TW: very mild violence; homophobia towards the end of the chapter.

-----

The cool night air dances through their hair. A couple passes by and gives them an odd stare. Considering the state they’re in, Moonbyul doesn’t blame them. There’s ice cream dripping all over their hands and Solar is, for some reason, crying. It pains Moonbyul to see her like this, she feels it strongly in her heart, but she doesn’t know why her words are causing the girl to shed so many tears. Moonbyul laid herself bare; words of truth flowed from ; she gave Yongsun an answer she hoped was good enough for the question she had asked. But why did her answer affect her so much? Did it matter if Moonbyul believed in soulmates or not?

The taller reaches over to wipe the tears falling down Yongsun’s face.

“Why are you crying?” She says gently. “It hurts to see your pretty face like this.”

Yongsun’s soft sobs break the atmosphere and it strikes Moonbyul right in the heart. Moonbyul wraps her empty arm around the shoulders of the shorter, leaning her forehead against the side of the girl’s head. She speaks close to her ear and her breath causes the other to shiver.

“Ah, Yongsun-ah. You must believe in soulmates, huh?” It hurts Moonbyul as she says it, to even think of it. Just the thought of Solar having a soulmate and wanting to eventually find them makes her heart sink; The thought of knowing that she isn’t truly hers. But she can't tell her that. They're friends, and right now Solar needs reassurance. Though despite that, Byul can't help but feel protective over Yongsun. She doesn't want to share her. Yongsun is pretty much all she's got. (Or all she looks forward to, anyway.) So she doesn’t want to give her up to anyone, not even if the girl is destined to another person, a soulmate.

She almost hates herself for hoping Yongsun never finds her match.

Almost.

She feels Solar nod against her. “Yes… I do,” she says, then sniffles. “But it’s hard.” She chokes out.

“Yeah,” Moonbyul shrugs, not sure she’ll really understand, “I’m sure you’ll find them someday.” The words taste bitter coming out of , but she says it anyways hoping Solar finds comfort in them. Yongsun doesn’t speak, just sobs louder.

“Hey, hey.” Moonbyul coos, the girl’s hair. “It’s okay. Let me tell you something that might make you laugh.”

Solar doesn’t reply, just waits patiently for Moonbyul to go on. After hearing Solar sniffle a few times, Moonbyul speaks.

“A couple weeks ago, I woke up and found writing on my body.”

At that, Solar’s head shifts, but doesn’t rise. It’s evident that she’s waiting for Moonbyul to continue, so she does.

“You remember the text on my arm, right?” She questions the girl but gives her no room to answer, “Nevermind, don’t answer that. I know you saw it that day in the library because you kept staring at it.” Moonbyul laughs against the girl, shaking her head, remembering how angry she felt then. “I was so upset, I thought my friends Wheein and Hwasa had something to do with it... They always do stuff like that. But turns out it was just my dumb soulmate. I mean, who does that? Writes that they’re an idiot on themselves? And in permanent marker???”

She feels the girl go rigid in her arms. It takes a moment, but Solar finally talks, her words sounding somewhat strained. “Well… that must’ve … really bad…”

“Yeah, it did, and it’s stupid. Funny though, right?” Solar doesn’t make any movement or open to reply. “Well, the more I look back at it, I think it kind of is.” Byul grins then leaves Solar’s side to walk towards a trashcan by the side of the road. She dumps her cone in the bin and watches Solar follow her actions. The dessert isn’t good anymore when it’s soggy. It’s not even froyo at this point anymore. It's more like an ice cream soup.

“Sure, I suppose.” Solar states in a leveled tone and Moonbyul sighs defeatedly while taking out a wad of napkins from her back pocket. (She grabbed a handful before they left the ice cream shop, thank god.) She hands half of the thin stack to Solar and they wipe the melted froyo off their fingers. It’s still unpleasantly sticky.

“Yongsun-ah, I’m sorry. I know I’m not that good at comforting. I wish I could do more to help.”

Byul reaches up to wipe remaining tears and snot from Solar’s face with one of the clean leftover napkins and finds the girl still so cute even with boogers dripping down her nose. It touches Moonbyul’s heart that Yongsun’s even letting her do this, to begin with. She remembers the girl told her she hated when people violated her personal space. Maybe Byul was special.

