precious things away… I took painting and dancing away from you when I knew it meant the world to you...”

“You did took them away from me, but it’s the other thing you stole from me that made me hurt the most.”

Jinyoung looked up, his eyes was locked to the heart-wrenching expression painted on the other’s face as he stared faraway into the horizon.

“I know you can’t see it, but this world is filled with blue colors. The sea, the sky, the faraway mountain, they’re all blue. You’ll always see blue wherever you go, unless you’re confined in a closed room. Blue is the most essential color in people’s life. And now the blue in my world was bleeding red along with the sun that fall down, until it disappears beneath the earth, leaving my world in the dark night. Even the night sky should’ve been blue, but the world I’m in right now is pitch black. It’s bleak, void of any light, because there’s no moon up there. Because you’ve left me.”

“When I knew I might not be able to paint or dance like I used to, my world shattered. I’m at my lowest, barely keep myself from crumbling, holding onto the only precious thing left for me, my love for you. And now I realized that the only person I’ve ever loved all my life has also left me, what’s there for me to keep going on? Tell me, Jinyoung.”

The tears that had been building up on Jinyoung’s eyes finally rained down, he averted his eyes down as his heart was crushed by remorse and sorrow. Why did he had to be such a coward? Why was he so goddamn selfish, only thought about himself? “I-I’m sorry, Jaebum… I’m so sorry…”

“Saying sorry won’t change anything, you know that.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Jinyoung bursted up in frustration. “I would gladly give up my life if it could make a difference, but it couldn’t!”

“Then stay.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened and he looked up to find Jaebum’s eyes staring at him with a glint of hope and fear.

“If you feel guilty, just stay with me. Act like you care about me, pretend that you love me. I don’t care even if it’s a lie. I just want you, only you.”

For a few moment Jinyoung was frozen, at loss of words, didn’t know what he should do. Jaebum waited for a while before he sighed, hurt deeply reflected in his eyes.

“If you can’t, then forget it. Go.”

Jinyoung watched as the wide back went further and further away. He knew he should’ve said no. Jinyoung knew he should’ve let Jaebum go to find someone way better than him. Jinyoung knew he didn’t deserve to stay with Jaebum. However, he couldn’t bear to break Jaebum heart anymore, he had suffered so much. And if he thought he need Jinyoung to feel better right then, he would give all of him. Even if someday Jaebum might leave him when he didn’t need him anymore, when he realized he wasn’t worth it and he was broken into tiny pieces it could never be put together again, it was alright because he deserved it. He ran up to Jaebum and slipped his arms around the other’s waist, careful of the broken arm. He rested his head on the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar scent he had missed.

“I’ll stay.”

He felt his hand being pulled away, detached from his other hand as Jaebum turned around to face him.

“Really?” Jaebum asked, “You’re going to stay with me? Do you really mean it?”

Jinyoung nodded. Jaebum took a step closer and sunk his face on his shoulder. He felt his clothes slowly getting damp, and Jaebum’s next words was a little bit muffled and hoarse.

“Don’t ever leave me again.”

Jinyoung raised his hand, gently the trembling back.

“I won’t,” he said, “I’ll stay with you forever.”

Unless you leave me before forever ends.

--

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said, “he’s home, safe and sound. He’s sleeping right now. I guess the trip truly exhausts his still weak body. The beach is pretty far anyway.”

“And he must be pretty exhausted mentally too, drained from everything that happened to him lately,” Jackson said from the other end of the phone. “Thank God you managed to find him. So, what are you going to do? Are you going to stay there or go back to Wonpil’s?”

Jinyoung scratch the back of his neck with his free hand. “I can’t leave him alone like this, he seems unstable right now. And I’ve promised him to stay. I’m going to take my things from Wonpil’s place tomorrow.”

“That’s good, then, I feel relieved now. I’m also worried if he’s left alone.” Jinyoung heard a yawn through the speaker. “Guess I’ll also sleep then. Now that I know he’s safe, suddenly I feel so tired.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “Of course, you’ve been going around searching for him all day. Go, rest well. Good night.”

“Good night.”

They ended the call, and Jinyoung also yawned. Maybe he should get a rest as well. He poured a water for himself in the kitchen, then made his way to his room. However, he was stopped by the noise of sniveling sound when he passed Jaebum’s room. Worried, he opened the door, revealing the owner of the room on the bed. He was hugging his knees, his lowered face hidden, his body shaking.

“Jaebum? What happened?” Jinyoung ran up to Jaebum. The curled up man looked up, his eyes were filled with tears. He released his knees to put his arm around Jinyoung’s waist, burying his face on his torso. Jinyoung caressed his hair softly, concerned.

“Talk to me, Jaebum, what’s wrong?”

