Pairing : Jang Hyunmi x Nam Woohyun (Infinite)
Genre : Slice of Life, Angst, Romance, Friendship
Words : 13,705
Written By : Lulyssahyun

Is it possible to love someone so much, that their loss can shatter your entire world?

Yes, Hyunmi thought as she stood under the shadow of the big willow tree. The wind cold as it blew on her skin, lifting her short hair to make it dance around her face. It was very much possible. But she could do nothing now. She could do nothing to stop them.

She only watched as the dirt was shoveled over the coffin. The coffin that contained the one person who had very much been the sunshine to her, now dark, world. Tears were falling freely from her eyes; she had given up controlling them long ago. Now that he was gone she no longer needed to keep up a strong front. She no longer needed to smile, to pretend that everything was going to be all right.

Because it wasn’t. Nothing would be right without him.
 

Their first meeting was as cliché as could be. Hyunmi often recalled it with a chuckle. It was as though the scene had had been written for a drama. They had bumped into one another at their school’s library, of all places. Hyunmi would have never guessed how the, then stuttering, young boy would come to play such a huge part in her life. How she would learn all his quirks as though they were her own. How she would learn to anticipate the sparkle in his eyes. How she would learn to love his big smile and the melodious laughter that would be sure to follow.

No, she hadn’t known at the time. She was too busy recovering her fallen papers and books to even bid the other a proper gaze. It was his voice that first caught her attention. The way it rang, almost musically, through her ears.

“I’m really sorry. I should have paid more attention to where I was going.”

“Yes. You should have.” Usually Hyunmi would be more civil, even nice. But her assignment was due for the day after and she could only pray that her papers had not wrinkled up through the impact of the collide.

She could feel the boy duck down beside her. Hands that were surprisingly pretty for a boy’s, reaching to help her pick up her belongings. The books were gathered in seconds. Luckily her assignment was very much intact. Finally looking up, Hyunmi found herself gazing at a boy who couldn’t have been any older than her. He had chocolate brown hair, twinkling crescent eyes and a smile that she could only describe as a square.

“Hello. I’m Byun Baekhyun.”
 

Hyunmi wasn’t one to make friends after just one meeting but Baekhyun proved to be persistent. He would manage to somehow always find her during their lunch period. He would have probably pestered her all the way through her classes too, but he had turned out to be a year younger than her; much their dismay. ‘I swear you can’t be even a day older than me?! I refuse to believe this sorcery!’

Never the less, the boy continued to seek her out for weeks. He would always invite himself to her table. Even Kibum’s stink eyes -he was clearly not amused by the younger’s antique- deemed unable to dampen Baekhyun’s bright mood. He proved to be rather thick skinned. Sitting under Kibum’s scrutinizing gaze without even batting an eyelid. Pretty soon the older boy gave up.

Which shocked Hyunmi. She had never seen her best friend lose to anyone.

However, no one was really surprised when it became Hyunmi’s turn to give up too. Before she knew how, her walls had been torn down. She found herself enjoying the younger boy’s presence more with each passing day.

So when he had asked her out, exactly five months after the small encounter at the library; it had only seemed appropriate for her to say yes.

Months had turned into years and before she knew it Hyunmi had graduated from junior high to high school. But that proved no hindrance in their, now romantic, relationship. Baekhyun liked to joke that the year apart had only proven to make them closer.

Two years spent with the other had passed in the blink of an eye. Baekhyun was set to move into her school after the summer break. Everything was good. So good that she should have started to speculate that something was bound to change.
 

The first time that she saw him in a hospital gown had been near enough to bring her to a full breakdown. If she hadn’t been so determined on keeping a strong front for him, she would have shattered on the spot. But someone needed to be strong. His mother was crying and his father looked as white as the sheet that surrounded his weak body. Yes, Hyunmi decided. She needed to be strong.
 

And somehow she had managed it. Even as the doctor confronted the broken family. Even as Baekhyun’s mother gasped. Even as the nurses rushed in to help his hysterical parents. Even as the doctor’s whisper rang clearly through her ears. ‘Your son has leukemia. We can’t guarantee how much longer he has.’ She remained strong. She refused to cry.

Because if Baekhyun could manage to keep his radiant smile through all of that; then so would she.
 

“You’re going to be fine. Everything’s going to be ok.”

Hyunmi eventually lost count of the number of times she had said those words. It was almost as though her brain had been wired to repeat them automatically.

If Baekhyun felt worse than usual, that would be her reply. If he was having one of his bad days, she’d say it again. Even when he lay sick and fragile on the hospital bed, she said it like a mantra through her tears. It was her default answer to everything. Everything would be fine. She wasn’t exactly sure who she was trying to reassure anymore.

But everything wouldn’t be fine. Hyunmi had learnt that the hard way. Life never goes by your tracks. It has its own rails; the journey is never easy.

And when the inevitable came, she didn’t only lose him; she lost her will to live…
 

“Hyunmi?”

Silence.

“Jang Hyunmi?”

Silence.

“Hey, moron!”

Hyunmi winced as the rolled up paper hit her head. Reaching a hand to rub the spot, she fixed her so-called-friend with an icy glaze. “What?”

Kibum didn’t reply. Clucking his tongue and giving one of his world famous eye rolls. He reached forward and pushed the paper, he had previously used to hit her with, towards her.

Hyunmi look at the slightly bent envelope, eyebrows furrowing as she read the sender’s address. She quickly took the envelope and slipped it into her bag, all the while ignoring the obvious glare her friend was giving her.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Kibum sounded exasperated.

“No.”

“It’s from KNU Hyunmi-”

“I said, no.” Her tone was firm. So firm that it even managed to stop the smartass reply Kibum had already formed on his lips.

Hyunmi returned her attention to the lunch she had been trying to eat. In her peripheral vision she could clearly make out the look Kibum was throwing her. It was the same look that she had been receiving from almost everyone after Baekhyun’s death. A look that clearly indicated how they were waiting for her to finally crack and go crazy.

Not being able to stand the look a moment longer, she stood up from her chair and gathered her belongings. “I just remembered I have to check a book for my assignment. I’m heading to the library. See you in class.” She didn’t even look at him instead throwing out the weak excuse as if it was really targeted at no one. Neither did she wait for a reply. She moved to the cafeteria door as fast as her short legs would allow her; all the while keeping her head low.

She didn’t really need to check any book but that didn’t stop her from going to the library all the same. It was, as she liked to affectionately call it, her safe haven. The place she went to when being around others proved to be too much for her. Hidden behind the shelves, that was where she could let her true self out. Where she no longer needed to keep a strong front. Where she no longer needed to bite her lips to keep the tears in.

Where she had met him.

She had never shut his existence out. Never tried to forget him. Never regretted knowing him. Instead she relished the moments she had spent with him. Clung to every memory as though they were her only raft from being drowned in the sorrows that she had—

“Hey!”

A throb in her forehead snatched her from her thoughts. Wincing slightly she brought her eyes up to see the thing, or rather person, she had walked into.

“Watch where you’re going.” His voice was a low growl and Hyunmi’s brows immediately furrowed at the hostile tone. She did not appreciate his rudeness.

“Sorry.” Her voice was sarcastic. The slanted eyes of the boy, just visible under his hoodie, clearly showed that he didn’t buy her apology one bit.

