“Please don’t,” his voice is soft, like he’s afraid to break me if he raises it even the slightest bit.

He only said two words, but it feels like he had said a lot more than just those words.

“Why not?” I dare myself to ask, my words sounding less confident than I had wanted it to sound. It feels like an an eon had passed through the both of us, and yet Baekhyun still hasn’t tell me one thing that can make me stay.

Suddenly, it feels like the reality of being dressed only in a short leather skirt paired with a sleeveless halter top on a chilly night out like this comes crashing down on me. The warmth that was either fueled by my adrenaline rush from the thought of having a night out or fueled by the fiery of emotions that appeared when Baekhyun showed himself has dispersed into nothing.

“I’m tired, Baek,” I finally say, rubbing my arms slowly with the palm of my hands to let a little heat return to my body.

Then I realize after saying those words originally just as an attempt to make him go away, that I really am tired. Tired of playing this endless game of nothing with Baekhyun, and tired of always being the one who tries.

I take one look at his face, yet all I can think of is: Why is Somi taking so long? 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I want out of this vicious cycle that never seems to end, even if that means I have to let go of Baekhyun for good. I just want my life back.

“Baek, I—”

“I’m sorry,” he cuts me off before I can say anything else, hastily taking off his jacket afterwards. My heart skips a weak beat. He then walks towards me with hurried steps, expression unreadable.

Even when all the warning signals in my head tells me to walk away right now, my feet stays rooted in the same spot, unable to look away from his gaze. I curse his pretty face, the one thing that always renders me unable to look away, how his dark fringe covers his eyes softly from time to time as he walks closer towards where I’m standing.

Then he stops, draping his jacket over me wordlessly. He takes a step back slowly, eyes never leaving mine as he does.

“Can we talk?” he asks, but it comes out more like a plea, and I instantly want to give up the fight I’m putting against Baekhyun at the look of anguish painted all over his face.

“No,” my voice comes out strained, “it’s a little too late for that.”

It is, but I’m more than willing to hear the absurd reason out of all the things he’s done to me—perhaps the prideful Minhwa inside of me wants to hear him beg for me more. For once in my life, I want to feel like someone needs me as more than just a friend.

“Please,” he begs, and that’s all it takes for me to give him another chance.

***

Somi arrives at the apartment lobby shortly after I agreed to have the talk with Baekhyun, and signal for her to wait inside for a bit and she does.

We don’t sit in a table in a café somewhere nice or warm, because I don’t want to. I don’t want to let the warmth and comfort of the situation to delude my judgement, and instead I remind myself that the reality is cold and harsh, as petty as that sounds. We stand at the corner of the street like the two lost people we are. Maybe not physically, but we're both lost.

For a while, he doesn’t say anything, and I don’t push it. I don’t want to seem like I’m desperate for his validation, so I wait.

“I missed you,” he finally says after what feels like an eternity. I want to tell him that I do too, even after everything, but I settle with my stoic expression.

“So why didn’t you just tell me?” I reply, forcing myself to sound steady, keeping my emotions out of my words.

“I couldn’t. I… I was scared that I’d ruin your friendship with Somi,” he answers, eyes cast downwards, his body getting more and more stiff with each word he says.

“Bull. If that’s the only reason you’re going to tell me, then you might as well just stop,” I know he’s lying. If that was the reason, he wouldn’t have gone through those extra measures just to find out what I’ve been doing… right?

“Please don’t go.” he hastily says, so I listen. I stay there, standing as still as a mannequin, waiting for an explanation that would make me feel less insane than how I already feel.

“You’re right. I was scared—I’m a coward, Minhwa. I’ve always thought that you and I don’t belong in the same place, and that you’d be better off without me—so that’s why I did what I did.”

“Why would you think that?” I wanted to scream, or shout—his words have always been the same, then and now—his words always depicting as if we had oceans between us when there really isn’t any.

“Believe it or not, I’ve liked you for a long time, Minhwa,” he starts, his lips forming a small smile even though he’s not looking at me.

“Well I’m sure it’s not as long as I have liked you, but you can shoot your shot,” I find myself telling him a joke, and that visibly relaxes Baekhyun even just the tiniest bit by the way his shoulder relaxes.

“The first few weeks of college—there had been a party. I’d thought you were pretty, but I didn’t have the guts to say anything to you because… well because I’m not exactly the most confident person that goes around saying hello just to anybody. I saw you kissing Jaehyung that day. And If you remember, I watched you do that keg stand where you fell. My instinct had gotten the best of me and I remember rushing over to your aid and asking if you were okay—you didn’t want my help. But I saw you going home in pain immediately after,”

I forget to breathe for a little while. Perhaps if I squeeze out the buried memories in my head, I can remember the worried look of a cute freshman with round spectacles who I brushed off in embarrassment.

“That’s when I thought—there’s more to her then what it seems. I knew back then that it was just a fleeting moment. You and I, we’re two worlds apart—there’s no way the life of the party would blink an eye at a nobody like me. But then I saw you a few days later, walking around in circles while clutching your injured wrist, worrying over not being able to help a librarian. So, I helped the librarian because you looked like you felt really guilty for not being able to—and to my surprise we have the same classes the following week.”

He looks up, and our eyes meet through his unkempt fringe.

“I never got the chance to talk to you, because you looked like you didn’t remember me—”

“I did—I do,” I cut him hastily, and his brows raises in disbelief for a while, before it finally settles into a frown.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. But because you looked like you didn’t remember me, I never tried anything ever since. Then I met Somi, and forgot about you for a while. You were something I’ve always had my eyes on, but know I never will have the chance to be with. That’s why—that’s why I was so shocked when you greeted me that night in your party, I even had to pretend like I didn’t know you to keep my cool. Then I was even more shocked when you said all those mean things to Somi. My anger was probably my defense mechanism. I’d overreacted and