It was Lee Seungri that saw him first, making Kwon Jiyong turned around, following Seungri’s gaze to see Seunghyun standing stiffly at the door.

“Ah, Seunghyun hyung.” Jiyong sounded surprised as he raised an eyebrow, but didn’t ask any questions.

Choi Seunghyun nodded stiffly back at him as he approached the counter.

“The usual.” He told Seungri, who glanced at him blankly for a moment before nodding.

He’d only been here twice, but both times he’d ordered an Americano.

Twice. That’s is not enough times for something to be “usual”, but Seunghyun childishly wanted Kwon Jiyong to think otherwise

.

This was only the third time he’d stepped into the cafe, but that’s two times more than Kwon Jiyong, Seunghyun tried to tell himself that.

He handed Seungri the loyalty card, “Remember to give me an extra one.” He reminded, Seungri nodded before stamping on the card twice.

Jiyong looked over curiously, “Seungri-ya, what’s that?”

“Loyalty card.” Seunghyun replied before Seungri could, he smiled, dimples sinking into his cheeks as he saw the four stamps on the card that Seungri handed back.

“If I give you a ride home again today, will you give me another free stamp?” He asked Seungri, eyes hopeful. Seungri smiled at him and shook his head, “Your petrol money isn’t worth the free cup of coffee.”

“Draw my name out of the lucky draw then…” Seunghyun hung his head like a child who was denied candy. Seungri laughed lightly, “If I do that it won't be a lucky draw.”

“How come I don’t get a card Seungri-ya?” Jiyong interrupted their conversation, Seunghyun subconsciously slotted his card back into his wallet and out of Jiyong’s curious stare.

“You didn’t even spend money….” Seungri muttered under his breath, and when Kwon Jiyong didn’t hear, Seungri only shrugged.

“You’ll be too busy to come often anyway. Our cards expire every 2 months.”

He was lying, the terms and conditions on the card says it expires every year. Seunghyun had stared at the card for so long he could almost recite all the lines of tiny print at the bottom.

“Ah, that’s unfair!” Jiyong whined as if he was the same university student from years ago,

but Seungri didn’t even spare an extra glance at Jiyong before turning his back on him and turning on the grinder for Seunghyun’s americano.

But Seunghyun knew that, somewhere Kwon Jiyong couldn’t see, Seungri was hiding a small smile that tugged at his lips uncontrollably. Just like he used to whenever Kwon Jiyong threw one of his childish fits, it made him frustrated.

“Seunghyun hyung, why didn’t you tell me Seungri was back? I only found out from Youngbae when I mentioned I wanted to come visit you.” Jiyong huffed to Seunghyun, but Seunghyun knew he wasn’t really talking to him, he was talking to Lee Seungri. What Jiyong really meant was: “Lee Seungri, why didn’t you tell me you came back?”

Seungri stayed mute while making his coffee, Seunghyun shrugged.

“You didn’t ask.” He answered coolly.

Because Kwon Jiyong didn’t know anything for himself. He never knew.

Jiyong pouted before turning his attention the the younger man again, his eyes curling into crescents as he watched Seungri work the coffee machine.

“Seungri-ya, do you want hyung to help advertise for you? I can take a photo and upload it to my public instagram, all my fans will come.” He smiled proudly like a child waiting to be praised.

Seungri glanced at him and around the quiet cafe before he shook his head firmly. “Don’t, I like it quieter.”

Jiyong frowned and looked like he wanted to protest before his expression melted into a grin again. “Fine, hyung will come often, you have to give me free service, ok?”

Seungri looked at Jiyong wordlessly while he placed Seunghyun’s americano in front of him. Seunghyun only stared at it for a long while. Somehow, he just didn’t feel like drinking something bitter today.

“Ok. But don’t bring other people. I still need to earn money.” Seungri answered after a short while.

-

Kwon Jiyong had an important call that he stepped outside to pick up, Seunghyun stared at Seungri as the younger man busied himself wiping the already clean counter.

“Lee Seungri.” Seunghyun sighed, his shoulders slumping as he frowned at the man in front of him. “Kwon Jiyong can get free service but I can’t even get a VIP card?”

Seungri gave him a small smile, ever since he came back to Korea and met Choi Seunghyun again, the older man had been completely different from how he remembered him.

He remembered Seunghyun as being the silent observer in rowdy group, he never ran, never shouted or yelled, never raised his temper. He always just sat there, laughing and chuckling occasionally.

Now he acted like a child.

“You live so close, if I give you free service then I’d be losing a lot of money.” Seungri said, jokingly. “He….he’ll be too busy to come again.”

He sounded like he was convincing himself rather than Seunghyun.

“You know what he’s like.” He said again after a short pause.

