Hyejin tapped her foot and yawned as she waited for the train to come at the subway station. Hands in her pockets, she looked upwards towards the ceiling, then down at the floor, scrutinizing each small detail on her black flats. 

 

It was 6pm, and she was beat. 

 

The train finally slowed to a stop at the station, and as soon as the doors opened the usual beeline of people burst out, while the people at the station, including Hyejin, waited for their turn to enter the packed train. 

 

In the crowd of people, Hyejin tried not to be jostled around too much as she tried her best to squeeze into the train. At Hak-dong station (where the WS offices were located) there was always an immensely large crowd, but when the train stopped at the next few stations, it would become less and less packed, Hyejin had realised. 

 

But for now, she just had to endure the stale air and lack of personal space. As well as the constant (accidental) jabbing onto Hyejin by others' bags and bodies. 

 

A burly man in an office suit barged past her right then, his briefcase and entire body weight knocking into her. Hyejin clutched her bag protectively as she got knocked off balance. She tipped backward slightly and her hand swung out to find a handrail to hold on to, but her fingers closed upon none. Her legs moved a few steps back, losing balance, and her eyes widened as the crowd behind her parted instinctively. 

 

Then she felt a strong arm snake gently around her waist, pulling her back up into standing position. 

 

"T-Thank y—" Hyejin began, embarrassed, but stopped when she turned to the side and faced an all-too familiar face. 

 

"Chen?" She softly gasped, surprised. "What are you doing on the train?" 

 

"Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" He seemed worried, and his hand still held tightly onto Hyejin's waist as he scanned her body for injuries. 

 

"I'm totally fine, thanks," Hyejin replied and cocked her head. "But how come you're not driving your car home today?" 

 

Chen glanced away for a split second before looking at Hyejin again. "Um, I sent it for repair," he said. "And my home is, um, three stations away from yours, so I'm here now." 

 

"Ouch. Repairing an imported car must cost a lot, huh?" 

 

"How did you know I drive an imported car?" 

 

"Chen! Your memory is horrible: our whole team sat in it to go to the company welcome dinner, remember? We even made jokes about you being able to afford it because you were the president's son." 

 

"Oh, now I remember! Yeah, and I had to tell you all my address before you believed I was not an heir." 

 

"Talking about that, I thought you said you lived near Konkuk University Station? Isn't that in the opposite direction? My house is in Sangdo, you know." 

 

"Ah, my house, um, I sold the one I had previously and got another near Boramae station. I like Boramae Park a lot." Chen stopped for a while before giving Hyejin a lopsided grin. "And of course I know you live in Sangdo. I have all your addresses, silly. I even have your parents' names and your birthdays and universities." 

 

Hyejin's gaze slowly averted away from Chen's face to his hand on her waist. He pulled her closer to him protectively just as the train jerked. The distance between their bodies was now almost completely wiped out, and Hyejin could feel the steady warmth of Chen's breaths on her body. 

 

"Why did you let yourself get pushed?" His voice suddenly turned unusually husky, and Hyejin began to feel goosebumps forming. 

 

"I-I..." She started, but realised she didn't know how to continue. 

 

"Does this happen a lot?" Chen continued in his husky voice, a little more slowly this time. 

 

She swallowed. 

 

"Please don't get hurt, okay?" Chen then whispered gently, and Hyejin found herself paralysed, breath bated. 

 

"Next time when people push you stand as strong as you can, alright? Or not it's... it's going to more painful for me than for you," he continued, his soft whispers slowly oozing out like melted chocolate into her ears. Hyejin managed a stiff, small nod, and she could somehow hear Chen smile — if that was possible. 

 

"Good," he said before slowly removing his hand from Hyejin's waist. She didn't know what she was feeling at that time. Numb, that was probably it. 

 

Just when Hyejin thought the feeling would go away if she kept staring at the floor and nowhere else, she felt the same arm haltingly make its way around her shoulder before relaxing and resting there, like it was completely normal. She felt a soft warmth where Chen was. 

 

She blinked. 

 

"So, Jasmine," Chen said suddenly, his voice still in a whisper. Hyejin looked up at him. "How was your day?" 

 

"Um, great!" She let out a smile, toes curling up in her shoes. She clutched on to her bag tightly. Was she nervous?

 

"That's good. I'm glad," Chen said as he smiled at the ground as if he was shy about something, but genuinely happy about it too. Hyejin glanced at him as he did so, and it wasn't long before she felt a smile tugging the corners of her lips softly as well. Her grip on her bag relaxed. So he wasn't just asking for the sake of it — she should've known he would never. 

