"Taengoo, I'm sorry, I need to go for a meeting with the board of directors today so I have to cancel our dinner date," Jessica mutters and she bites her lips as she waits for her girlfriend's answer; her heart sinks when she hears a sigh as a reply.

"Ok," the latter replies.

"Taengoo, I know It's-" Jessica pauses when her secretary gives her a code that it's time for the meeting to start. "I need to go, I love you," she mutters and she ends the call without waiting for the reply, unaware that it hurt the person on the other line.

Taeyeon takes both plates to the dust bin and dumps the content away; she doesn't feel like eating anymore. If she knew that this was how it's going to be, she wouldn't even bother to cook her anything. She sits down on the dining chair and open the bottle of red wine to gulp it straight from the bottle. All she needs now is some alcohol in her system to calm her down.

The thing that irks Taeyeon most is that her girlfriend has been cancelling on her quite often nowadays. She knows the latter is busy but she's also super busy too and yet, she'd always give some time for her girlfriend; she starts to feel tired. When was the last time they could just laugh and not care about anything? When was the last time they could cuddle and just enjoy a movie? When was the last time they were so intimate?

Knowing that the other girl would probably come home very late, she decides to go out today. Wearing a grey oversized hoodie, black leggings and her favorite Converse, she grabs her car key. Entering her Aston Martin DB11, she hears her own song on the radio and she sighs. If only she is not a famous soloist in South Korea and if only her girlfriend is not the CEO of her own fashion brand, would their life be different? She presses on the ignite button and switches on the headlights before she goes off, leaving her shared apartment with the CEO.

She parks her car at the empty spot near to the Seokchon Lake, she is not sure whether she is allowed to park there or not but she doesn't care; she needs to calm her mind and water body has always managed to calm her down. Taking the half-filled wine bottle from the paper bag that she has brought, she brings it to the lake with her before she sits down on a bench. The sound of cricket fills her ear drums and she lets out a long exhale. Her mind travels back to a certain piece of memory.

"Sica, I'm debuting in a month," Taeyeon mutters as they are both lying down on the grass, seeing the starry skies.

"Really? That's great Taengoo!" Jessica gives her a peck on the corner of her lips and she props her head with her hand to face her girlfriend. Realising that her girlfriend is not that happy, she begins to frown. "What's wrong? Why don't you feel happy?"

"Because it means I have lesser time to spend with you and Korea is not proud of LGBT people," she sighs. "That would mean we have to keep our relationship as a secret,"

"Oh," Jessica trails off. "Right," she mutters and starts to join the other girl's solemn mood.

"If I make it to the top, people would scruntinise every action that I do and trust me, the agency would start pairing me up with some random guy just to make both of us more famous. Even at the thought of it, I can feel myself cringe. I don't want to hurt you at all, Sica. What if I become too busy that we cannot meet each other at all?"

"Taeyeon, look at me," Jessica mumbles and the other girl turns her head towards the taller one. "This is your dream," she says before putting her hand on the girl's cheek. "Achieve it and I'd be proud. We'd always find time for each other because without me, you won't have enough energy to do anything," she chuckles and Taeyeon smiles. "You know I'm not the clingy type, Taeyeon. Even a single call or text about your well-being is enough, don't need to worry too much about me, hmm?"

"Ok, I promise you that I'd always make time for you and I won't worry too much about everything,"

Taeyeon clenches her jaw before she scoffs. Jessica is not the clingy type but lately, she found herself being clingy to the other girl and she feels horrible knowing that the latter becomes busier and busier each day. Gulping down to the last drop of her wine, she stands up, preparing to head back to her apartment. She feels a lot calmer after staring at the lake and she purses her llips and lets out a long exhale - until when willl they have this kind of relationship? Knowing that the latter would probably still outside, she feels her heart at ease; at least she doesn't need to see the CEO for tonight.

+++

"Taengoo? I bought your favorite doughnuts!" Jessica hollers as soon as the door of their apartment closes. "Taengoo?" She hollers again as she walks to their bedroom and finds the other girl is missing. She goes to the kitchen and notices how 2 wine glass are still on the dining table but the bottle is nowhere to be seen. She takes a look at their sink and finds 2 plates are still unwashed. She frowns when she knows that this means the latter cooked for her. After putting the box of doughnuts on the table, she takes the 2 clean wine glass back to its rack and grabs her phone to call the latter only to find that she left it on the couch. Just when she is about to shower, she hears the sound of their apartment door unlocked and she instantly greets the latter, "Taengoo!"