“Seungri-ya.” Jiyong suddenly bursted into the cafe, sounding genuinely apologetic “Hyung has to go now, something came up.”

Seungri smiled and nodded at him, “Ok.”

“I’ll come see you again, ok?”

Seungri looked at him, Seunghyun looked at Seungri.

“Ok, goodbye.” Seungri answered after a beat, his lips curving into a polite smile.

Then Jiyong was gone again.

Seungri stood at the counter unmoving, staring at the door after him while Seunghyun stared at him.

“Lee Seungri…”

Don’t look at him, look at me. He wanted to say, but he didn’t.

All he could manage was a whisper of the name that had haunted his thoughts for the past six years.

“Sorry.” Seungri gave him a feeble smile and started wiping the counter again, and Seunghyun somehow had a feeling that his apology meant more than just losing his attention.

-

If he were to ask himself, Lee Seunghyun would say he had a very bland childhood

He grew up in Gwangju, where nothing major has happened after the uprising in the 80’s.

He was a smart child, but not smart enough to be considered a prodigy. Cheeky, but not cheeky enough to be considered a bad child.

He did everything a normal child did.

He took piano lessons for a few years, but can’t play a proper tune when asked to.

He played in his primary school soccer team that never made it to nationals.

He took Taekwondo until he got his black belt, but never fought a real fight.

He danced with a crew and won some medals, quit when his school work got too heavy.

He lived in the study rooms for three months and finally got into a Seoul university that is not top level but still too bad.

He had friends, he was popular enough for the right reasons, he had an okay life.

But if someone asked him to define a single moment that was life-changing for him, he would know the answer without hesitation:

The moment he met Kwon Jiyong.

-

There is one moment Lee Seungri cannot pinpoint though.

The moment he fell in love with Kwon Jiyong.

He had not noticed it either, it wasn’t that he didn’t know love.

He thought he did, he’d dated girls in high school, some he thought were serious, some just a fling, either way, none lasted. But at least he knew the feeling of loving someone.

But Seungri really cannot remember if there was a single “aha!” moment, Kwon Jiyong was the annoying sunbae that wouldn’t leave him alone. Kwon Jiyong was the notorious playboy that still had ladies flocking to him every where he went. Kwon Jiyong was a musical genius that blushed shyly when he let Seungri listen to his demo tracks the first time.

Kwon Jiyong was spoilt, flamboyant, selfish, sensitive, childish.

But Kwon Jiyong was  also sweet, caring, affectionate, generous, compassionate and the perfect gentleman, though Seungri would never tell Jiyong that.

Then suddenly one day, out of the blue, Kwon Jiyong was…. Neon coloured.

He stuck out from the drab, lifeless, boring crowd. In Seungri’s eyes, he became bright as day.

Lee Seungri knew this feeling, it took him a few days to figure it out, but he knew what it was. He was- helplessly and undeniable, in love with Kwon Jiyong, and it made him ache in longing every time the other boy ran to him, a mischievous grin on his face, or threw himself on his back to wrap his arm around his neck, or merely just smiled at him, looked at him.

It made his heart soar and fall so hard at the same time that it made his whole body ache.

He would also never tell Jiyong that.

-

“Ya, you’ll come right?” Jiyong asked for the fifth time that day, his head on Seungri’s lap. Unwavered, Seungri kept reading his textbook silently, Jiyong frowned and grabbed onto his wrist, moving it in a way that allowed the book to shield the offensive sunlight from hitting his own face.

“Ya Lee Seungri!” Jiyong jabbed at his ribs, not masking the annoyance in his voice.

Seungri sighed, flipping a page over, “I’ll see. I need to study. You should study too.”

Jiyong pouted at him, “You study everyday! Your favourite hyung is having a live gig and you won’t even come?!”

“Choi Seunghyun sunbae seems like a better hyung than you.” Seungri replied, turning his head to the side slightly to hide the playful smile he wore.

“Seunghyun hyung’s going to perform too, I’m sure he’ll be happy if you come.” Jiyong said, sounding genuinely disappointed. “And It’s my first live gig after knowing you, you have to come!” He added, a goofy grin on his face.

Seungri’s expression softened slightly before sighing again, “You know I don’t like going to clubs.”

“Don't lie.” Jiyong sat up, his gaze piercing through Seungri’s still expression. “I heard from other freshmen you used to party all the time, you just never go with me.”

Seungri stared at him, his brows furrowing into a frown, a rare expression to be sighted on his face, it made Jiyong shift in discomfort immediately.

“Ah fine~” He dropped onto Seungri’s lap again, his fierce expression turning into another pout, “You don’t need to drink or stay, just come watch me and then we can leave, I’ll even give you a ride to the study room after. Just come~”

Seungri couldn’t help but to smile a little at the whiny tone of the older boy. “I’ll see.”