 

Chen brought her closer as more commuters came into the train at the next stop, and he seemed to warn people with his eyes not to push too much, but Hyejin didn't know if she was just imagining it or if Chen really meant to do that. At seemingly regular intervals, he rubbed Hyejin's shoulder reassuringly as if to tell her that he was still there. 

 

The train was packed, and she still didn't have a handrail to hold on to, but somehow with Chen there, it felt safe. 

 

 

 

"I'm getting off here," Hyejin glanced at Jongdae when the train doors slid open a while later at Sangdo station. 

 

"Ah," Jongdae realised, removing his hand from her shoulder swiftly, leaving it hanging awkwardly in mid-air. He stiffly moved his hand into a waving position. "See you tomorrow. Be safe. Bye, Jasmine." 

 

"Bye, Chen," Hyejin waved as she stepped out of the train doors. "It was nice going home with you." 

 

Jongdae watched until Hyejin was engulfed by the sea of people and was no longer in his sight. It was then that he was aware of the ever-growing grin present on his face. "Heh. It was nice going home with me, eh?" He muttered, chuckling to himself. 

 

At the next stop (which was definitely not Boramae), Jongdae put his hands in his pockets and stepped out of the train, before waiting at a different side of the same platform to take the train in the opposite direction going back to WS Office to fetch his car (which was definitely not in need of servicing) and drive it back to his home (also definitely not Boramae). 

 

Accompanying Hyejin home was an impromptu decision. The next day on, Jongdae decided he would just leave his car at home and take public transport to work, just so that he could follow Hyejin back to her home first before taking the train back in the opposite direction to Konkuk University Station. 

 

Of course it caused inconvenience and a much longer traveling time (and route) for Jongdae, which meant he had to stay up longer in turn to complete his work, but it was worth it to him. 

 

And he was beginning to doubt if his feelings for Hyejin were shallow as he initially thought, or if he had already long fallen deep, way deep, into the black hole. 

 

"Nice going home with me..." 

 

___________________________________________

 

 

 

Two weeks of Chen and Hyejin's subway trips home together had flown by, and with each subway trip the traveling time seemed a little shorter, the train a little more comfortable, and the journey a little more enjoyable. 

 

Chen had apparently lent his friend his car for a month to go up to Gyeonggi-do to visit his hometown, so he was taking the subway home with Hyejin now. Chen really was a nice friend, Hyejin thought. 

 

Sometimes if they were lucky, there would be seats for the both of them, and Hyejin and Chen would talk and joke around until Sangdo station. In the situation where there was one vacant seat left, Chen would force Hyejin onto it despite her protests and stand in front of the seat to continue conversation with her. If it was a normal day, and the train was fully packed, Chen would hold Hyejin by the shoulder and make sure she didn't fall or get pushed. 

 

Train journeys were nice. 

 

Work, well, kind of wasn't. 

 

 

 

"I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it," Chaeyoung had mumbled to herself on a certain day, head between her hands and eyebrows creased severely as though she was going to cry. The seniors had given Hyejin and Chaeyoung a task to present on the management strategies for stocks in the WS Supermarkets in the downtown area, and Hyejin had finished the whole assignment by herself as Chaeyoung was down with the flu the past week. 

 

She had typed out reports until the wee hours in the morning, travelled all over downtown Seoul before work hours because that was the only time convenient for data collection, dolled up and arranged presentation slides to be used, and stressed over the whole project which had turned into a solo job. 

 

Now all Chaeyoung had to do was to present it to the seniors. 

 

"I'm sure you can! Just make your voice a little louder and be confident. I'll be watching you and giving you encouragement anyway," Hyejin encouraged, hoping it didn't sound too desperate. She really wasn't up to memorizing and rehearsing after the week of work. Besides, wasn't it only fair for Chaeyoung to do the presentation since she did everything else? 

 

"I'm so scared. You know I can't speak in front of an audience," Chaeyoung squeaked, biting her lip. 

 

For a moment, Hyejin was distracted. Gosh, Chaeyoung's really pretty. She stared at the nerve-wracked Chaeyoung with her rosy cheeks and small lips. Hyejin always knew Chaeyoung had a nice face, but looking at her with this particular expression up close she realised how much of a beauty she was. Man, this was exactly the sort of face guys would go crazy for. 

 

Hyejin suddenly broke off from her short reverie and sprang back into reality. 

 

"Just think of it as your job interview, like when you applied here," she tried. 

 

That didn't seem to help. Hyejin's eyes widened as she saw Chaeyoung's eyes redden immensely and her face crumple. Just when she was about to burst into tears, Hyejin put her hands out to stop her. 