“It’s okay Byulie… You do enough. It’s just something personal that I have to deal with on my own.” Yongsun says quietly then glances up at Moonbyul after she finishes wiping her face. “I appreciate your kindness and the fact that you care. That already by itself means a lot to me.”

Yongsun, there is so much more I would do for you, Moonbyul wants to say, but doesn't.

It looks like they’re about to have another intimate stare down with the way their eyes keep swimming around each other’s orbs when Solar’s phone suddenly chimes. Both of them break eye contact and follow the sound towards Yongsun’s pocket as soon as they hear it. Yongsun takes it out and squints when she's met with the overly bright screen. Her eyebrows grow closer together in a furrow as she reads the text.

“Who is it?” It’s none of Moonbyul’s business to know, she doesn’t know why she asks, but Yongsun tells her anyway.

“My mother.” She says, but she doesn’t sound happy about it. If anything, she sounds sort of distressed, which is a setback to Moonbyul since Yongsun's already been having a terrible night ever since their talk about soulmates.

“Is she wishing you a happy birthday?” There’s a minute pause as Moonbyul watches the other girl type out a response. She’s biting her lip so hard, it looks like she might chew through the flesh.

“Something of the sort.” She breathes exasperatedly. “She wants me to come home.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Yongsun looks up at Byul. Her face seemingly troubled. She apologizes softly. “I’m sorry Byul. We’ll have to cut our date a little short.”

“It’s okay.” And although Byul’s sad, she does mean it. She masks her disappointment well, but that’s also due to the fact that she can’t be too sad since Yongsun called their outing a “date”. It makes her feel all tingly inside, and she wants to smile but finds the timing highly inappropriate. “We should get back to the car now.” She says, trying to draw away from her obviousness.

“Yeah...” Solar agrees quietly. Byul doesn’t miss the uneasiness in her voice but doesn’t push past what Yongsun is willing to share. "Let's go."

-----

Their steps match in tandem, left foot right foot left, almost synchronized. The night is becoming colder now, with the sky a shade of blue so dark it almost looks black. Maybe if she walks faster, heat will generate through her body, Solar thinks. So she speeds her steps and isn’t surprised that Moonbyul is quick enough to change pace to keep up.

“Why are we brisk walking?” Byul asks, somewhat out of breath, but she manages.

“I’m cold.” Yongsun says through chapped lips and chattering teeth. Her arms fold closer, more snuggly, into her body to try and keep as much warmth in as she can.

“Why didn’t you say so?”

In almost an instant, a flying cloth is thrown Yongsun’s way. It lands on her face, momentarily blocking her vision, before sliding off and falling into her now open arms. She looks down at it and notices it’s Byul’s red hoodie.

“What? I can’t take this.” Solar tries pushing it back into Moonbyul’s arms as they walk but fails because Byul suddenly has none. In the instant Moonbyul threw the hoodie to Solar, she tucked her arms inside of her t-shirt to protect herself from the cold. Every time she takes a step, the empty sleeves dangle and sways back and forth with the movement and if Solar had to be quite honest, she looks like a child.

“Put it on,” Byul says with a serious push in her voice. “If you’re cold please just put it on.”

“But what about you-”

“I’m fine,” Byul says from a few steps up front. Yongsun hadn’t even noticed when she passed her up. Moonbyul turns her head to steal a glance at Solar. “Don’t worry about me.”

Yongsun huffs and reluctantly puts the red garment over her head, suddenly becoming enveloped in everything that is Moon Byulyi. Byul’s body warmth is still embodied in the sweater, easily replacing the chills Solar felt from the cold not too long ago. The jacket fits a little baggy, sleeves passing the length of Solar’s hands and fingertips, but she likes it like that. She always preferred hoodies on the looser fitting side. Yongsun relishes in the softness and comfort of the fabric and brings her sleeve covered hands to cover her cold face. The smell that comes with it is intoxicating; scents of lavender and vanilla fill her nose and she can’t get enough of it. She tries her best not to inhale the whole piece of clothing like a creep.

“Better?”

Yongsun looks at the armless idiot who’s always so caring, so thoughtful, and smiles behind her hands. “Better.”