On the night of Kwon Jiyong’s gig, Seungri spent an hour trying on different outfits, it made his roommate Choi Jonghoon actually look away from the game of Starcraft he was playing to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Date night?” He asked curiously, as far as he knew Lee Seunghyun never spent more than 10 minutes deciding what to wear.

Seungri shook his head, “A friend is playing a gig at a bar.” He answered, not seeing the reason to not tell the truth.

“Ah, Kwon Jiyong sunbae?” Jonghoon asked, Seungri looked at him in surprise.

“He’s pretty famous around campus, him and his group of flower boys. Kind of like campus celebrities. Plus, everyone knows you and him are close.” He gave his roommate a pointed look, “You’re always together.”

Seungri nodded slowly before turning back to his wardrobe, “Ah, whatever.” he murmured under his breath, pulling on a simple white shirt that he’d tried on twice already.

-

He knew Jiyong was amazing, he was a genius, he knew from the moment he listened to his demo tracks. But Jiyong on stage was more than a genius, more than a musical prodigy, he was a celebrity, a superstar that dominated the stage.

Jiyong’s blonde hair was spiked up, makeup around his eyes as cohe smirked, swaying his body at all the right beats, the audience was crazy for him, and Lee Seungri was one of them. He was lost in Jiyong’s music, jumping and screaming along with the rest of the crowd excitedly. Jiyong on stage was extra bright, all the neon colours blending into a blinding white that shone from him.

“Ya Kwon Jiyong!” He yelled, his voice drowned out by the rest of the crowd, “You’re really the best!” and although he knew Jiyong couldn’t hear him, he swore that Jiyong’s wink at his direction right at the moment was meant for him, not for the screaming horde of girls surrounding him, but only for him.

“Lee Seungri?”

Jiyong’s last song had already ended, and he was leaning on the bar, watching the stage taken over by a DJ as the crowd began dancing to the normal club music, as if the amazing performance never happened.

He turned to see Choi Seunghyun standing beside him, a glass of wine- unfitting for the venue, in his hand, his face slightly flushed red. He looked the happiest Seungri’s ever seen him.

“You came?” The music was too loud, he hand to bend over to yell in Seungri’s ear in order for him to hear. “What did you think?”

“It was great!” Seungri yelled back over the pumping music, “Kwon Jiyong’s really something.”

Choi Seunghyun gave him a blank look, and just before Seungri thought he needed to repeat himself again, the older man asked, “Did you see me?”

Seungri blinked at him, then he remembered what Jiyon had said the other day: “..Seunghyun hyung’s going to perform too...:”

Oh.

Seungri shook his head apologetically, “Sorry, I came late..”

Choi Seunghyun nodded at him wordlessly and sipped on his wine.

“Do you want a drink?” Seunghyun suddenly asked in his ear again, Seungri shook his head.

“No I still need to go back to study.” He looked at his watch, it was way past his dorm curfew already, so he’ll be spending the night at a study room.

“Do you need a ride then?” Seunghyun asked after a long pause, Seungri guessed he was offering out of courtesy.

“No, it’s alright.” Seungri politely declined, flicking his eyes across the club but not spotting who he was looking for. “I have a ride.”

“Oh.” For a moment Seunghyun looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn’t.

Seungri shifted on his feet impatiently, he was just about to take out his phone to call Kwon Jiyong when he spotted him.

Still glowing as bright as ever stood Kwon Jiyong, his sun, his light, in the middle of the moving shadows of bodies in the dance floor, pressed behind a pretty girl, his arm around her tiny waist as they swayed to the music.

Suddenly, the club was quiet, like an ill-timed beat drop that lead to nothing, Choi Seunghyun was staring at him, his lips moving but Seungri heard nothing as he stared into the dance floor. Everything happened in slow motion like it did in the sappy dramas- seeing Jiyong pressing his lips to the pretty girl’s ear, seeing him move her hair out of the way with his hands as he trailed kisses down her neck, making her giggle and swat playfully at him. Then seeing Jiyong turn the girl around to face him, leaning down to capture her cherry red lips into a hungry kiss, seeing Jiyong’s fingers disappear into the flowing locks of long hair.

Lee Seungri sighed, the hushed sound of his breath filling the whole of his silenced world as he saw the pretty girl lead Jiyong out of the crowd with a suggestive wink. 

He could do nothing but sigh and offer Seunghyun- who was looking at him intently, a small shrug and smile. 

Because he knew that although Jiyong was a lot of things, to Lee Seunghyun, Kwon Jiyong will - always and inevitably, be one thing above the rest.

Unobtainable. 

​​​​​