No other words were exchanged. However the boy made an obvious effort to slam against her shoulders as he left. Hyunmi, once again, winced. Grabbing her shoulder and going through a dozen swear words in her mind, she willed herself to stay silent. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had hurt her. As his dark brooding back disappeared, she couldn’t help but wonder why douc bags like him were allowed to live whilst people who deserved it, could not.

When her parents had asked for a family meeting, Hyunmi had not been sure what she should expect. Maybe they’d want to talk about her college choices. Which was unnecessary seeing as she had already opened her acceptance letter and promised her parents that she would go to KNU next semester. Maybe they’d want to talk about the destination of their annual summer holiday. Or maybe it would be another monthly visit to the cinemas. Ever since Baekhyun had gone, they had gone out of their way to keep her busy. Hoping that the extra time spent with them would help her forget him.

What she hadn’t anticipated was for her parents to exchange grim looks as they sat opposite of her. “You’re going to a therapy group.”

It wasn’t a question. They neither asked, nor seemed to care, for her opinion. It was a statement. Their firm gazes clearly indicating that even if she objected, which she of course would, their minds were already set.

“Why?” it took all of Hyunmi’s will to stop her voice from shaking, shouting, throwing a tantrum or doing all three simultaneously. But she knew that would get her nowhere. All she could do was to talk rationally and hope that they would hear her out.

“You need help Hyunmi.” Her mother’s voice was barely more than a sigh, and Hyunmi could notice the evident worry that underlined it. “What you went through…” another worried glance passed between them, “was something no one your age should experience. We thought that we had everything under control but you obviously need professional help.”

Although their words seemed to carry some truth, she couldn’t help but get annoyed. She knew that they were concerned. But did she ever ask them to be? Why couldn’t they leave her in peace? Was she not allowed to cope on her own terms? Was she not allowed to grieve? Must she always play the part of the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect student… was she not human?

“It’s not an actual therapy,” her father was quick to explain. Already reading her distaste by how her eyes had hardened. “More like a weekly gathering of a group of friends. Kids your age who have been through similar experiences. People who will understand you better.” Here he took a pause to reach for Hyunmi’s hand. “You’re starting college after the summer break. We just feel like you need a new start.”

She couldn’t help but think that what they wanted was not a new start but a new past. They wanted her to forget him.

She drew her hand back and ignored the look of hurt on her father’s face. Her mind was already made. Talking to a bundle of depressed teens would do little to nothing to help her. She was sure of it. But it seemed as though she would be given no other choice on the matter. “As you wish.”

It was hard to miss the bitter tone in her voice.

“Why don’t we start by introducing ourselves?”

Lowering herself in her seat to make her petite body even less visible, Hyunmi hoped that it would be possible for her to be skipped over. Sunny, the guidance counselor-or rather friend as she had prompted them all to call her-swept her eyes over the members. The older woman was only slightly taller than her and with a name like Sunny, Hyunmi was having a hard time taking her seriously.

Sunny’s roaming eyes finally stopped and Hyunmi inwardly groaned as she met the older girl’s smile.

“Why don’t we start with you?”

Silently reprimanding her parents for getting her into the sticky situation and vowing that she would one day write a book on how they had mistreated her, Hyunmi forced a smile onto her face as she spoke. “Jang Hyunmi, eighteen.”

Sunny smiled at her. Prompting her to continue and talk about her problem, but Hyunmi remained tight lipped. Refusing to give out any more information. Seeing that she wouldn’t be able to get anything else out of her, Sunny had no choice but to move on to the other members. Allowing Hyunmi to finally sigh in relief.

The rest of the hour was spent rather uneventfully. Despite Sunny’s constant smiles and comforting words, no one seemed too keen to open up about their life stories. It lead Hyunmi to believe that she surely couldn’t be the only one who was forced into this whole fiasco.

It wasn’t that the session was horridness, per say, but Hyunmi could only call it pointless at best. She didn’t need therapy. She didn’t shrinks. She certainly didn’t need to make friends with a bunch of troubled kids. All she needed was time.

Her train of thoughts were disturbed as the door of the room opened, causing the whole group to turn and look. A middle aged man, probably no more than forty, stood in the doorway. Brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm line, his hands were holding tightly to the gruff of a sweatshirt. Hyunmi’s eyes followed the fabric to see a young boy standing behind the man, looking equally as mad as, what Hyunmi presumed to be, his father.

Hyunmi was just turning her gaze from the pair, when something in her mind clicked. Doing a double take, her eyes instantly narrowed. She knew that boy. It was the guy from the library. The one who had so rudely bumped into her a few days before. She’d recognize the gruffly black sweatshirt, the disheveled hair and the -what she could now clearly see- dead eyes.

Sunny didn’t seem to notice the hostile air between the father and son, or more likely she chose to not call on it. Clapping her hands once with a big smile, she announced, “I’m so happy you could make it Woohyun.”

Hyunmi did not appreciate it when Kibum didn’t take her side. As much as she liked to declare her hatred for him on a daily basis, he was her closest, if not her only real, friend. No matter how much she denied it, she did in fact care for his opinions. Even if they were mostly just snide remarks. Which was why she was having a hard time accepting the fact that he had betrayed her.

“How could you?” her voice was barely more than a whisper but it held as much vengeance as it possibly could. It didn’t seem to have any effect on Kibum though. He had no problem meeting her eyes as he sipped lazily on his tea. The shameless bastard, Hyunmi thought vehemently.

“I don’t see the issue?” he asked. Still much more invested in his drink than her fiery outburst.

“How could you suggest the council group to my parents?!” Her hands slammed down onto the table, hard, and she had to bite her lip to not wince out loud.

The raise of Kibum’s brow showed that he had clearly not missed it as she had hoped.

“Because I thought it was what you needed.” He shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly, tone very much impassive. It was almost as though he deemed the conversation not worthy of his time.

Hyunmi breathed heavily, mentally noting that Kibum would have a very special appearance in her future story. She could already picture just exactly how he would be killed.

“Hey!”

She noted, with a surge of smugness, that she had missed what he had been saying. “What?” she hissed through her gritted teeth.

“I know you’re too stubborn to accept this, but believe it or not, I did this for you.” He wasn’t looking at her now. His gaze was fixed on his hands and his voice, for once, held no sign of sassiness. “You don’t notice it, but we do. We’ve seen how much you’ve changed after him.”

It was possibly the first time anyone had dared to mention Baekhyun to her. It was as though they were all scared that a simple reminder of him could push her over the cliff. Push her right into the clutches of the depression they were all expecting.

Or was she already there?

For once she could see the genuineness in Kibum’s eyes. All this time, she had been so determined to prove that she was all right. She had been certain that her parents were worrying for nothing. She had been so sure that she’d never stopped to ask the question… was she really fine?

When the next Saturday came, Hyunmi decided that she would approach the help group in a new light. The worst that could happen, she reasoned on the drive there, was that she would waste a couple of hours a week. But on the other end of the spectrum, seeing how she had willing gotten ready for the session had brought a smile to her parents’ face. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed that. Not a, we-have-to-smile-to-support-her, but an actual smile that had their eyes wrinkling in something that wasn’t sadness. If such a simple move on her part could make them so happy, she decided that it would be worth it.

It was a cold morning. It had just started to drizzle as Hyunmi guided her car into the parking lot. However, she was determined to not let it dampen her mood. Checking her reflection in the rear mirror, she turned the ignition off and exited the car. She wrapped her coat tightly around herself, bringing a hand to shield her hair from the small droplets of rain, as she walked to the building.