-----

It doesn’t take them much longer to get to the car. They jog a few blocks further down before they finally see it. They hadn’t even realized they walked so far.

Moonbyul practically hops inside as soon as the doors unlock.

“Heater heater heater, please.” She begs while fastening her seatbelt over her shivering body.

Solar turns her key in the ignition and as soon as the car comes to life Moonbyul reaches over to turn the knob of the heater, setting it to full blast. The air that flows through the vents is cold at first, much to Moonbyul’s dismay, but slowly heats up within a minute. Soon the car is filled with a toasty warmness, but Moonbyul still shivers like a popsicle stick.

“You should’ve kept your sweater on.” Solar says while pulling out of the parking space. Her voice is tinged with guilt, feeling as if Moonbyul freezing her off was her fault.

“No,” Moonbyul replies insistently. “It’s fine. You were cold.”

“Yeah, but look at you.” Solar says. She has her eyes on the road but can see that Moonbyul is still taking her time warming up.

“I don’t need to look at me, I enjoy looking at you more.”

Solar doesn’t reply, can’t find the words to anyways. She can’t really concentrate on anything, not with her mother’s text from earlier still lingering in her mind. She feels anxiety grow in the pit of her stomach, slowly budding. Still, Yongsun manages to roll her eyes at the girl’s greasy remark.

Trapped in her thoughts, Solar reaches over to turn the dial of the radio, increasing the volume. Red Velvet’s Peek A Boo is playing and momentarily alleviates the negative thoughts from her head while she drives. She can hear Moonbyul humming along to the song beside her, moving her arms around trying to copy the dance. Solar finds it endearing and cute. She hasn’t seen Byul full-on dance but for some reason she gets the feeling that she’d be pretty good.

Her phone chimes again.

“Can you check that please?” Solar says over the music.

Moonbyul picks it up from the compartment Yongsun had stuffed it in when they first got in the car and glances at the screen. The message is hidden but the notification says who it’s from.

“It’s from your mom again.”

Great. This isn’t good. Solar curses under her breath and her grip on the steering wheel tightens, knuckles slowly turning white. Moonbyul doesn’t seem to notice.

“Can you see what she said?” Yongsun asks.

“Uh, it’s locked.”

Oh, right. Duh.

“Okay, my password is twelve, twenty-”

Wait. Crap. Yongsun forgot she changed her password recently. (It originally used to be JJing JJing’s birthday but ever since she started looking up her and Moonbyul’s daily horoscope fortunes she switched it to Byul’s birthday.) She can’t believe she almost admitted that out loud. That would’ve been extremely awkward and embarrassing to explain. My god.

“Here, just-- press it against my thumb.”

Moonbyul brings the phone across the middle console to the driver’s side and holds it up for Yongsun to press her thumb against. It opens instantly at the touch. Moonbyul scans her eyes over the text, then speaks.

“She’s asking where you are.”

“What did she specifically say?”

Moonbyul reads the message aloud and Solar clenches her jaw. “Dear, where are you? We’ve been waiting patiently for you to come.” She glances to the side at Solar with the phone still in hand. “Are you in trouble?”

Solar has a bad feeling about this. She knows her mom is upset, but Moonbyul wouldn’t know that just from reading the text. Moonbyul can’t hear it in her mother’s voice like she can.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” But she does. She does know. Her mom’s pissed. “Can you text that I’ll be there soon? Just caught in traffic.”

Moonbyul nods, typing it out. “Nice excuse.”

“Thanks.” Solar breathes. There’s a tension in her chest she can’t shake away.

They arrive at Moonbyul’s apartment within the next 10 minutes. They continued the drive with the radio playing on low but hardly chatted along the way. Moonbyul sensed that something was troubling Yongsun but didn’t want to step out of line and question her. She didn’t feel like it was her right, so she waited for the girl to open up when she was ready, but turns out that time never came. Moonbyul tried not to focus on it too much and decided to leave herself out from prying into business that was not her own. It was a comfortable calm quiet between them, but Moonbyul couldn’t help but worry for Yongsun. Something was clearly causing her stress.

Solar pulls over to the side and Moonbyul unfastens her seatbelt. She reaches for Yongsun’s hand that’s still gripped tightly around the steering wheel, and with soft fingers, she coaxes the hand off and entwines it with hers.