Jaebum only sobbed silently. Jinyoung chose to wait until the other calmed down and willing to talk to him. They stayed in that position for a while until a trembling voice sliced through the silence.

“I-I thought you’re gone… I thought you leave me alone again… I-I’m so scared, Jinyoung, I’m so scared…”

Since he first met Jaebum, that was the first time he saw the other so vulnerable, and it made his heart clench. It was all because of him. He was the one who made Jaebum suffer like that. He would give anything to take his place. He cradled him, afraid if he held him too tight he would break.

“It’s okay, Jaebum, I’m here. I’ve promised you, right? I would never leave you again.”

“I-I thought you lied to me and left while I was sleeping…”

“Of course not,” Jinyoung pulled him off and sat beside him. He caressed the reddened cheek, wiping the trails of tears away. “I won’t go anywhere.”

“You’ve already done it once. How can I be sure you won’t do it again?”

Jinyoung’s heart broke at the sight of once full of confidence man. He swallowed his tears as he ripped the hem of the outer shirt he was wearing. He took Jaebum’s healthy hand and used the soft cloth to tie the wrist together with his, loose enough so they could still move their hands yet tight enough that their hands couldn’t slip free from the bond. He made multiple knots with the help of his teeth so that it would be hard to untie. He brought the tied up wrists up, and Jaebum’s eyes followed in a daze. He clasped his fingers with the other’s.

“Now you don’t have to worry about me leaving without you knowing. I can’t even break free without waking you up.”

Tears started falling from Jaebum’s eyes again as he brought their hands close to his heart. “Thank you,” he said, “and I’m sorry. I must’ve annoyed you, right? I don’t even know why I’m being like this. I’m just so, so scared.”

Jinyoung used the thumb of his free hand to wipe the tears again. “That’s not true, you don’t annoy me at all. Now, let’s sleep, okay? You must’ve been tired. Don’t worry about anything, just rest comfortably. I won’t go anywhere. Everything would be alright.”

Jaebum nodded, and he scooted over to give Jinyoung space on the bed to lie on. Two young adults trying to fit themselves on a small single bed was obviously too cramped. They could only lie on their sides, and with their hand tied up together they had to face each other, but it wasn’t unpleasant at all. Jinyoung covered both their body with a blanket. His gaze was being held by the depth of the other’s eyes, glazed by the residue of his tears. He smiled reassuringly, patting Jaebum’s back lightly.

“Hey,” Jaebum suddenly called out.

“Hmm?”

“Sing for me.”

Jinyoung blinked his eyes, dumbfounded by the request. “How can I sing in front of a real singer like you? It’s so embarrassing. No, never gonna happen.”

That was what he said, but how could he refuse those hopeful shiny eyes and a soft ‘please’ coming from those pale lips? He sighed, giving up as he started singing.

It was a hard day wasn’t it
It hurts my heart just looking at you
There’s not much I can do for you except
Being next to you, I’m sorry

You’re so beautiful when you smile
So whenever I see you’ve lost your smile
I want to give it back to you
Whatever it takes

I’d rather cry instead of letting you cry
I want to be hurt rather than letting you be hurt
I don’t want you to get hurt ever again

Loving someone
More than I can take
It’s so strange
When you love someone

I want to be helpful even just a little bit
I want to be your resting place
If you think of me on a busy day
I’ll do my best to comfort you

You’re such a tender-hearted person
So whenever I see you hurting silently
I want to make you smile again
Whatever it takes

I’d rather cry instead of letting you cry
I want to be hurt rather than letting you be hurt
I don’t want you to get hurt ever again

Loving someone
More than I can take
It’s so strange
When you love someone

Jinyoung watched as the matted wet eyelashes fluttered down halfway through the song, and he stopped singing when he heard the other’s evened breath. His eyes never left the other, and when the weight on his eyelids getting heavier and heavier until his sight was completely veiled, the last thing he saw was Jaebum’s peaceful sleeping face.

P. S.:

So... throwing a new chapter in celebration of GOT7's comeback >w<

Personally I like You Are, Teenager, and One and Only You better, but it's still a good song. The MV though! JB's still as hot as ever >w< Mark being hot is nothing new, but he's especially hot in this MV I almost got a nosebleed. That ending though XD Like If You Do, he gave so much impact at the end, just glancing at the camera and my heart stopped. He always gives the best closure :D It seems like JYP is going all out to support GOT7 this time around, appearing on many variety shows together like that, and I'm so glad! Their appearance on Knowing Brothers was so hilarious lol. Can't wait for their episodes of Hyena on the Keyboard :))

Okay, enough with my ramblings. What do you think of this chapter? I hope you like it ! Thanks for reading :D

1st song is Big Bang - Blue
2nd song is Day6 - When You Love Someone