"Oh, you're here early," Taeyeon gives her a small smile before hugging the taller girl back. She thought she has masked her sadness well but her tone gives the latter a massive hint that she is not happy.

"What's wrong?" Jessica releases herself from the hug to caress the singer's hair gently. When the singer looks away, she unconsciously frowns. "Taeyeon, you have to tell me what is wrong. Did the management tell you to travel overseas for a long period of time again?" She asks, only to be ignored. "Did Tiffany reject the duet song?" She asks again and this time she hears a sigh.

"Jessica, aren't you tired?"

"Of course I am tired of work, silly," Jessica slightly chuckles. "It is tiring as hell but-"

"I mean are you tired of us?"

"What?" the taller girl mumbles. "Why would I be tired of us, Tae?"

"I don't know," the singer sighs before she sits on the couch and burries her face on her palms. "I'm tired of making our relationship work out," she mumbles and as Jessica hears it, she plops herself on the couch; her mind could not believe what her lover just said.

"Tae-"

"I'm tired of waiting for you to come home only to know that you wouldn't be here by the time I'd still wake up, I'm tired of not being able to date freely, I'm tired of thinking what would the future of our relationship would be, Jessica," Taeyeon looks up to the ceiling before burrying her face on her hands again. "Tell me, what do you see of our relationship in the future? Because I don't and can't think of it at all, I feel like our relationship has stopped moving long time ago, Jessica. It only feels like both of us are just house mates who has completely different lifes and all we do is to share our stories with each other," she clenches her jaw and rests her head on the couch to look up at the ceiling once more. "Tell me, do you have a different opinion?"

"In the future, I see can see how you'd still be Korea's most famous soloist and I'd still have my fashion brand," Jessica mumbles and she looks straight to her girlfriend who is now sighing still with her eyes looking up. "We'd get married secretly in my birthplace and we'd only invite our families and close friends," she chuckles bitterly. "We'd have two adopted kids running around the house and I'd yell at them to stop running around while you'd encourage them to keep on running and enjoy their childhood," she smiles sadly, this time she leans her head back on the headrest and closes her eyes, copying the latter. "You'd tell me I'm beautiful when I know I'm aging and you'd tell me you wouldn't choose anybody else if you are given a chance to be with anyone else; you'd propose me under the starry skies, in the backyard of your house just like the first time you asked me to be your girlfriend," she mutters, not bothering how she is already crying a river, make up smeared and lips quivering. "You'd tell me you would never leave me," she bitterly chuckles. "I didn't know that all this time, you have stopped seeing us in the future,"

"Jessica, I-"

"I n-need to go somewhere," Jessica grabs her bag, wipes her tears away and walks towards the exit. Just as her hand grips on the door handle, she feels Taeyeon hugs her from the back and presses kisses her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I was-"

"I'm sorry too," Jessica mumbles as her hands start to untangle Taeyeon's hold. "I'm sorry for suffocating you for so long, please, take care of yourself,"

+++

Taeyeon starts to think how stupid she was a year ago; she let go her girlfriend of 10 years for nothing. She still follows her social media account because both of them know that what media knows is that they are best friend ever since teenagers so if they just stopped contacting each other, gossips would surround them. She'd sing her sad ballads and eats when she needs to because she knows her skinny look cannot get skinnier if she still wants to be able to perform. Her family gives her more attention once they know that her relationship with the CEO has ended and even her fans started to send her healthier food and messages to take care of her health but she only wants one thing, scratch that, person - Jessica Jung.

Now that she thinks about their relationship again, the CEO must have had been more tired than her. She did cancel a lot of dates as well and when she couldn't take care of her own health, she remembered the girl didn't sleep just to take care of her and finish checking her files on time. Why couldn't she see them? She also remembers now how the CEO flew to Japan just for her because she was feeling depressed over gossips about her and some male idol that the management had set; Jessica did it for her without second thought. So why did she let her go?