“Yongsun unnie,” She says gently, kindly. “Whatever’s going on, you can always talk to me. Okay? I’m here, I’ll always be here, I’ll listen.”

Yongsun stares into her eyes so intensely, so heavily, like she’s the stars in the sky. It makes Byul’s heart soar like one.

“Okay.” Solar accepts softly. “Thank you, Byul. I appreciate it, really.”

Moonbyul’s lips curve into a pleasant smile. “Thank you, Yongsun, for giving me a really fun night.” Her thumb rubs against Solar’s unconsciously.

Solar squeezes her hand gingerly. “Thank you, Byulie, for being a part of it.”

Byul brings their entwined hands to her lips, presses against Solar’s digits. “Remember. I’m here.” She stares into Yongsun’s eyes, hoping to let her know how serious she’s being. She wants to be there for the girl if she ever needs it. And she knows she needs it, but she wants Yongsun to open up to her herself rather than force it out.

“Of course.”

And with that, Moonbyul makes her departure. She gives Solar’s hand one last squeeze before releasing and reaches for the door handle. Byul steps out the car, closes it, and sticks her head through the open window, leaning on her forearms.

“Happy Birthday, Kim Yongsun. Next year I’ll be more prepared. I’ll get you a biiiig gift.” She snickers.

“Aigoo, you don’t have to do that. I don’t need that.” Yongsun replies light heartedly.

“Right. What you really only need is my love.” Byul winks, or tries to, but it looks ridiculously bad. And finally, after what seemed to be forever, the familiar sound of Yongsun’s laugh fills the air. Moonbyul’s heart swells at the sight, happy to see Yong’s big cheeky grin again.

“Ah, I’m so sorry Byul, but your wink, I can’t-” Byul attempts to wink again in the middle of Yongsun’s sentence but fails miserably, emitting another round of laughter from Solar within the span of one minute.

“I like it when you smile.” Byul says randomly, and it’s cheesy but it’s true.

“I like it when I smile too,” Yong replies cheekily, still breathless from her burst of laughter. Then she remembers something as she stares at Byul’s form, “Ah, wait!” She exclaims, tugging on the bottom hem of the sweater Byul let her borrow. It’s halfway above her abdomen when she continues, “Your hoodie-”

“Keep it for now,” Byul says. “It’s cold out there still, I don’t want you catching a cold.” She backs away from the window now, still staring sweetly at Yongsun.

Yongsun brings the jacket back down over her stomach and revels in the feeling it gives her. More than just warmth. More than just kindness. It’s comfort. Wearing her soulmate’s sweater gives her a comfort that she couldn’t find from anyone else.

She returns Moonbyul’s wave as she watches her figure slowly grow smaller in the distance towards the apartments.

As soon as she’s gone, Solar books it all the way home, anxiety building itself back up in her chest every minute she gets closer and closer to the destination.

-----

When Yongsun pulls up to her house, there’s an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. She wonders whose it is, she’s never seen it before. She grabs her phone before stepping out of the car then shuts and locks her doors.

Solar steps up to the porch and, as if on cue, Yongsun’s mom opens the front door, an obviously fake smile on her face. Solar gasps, startled.

“Where were you?” She asks curiously, but her eyes seem dangerous.

“At the mall.” Yongsun says calmly.

“It takes 5 hours to shop?” It’s evident she’s not buying her lie, but still Solar pushes forward.

“Yeah, there was just so many stores to look through, so many things caught my attention.”

“Mm-hm. I see,” Her mom crosses her arms, amused at this little game they’re playing. “So where are they? The things you bought?”

. Solar didn’t really think this through. Think quick, think quick.

“In the car. It was too much to carry.” Solar shrugs, playing it cool. “You wanted me to hurry so I decided to just bring it in tomorrow.”

“Yes, that’s right. We have guests here for your birthday. They’ve been waiting a while for your arrival.” She shoots Yongsun a glare that’s as sharp as daggers. “And you’ve been making me look bad.”

At that moment a young man looking to be around Solar’s age, maybe a few years older, pops his head around the corner and peers at the two ladies standing at the door. He looks hesitant but shuffles his way over anyway.