Sunny was as bright as always, moving to give her a hug; which Hyunmi replied to, albeit a little, awkwardly. Taking a seat she looked around at the somewhat familiar faces. She tried to smile sweetly, maybe she would even be able to make some friends here. Her efforts however were left fruitless. It didn’t seem as though anyone else had decided to turn a new leaf over the week. She decided to give up when a guy sitting three seats away from her sneered in reply to her smile. Bringing out the book she had stashed into her bag at the last minute, Hyunmi made herself comfortable on the chair and started to read.

The thirty minutes passed slowly, although she tried to stay focused on her reading, she couldn’t help but look up every time the room’s door was opened. It was almost as though she was waiting for someone. She wasn’t even sure whom.

One by one the seats were taken. Ten minutes had passed from nine, their designated starting hour, but their session had yet to start. Sunny had a slight frown on her face, which she masked anytime someone asked her a question. But Hyunmi noticed it. But she couldn’t pinpoint why she also could also feel an uneasy knot forming in her stomach.

It was as the clock was ticking towards nine-fifteen, just when the girl sitting next to Hyunmi started to mumble angrily under her breath, that the door opened for the final time. Sunny seemed to relax audibly. In the door-way stood no one other than the rude boy, as Hyunmi had by then dubbed him. He was, not surprisingly, wearing another black hoodie. Hyunmi wasn’t sure if it was the same one, or that he simply owned a dozen similar looking garments. His hood however was for once not covering his face.

His hair, a shade between a dark brown and black, was slightly damp. His eyes were small, the dark circles so evident under them that it almost seemed as though he had drawn them on. His mouth was set into a firm line, clearly indicating that he was not happy to be there again. Hyunmi wondered if his father had dragged him back.

He stood lingering near the door frame, Hyunmi was starting to wonder why until she noticed the only spare seat left.

“Why don’t you sit next to Hyunmi?” Sunny’s voice was as cheery as always and Hyunmi wondered if she could not see the death glare the rude boy was throwing her way, or if she just decided to ignore it as she always did.

Woohyun stood where he was, probably contemplating if he could pull off a hasty get away. However he gave in, dragging his feet before he dumped himself into the seat.

Hyunmi wrinkled her nose and drew herself back. Completely missing how the knot in her stomach had magically untied itself.

In the next two weeks, the sessions were spent in a similar manner. Woohyun would be late, and every time the only spare seat would miraculously be beside Hyunmi. She was starting to wonder if the others were doing it on purpose. Not that Woohyun messed with, or even talked to, anyone. He would spend the whole two hours brooding. Refusing to say a word. No matter how caring or chatty Sunny tried to be, his gaze remand as unwavering as ever.

Not that anyone else shared too much either. The sessions were for free talking as Sunny had mentioned. Anyone was allowed to talk about what they wanted. Which also gave them an escape route to stay quiet. All for one girl that is. She was all too happy to share. Sharing too much, in more exact words. To the point that Sunny had been forced to intervene when the girl’s speech had turned a little too private.

Sensing that the sessions were being of no real use, Sunny had decided to change things up on the fourth week.

“Why don’t we try something new?” her voice was enthusiastic but the others were anything but. Hyunmi could even swear that she heard a couple of groans. She did feel bad for Sunny, after all she was only trying to do her job, but she couldn’t blame the kids either. “How do you all feel about a buddy system?”

It was pretty clear what they all felt about it. If the glares weren’t enough, the random shout of ‘no ing way!’ was a vibrant indication.

Not that it stopped Sunny. She had probably seen enough troubled teens to be able to ignore them by now. “Great! So how shall we divide?”

She looked around the room until her eyes landed on a pair. Hyunmi instantly froze up. Already knowing what the older woman was thinking.

“Since the two of you are schoolmates.”

Yes, that piece of unfortunate news Hyunmi had acquired in the second week. That Woohyun went to the same school as her. Which she should have seen coming, seeing as their first encounter had occurred in the school library. The fact that he was her age and that they probably shared a few classes was what really surprised her. She could have sworn she’d never seen him around.

And she had intended to keep it that way, but Sunny’s expecting gaze was messing with her plans. She quickly shot a glance at Woohyun, but he was staying quiet. Hyunmi wondered if he had even heard the question.

“Hyunmi?”

Great. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her. The pressure was flammable.

Sighing, she curved her lips into something that anyone could define as a forced smile. “Sure.”

Hyunmi wasn’t sure how the buddy system was supposed to work. She hadn’t been given any instructions to stay close to Woohyun, nor did she have his number. And it wasn’t as though she would go looking for it. It took two to tango, she decided, if he wanted to talk, he could seek her out.

What she wasn’t expecting was a text from Sunny instead, asking for a meet up. Not knowing what else to do, she had replied with a yes.

The air in the small cafe was almost as warm as the blanket Hyunmi had forced herself to leave that morning. There was a slight clutter from the other customers. Being more of a night person herself, Hyunmi could not imagine why so many people were up and about on an early Saturday morning. She also couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have a talk with Sunny at their weekly session. Why must they meet two hours earlier at a coffee shop outside of town?

Nodding at the smiling barista, Hyunmi found an empty table near one of the windows. Taking off her coat and scarf, she placed her belongings on the seat beside her, before looking out of the window. It was a dull September morning, the sun was concealed by the looming grey clouds. Hyunmi didn’t mind the gloomy weather, for it never failed to remind her of Baekhyun.

He had loved sundrenched days. Days spent lazily laying on the warm grass as he told Hyunmi how his day had gone. Even when he had been sick, he would have her push his wheelchair outside, just so he could bask in the sunshine for a while. And when the days were cloudy, he would pretend to be upset. Going so far as to shout playfully at the clouds. How dare they rob him of his sun? He would then continue to pout, only stopping when Hyunmi planted a short kiss on his cheeks.

Maybe he hadn’t hated cloudy days all that much.

She, for sure had not.

“Hyunmi?”

She looked up at her name. Sunny had a hand clasped around her bag, her breaths shallow as though she had ran on her way.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” Sunny huffed as she took the seat opposing Hyunmi.

“You’re actually not,” Hyunmi smiled as she glanced at her watch. There was still a good three minutes left to seven. “I just like being early.”

Sunny nodded at that. Rearranging her stuff, she reached a hand out for the menu Hyunmi had left untouched. “Have you ordered yet?”

Hyunmi shook her head no.

Sunny brought a hand up to call the waiter and recited their orders; a black coffee for herself and a caramel macchiato for Hyunmi. It wasn’t till their drinks were served, their hands wrapped around the steaming mugs as a source of warmth, that Hyunmi dared to ask more.

“Is everything ok?” she murmured. A million reasons as to why Sunny would need to talk to her had run through her mind. Had her parents said something? Despite Hyunmi’s efforts, were they still worried?

“It’s about Woohyun.”

Hyunmi tried to not let a frown form on her face. “If this is about the buddy system, wouldn’t it have been better to talk about it in today’s session?” she tried to keep her voice sweet, but it was proving to be a hard feet. All the numerous sad scenarios that had ran through her mind had been for nothing.

Sunny took her time to drink her coffee, before she fixed Hyunmi under her eyes. “No, this isn’t something I can share with everyone. I’d like to keep it…private, if you will. You can’t recall what I say here anyplace else Hyunmi.”

