“You’re fired, Sana. I don’t think I need to explain myself.”

I looked down at my folded hands on my lap. He was right, no explanation was needed. Even though I tried my best to keep my distance, I must’ve still treaded too close. When will I learn?

“I want your things packed and you out of my sight within one hour, do you hear me? I don’t ever want to see your face whether it be in this office or anywhere in public. Don’t you ever come near Tzuyu again,” my (now ex-) boss said, standing and shoving his palms down to his desk in anger with a loud smack, “You are a bad influence on her. And that is all you will ever be, Minatozaki Sana: bad.”

I gritted my teeth at the distasteful insult.

“Now get out of my office and leave this workplace,” he said, sitting down. He leaned fully back in his chair, exhaling a loud and gruntled sigh as I stood and turned to exit his office. As I opened the door, everyone in the large room of cubicles stood staring at me. They weren’t discreet either, bodies still and eyes glued on my face. I ignored them as I made my way to my desk in the corner of the room, right beside Tzuyu’s workspace. As I approached, she sat in her seat, quiet and knowing of the situation. But she continued to say nothing as I began packing my things. Maybe that was for the better.

I was out of the office in a mere thirty minutes, a fat purse dangling from my shoulder and a large box of stacks of papers in between my hands. I definitely looked like someone who just lost their job.

When I got to my place, a comfortable and pricey house in the corner of the wealthy district, I immediately dropped my items. They fell to the hardwood floor with a loud thud that resonated through the house—and through my heart. My knees gave out from below me as I sobbed into my hands. I fell to the floor and dropped my forehead to the cold wood, crying obnoxiously. My tears fell straight from my tear ducts to the floor, staining them with clear droplets. I cried until I lost track of time; I cried to the point where I began to choke on my tears.

Life had to be over. I lost the perfect job; one that provided me more than enough money. Getting fired from a job meant difficulty finding good jobs in the future. And it’s even worse when the reason why I got fired is because I couldn’t control my flirtatious nature. In the end, there was no way I could properly pick myself up from this. I would have to go to college and get a degree, something I never expected I had to do. Because my mind was set on staying in JYPE. But Plan A failed and I didn’t have a Plan B to look to. At that point, Plan B was just “survive”.

But what hurt me most wasn’t that. It was the insulting words of my ex-boss. It hurt so much because I knew it was true. I was a horrible person. I was known to tend to flirt with people, even when it wasn’t appropriate. Especially after my resolution to become more reluctant to be a part of a relationship, I’ve only become worse. I only flirted with no intention of ever wanting things to progress into something serious, something worthwhile. I flirted because it was fun. I played with Tzuyu, and there’s nothing much to be said about that. She was beautiful, no doubt, but never did I think that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. She knew that. She knew that and that was why she was never fazed every time I flirted with her. She knew my flirting was aimless and had no worth to them. It was just in my nature. And just as my ex-boss had pointed out, my nature made me a bad person.

I always screwed things up. Maybe that, too, was part of my nature.

“Wild and flirty.”

Everyone in the workplace called me those things.

Wild. An uncontrollable nature. Basically, an untamed animal.

Flirty. A playful personality. In the end, a dishonest person.

And that is all you will ever be, Minatozaki Sana: bad.

Like I could never change for the better.

And if I could never change for the better, how could I find the right kind of love? My first few relationships, as Mina and Momo constantly pointed out, were abusive. Not to the point of physical violence and bruises left on my skin—more like bruises left on my heart. I was too blind to see it because I was always too in love. Most relationships started out with an unequal balance of love and care on each person’s side of the scale. I loved so much, but none of that was ever returned. But I never minded it. Then lack of care became something like possessiveness. That was when hurtful words—one I remember was “Quit around”—tended to be said. They were hurtful in how judgmental they were about me. I became a victim to love. Cupid shot his arrows at my too many times. It was so easy for me to fall. Whether I gave in to this “love” or not didn’t matter. Either way, the pain from Cupid’s arrow would causing a lasting pain.

A few relationships like that passed until I finally realized maybe I shouldn’t dive into a relationship so quickly and give into “love” so easily. I had a skewed sense of love, which I needed to develop. And so rushing into serious relationships turned into playing around. And flirting became something done without feeling. It became something to do for fun. How else could I protect myself from Cupid’s arrows other than by occupying myself by doing what I was best at?

But I guess I could never win. Because my aimless flirting left me jobless and frankly, lost. More lost than any of those times I broke out of a relationship.

A Few Months Later

“Sorry about the smell. Fresh paint.”

I glanced around the small living space. Definitely not to my liking. Gray walls and dark brown carpet. Stains marked the floor in various patterns. But what I found the most distasteful was that it was too dark. No matter how much furniture I stuff in here, the apartment would always feel empty and dull.

“So this is the living room. Allow me to lead you to the kitchen.”

I shook my head. “I don’t need to see anything else. As long as it’s livable and cheap, then I’ll rent it.”

“A-Are you sure?” the real estate agent raised an eyebrow, “You don’t want to see the place you’ll soon be living at?”

“What’s the point if this is my only option?” I asked, to which the agent nodded, her face solemn as if she shared my struggles.

“What will this get me?” I asked as I pulled out a stack of notes from my bag.

The real estate agent shook her head. “I’ll negotiate and give you a discount for three months,” she offers pitifully, “I hope that will be enough time for you to find... –where you belong, I guess...”

I smiled softly, internally congratulating myself for my perfect execution of self pity. “Oh my God, I couldn’t be any happier.”

And with that, I moved into a small apartment in the area of town where nearly no one lived or even roamed. Hell if I could continue paying for my old house without a job and therefore, money. This had to be the worst outcome of events.

But, after all, Plan B was just “survive”.

After a few weeks of settling in, Mina called me (after having been MIA for the past few months). I quickly answered, screaming an excited “HI” into the phone, attempting to hide the anxiety and depression that began to build up inside of me. But Mina only responded in a low voice with, “Don’t pretend.”

And at that, I could no longer hold up the mask that kept me smiling. I bawled, holding my phone tight against my cheek and pretending it was her shoulder I was leaning on.

“I called you to help you out,” Mina said after some time.

“How? How am I gonna pick myself up from this? I’m at the lowest of low, Minari.”

Mina sighed sadly, “I know, but please here me out. You might not like it.”

“What?”

“Jeongyeon-unnie quit her job as manager for Jihyo’s baseball team and I think you should take her spot.”

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed. The tears that were falling from my eyes halted, my mind too occupied by the absurd idea. “I can’t do that! I know nothing about baseball! And how the do you expect me to pick myself up with a dumb job like that?!”

“No! Listen!” Mina exhaled into her phone, “It a perfect place for you to get back in touch with society. You’ve been cooped up for too long. Being the manager will give you a sense of authority over a team, which I think will rejuvenate the spark within you. And you’ve got all the time in the world to learn the basics of baseball at least! I’ll help you! But finally, this... Remember, it’s the club that Dahyun’s in. But! Before you complain to me, hear me out. I’m not telling you to make yourself fall for her. At least get to know her for yourself.”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I tried to process everything that Mina was telling me, but it was too much.

Mina sighed, assuming I was still reluctant about it (which I was). “You’ll be killing two birds at once, Sana-chan. One, it’s a nice place to start making money again. And two, maybe you’ll find the love you’ve been searching for.”

I buried my face in my hand, the tears eager to leave my eyes again. But if I cried again, it would be for a different reason. It would be that I was simply touched by Mina’s kindness that it was almost unbelievable, especially in these hard times.

And so, through all my doubt, in the end, I couldn’t bring m