 

"I'll do it, I'll do it. It's fine. I understand," she immediately blurted, then regretted soon after. She held in a sigh and left her eyes shut for a while. 

 

"Really?" Chaeyoung's round eyes began to sparkle, and she engulfed Hyejin in a tight hug. "Thank you, Hyejin." 

 

"It's... Okay," Hyejin said, and she felt a pinching feeling in her heart. Now she had additional things to do again. But it's not Chaeyoung's fault, she tried to tell herself. And there was no way to reject her. Just a few more rehearsals, and creating the script, and timing myself, and, and — 

 

Ah. Never mind. 

 

 

 

Jinkyung was another problem. 

 

"Why are you doing everything? I thought you said you had done all the research and Chaeyoung would do the presentation?" She asked, narrowing her eyes slightly at Hyejin when she saw her working on her script. 

 

"It's okay. I'm fine," Hyejin had smiled, thinking Jinkyung was feeling indignant on behalf of her. 

 

"Hyejin, the hard truth is that the seniors won't even know who did what, so you don't have to finish everything just to up to them, you know." 

 

"I'm not up to them," she had said in a small voice because she didn't know how else to react. In Hyejin's heart she felt like screaming at Jinkyung to mind her own business and not make wild assumptions but she held it in. Hyejin's anger always turned into vulnerability around people, and she had no idea how to change that. It made her feel bad. 

 

"I know we all want the seniors to have a good impression of us so that when we finish training we'll be more easily promoted, but you don't have to go as far as to steal Chaeyoung's jobs," Jinkyung shrugged as she went back to her own work. 

 

"I'm not stealing Chaeyoung's work. You can ask her the reason I'm doing this by yourself," Hyejin said through gritted teeth. She hid behind her computer screen as she went on her blog again to let out her pent up feelings and thoughts. In a flurry, she finished a blog post which seemed more like an essay in a matter of minutes. 

 

She ended off her entry (which was furiously typed out — she felt a little sorry towards her keyboard, which hadn't done anything wrong, afterward) with a metaphor of her own: I guess life is like a team project. A little unfair, stressful, tough if you're alone and better if everyone plays their part, and just plain draggy. Let's hope the same sense of fulfillment comes with life as it does with finished team projects. 

 

 

____________________________________

 

 

Jongdae ran down the steps onto the platform where the train with open doors was. Panting, he made a mad dash for the subway as the usual announcement to warn people the doors were shutting came on. 

 

He slid into the subway carriage he saw Hyejin enter just as the doors began to close. Catching his breath for a moment, he smiled. Jongdae made it: he was so afraid at first he would miss the train Hyejin got onto since he had one more thing to settle before knocking off that day. 

 

The train was relatively emptier today, and it didn't take long before his eyes found the girl he was looking for clutching on to a handrail whilst scrolling through something her phone. She stifled a yawn and blinked several times to keep her eyes open. She seemed tired, just like Jongdae. 

 

"Hey," he smiled, grabbing onto the handrail next to hers. 

 

She looked up from her phone and seemed glad to see him — or at least she looked so to Jongdae. "Hey yourself," Hyejin replied, putting away her phone and turning to face him. Her face had brightened considerably, but anyone could tell she wasn't at her best that day.

 

"Bad day?" He asked quietly. 

 

She tilted her head and thought for a while. "I don't know. Probably." 

 

"You can talk to me about it, you know, like I said before." Jongdae already knew what happened — he always did — because he followed her blog entries faithfully, but he knew Hyejin would feel better if she were to share her problems. 

 

"I know. It's fine — no, I'm fine. Thanks though." 

 

 

Jongdae nodded. "Well," He then cleared his throat. "I had a bad day myself." 

 

Hyejin's eyes met Jongdae's and she blinked. "Do you... Want to share?" 

 

He smiled and looked downwards. "It's a long story." 

 

"Never mind, I'll listen if you want me to." 

 

Jongdae sighed. "Life, like you said, is really like a team project. But somehow I can't —" His eyes widened as he just realized what he had done. Hyejin was staring back at him with eyes Jongdae was sure was as wide as his. 

 

"No, erm, I mean —" 

 

"Where did you get that?" 

 

"I-I —" 

 

"You... Read my blog?" Hyejin asked in a quiet voice. 

 

Jongdae felt his movements go stiff. "No... I mean yeah... Wait, erm, I just, erm... I-It's a troll," he answered, flustered, then realised what he said hadn't made any sense whatsoever. 

 

"A troll? But then how did you know I compared life to a team project?" 

