I suppose that with rejection comes a tremendous amount of pain, but I’m so used to it that my heart just shuts down altogether.

“I hate him,” Sunyoung jeers when he sees Baekhyun enter the cafeteria. He has a tiny smile on his face, and Somi is glued to his side like the stupid leech she is.

“That’s the problem, Sunyoung-ah,” I say quietly, eyes still trained on him.

“Because I don’t.”

***

You think it’s nothing until you feel the physical pain in your chest from looking at the person you thought liked you back smiling because of someone else.

It’s hard to breathe. My chest feels constricted and I can’t look away, even when I want to so ing bad.

I tell myself it doesn’t, but I know it hurts.

Instead of hot tears, my eyes feel cold and dry.

“Hey, what are you looking at?” Jaehyung asks but I can’t answer, because the lump on my throat stops me from doing so. My voice might fail me if I try to say something.

Jaehyung follows my line of sight and sees Somi kissing Baekhyun like it’s Christmas.

***

Jaehyung was furious when I told him what had happened. I didn’t say much, because I couldn’t even say more than three words without choking on my own tears.

He had waited alongside my bed all night until I fell asleep, not saying anything but vowing to never let Baekhyun see me again.

When he left the next morning, I light myself a stick of cigarette before going back to sleep.

Baekhyun had texted me that he was sorry.

***

“I want to say “I told you so” so ing bad but I’m not going to because I love you and I respect your decision no matter how stupid it was,” Jaehyung grumbles, taking the piece of cigarette out of my mouth.

We are in an alley outside the back exit of a club, a few hours just before sunrise, unfortunately sober.

He throws it to the pavement and puts it out by stomping on it with his boots violently, eyes never leaving mine.

“At least I tried to leave you hints about how I don’t like him and all that,” Jaehyung tries to get me engaged in a conversation. I hum in reply instead.

“Look. I know being pampered and peppered with words of encouragement isn’t exactly your way of coping. But I hate seeing you like this, it’s not the same when you’re still upset even after an unhealthy amount of alcohol.”

I scoff at the irony.

“You’re an alcoholic, Jae. I’m not the one who’s day drinking here,”

“Hey! We’re talking about you, not me, okay?” Jaehyung badgers. “I know that’s not how you cope, so I’ve thought of the perfect way for you to feel better about yourself,”

I raise my brows in reply, too tired to say anything else.

“You should get even.”

***

Kim Minseok reminds me of danger, he reminds me of the start of my rebellious teen years, of cigarettes and drinking like it’s high school all over again.

Most importantly of it all, though, is that Minseok is a genius.

Unlike the low profile straight As student Baekhyun is, Minseok is proud and loud about the fact that he has the highest GPA for his engineering major, valedictorian and all that.

He is all cold and sharp on the edges, someone who reeks of wit and appeal, the perfect textbook bad boy everyone eventually learns to adore.

In other words, the polar opposite of Baekhyun.

Jaehyun introduces me to Minseok on a rainy day, and he immediately knows what he’s in for when he saw the look in my eyes. He took me to the club that night and got me the most ed up drunk I’ve been in months, resulting in unwarranted rumours of the relationship we’re in.

It’s not like we both care. It’s kind of what we both wanted for it to look like, anyway.

***

“Come on, Minhwa, you’re being too much,” Baekhyun pleads weakly as soon as Professor Park leaves the room just for the both of us. Professor had announced that I no longer needed Baekhyun’s help because my grades had surpassed the bare minimum by large, and that means both Baekhyun and I are free of each other and he gets to take his credits with him.

I try not to look him in the eye and put on my best nonchalant face. His whole being just standing there doing nothing alone already makes me feel like wanting to forgive him, and the fact that he looks so broken makes me want to punish myself.

“Too much of what? People like me don’t hang out with people like you, Baek, and those words didn’t come from my mouth,” I taunt, walking away from him to exit the room. He follows me like a lost puppy.

Minseok’s figure then emerges before my eyes, dressed in all black with his leather jacket and combat boots that screams delinquent, lightening my mood just a tad bit from the misery I’m stuck in. His side is leaning against the doorframe, with his hands folded under his chest.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way, Min,” Baekhyun frets, just in time as we come face to face with Minseok.

“Didn’t mean it in what way?” Minseok replies instead and Baekhyun jumps at this, completely oblivious to the fact that Minseok had been standing there the whole time. His gaze darkens as he looks at me then at Minseok, and Minseok takes the chance to wrap his right hand around my waist to pull me closer to him.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun replies monotonically.

“Well, okay,” Minseok shrugs. Minseok reaches for a strand of stray hair in my line of sight with his other free hand and tucks it behind my ears, looking at me like I’m golden and there’s only the two of us.

“Anyway, thanks for tutoring my girl here, heard you helped her grades a lot.” Minseok pauses to place a ginger kiss on my temple for effect, and Baekhyun’s face twists into a something of disgust and anger.

I hate that his emotions still have an effect on me as I feel the vicious butterflies returning back on full force. Don’t get your hopes up, Minhwa, he doesn't like you.

“I’ll buy you a drink sometime, okay Baek?” Minseok winks, and I swear Baekhyun’s body goes completely rigid at the mention of his own name. I don’t get to see anything else because Minseok tugs at me to walk away from where Baekhyun is.

When we are far enough to know that no one is watching, Minseok takes his hand off my waist politely.

“You knew him?” is the first thing I ask.

“Not at all, actually,” Minseok laughs.

***