“And how about you then? Do you like me as much as Ahri does?” Sana asked with a smirk.

I stared quietly into her eyes, contemplating what to say. I liked her, a lot.

“I like you more.”

My honesty caught me by surprise, as it seemed it did to Sana too. Her face immediately turned red. It was rare to see her so flustered like this. It seemed my heart beat faster at the sight of red-tinted cheeks than her lustful eyes. She attempted to hide her face by lowering her head to Ahri.

“Y-You do?” she asked.

Her voice, although muffled by Ahri’s fur, sounded so clear in my ears. The way she inhaled as if trying to catch her breath before asking. Then as she breathed out the question, timidly, with a voice so soft and so sweet. I almost forgot that she could be so bold and firm at times. She had become so vulnerable at my words.

I couldn’t help it when my eyes continued to stared at her. Her eyes, in that moment, were like windows that had the shades drawn back. The clarity in her usually so dark eyes felt much more captivating than that lustful gaze she always looked at me with.

I hated it before, being into Sana’s world just by looking into that gaze in her eyes. But that was when all she looked at me with were eyes of lust and playfulness. As we got to know each other, these gazes that we exchanged turned into something more genuine. They became filled with feeling, whatever feeling it may have been. So that feeling of being in became something good. This gaze, although I couldn’t pinpoint the feeling behind it, felt so powerful. It was like a drug. And well, I wanted to keep using that drug.

But I had self control. I pulled my eye contact away from Sana’s and directed my attention to Ahri. I decided to keep my attention away from her by focusing on Ahri, leaning forward to pet him.

Maybe I became too focused on him, and his suddenly interesting fur, because I didn’t realize how much time had passed before Sana’s hands were cupping my face. She forced me to face her, although still gently. And I did. My attention was effectively pulled away from Ahri, and I was back to staring at those dark orbs of hers. So close. This wasn’t the first time our faces were this close. The first time was that moment I realized I truly was in love with Sana. Why did this second time feel different? It felt tense. The gaze in her eyes were somehow soft and unrelenting at the same time. Her breaths were short and quick, almost as though she were desperate...?

I knew exactly what made this situation different. Sana wanted something. I knew exactly what she wanted, too. I could pull away. I could reject her kiss just by removing my face from her hands.

But a part of me wanted it too.

Even though I knew that indulging myself, allowing myself to fall deeper in love with her, would hurt me even more in the end.

A kiss didn’t have to mean anything. Especially to a flirt like Sana. It really was unfair for me to keep blaming her flirtatious nature. But when that’s just the kind of person she was, how could I believe anything she did to be genuine?

How could I expect her to love me as much as I loved her?

But as she leaned in and I felt her lips on mine, I couldn’t pull away. At first, all that consumed my mind was the softness of Sana’s lips. I, unable to logically react, stayed there while Sana kissed me. I let her lips do whatever they wanted to mine. Because I became lost in a way different from when I get lost in her eyes. But when my mind started to think about the dangers of kissing her (and of liking the kiss), I pulled away. Although I had done that, I kept close to her face. I kept our foreheads against each other despite the doubts that lingered.

“It’s you,” Sana whispered, her voice soft yet unwavering.

That was a confession.

Even I, being as dense as I was, could tell that that was a confession.

But instead of causing my heart to jump with joy, the confession created a knot in my stomach.

Even more, I couldn’t look her in the eyes to validate the sincerity of her confession. I kept looking down, my ears ringing with the short but sweet confession and my lips burning with the feeling of Sana’s kiss.

Even though a confession of love was all wanted to hear from her, I just couldn’t readily accept that...?

“Why?” I asked, my voice quieter than I intended it to be. It was husky too. Her kiss had drained my lungs.

“Why what?” Sana asked as she lightly brushed a thumb over my cheekbone.

“Why–“

But my mouth couldn’t finish the sentence. It was like my mind stopped me from asking the question. A hiss escaped my lips instead, as I pulled myself away from Sana’s hold. I took Ahri into my arms, and he whined as I removed him from Sana’s lap.

“W-What are you doing?” Sana asked as I stood. She stood along with me, as if ready to protest me from leaving.

“I have to go. I-I’m sorry, Sana.”

“W-Wait, Dahyun. Don’t go.”

Before she could further attempt to stop me, I quickly my heel and left with Ahri in my arms.

Why me?

Tuesday, 4:40pm

“All you have to do is throw with your body, not just your arm,” I tried to explain to Momo who stood some yards in front of me.

Momo groaned, “I still don’t know what that means!”

“Haven’t you been watching?!” I lashed out.

Momo stared wide-eyed at me, her eyebrows furrowed in surprise and fear. I exhaled heavily through my nose in an attempt to regain myself after suddenly lashing out.

“I’m sorry,” my gaze turned down to the grass in front of me, “It’s just that we have our first game in two days and I–“

“It’s not just that, I can tell.”

I looked up and Momo was standing right before me. She raised a hand and ran it from the top of my head to my jawline in a comforting way.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I shook my head, rejecting her comfort, “I can’t tell you this time, Momo-unnie, I-I’m sorry.”

Ever since I had returned to the apartment after that one Friday evening, I had been a little tense. The kiss and confession never left my mind. It followed me wherever I walked and haunted me whenever I slept. The tension was the result of this torn feeling that clouded over me. This confusing relaying between “I’m so happy she loves me back” and “But does she really?” broke me.

“That’s okay,” Momo said with a soft smile, “Don’t apologize. I’ve done my part.”

“Right, to make sure she wanted me,” I sighed.

“Are you still unhappy?”

“I’m not unhappy... Just–...” I couldn’t find the right word.

“Unsatisfied?”

“Un... -derwhelmed...?”

Momo chuckled, “How about ‘confused’?”

I rolled my eyes, “She always makes me confused.”

“Love is confusing,” Momo stated.

“I thought things would clear up after she confessed.”

Momo rubbed her thumb over my cheekbone, in the same way Sana did. Her touch felt softer, absent of the desire I felt behind Sana’s touch. Nevertheless, my mind wandered, for the umpteenth time that day, to the “incident.”

“Dahyun-chan, it never clears up. Actually, it probably gets more confusing. No, not probably. Definitely,” Momo said with a sad smile.

Practice started, and it was the longest ever. Consider that it was our last practice until the first game, it was understandable. But considering what happened between Sana and I, I dreaded it. Normally, I’d be exhilarated to practice until past sundown. I enjoyed playing at night. The challenges that arose with a darker environment thrilled me. But, the fact that I had to be stuck on the same field with Sana made me dread every second of it. Well okay, when the sun went down and the sky became darker, it became harder to see Sana’s face, so it got better. Even if only a little bit.

It wasn’t that I hated her; hating Sana was a thing o