The words prompted Hyunmi to frown freely. But she didn’t say anything, allowing Sunny to continue.

“You see, this is about Woohyun’s condition-”

“Should you be telling me this?” Hyunmi couldn’t help but interrupt. “As our guidance counselor, aren’t you sworn to secrecy?”

“Yes.” Sunny looked down at her intertwined hands before continuing. “However I’m not telling you this as his counselor. I’m telling you this as Woohyun’s aunt.” Seeing the stunned look on the younger girl’s face, she chuckled lightly before carrying on. “His mother was my older sister.”

“Was…?”

“She passed away two years ago.”

Hyunmi was stupefied. Stunned into silence, she no longer knew how she was supposed to reply. She had never wondered, nor really cared, about the cause of Woohyun’s problems. Leading herself to believe that he acted the way he did, because he was simply rude.

“He’s had…issues. Refuses to take therapy. He only agreed to come to the sessions because I begged him to. His father has lost any hope in him. Even I’m starting to lose hope.” Sunny’s voice lowered as she said each word. It was almost as though she was whispering to herself, completely forgetting Hyunmi’s presence.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Hyunmi murmured. Watching as Sunny’s eyes met hers as she remembered that she was not alone. “But, why are you telling me this?”

The woman cleared as she sat up in her seat. “I heard about what happened with you friend Hyunmi. Your loss seemed so similar to Woohyun’s that I couldn’t help but think that you could help one another. And when I heard that you went to his school, everything seemed to click. His father and he only moved back to this city after his mother passed away. He doesn’t know many people in that school. I highly doubt that he even has friends.” She paused and Hyunmi gave a nod of confirmation. She hadn’t seen Woohyun a lot around school, never mind seeing him with friends.

“Please, he needs help. And I believe you’re the best person who can give it to him.”

“What are you looking for?”

Hyunmi decided to ignore Kibum, instead keeping her eyes moving from side to side, trying to find her target. But Kibum was not one to be ignored. Hyunmi almost screeched as he closed his face to hers. Holding her eyes in a dramatic manner.

“What are you up to Jang Hyunmi?” his voice was nothing more than a murmur on her face, and she instantly reached both her hands to his shoulders, pushing him away with a force that had him grunting.

“It’s none of your business.” She would have resumed her search then, but she was pretty sure that Nam Woohyun was not going to show up. She had managed to find out his schedule from the office that morning. They shared no classes, which explained why she had seen so little of him. They did however have the same lunch break. Hyunmi had been trying to find him for a good fifteen minutes, but he seemed to be nowhere in the mass of students in the lunch hall.

“Kibum,” she suddenly called, turning her head towards her friend who was now casually sipping on his coke. “Do you know anyone by the name of Nam Woohyun?”

Kibum raised a brow, but continued to sip on his straw for a few more seconds before finally replying. “I might.”

“Seriously!” Hyunmi was almost shouting now. Not that a raised temper ever got anywhere with Kibum. He would only talk in his own time. But something in her tone must have caught his attention. Because he shrugged and said:

“I have a class with him, why?”

Hyunmi disregarded the question, instead asking one of her own. “Do you know where I might be able to find him?”

“Someone mentioned that he liked to spend his lunch breaks in the garden on the second floor. But wh—Hey!”

Hyunmi had already reached the staircase by then.

Hyunmi had only been up to the second story ‘garden’ a handful of times, one of them being for an experiment in Bio. It wasn’t even really a garden per se. It was originally a big balcony that was now used to store some plants. The railings around it were short, and the administration had asked students multiple times to not go up there.

Hyunmi was not surprised that Woohyun had decided to ignore the rule.

She found him leaning against the rail. His hands stretched out in front of him. His hoodie, for once, wasn’t black but a deep blue color. Paired with the ripped jeans and gruffy converses, it would be sure to attract some snarky comment from Kibum -the school’s self-proclaimed fashionista- if he were to see him.

Clearing gently as to not scare him, she walked over to where he was standing. She stopped a few feet short, the railings did look far too small to be safe. She patiently waited for him to notice her presence.

He turned his head, giving her a thorough look before turning back to what he had previously been doing, staring at the ground below. His body weight was completely thrown onto the railings, Hyunmi wondered if he’d noticed just how flimsy they were.

“What do you want?”

Hyunmi almost jumped. One, because she had expected him to continue to ignore her and two, because she had only heard his voice twice. Up close, she noted how good it sounded. Just the right amount of low and husky. She almost face-palmed at the thought. Quickly reminding herself who he was and why she had come looking for him.

“Hi.” Her voice quivered slightly, she mentally chastised herself for being so nervous. All throughout her academic years, she had been praised for her speeches, going so far as to win multiple prizes. Yet talking to Nam Woohyun proved to be harder than talking to a room full of people.

“I asked you a simple question.” His voice didn’t convey any anger, in fact it seemed to be derived of all feelings. As though he didn’t deem her worthy enough to spend any emotions on her.

Hyunmi could feel her cheeks warming up. She wanted to ask him who he was to disregard her like so, but remembering Sunny’s words, she bit her lip instead. “So, the buddy-”

“Don’t bother.” He finally turned to look at her as he said the words.

Again, Hyunmi felt as though she was unworthy under his gaze.

“Don’t bother to try to find me again.”

If there was something that Hyunmi would never step down from, it was a challenge. Which is what she saw her last encounter with Woohyun as. A challenge. Sunny had trusted her for a reason, and as much as she didn’t enjoy Woohyun’s company, any more than he enjoyed hers, she would not let his aunt down.

That was how she found herself standing outside of a two story house with a trimmed garden, Friday afternoon. Hyunmi straitened her skirt down with the palm of hand, bringing the other up to ring the intercom. She smiled sweetly into the camera, keeping it intact until the front door was opened and a man, whom she remembered to be Woohyun’s father, greeted her.

He looked far different without the scowl on his face. Hyunmi gave an internal sigh of relief before reaching out a hand. “Hello Mr. Nam, I’m Jang Hyunmi.”

“The tutor?” he asked as he took her hand in a firm shake.

She nodded her yes. No more words were exchanged as he guided her into the house. Hyunmi had readied herself for a thorough inquiry on why she had volunteered to tutor Woohyun for free, but Mr. Nam seemed to not mind. It had her wondering if what Sunny had said was true; had he really given up on his son?

The living room they walked into was neither big nor small. She was shown where to sit, before Mr. Nam excused himself to find his son. Leaving her with some time to evaluate the space.

There was, Hyunmi noted with surprise, an utter lack of pictures; a vast difference to her own family home, where school photos of her throughout the years littered the walls. A piano was positioned against the wall in one corner, she wondered who played it since neither Woohyun nor his father seemed the musical type. The space was clean, too clean, almost as though someone one had immaculately tidied it only moments before. It lead her to wonder if the family even used the room. For there was nothing remotely homely about it.

Coming to the conclusion, she raised her head in time to see Mr. Nam walking back; a furrow in his brows and a sulking Woohyun behind him. Had they fought again? She didn’t have much time to wonder as Woohyun’s eyes landed on her. She tried to smile in reply. He shot a brow up, almost as though he was asking her if she was seriously doing this. She wasn’t yet quite sure if she was.

His father did not stay around. Throwing out that he would be in his study if they’d need him –though his unwelcoming glare clearly indicated that they shouldn’t– before he stepped out of the room; leaving an awkward atmosphere in his wake.

