Moving on is the hardest part of wrapping up a chapter in life. At least that’s what I think.

After years of having pent up resentment and bitterness inside of me, Baekhyun’s rejection has become a wakeup call for me. I needed someone to open my eyes and make me realize that I can’t get everything I wanted in life, and that’s okay.

I mean, I knew that when my life came crashing down on me years ago, but I understood it in a bitter and cynical way. It’s unhealthy.

I want to grow as a person. I want to be able to finish school enjoying what I’ll end up spending the rest of my life doing. I want to be able to see Baekhyun be happy and feel happy for him too.

But the thing about want is that it doesn’t always get fulfilled.
 

***

Somehow, time flies by when you’re suffering.

On the inside, that is.

Weeks have gone by without talking to Baekhyun and I find myself abandoning my ty ways of coping through alcohol and self-destruction, because Jaehyung and Sunyoung get increasingly more upset each time I frequent the club to drown my sadness away.

I realize that the finals are actually nearing, and that means I’ve only got a couple of months left before graduating. That also means I have to start focusing in my studies whether I like it or not—even though it would be satisfactory to see the horror in my parent’s eyes seeing another thing to add into the list of their precious daughter’s failures.

Minseok, being the angel he is, introduces me to his friends from the same classes as mine. For the first time in years, I willingly welcome the presence of new people into my life.

After Baekhyun, I realize I’ve started doing a lot of new things.

***

It’s Monday, and it’s the first time ever I don’t see Baekhyun already seated in his seat when I get to class. I usually come to class pretty late, so it’s new and fairly concerning that he isn’t there yet.

I tell myself not to get bothered by it. The sooner I rid myself of thoughts of him, the sooner I’ll be happy.

But minutes pass by and the whole class ends without any traces of Baekhyun at all. I am about to make my way and exit the class with Taeyeon—one of Minseok’s friend that he introduced to me—when Professor Park calls my name. I silently curse hoping it’s not about my grades because I’m pretty sure I’ve fixed it.

“Is there anything I can help you with, professor?” I ask politely, a thin smile on my face. I wave my hand at Taeyeon gesturing that she should leave first, and she does after telling me that she’ll wait for me in the cafeteria.

“It’s nothing important, actually,” he starts, pushing his glasses closer to his eyes. “But I don’t know who else to ask aside from you. Do you have any idea where Byun Baekhyun is?”

I feel every part of my body recoil at the sound of his name, but I keep on a straight face.

“I’m afraid no,” I answer truthfully. “But is there something wrong?” I hope curiosity doesn’t kill the cat that is me.

“He usually helps me grade papers on Wednesdays but he didn’t show up yesterday, and his phone were out of reach the whole day. He usually contacts me if he can’t make it, and he’s skipped class today too. It’s just so out of character so I’m a little worried,” he explains. I rack my brain and try to remember Baekhyun’s schedule.

“I’ll let you know if I see him to contact you,” I tell him. He thanks me before dismissing me, and I exit his class with heavy steps and a heavy heart. I can’t help but feel worried too, because I know that Baekhyun is the kind of person who wouldn’t miss a class for the world.

But I ignore the nagging feeling inside of me and walk to the cafeteria where my friends are waiting for me.

***

“You seem distracted,” Minseok says in the middle of a conversation, and the whole table stops whatever they’re doing to look at me. They all have the same look, as if taunting me to tell them that it’s Baekhyun I’m thinking of.

“He’s missing,” I tell the truth. To be fair, the table is only filled with Kyungsoo and Taeyeon, Minseok’s friends who somehow became mine too. They’re a little bit more on the rational side when it comes to validating my thoughts, the friends who wouldn’t be as offended as Jaehyung or Sunyoung if I talk to them about Baekhyun.

“So?” Kyungsoo mocks. I purse my lips together, already regretting that I chose to elaborate. Minseok must’ve sensed this because he reaches out to pat my hand softly, sending me a look that makes me feel a little bit better.

“Well, whether he’s actually missing or not it seems to be pretty serious if she's here,” Taeyeon pipes in. I see Minseok’s eyes flicker to something behind me and I instantly follow suit.

Unlike her usual perfectly put together look, Somi looks like she hasn’t had a wink of sleep in days and her clothes are poorly matched. It’s alarming, but what’s more alarming is that she’s walking directly towards where I’m sitting.

“Hey,” she greets when she’s within earshot, her eyes bloodshot and her hair slightly unkempt. I don’t reply. “I need to talk to you. Can I?” she asks tiredly. My whole table is quiet, and I can feel Minseok’s grip on my hand tighten.

“Sure,” I squeeze Minseok’s hand reassuringly before getting out of my seat. I opted to push Somi’s buttons and refuse to cooperate, but I realize that I should grow up.

She throws me a grateful look, and I follow her as we exit the cafeteria.

***

It’s weird to be within arms reach from Somi without having her throw me a look of disgust or something else altogether that reeks of negativity.

We are standing on the soccer field, and her eyes are looking at everywhere but me. For a few minutes, we just stand there in silence, as I don’t want to be the first one to say anything.

“Baek and I fought yesterday,” she starts, her voice barely a whisper. At any other given situation, I would’ve scoffed and given her a piece of my mind before telling her that she doesn’t have to rub it in my face. But I keep my emotions in check.

“That has nothing to do with me.” I say quietl