 

He clasped harder onto the handrail, which was now slipping off his hand because of his sweaty palms. "I, erm…" 

 

Then he heard Hyejin let out a small chuckle, and he looked at her, surprised. 

 

"I'm not that mad, you know. Well, maybe I am a little little bit, but it's okay." 

 

Jongdae didn't say anything.  

 

"It's just embarrassing for you or anyone else to read it," she finished.  

 

"How is it embarrassing? Feelings aren't embarrassing. Neither is anything else on the blog." 

 

"So you do admit to reading it," she weakly laughed. "It's embarrassing because anyone who reads this would think I'm a weak and burdensome person — which I kind of am, but..." 

 

"You're not," Jongdae said with conviction. "Really, you aren't." 

 

He stared at Hyejin for a while, then broke the tension by giving her a sloppy grin. "Probably the only maybe embarrassing thing is that you used 'troll' in your blog title. And what does that mean, Miss Hwang Hyejin? It means you were thinking about me while creating your blog." 

 

Hyejin didn't reply this time. Instead, she looked up to the opening train door and checked which station they were at. It wasn't Sangdo, but she walked out anyway, with Jongdae, without hesitation, trailing after her. "Care for a coffee?" She asked. 

 

Jongdae stopped a few steps behind where she was. Actually, I'm really busy today, sorry. Can we have it tomorrow or on another day? That was what Jongdae should've said, but of course he didn't. Work, no matter how much there was to be done, could wait. Hyejin couldn't. 

 

"Sure. Let's go." He began walking again, making sure he was right beside Hyejin. 

 

 

___________________________________________

 

 

Jongdae was jittery as he carried the two drinks to where Hyejin was seated: on a small bench along a quiet street, where only a few shops were located. 

 

"Here," he said as he handed one cup to her. "It's iced chocolate because it's not good to drink coffee so often and so late. Now move over, I want to sit beside you." 

 

"Says the one who drinks, like, five cups of coffee in a day," Hyejin scoffed as she took the drink from him and edged to the side of the bench to make space for Jongdae. "But thanks anyway, Chen." 

 

They sipped on their drinks in a comfortable silence just as a breeze lapped gently across their faces. 

 

"Chen, really, I'm okay, you know," Hyejin suddenly assured softly as she gazed up at the night sky. 

 

"I can tell you aren't." 

 

She laughed a small laugh for the second time that day. Jongdae glanced at her, put his drink down and let both hands hang loosely onto the bench on each side. 

 

Hyejin sighed. "Okay, you're right, maybe I'm not that fine. Although I quite am, really, I just —" 

 

"Hwang Hyejin, it's okay not to be okay. I'm sure you've heard that before, right?" He interrupted, but soothingly. "It applies to you too, Jasmine." 

 

Hyejin stopped talking and sipped her drink, taking her time to swallow it. "If I tell you how I feel can you promise not to say anything afterward? I think I just want a listening ear." 

 

"Of course." 

 

Hyejin pressed her lips into a smile and looked down at the bench, swinging her legs slightly. She drew in a deep breath. "I'm not that good, aren't I? I mean especially compared to other trainees — not only those in our team, but of others' too. It's really not like I'm jealous of them, seriously it isn't, but knowing of how well they do and so on is just like a reminder to me that I am, well, not any of those things, you know?

 

"It to be around people who are the best in everything they do, best in terms of looks, best in terms of work and well, basically everything, and being myself just average, honestly. I'm telling myself to be positive and trying to chase my negative thoughts away, but sometimes it's just so... hard," she finished in a soft voice. 

 

Hyejin bit her lip and swallowed, before clutching tightly onto her drink with both hands and taking a few consecutive gulps. Her eyebrows were furrowed, but only slightly, and her lips trembled as they pressed against the straw. She blinked fast a few times, then turned to face Jongdae. 

 

"I'm sorry, I just..." 

 

"There, there." Jongdae pulled Hyejin into his arms, enveloping her in his coat. He closed his hand around her small, cold fingers and them gently with his thumb, like he was handling a baby. With his other hand, he tugged Hyejin closer to his body. Jongdae felt his heart beat against his chest where Hyejin's head was as he breathed in once more the comforting scent of jasmine. Hyejin was freezing — and it wasn't even autumn yet. 

 

She was still for a moment, then her body began to quiver, and soon Jongdae could hear soft sobs. He sighed as he her arm. She must have had been holding it in for so long. 

 

The soft breeze started up again, and Jongdae wrapped Hyejin up in his coat tighter, making sure she didn't feel the cold. 

 

And as he comforted Hyejin with his hug, he couldn't help but be reminded of his past self again.