Hyunmi wondered if Woohyun would leave after, if she should restore to force. However she needn’t have worried. He threw himself in an armchair, one leg folding over the other as he narrowed his gaze on her. Almost as if she were a rare species and he had the job of figuring her out.

She shifted uncomfortably, waiting for him to take his eyes off of her. He, however, seemed in no hurry to do so. Clearing in indication, she decided to try another approach. “Well, Nam Woohyun, I don’t know if you’ve been informed of this yet or not, but I have volunteered to be your tutor for the upcoming exams.” She tried to keep her voice steady, using what she liked to think was her business tone.

“Why?” he simply asked.

Hyunmi sat still. It was of course a question that she anticipated, thus she recited her thought out answer. “I need the extra credit.”

“Please,” the boy cracked a smirk, it was the first time she had seen anything remotely close to humor on his face. “The Jang Hyunmi needing extra credit? Didn’t you already get an early submission to KNU?”

Hyunmi was flabbergasted. She had thought that Woohyun had as much knowledge about her as she had about him; nothing. She hadn’t for a moment expected that he would see through her plan. “Well-” she was stuttering again, but she quickly pinched the back of her hand to gain her composure back. “If you know me so well, you’d know that I had to take a few weeks’ absence due to…personal reasons. I could use the extra credit.”

This wasn’t a complete lie. Although not the main reason as to why she was here, she had indeed taken nearly a month of absence during her second year. The month that had led to… she refused to think of that now. Her eyes were well on their way to tearing up, but she would be damned if she allowed herself to cry in front of this arrogant boy.

“Ok.”

Hyunmi quickly looked up, not sure if she could believe her ears or not. He leaned against the backrest of the armchair, hands perched on his thighs as he gave her an unreadable look.

“I’m all yours Jang Hyunmi.”

Sunny had thanked her multiple times, even gone so far as to praise her efforts. Yet Hyunmi couldn’t help but wonder if the older woman would still be as pleased if she saw the current situation. It was the third tuition lesson already, and she and Woohyun were seated at the dining table. Their books, or rather Hyunmi’s, sprawled out in front of them. Mr. Nam, who had once again stayed long enough to welcome her in, was nowhere to be seen.

Woohyun had some earphones in his ears and was giving her none of his attention. True to his words, he had showed up every time that she asked him to, but it was as if his shell appeared and not him. He paid no attention to the lessons she gave, which wasn’t what really distressed her; she was after all not really there to tutor him.

It was the fact that he still shut her out. Spending three days in the past week with him had seemed to have zero effectiveness. She felt as though they were back to their consoling sessions. Sitting next to each other, yet not really caring about the other.

Hyunmi wasn’t really sure why she was so persistent to crack him. Yes, Sunny had asked her, and yes, his story was a sad one. But what could she possibly do if he refused to let her in. Who was she even to help him? She still couldn’t manage to think of Baekhyun’s death without an onslaught of tears, how could she help him to move on?

She looked over at the boy nodding along to the music he was listening to. His eyes were closed, fingers absently following the notes. He looked more peaceful than she had ever seen him. And that’s when she knew.

She’d help him. In any way that she could.

In a moment of bravery, she was bound to later question, she leaned her body against him, reached a hand for an earbud before she pulled it out.

His eyes instantly opened looking at her stunned. She could only reply with a perplexed gaze, frozen on the spot, not knowing what to do next. His earphone was still dangling from her fingers and she realized, five seconds too late, that she was mere centimeters away from his. So close that she could see his pupils dilate as he assessed the situation.

The few seconds seemed to pass like minutes, his eyes were gazing into hers, holding her in place. Somewhere in her mind she could hear a voice screaming at her to get away. But her body seemed to have a mind of its own. It seemed a little too comfortable basking in his warmth.

He was the first to break the spell. Gently moving around in his seat. She instantly drew her body back, knowing her cheeks had warmed up to a bright shade of red. What had she been thinking?! He, at least, had the decency to not say anything. He gently tugged his earphones back, setting them slightly to the side.

Was he afraid that she would attack him if he put them on again? The thought alone had her almost banging her head to the table. If only the floor would open up to swallow her whole, that would have been great. She quickly averted her eyes away from him, focusing on the piano that stood a few feet away from where they were seated.

She focused her gaze on the lifeless object. Hoping that if she stared at it long enough, he would get tired and leave her alone. Then she could go home and never look back. Nam Woohyun could do whatever he wished with his life.

“Do you play?”

His low voice was almost enough to send her jumping. She brought a hand to clutch her heart, before finally glancing at him. Was he talking to her? It was either that or his question had been directed at the furniture. Somehow, she didn’t think he was that crazy. Yet.

“Not anymore.” She decided to take a chance and answer the question.

“Why?”

His voice wasn’t mocking, there was no nosy tone underlying his words; he genuinely seemed to care. And so she told him.

“I stopped playing after Baekhyun.”

He was probably one of the only people she had tried to talk about Baekhyun with, who didn’t react in an overly manner. Usually she would only get pitting glances and comforting hugs. It had helped, at first, but with time she had grown to hate it. Why must his name only be associated with his death? She had shared so many memories with him. Why couldn’t she simply remember him in a beautiful light?

But Woohyun didn’t respond as other people had. He didn’t try to pry any further. He didn’t exclaim that she should continue playing it like her parents had. She didn’t need to explain to him, like she had to them, that the piano had always been Baekhyun’s forte. That she had simply tagged along to the lessons to spend more time with him. That she enjoyed playing the guitar more and the hilt in her piano playing was not a sign that she was depressed.

No, Woohyun did none of that; he simply nodded his head. She felt as though he could understand how she felt. It was probably what gave her the courage to ask the next question.

“Do you play?”

He looked at the piano for a while, before turning his gaze back to hers. “Not anymore.” He answered in a similar fashion as hers. She needn’t ask to know why. “But maybe I will someday.”

Hyunmi could have sworn that she saw a faint smile on his face. Not a smirk, but a sincere lift of the corner of his lips. But he had turned his head before she could be sure.

“Looks like our hour is up. See you next time, Hyunmi.”

If there was one thing Hyunmi could not understand about dramas, it was how the main characters –who had been sworn enemies from episode one– always managed to get close in the span of an episode. One close call together, and they would be kissing in the next scene. Not that she was complaining, she’d take the happy scenes over the sad ones any day. But it all just seemed unreal.

That wasn’t how things went in the real world. You didn’t have a moment of euphoria, and bam! The guy you hated was your soul mate. That wasn’t how things worked.

Then why, did she need to force her heart to stop doing summersaults every time she saw Woohyun in the aftermath of the piano affair. Why did she need to constantly remind herself that this was the same rude boy she had deemed unworthy of being alive a mere month ago. How was it that a simple look from him had her wanting to melt in a puddle of goo?

His presence was like quick sand. She was engulfed before she knew how. The more she tried to struggle, the closer he reeled her in.

Yet, she was sure that he had no idea what sort of effect he had on her. His, now almost constant playful smiles, were surly not meant to turn her knees to jelly. Yet they never failed to do just that.

She knew she was wrong for feeling what she did.

But she didn’t know how she could stop it.

Sometimes, Hyunmi felt as though Woohyun possessed two personalities. One, the caring boy she had come to known in their private studies. The boy who felt relaxed enough now to crack jokes around her. The boy who always had a smirk on his face. The boy who despite his strong front, still couldn’t hide the sensitive soul that he held within.

