- the past was behind her

In another world, Sana couldn’t of cared less. It wasn’t another world though, so Sana continued to linger. Linger on someone who didn’t care to give her a second glance. Much less a second thought.

She hated it.

She hated herself.

So Sana started to embrace it - the image she created for herself as a recluse. She broke herself apart, piece by piece and threw away the pieces she had only created for someone else. She cleared the canvas of the image other people painted for her and picked up the pieces that still remained of her original self.

Then, she found herself.

Even later on, Sana found her.

- but the future could not be seen.

Sana didn’t know what to expect. She expected a lot of things, but not what she was given. Her lonely nights soon subsided into nights that she never wanted to end. She would find comfort in someone else’s eyes and found happiness outside of what she created for herself.

The type of bliss that was created for her in that short period of time was something that helped her immensely. She found a glimmer of light called Hirai Momo.

Momo was some sort of gateway for Sana. She didn’t exactly know how else to describe it. Maybe it was the warm smiles that had been exchanged, or the way Momo looked at Sana; a look that Sana found was reserved for her.

And maybe Sana was just too good at being observant. She noticed the way that Momo’s touches would linger, or the pause in between words that Momo would take to ensure Sana was still listening. It was all the little things that Sana had yearned for, and Momo was more than happy to provide.

So it’s when Sana slithers her arms around Momo’s waist and buries her head into Momo’s back that Sana can feel Momo’s resolve break. It’s quiet out on the balcony, the silence comforting in the usually bustling area. Momo’s breathing labors and her fingers dig into the balcony railing.

“Sana,” Momo’s voice barely comes out as a coherent breath, the gentle breezes almost reaching louder levels. Sana hums into Momo’s shoulder, the vibrations making Momo blank. There’s another moment of pause before Momo’s tongue slides across her bottom lip as she parts her lips again. “Sana I think I’m falling in love with you.”

- why does the future keep changing?

Maybe, if Sana was wiser, she would’ve learned from her past experiences. Momo was always an exception to those type of things.

Sana can’t remember the last time she woke up, the other side of her bed unoccupied and empty. She found another type of warmth swell inside her as she embraced the girl who was wrapped around her.

Sana jolted awake when she felt a familiar pair of arms snake their way around her waist and a light pressure on her chest.

Momo’s head was nestled on top of Sana’s chest, her breaths soft. Sana only smiled warmly, bringing her hands up to cradle Momo’s head. Sana’s hands massaged Momo’s scalp gently, her fingers sifting through Momo’s locks.

“Momo?” Sana whispers, pausing to listen for a response. The tightened grip that Sana felt around her waist was enough of an indicator for Sana. “Thank you,”

“What are you thanking me for, exactly?” Momo shifts her head and pulls herself into Sana more.

“Everything, I guess. Just… thank you for loving me.” Sana lets out bashfully, smiling to herself. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I love you.” The younger girl presses her lips on the top of Momo’s head.

“That was random,” Momo teases.

“I just wanted to get it off my chest before I fell back asleep.” Sana admits, her eyes slowly closing. Her breathing evens as she finds herself lulled back into a slumber. Momo relaxes against the rise and the fall of Sana’s chest.

“Sana?”

There’s no response.

“I love you too.”

- when she stops and looks… it becomes clearer.

There’s a distance.

A space that leers over the two of them and Sana’s not entirely sure when it got there. She resents it, quite possibly with a passion. Sana’s gut churns when she finally comes to terms with that.

She’s not entirely sure how she feels about this. Her mind runs, quite possibly more than it usually does. Sana becomes enamoured with a doubt - a doubt that she can’t help whenever she peers over at Momo.

Questions, questions, questions.

No answers, no nothing.

It’s the shift in their routine, it’s how Sana counts the seconds that pass whenever Momo intertwines their fingers, it’s the pressure Sana puts on herself when Momo breaks eye contact maybe just a moment too early.

It’s everything and nothing at the same time and it’s a horrendous feeling.

“You’ve been ignoring me,”

Sana’s eyes flicker to the older girl, the other’s chocolate orbs b with uneasiness.

“I’m sorry,”

It’s mundane and short and Momo’s eyebrows crease.

“You don’t have to apologize, that’s not what I’m asking for at all,” Momo takes Sana’s hand, thumb starting to rub circles into the top of Sana’s palm. “I just want to know why. I’m just… concerned - for a lack of a better word.”

“You don’t have to be. I’ve just been stressed with all the exams we’ve had.”

“Exam season ended two weeks ago,”

“Post-exam stress?”

Momo breaks into a quiet laughter - one that Sana finds euphoric enough (every sound Momo made was euphoric) to pull her lips into a small smile. Momo’s gaze flickers back up to Sana.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just,” Momo pauses. “You know I love you right?”

Sana’s lips press into a smile, intertwining their fingers gingerly.

“I know,” Sana lets out “I love you too.”

Momo inhales shakily as she keeps a strained gaze on their interlocked hands.

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m always happy with you.”

- but if the future was always behind her,

“I got a job offer,” Momo breaks the silence between them and Sana swallows, albeit hard to breathe at the moment. “It’s somewhere, well, I would be far away from you, that’s all.”

Sana’s eyes glisten as she meets Momo’s, holding their gaze before Sana finds her attention fixated onto the carpet floor of her - their - apartment.

“It’s not like I’ve been trying to hide this from you,” Momo lets out an exasperated breath. “I was just trying to do all that ‘right time’ mumbo jumbo when it came to telling you.”

“No, it’s fine - I get it, really.”

“Sana, I don’t have to take it, I can easily turn it down no problem! It’s -”

“Then what does that make me?” Sana yells, Momo’s eyes widening in shock at the sheer exasperation evident in Sana’s voice. “Selfish, out of all things, but I’m sure I could name a lot others.”

“You’re not being selfish if I’m the one turning down the offer willingly! I’m trying to do something for you - for us!” Momo returned, Sana’s jaw clenching at the unwillingness evident in Momo’s tone.

They’ve never fought before - everything that was happening right now was uncharted territory and Sana didn’t know what moves to make. Anything could easily offset everything they’ve built together. The uncertainty that’s held to every word that’s going to come out of Sana’s mouth floods her with anxiety.

“You’re not doing anything for yourself, Momo. You never have. I’m sure that this job is going to do so much for you. Yet you don’t want to take it and keep at the same job that you’ve been complaining to me about for the past year just for me? I’m not letting that happen, Momo. Even if it means we won’t be together, I doubt you’ll spend your nights stressing over work that you hate doing.” Sana breathes out.

Momo’s silent for a moment, tension growing between the two of them with every second they remained mute.

“I would spend those nights with you because you would stay up for me. Even if you go to work early in the morning.” Momo reminisces. “I’m going to miss that so much, Sana. I’m going to miss you.”

“It’s not like we can’t still be together; long distance relationships exist, right?” Sana says wistfully.

“Sana-”

“I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m only happy with you.”

- how will she find the strength… to confront it?

Maybe, if Sana was wiser, she would’ve learned from her past experiences. Then, Sana wouldn’t of found Momo to be another one came and gone.

Momo was always an exception to those type of things, though.

-

a/n;; Ya'll know that thing where you reuse a phrase or sentence used previously in your story, but this time to provoke a different emotion WELL i'm a class A LOSER for that stuff; this being exhibit A of that. anyway, the quotes actually act as a whole quote altogether, but whatever. it's from this game called The Beginner's Guide and I would reccomend watching a no commentary gameplay video of the game because it's SUPER good. i cried. anyway enjoy this,,,, mediocre angst. thought this collection was too fluffy.