“Miss Kim.” He says politely, then bows in respect. “I was just passing through looking for the restroom, but now that I see you two here I thought I should finally give my greetings.” He speaks to the both of them but his eyes rest on Solar.

“Ah yes, that’s a great idea!” The mom nearly whoops. “Yongsun, this is your father and I’s good friend’s son.” She motions with her hands to the guy standing beside her, a real genuine smile on her lips this time.

“Hi, I’m Eric.” He reaches out a hand to shake but Yongsun just stares at it skeptically. “Eric Nam.”

“Kim Yongsun.” She says bluntly.

After leaving his hand hanging mid-air he realizes Solar isn’t going to shake it and retreats it back into his crisp denim jean’s pocket.

“Yongsun, don’t be modest.” There’s anger thinly laced between her mother’s words.

“It’s okay, I should be finding my way to the men’s room. I’ll meet you two lovely women at the dinner table.” His lips curve into a polite smile and departs down a hallway in search of the bathroom.

“Go change.” Her mom orders suddenly, voice shifting back to its regular venomous tone. “I don’t know why you’re wearing this-“ She waves and motions at the hoodie Yongsun’s wearing, “-thing. The color is highly disturbing.”

You’re disturbing. Yongsun mumbles under her breath as she pushes past her mom and marches towards her bedroom. She closes the door behind her and makes her way over to her bed. She takes off the hoodie and Byul’s scent leaves her presence and immediately she feels worse. Solar can’t wrap her head around any of the questions that clutter her mind. First of all, who was this guy here at her home? More importantly, why was he here? Solar folds Byul’s jacket and sets it neatly on her bed beside her pillows. She walks over to her mirror, looks squarely into her reflection, and sighs. She brings a hand through her hair.

“Let’s see what the devil has in store.”

-----

Dinner is uncomfortably stiff and anything but pleasant. Solar wonders how she just had the best night of her life with Moon Byulyi and how all of a sudden it’s been so easily butchered and destroyed by her family. This whole thing is unexpected, but not surprising. Her mother and father always had their ways of ruining her life, but this by far was the most outrageous thing they’ve ever come up with, especially on her birthday. Could they have been more inconsiderate?

“He’s a really nice fellow.” Her dad says across the dinner table, poking his fork into a dry chicken .

“Oh, please Mr. Kim.” The guy named Eric that’s sitting between his parents, Solar assumes, blushes from his seat.

“It’s the truth!” That’s Solar’s mom now. She has a spoon in her hand and she’s waving it in the air. Yongsun’s sure her potatoes will fall from it. She hopes it does. “A fine gentleman; Caring, intelligently smart, wealthy.” She enunciates the last part and Solar realizes what this is all about. They’re trying to set her up, with a rich man at that. Yongsun scoffs at her parent’s standards, finding every bit of this situation absolutely absurd.

“Why yes, we did raise our boy to be quite a man.” Eric’s parents finally speak up and they bellow with laughter. “He can make any woman swoon with his charm.”

“Father.” Eric says, embarrassed, and he shoves some vegetables into his mouth.

“Yeah, that’s doubtful.” Solar says, stabbing her steak with a knife. She’s unamused and everyone gasps except for Eric. He just peers at her curiously across the table with raised eyebrows, mouth still stuffed with food.

“Kim Yongsun-”

“Actually, I’m not so hungry.” She says abruptly. “I’m going to have to excuse myself, sorry.” She stands from her seat, not caring about the appalled stares sent her way. She doesn’t even bother pushing in her chair. She just really can’t understand this ery that her parent’s are putting her through right now. Seriously? How her parents can do this to her.

She’s almost to her room when she feels a tight hand grip on her wrist, whipping her around. She’s face to face with her mother again, who’s eyebrows have two deep wrinkled creases nested between them.

“How dare you embarrass me and your father like that in front of our guests.” Her mom grits her teeth. She’s seething.

“How dare I?!” Yongsun is almost yelling, but by miracle controls her voice and brings it back down. “You-- you made a big joke of who I am, don’t you get that? Do I not matter to you guys?”

