He flipped through the pages of the book, signs of first hand use everywhere, highlights, written extra notes and all, but was obviously taken cared of. 

The words hurt his brain and eyes and Yoongi wonders how Jisoo could stand this subject, much more love it. 

What the even is this Total Determinism bull? 

Yoongi's honestly tempted to tear the whole thing apart but for some reason he can't bring himself to do so. This could be important to Jisoo. He wouldn't want anyone destroying his valued things, specially if he trusted them enough to let them borrow it. He flips another page. 

A small white folded paper dropped, landing on his lap and he puts down the book. 

The paper was full of creases, probably was crumpled before the writer thought better and folded it instead and stuck it in the book. Yoongi unfolds it, eyes scanning the scribbled words. 

I tried to kill myself today. 

... 

Sleep escaped him, his eyes bloodshot and his body complains everytime he takes another step up the stairs but Yoongi's determined. He didn't lose his sleep for nothing. 

He's about to slam the door open but his thoughts stopped him. 

So instead he opens it slowly, trying to make it creak less as much as he could, as discreet as he could because he wanted to catch the girl in the act of whatever she's doing early in the morning at the school roofdeck. It all doesn't sit right with him, specially after that paper last night. 

Yoongi scans the place. 

Jisoo stands in the middle, a few feet away or more from the railings, staring at it, hands clenched, face expressionless. As if she was entranced with it, as if there's something there Yoongi is missing and there probably is. He tries to get her attention anyway. 

"Are you that afraid of heights?" He starts, not really knowing what to say except the bubbling question stuck at his throat of are you trying to kill yourself again but he imagines that would only give him the opposite result of what he wants to achieve. 

Jisoo looks alarmed, eyes wide as she stared at Yoongi, chest rising and falling at a fast rate like she's hyperventilating. He's astonished when she immediately calms herself. 

Still she avoids his eyes, looking at the railings again, "I'm not afraid of heights. I told you before that's not the case."

"Then what is it?" Yoongi pressed on, observing the girl's reactions, as if testing the waters. 

Yoongi followed her sight and he sees the small words inked, written in a way it's not obvious but clearly visible. 

jump? 

He hears her breathe raggedly and he looks back at the girl to find her smiling again. 

"It invites me you know?" Jisoo starts, "It's a constant temptation and— I'm more scared I'd give in and..."

Jisoo exhales shakily before stepping closer to the railings, fingers tracing the word he'd seen earlier.

jump?

Yoongi's brows furrowed, confused yet also anxious about every word that comes out of her lips, eyes flickering to the written word every now and then. 

Jisoo steps back and when she turns to look at Yoongi she was already wearing a mask of a bright smile. It continuously unnerves him, those smiles of hers.

"Did you find it helpful?" Jisoo asks softly, smile still intact, obviously changing the subject.

Yoongi clutches the book firmly in his hand as he nods. He doesn't give a about the class, honestly, but for some reason he doesn't want to tell her that. 

"Can I keep it for a longer while?" Yoongi asks— and Yoongi's astonished at himself because he never usually asks. He didn't care enough before.

Still, he's wondering if there are other things to uncover, scribbled notes he's yet to read.

Jisoo looks at him as if he were a puzzle, brows furrowed, possibly trying to piece him together. Yoongi almost blus— reddened in uncomfortableness, if that was even a word.

Silence. And then she smiles again.

"Of course, I'm happy to be of help."

And another silence.

Yoongi was never someone who's good with words so he plops down the tiled floor of the roofdeck, lighting his cigarette as his eyes flickered to Jisoo every now and then who seemed content just standing and feeling the air.

The cool breeze of the early morning hits them, a factor that's making him feel sleepy but he keeps his eyes on Jisoo as her hair flowed behind, her lips twitching into a small genuine smile as she closes her eyes.

Then she just suddenly talks and honestly, Yoongi's not surprised anymore.

"I love life you know?" She breathes, voice somewhat giddy.

Yoongi fights the urge to raise his brows and ask because the paper in her book says otherwise.

Jisoo opens her eyes once again and looks at him, "But sometimes I hate life too."

"Why are you telling me this?" Yoongi asks, I don't care stuck at the back of his throat but somehow he can't say it cause it doesn't mean anything.

Motherer, he's not supposed to care!

Jisoo doesn't answer and instead picks up her bag that he hasn't noticed before, "We have first class together right?"

Yoongi watches her warily before nodding and doesn't confirm his attendance. Jisoo doesn't ask if he's going to follow either. She only steps into the door and it was only then when Yoongi shifts his gaze away from her that she speaks.

"You don't need to think about it, Yoongi-sshi," She says gently, voice soft and vulnerable, "I haven't thought about it in a long time."

Yoongi wanted to say he's not thinking about it but he is. Unfortunately.

"How'd you know?" He asks instead.

"You look at me like I'm dying," She answers and Yoongi turns his head only to see her giving him an amused smile.

They hold each other's gaze for a few minutes. Jisoo's amused and Yoongi's not amused.

Then her eyes flickers back to the words on the ceiling and its image was forever imprinted in Yoongi's brain.

jump?

Jisoo smile turns into a faint smirk.

"But aren't we all?"

Yoongi feels his mood sink.

[a/n]: i'm sorry for the late update??? the one week turned to almost a month, i hope this is worth your wait :)