But the boy could change instantly. The moment his father stepped into the living room, it was as though he was back at square one. When they were at their counseling sessions, he would sit beside her for an hour without so much as looking at her, never mind talking. Even the couple of times they had accidently met at school had been awkward. Hyunmi had quickly learned that she couldn’t approach him anywhere unless in the privacy of his home. It hurt how he disregarded her everywhere else. But he’d never miss to apologize when it was just them later in the day, and somehow, she could never bring herself to stay mad.

“Do you have a facebook account?” he casually asked one day. Their tutoring lessons had quickly changed through the course of the weeks. They each did their own thing now. Hyunmi would mostly read or write, he would mostly be absorbed in his phone. Yet they never missed the chance to start up a conversation.

Hyunmi averted her eyes form the page she had been focused on. She gazed at him, wondering what might have brought the sudden question. Until she remembered the stalking spree she had gone on a few days before. Where she had managed to find his account and proceed to look through every post he had shared. It had saddened her how he had no friends from their current school.

She had hovered her finger over the friend request button for minutes. Wondering if she should hit it or not. But remembering how he didn’t react well to her attempts at talking to him when they were in the presence of others, had her quickly diminishing the idea. She had closed the tab and not thought about it since.

But had she accidently hit the friend button without meaning to? Had she left some sort of sign that she had spent a good two hours looking through all the pictures that contained a happy looking young Woohyun?

He raised a brow, making her realize that she had still to answer him. She nodded her head slowly, her mind a whirlpool of thoughts as she tried to find a believable excuse that might have brought about her activities.

To her surprise though, he only smiled. “Great. I’ll follow you.”

Hyunmi looked on with an open mouth. Not quite sure what had happened. Woohyun had already returned back to his phone, but she couldn’t stop the thumping of her heart for a good thirty minutes after.

The lunch hall was an uproar, causing Hyunmi to shake her head at the surrounding batter. Flyers were being passed around between the student body, some falling through the exchanges, leaving a crumpled mess of colorful papers underneath the tables. Hyunmi had to bite her lip to not shout out at people to pick up the mess they had made. She could never understand how some folks could be so irresponsible.

She watched as Kibum looked through one of the leaflets, a big smile on his face. She was sure the last time he had been so happy was when he’d gotten the Gucci purse he’d been lusting after for his birthday.

“You look awfully happy. I thought you saw school dances as dumb.” She deadpanned.

That was what the hype was about, a school dance.

“It’s not just any dance, Hyunmi. This a Halloween dance. Think of all the possible costumes.” His eyes were twinkling as he said the words.

Hyunmi once again shook her head. “The dance won’t even be on Halloween. I don’t get the hype.”

Kibum cast her a dark look, causing her to instantly cower in her seat and wonder why her only friend had to be such a psycho. Gathering her lunch plate, she threw out a hastily bye to him, not that he really seemed to notice. He was already drawing out a rough sketch of what looked suspiciously like Marge Simpson on the back of his leaflet. Shaking her head, Hyunmi walked away.

She wasn’t sure where she was planning to go. There was still twenty minutes to the bell. She could always go to the library, but she had found that she’d been spending less and less time there. She let her feet take her where they may, and before she knew it, she was pushing an escape door to the fresh air.

She hadn’t been to the second floor garden ever since her fateful talk with Woohyun. Being a prized student, the teacher’s pet as some would call her, she was not one to break the rules. And yet she found herself not shying away from the place. Instead she allowed herself in, closing the metal door behind her.

She wasn’t sure if it was for the beautiful sight of the clear sky, or the figure she saw stooped down beside a pot plant.

Walking towards him, she gently reached a hand to touch his shoulders. He jumped a little, his earphones had been in and he hadn’t noticed her approaching.

“Hey.”

He was smiling, but Hyunmi didn’t miss the slightly clouded look in his eyes nor the way he quickly locked his phone and shoved it into his pocket. She decided to not comment. Instead she sat beside him, a few inches between them, with their legs almost touching.

They stayed quiet like that for a few moments, until Hyunmi decided to hold out a leaflet one of her fellow seniors had managed to shove into her hand as she had been taking the stairs.

“Do you plan on going?” she asked.

“Hmm?” Woohyun mumbled as he glanced at her. It was as though his mind was on something else entirely. “The dance?” he questioned as his eyes fell on the paper she was holding. “If I have nothing better to do then I suppose?”

She nodded her head. If he decided to go then it might make the event slightly more bearable for her.

Despite the clear sky, there was a bite to the cold air and Hyunmi shuddered as a chilly wind passed. Huddling her arms around her body, she wished she had stopped by her locker to take her coat.

She felt Woohyun moving beside her and looked to see him taking off his sweatshirt. He passed it to her without a word. She quietly looked at it. The warm fabric looked more than welcoming, but would it be ok if she took it. She needn’t have worried. He shoved the item into her hands, his set mouth clearly indicating that she couldn’t try to refuse it.

“Thanks.” Hyunmi muttered as she slipped her petite body into the big sweater. It engulfed her completely, coming down to her mid-thighs and in seconds she could feel the warmth it still held from his body radiating to hers. Smiling contently she turned to thank him.

But he had a hard look in his eyes, trying to tug down the sleeves of his slightly too short shirt sleeves. She finally knew why he would never take his oversized sweaters off.

Hyunmi instantly averted her eyes, but the image still flashed clear in her mind. The white scars were all too visible on his wrists.

She never said a word about what she had seen. It clearly made him uncomfortable. And she was in no place to ask. Neither was she sure that she’d want an answer. Sunny had said that he’d faced issues over his mother’s death. She’d had to face her own demons. Who was she to judge someone else on how they coped with their pain. The past was the past. All that mattered was that the Woohyun she now knew was happy.

Yet as much as she tried to ignore what had happened, she couldn’t help but think that it enticed a draw-back in their relationship. It wasn’t an obvious sign and sometimes she wondered if she was merely imagining it. Maybe she was reading too much into the matter. But it was hard to stay optimistic when she saw Woohyun glued to his phone, even more than usual. She couldn’t help but raise her brows every time he stashed his phone if she got too close to it. He’d reply with a sheepish smile, never giving an explanation.

Their ‘tuition lesson’, which had become daily happenings by then, had been spent in complete silence. Wanting to break the awkwardness, she turned to say something to him. Not remembering their close proximity, nor anticipating that he would turn his head at the same time, she could only watch in horror as their faces collided, and she want lips first into his face; really the corner of his mouth if she wanted to be more exact.

She sat motionless. The most obvious thing to do was for her to move away. But her muscles refused to make the effort. It scared her how comfortable the warmth of his skin under her lips felt. She didn’t have much time to bask in the happy glow. Before she could quite process what was happening, Woohyun had turned his head.

But not away from her. She felt a soft tingling as his lips fully touched hers. Their chapped skin unmoving under her own. She closed her eyes. Wanting to lose herself in the sensation. It never even registered to her that what they were doing might be wrong.

But the feeling left just as quickly as it had come.

Hyunmi opened her eyes to a concerned looking Woohyun. He had stepped out of his seat, his tall figure looming over hers. His hands were ruffling his hair, his cheeks were ablaze and his eyes refused to meet hers.

Hyunmi could read the regret before he even said anything. Her heart dropping at the realization of what they had done. At the fact that he thought it was a mistake.

“You should leave.”