“Of course you do!” Her mother’s inflection rises and there’s a harshness to her words. “Why do you think we’re doing this? You need a nice man-”

“I’m gay! I don’t need a man! I don’t want a man, I don’t ever dream of getting with a man-”

“Oh, you hush your mouth right now young lady.” Her mother’s tone is threatening. “You think you’re gay, but maybe you just need a nice boy like Eric to open your eyes. Hm?” Her mother smiles hopefully, pleadingly, and Yongsun finds it disgusting how fast her mother can switch through her emotions like that.

“I’ve dated boys before, I don’t like them. I’ve told you this countless amounts of times.”

“Eric is different.”

“How?! Nothing will change how I feel about boys! He’s not even my soulmate!”

“He’s not like other boys you’ve dated in high school. He’s a man. He can support you financially and take care of you. Plus, what’s this nonsense talk about soulmates? Your father and I aren’t soulmates. Do you know how unrealistic it is to think like that? To think you’d actually find your soulmate?” She laughs hysterically, mocking the way Yongsun thinks. “And what if it’s a boy, then what?”

Yongsun wants to scream. Her mom keeps badgering her with all these questions and she’s feeling attacked. She wants to tell her satanic mother that she has a soulmate, that she’s found her soulmate, and that she is a girl, but can’t even find the words to express it because Moonbyul doesn’t even know, and she isn’t even sure if Byul would be okay with it if she found out. She struggles with proving her point since she can’t use any of the information she knows to back herself up.

“I don’t need taking care of, I can take care of myself.” Yongsun says instead.

“Yet here you are,” Her mom says, folding her arms over her chest. “Acting like a child.” Yongsun’s mom says snidely.

“Maybe because both of you treat me like one. You monitor my every movement, I’m twenty-ing-three for crying out loud! I’m an adult!”

“Watch that tone with me Kim Yongsun!” Her mother snaps. “You’re an adult that lives under MY house, therefore follows MY rules.”

“ your rules.” Yongsun curses. She shouldn’t have said it, but it slipped off the tip of her tongue out of anger. It's too late to regret it, though.

Yongsun feels it faster than she sees it coming, doesn’t even notice her mother’s hand raise into the air, and then the pain hits her. Out of nowhere, all too sudden, all too quick, it stings. Yong gasps, her hand coming up to cup the cheek that was just abused. Her eyes begin to water but she doesn’t dare let the tears spill out. She won’t allow her mom to see her cry, not anymore. She’s done that too many times, and she's tired of seeming weak and vulnerable and submissive to the pain. She promised herself last time that she’d be stronger.

“Leave me alone.” Yongsun mutters, jaw clenched. Her voice falters due to frustration, and it makes her sound frail and fragile. She hates it.

She turns on her heel to face her closed door and reaches for the handle, opening it. Before she can step inside, her mother’s voice calls out to her one last time.

“You must obey your parent’s wishes, Yongsun. Or I can promise you, there will be consequences." There's a beat, then in a more firm voice, "We do not tolerate or support homouality in this family. Do you understand? We will disown you from this household and not even feel the slightest bit sorry for it. The choice is yours.”

The sound of her voice echoes through Yongsun’s head repeatedly, reverberating on the back of her skull to the front, then back around once more, twice more. It continues on even after she hears the sound of her mother’s heels retreating back to where she came from.

The choice is yours.

The choice is yours.

The choice is yours.

Yongsun closes the door behind her, it shuts with a soft click, and walks over to her bed. She falls limply, lifelessly onto the mattress feeling numb. Broken. Dead inside. She feels every piece of herself shatter and nothing can stop the tears flowing like streams from her eyes. Everything hurts. She questions how life can be this cruel to her.

In the midst of crying, she grabs Moonbyul’s sweater and crawls under her covers, holding the clothing close to her aching chest. The fragrance of lavender and vanilla are the only thing that helps ease the pain within her, but even that isn't enough. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough, it'll help piece the parts of herself back together. She tries, fumbles with the cloth, rubs it repeatedly between her fingers, imagines it’s owner, but it does little help. She wishes she had the real Moon Byulyi with her. Only that would make her feel better right now. Yongsun curls into a fetus position, burying her face in the cloth. She sobs quietly to herself to a point where there's no more noise left aside from her unsteady heaving and breathing.

The choice is yours.

What choice does she have?

-----

Author’s notes:

ta-da

:')