Taeyeon sees how the other girl seems to do better than her; she'd travel here and there to attend some events and she starts to wonder, how come there's so many events that the latter need to go to? When they were still together, the CEO would only attend at most 2 of them in a month but now she feels like the taller girl attends so many events. She wonders whether all this time the latter limits all her travelling for her? She wonders as well whether the girl feels tired from all the travelling or not. Does she feel jetlag at all? Despite knowing that the latter is better with jetlag, she still worries for the latter's health; she is getting skinnier as well.

Her hand itches to message the girl through Instagram because she knows how all of her other accounts are already blocked, but she's a coward. She doesn't think that she'd make it if the latter told her that she is happy and yet, at the same time, she also hopes that she can be happy. She knows her brain is jumbled up just by having this thought but what can she do? She just realises that the love was there all the time. Her problem with the CEO was because she felt too deprived of her love despite knowing that the latter already gave her best. She feels stupid. Why did she just blurt out words to the latter?

+++

Taeyeon feels sad although today is her 30th birthday. She has been celebrating 10 birthdays with the CEO and now without her, she feels empty. She gives her colleagues, her manager and her stylists her most sincere smile but she knows that they too can feel something different. None of them know about their real relationship but they know about their close friendships and they start to wonder why the idol is not celebrating with the CEO.

Sighing, Taeyeon opens the door of her used to be shared-apartment with Jessica and she drops the cake that her colleaugues gave her. In front of her is the latter lighting up the last candle that represents the 2 numbers of her age - 30. The lights have not been switched off, the cake that the CEO has bought is still on her coffee table and what she assumes to be her present is on the couch. She walks a few steps forward, hears how her door closes and sees how her ex girlfriend stands up. 

"You're early," Jessica mutters as she tucks strands of her hair behind her ears and gives her a small smile. "I just thought I should still celebrate with you, we're friends even before- before everything," she continues and both of them have a staring contest.

"We were," the singer trails off, slowly closing the gap between them. She stands in front of the CEO and sighs before closing her eyes and looking down to her feet. "You're not supposed to be here," she mutters, making Jessica widens her eyes in surprised. The designer is about to say something when the idol beats her to it, "Because I hurt you."

"Tae-"

"I don't deserve you at all, Jessica. I don't deserve anything from you," she finally looks up to meet the CEO's gaze. "You gave me everything but I was too stupid to ask for more, I-"

"You are stupid," Jessuca cuts her and Taeyeon bites her lower lip as a tear escapes her eye. "But I still love you," she continues, making the singer widens her eyes in surprised and instantly looks up. "Tell me that you are hurting without me, tell me that you lose your weight because you lost me, tell me that you were happier with me and I'll come back to you,"

"Sica, I-"

"Am I wrong again? Have you never thought of us in the future at all? Was I-"

"All I've thought of was our future ever since we broke up; how all your plans make perfect sense," Taeyeon chuckles bitterly. "I am hurting without you, I lost my weight because I lost you and I was happier when I'm with you," she sighs. "I have lots of things that I regret. You don't know how much I want you but at the same time how much I want to let you go; you deserve better, Sica,"

"Maybe I am, but I want you," Jessica mumbles, she rests her forehead against Taeyeon's and sighs. "I'm going to ask you one more time, do you want us once more or not, Tae?"

"I do,"

"Then stop beating around the bush and celebrate your birthday with me as a start," Jessica cups her cheeks, eyes locked with the singer's. "Kiss me, Taengoo, just like that first time at your backyard," she whispers, her lips grazes the latter's. "Kiss me," she mumbles as she pecks the corner of Taeyeon's lips. Realising how hesitant the latter is, Jessica sighs, "Is it too much to ask you to do this?" She hears nothing except for a sigh as a reply. "You told me that you regret many things then this is your final chance to fix everything, Taeyeon, I'm not going to wait for you anymore after this," she clenches her jaw and closes her eyes to calm herself down.

"Jessica, I-" the singer pauses when she sees how a tear escape the designer's closed eye. "Teach me how to love you without the feeling of insecurity that one day you'd leave me," she continues and sees the latter opens her eyes to lock her gaze with herself. "Can you help me?"

"Of course, Taengoo,"

"I love you, Jessica," Taeyeon smiles as her thumb brushes against her cheek to wipe Jessica's tear away.

"I love you too," the taller girl smiles in return. "Happy birthday, Taengoo,"

A/N thank you all for your votes and subscribtions and comments!!

Spoiler: I'm going to make the epilogue of "Happier" (Chapter 1) soon :)