She didn’t see him in the next couple of days. She didn’t call; nor did he. It seemed impossible to even comprehend going to his house. The thought was so ridiculous that it had her laughing. Laughing until tears had started to collect in her eyes. She wasn’t exactly sure if they were tears of joy.

She wasn’t crying for him, no. She refused to do so. He had made it clear that he thought the kiss was a mistake. And she would not allow herself to cry over a mistake. She was, she reasoned, crying out of guilt. She was crying for Baekhyun.

She was being absurd, for Baekhyun would have never wanted her to stay unhappy for him, but she pushed the thought away. Because thinking like that helped to ease her hurt after the pain Woohyun had conflicted.

The counseling session was where she saw Woohyun next. After a failed attempt at finding a chair away from him, she once again found herself seated beside him. However she refused to look his way. Her cheeks were ablaze and she tilted her head in hopes that her hair would serve as a form of protection for her face.

Things were awkward to say the least.

He didn’t try to approach her. And she couldn’t tell if she was relieved or sad by it. Relieved, she muttered to herself, angry that she was once again pondering on him. She’d be relieved if she never saw him again.

The session was spent as usual. Woohyun had never approached her through their sessions to begin with so their sudden cold approach to the other raised no brows. Around half way through, Sunny gave them their regular break. Everyone stood up to stretch their legs but Hyunmi stayed seated. Arms folded on her lap, she just wanted the session to be over with so she could go home. Being next to him drained her more than she’d thought possible. Resting her head on the backrest of her chair, she tried closing her eyes to quieten down the headache that was threatening to erupt.

But her temporary peace was disturbed by a gentle ping. Quickly followed by another and another one.

She opened her eyes to see a lit up phone screen on the chair beside her. She’d seen it enough times to know who it belonged to. It must have dropped out of Woohyun’s pocket when he’d left to talk to Sunny.

She’d not meant to look at the screen but the message caught her attention.

This is your video for tonight. Watch it.

A file was attached to it. Hyunmi wasn’t sure what took over her. She was not one to touch anyone’s possessions without their consent, but her hand had reached out for the small black device before she knew how.

She clicked on the video file, waiting as it buffered slightly. Finally the screen turned black. Hyunmi had to squint her eyes against the bad quality. It was obviously an amateur clip. As the screen cleared up slightly, she could just make out the outlines of a couch and a table. The video had been taken in a house of some sort. She wondered what the meaning of the video was, or why anyone would want Woohyun to watch it.

Just as she was about to close the file and put the phone back, the screen started to quiver. The person taking the film had started to run. Hyunmi watched as the screen followed some stairs, before it finally stood in front of a closed door for a few seconds. Then the door was slowly opened.

And Hyunmi almost screamed.

She threw the phone away instantly. Closing her eyes, wishing that she could erase the horrible scene forever. She wished she could erase the look of pure terror on the dead girl’s face, and the happy grins of her captivators from her mind.

“He’s crazy!”

How Hyunmi had managed to spend the next half of the class without shouting like a mad woman was beyond her. But she’d forced herself to stay put. She’d waited until the last person had left through the door before she’d turned to Sunny.

The older woman looked at her shocked. She’d obviously not anticipated the outburst. “Hyunmi-”

“He’s a psychopath!” Hyunmi could feel the prickling of tears as she thought back to the disgusting image she had seen. She wondered what ruthless monster could do such an act. Why would they film it? And why would anyone want to watch it on their own accord. Woohyun was just as much of a monster.

“Hyunmi, you need to calm down.” Sunny said calmly, reaching a hand on the other’s shoulder but Hyunmi quickly shrugged her away. Sunny sighed, looking at the fury in the girl’s eyes. It was almost as though she knew what the girl had seen. “He’s not crazy,” she said with a small voice. “He was addicted.”

Hyunmi scoffed, wondering what kind of a fool they took her for. Had Sunny been playing her all along just as her nephew had?

“He used to play the Blue Whale Hyunmi.”

Hyunmi finally met the older woman’s gaze. Feeling a shiver pass through her as she heard the name.

“He tried to kill himself.”

More than forty teenage suicides linked with a deathly game; what is the government doing to stop the Blue Whale phenomena?

Hyunmi remembered the deadline as though she had only read it yesterday. The article Baekhyun had jokingly forwarded to her all those years ago had sent a shiver up and down her spine.

The blue whale.

A game with only one objective.

To help one take their own life.

And suddenly Hyunmi could understand Woohyun’s odd behavior. The leaked levels of the game were still hacked in her brain.

Use a razor to carve f57 on your arm.

She’d thought that the cuts on his wrists had been random lines. But they had been forming a word all along.

Stand at the edge of a rooftop.

She now knew why he’d always be at the second floor roof. The way he always stood so close to the edge. It should have been a clear sign.

Listen to the music they send to you.

Was that why he seemed so guarded when she’d tried to listen to his music. Claiming that it would be nothing good for her?

Watch the horror movies that they send to you.

Hyunmi closed her eyes. The one movie she had seen had been enough to break her to tears. How many had he seen?

Make a cut on your lip.

She could still remember how rough his lips had felt on hers.

Kill yourself.

She sat on the doorstep. Her arms curled around herself in attempt to hold off the bitter cold. How long had she been sitting there? Eight? Nine hours? She had lost count herself. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. But she ignored the noise. Eyes only focused on the street as it had been ever since she had reached Woohyun’s house.

She’d wait for him. Even if it took all night.

Because despite Sunny’s assurance that Woohyun had stopped playing the game after his failed suicide, Hyunmi couldn’t shake the bad feeling away.

The sound of a car pulling into the drive way caught her attention. She slowly stood up, shielding her eyes against the head light. She watched as the car finally came to a halt and moments later, a surprised looking Woohyun appeared from it.

“Hyunmi?”

She hadn’t realized how much she had missed his voice. How much she’d missed the way her name rolled so effortlessly off his tongue. But she shook her head. Refusing to let herself be wavered. Taking long steps she walked towards him, stopping when they were mere centimeters apart.

His face was covered by the shadows but she could make out the clear astonishment on his face.

“Why?” she cut straight to the chase.

His brows furrowed, his gaze never leaving hers. “What are you-”

“I know about the Blue Whale, Woohyun.” She didn’t miss how his eyes hardened at the word. “Sunny said you quit it, but why are you still getting messages from them?”

“You talked to Sunny?” he growled.

“Does that matter now?” her voice broke and she realized all too late that she was on the verge of tears.

He looked away from her when the first tear dropped from her eyes. Breathing deeply, he tried to keep his voice steady. “I quit the game.”

His voice was so firm that she wanted nothing more than to believe him. “But-”

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but it’s over.”

He looked at her once, before he moved around her.

She caught his arm to stop him but he merely shrugged her off.

“What do you want from me Hyunmi?!”

She quickly wiped a hand to her eyes before she fixed him under her stare. “Are you really ok?”

“Yes,” he said. Staring straight into her eyes. “And I’d only be better if you left me alone. I don’t want to see you again Jang Hyunmi.”

Hyunmi could only watch as he walked to the door. He didn’t turn back once.

Can ones heart break even if it’s already broken to begin with?

Yes, Hyunmi thought, it could.

But if he was happy without her, then she would accept the second fracture with open arms.

She only wanted him to be happy.

She did not appreciate the outfit Kibum had personally picked out and suggested, or rather forced, her to wear. She had wanted to go as something more sinister, something scary. But neither of those elements were present in her frilly white dress. Add that to the ludicrous wings and halo shaped headband, and Hyunmi was ready to call it quits.

“I think you look cute.” Kibum declared from where he lay sprawled on Hyunmi’s bed.

“I don’t think I should be taking advice from a guy in a blue wig.” Hyunmi snorted, watching Kibum’s comical reflection in her mirror.

“I can’t believe I gave up on my date to accompany you’re sorry .”

“A, I still can’t believe you had a date. And B, I’m sure this imaginary girl would only thank me for saving her from you.” Hyunmi turned to face her friend with both hands wresting on her hips. Raising a brow she challenged him to continue.

But he only threw his head back and laughed. “Now that’s the Hyunmi we all know and love.”

She smiled. Knowing she hadn’t been much of a herself during the past week. Knowing that her constant bursts of tears and refusal to leave her room couldn’t have been easy on her friend. Especially since he had no idea what had happened between Woohyun and her. But tonight she would stop it. Tonight would be the first step to forgetting Nam Woohyun.

Her romantic relationships always turned far too complicated. Wouldn’t it be easier if she had just fallen for her best friend instead? She immediately frowned at the image. She’d never be able to see Kibum as anything more than a friend. Some things could never change.

“Let’s get this party started!”

Twenty minutes into the dance, Hyunmi found herself seated at a lone table. Her punch drink in her hand as she already questioned why she hadn’t stayed in. Kibum had left her stranded for the dance floor, and although Hyunmi liked dancing, the heels she was wearing proved too hard on her poor feet.

She let her gaze wonder around the school hall. The lights were out, the disco ball and colored lights casting half shadows on everyone’s faces. Matched with the gruesome decorations and creative costumes, it did well to serve as a Halloween event.

Hyunmi unconsciously bobbed her head along to the music as she continued to search around. It was only then that it struck her. She was actually looking for someone. For him.

She immediately brought her eyes back to her drink. Refusing to let them roam again. She hated how weak she was being. He had clearly stated that he wanted nothing to do with her. Yet, here she was. Following him like a lost puppy.

She brought her phone out. Hoping it’d help her take her mind off things. But she was only greeted with a dozen missed calls and frantic messages from Sunny. The last one having been sent only seconds ago.

Have you seen Woohyun?!

Somehow the text set an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. All the pep talk about forgetting Woohyun forgotten as she wondered if he was all right? What was going on?! Closing the message app, she spotted a notification on her facebook account. Opening it, she was greeted with a photo that had been posted a few minutes ago by Woohyun.

The photo showed a dark sky meeting a grass field. It had obviously been taken from a height. But it wasn’t the picture that caught her attention. But the caption that followed it.

It’s time to end it all.

The words turned her blood cold. She stared at the screen, willing for the letters to change. Hoping that they might form another meaning. But they stayed unwavering.

Instantly she got up to her feet and pushed the chair back. She knew where that picture had been taken. She knew where he was.

Her breaths were shallow. Her feet almost tangling together as she took the steps two at a time. Not a clever move with the heels she was wearing. But she no longer cared. Her hands were clasped around the railings. Using the extra leverage to pull herself up. She wasn’t sure when, but she had started to cry.

The metal door came into view and without thinking, she slammed her body into it. Pushing it open, her eyes scanned the scene. The second floor garden was dark. The stars and dim street lights from the ground being the only source of brightness. Her eyes took moments to adjust. And then she finally saw him. His huddled body a shade darker than the surroundings.

“Stop!” Her voice was a shrill cry in the otherwise calm evening sky.

He was holding the railings, but as she got closer she realized with a dropping heart, that he was standing on the wrong side of it. His back was turned to her, but he couldn’t have missed her voice. Nor her presence.

“Please Woohyun.” Her voice broke on the last syllable.

And yet he still didn’t turn.

“Why are you doing this?” she was shaking. Both her voice and body. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to reach a hand to grab his body. Tug him back to her, whether he wanted it or not.

But a wrong move could lead to the inventible. She forced herself to stand. A few feet’s distance behind him. Her arms wrapped around herself as she tried to calm down her sobs.

“Woohyun… why?”

The question was eating her alive. Why was he doing this? After everything he had been through. All he had done to recover from his mother’s death, all he done to be free from that wretched game. All his family had done for him…all she had done for him. Were they not enough? Was there really nothing left for him to live for?

His hands moved on the railing, his feet taking nimble steps. She wanted to scream at him to be careful, but she only bit her lips. Knowing that shouting would only make him lose his concentration and grip. It took a few seconds, but he managed to turn his body around.

Now he was facing her.

Hyunmi took a step closer, but he instantly shook his head. Indicating that she should stay where she was. She couldn’t make out his face clearly in the blurred lighting, but she could imagine his mouth to be set in a firm line. The way it always did when he had his mind set on something.

“You’re an angel. How fitting. But you shouldn’t be here Hyunmi.” His voice was muffled against the howling wind.

“How can you say that?” She was no longer crying. Instead fixing him under an icy glare. How could he be so unfazed? How could he be planning to take his own life, yet still find the nerve to reprimand her for trying to stop him?

“I’m sorry.”

Hyunmi refused to accept it. She ignored the finality in his tone. He couldn’t make such a choice on his own. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Oh but I do,” he chuckled, his voice dry and crackling, almost as though he was trying to hold in his own tears. “You don’t know how much I have to do this.”

His words struck her, sending the wheels in her mind reeling. What he had posted, the way he had acted. His secretive behavior. Everything started to fit like a puzzle piece. “You’re playing the game again?!”

He laughed freely this time. Head thrown back in ecstasy. “You can never stop playing the game. Not until you’re dead anyway.”

Hyunmi was instantly reminded of what she had read in the article about the Blue Whale. Survivor stories that had complained about harassments after they had tried to leave. Personal information that had been leaked. Protests form grieving families who claimed the law had not done enough to save their children. She had thought that Woohyun could leave on will.

How naïve of her.

“They’re after you.” The finally piece of the jigsaw puzzle landed into place, creating a terrifying image.

He didn’t need to reply for her to know it was true. That was the true reason as to why he was here. Why he had pushed her away. He wasn’t doing this on his own free will.

“We could go to the police!” her voice sounded small even to her own ears. But she refused to give up. “They have to do something!”

He crooked his head to the side, almost as though he was asking her if even she herself believed her words. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? There’s no solid evidence. They won’t do anything until there is. Maybe my death will be a good enough reason for them.”

“Don’t say that!” she shouted angrily, refusing to register the words in her mind. “Please, Woohyun. Don’t do this. What could they possibly have on you that could be worth taking your life?”

“You.”

A shiver ran down her spine as she heard the word.

“I won’t let them hurt you.” His tone was firm, voice unwavering. “I never did get around to telling you this, but you are something else Jang Hyunmi. You’ve been through a lot and you deserve to be happy.” He paused, bringing a hand to his face. “Please be happy.”

The second carried out for what felt like minutes. Hyunmi could see everything in detail. She could hear the thumping of her heart in her ears. Could feel the wind swirling around her.

She could clearly make out the way his fingers uncurled from the metal railing. One at a time.

She could almost swear she even saw his smile.

He brought his hands up, letting them glide as though they were wings. His body slowly propelled back. The night sky engulfing him like a blanket.

And then he was gone.
 

Fin.

 

I'm sorry >_<


Edit: Click on "Fin."