The first thing I thought in the morning was, what exactly happened after they both had left the bar? After the - let's call it an accident, because I'm pretty sure he reacted without knowing it - I told myself to clean it all up instead of letting the shattered pieces on the ground. So I told Chanyeol to get after him before he did anything that could be even more stupid. Instead of me. Was it a good thing that I kinda obeyed him to do that? I mean, I didn't know that guy for quite a long time, so I couldn't say I completely trusted him. But this time the words were on the edge of my tongue and got spilled out of all sudden, you know? After some time I yet realized what I had been saying. And again, I couldn't exactly say wether Chanyeol would leave him behind and act as if he picked him up before he would go to the store - or that he'd actually do what I told him and run after him.

Chanyeol hadn't called me ever since he left. So, I got of course worried, but I didn't want to waste my time on having anxiety attacks on someone who isn't even me. Baekhyun kind of meant like the world to me - not as if I was gay or anything, but he was special to me. And I'm pretty sure I meant something special to him too. Even though he didn't listen to my words, it seemed as if he always followed me and tried to improve himself.

Anyhow - that morning after the accident at the bar, some thoughts had crawled into my mind, like, is Baekhyun safe? Did Chanyeol bring him home safe? Where is he right now? All that stuff, but instead of actually trying to find any answers, I sat up and swung my legs to the edge and stood up from the soft bed I had just slept on. The mirror in front of me showed me how messy my hair was, every straw on each side; typical morning hair, huh? I looked around the room to find some kind of hair brush, which was found laying on the desk beside my bed. I picked it up and looked in the mirror again. A sigh quickly ran off my mouth and I slowly put the brush down. I wasn't in any hurry. It was merely the beginning of the weekend, I had nothing important to do, except the fact that I had to study with Baek, but I guess he forgot all about that? Who cares, we still had tomorrow - hopefully. Or today, if he had time.

Unlike Baekhyun, I lived by myself in an apartment, and had continuously done that ever since the beginning of the senior. It was in the beginning of January at this very moment, and it wasn't exactly the month my friend liked. He didn't like the cold but merely the sun shining under him brightly and giving warm, summer-ish vibes. Absurd, because compared to his personality, he wouldn't seem like the happiest person.

While being half- with only boxers, I lazely walked to the closet in front of me and tried to find some Tee I could quickly take on before it'd be too cold. My bed had been quite warm, so who wouldn't sleep shirtless in a heated bed? I'd sweat if I wasn't shirtless. Anyways, I found one and quickly took one on before entering the kitchen in my small apartment. It looked quite messy since my stressed brain couldn't handle cleaning it all up. I had been studying too much and been working after that. Day after day, I'd get more stressful. Even stressful to think about it. Even more stressful to think that I had to pick Baekhyun up so we could start on studying already.

After eating a full bowl of cereal, I decided to take a quick run and then take a morning shower right before leaving. I went over to the sink and hurriedly washed the dishes with a yellow sponge in my hand. I couldn't leave the house this chaotic for days, could I? Someday I had to make it as hygienic as possible, and that someday was with no doubt today. As I mentioned before, I was more available than any other day this time, which explained that this would be my only chance to actually be leisure. And that meant that this day would start off by cleaning up I hadn't done in days, weeks? I guess I lost count. Ever get the feeling that you just want to end school? That was me right now.

After finally finishing scrubbing and washing, I took off my Tee and left myself half-completely yet again in front of my own mirror. I took some time to adore the six exposed muscles on my abdomen. I dragged my own hand and let it feel the hardness that I had worked quite hard for. I looked up and stared into my own eyes as if I was staring passionately in another person's eyes that were staring right back. My inhalations and exhalations were going heavily gradual in the silence that had killed the previous noise. Cars driving through the way, people yelling right outside, above, under, wherever the noises had come from. My eyes were focused on one thing, and only one thing; something that I desired to get returned, the passionately expressions to look at me. I required love, I required trust. Baekhyun and I may had a strong trust-bond between us, but love. How would you describe love?

Anyways, to not continue this emo inner dialogue I had with myself, I swiftly picked a black shirt that was all tight against my torso and arms. After that, I pulled some Adidas pants that covered my bare skin of my legs. It was straight comfy clothes, except with the fact that it felt a little tight on my arms. I had recently worn T-shirts with a big-sized jacket on, so the feeling that tight sleeves covered my arm was definitely something I wasn't used to any longer.

 

After a pleasant shower by myself, I had decided to take a ride at Baekhyun's home. We had to study afterall, I really hoped he hadn't forgot anything about it. We would always go visit each other or go to the library to study for an upcoming exam. He couldn't be much busier than just drinking a few bottles, but I kept forcing him to not do it when we'd study. Baekhyun would be the type to forget it around 2 hours or so, and if he did, he'd do pretty in the exam. I couldn't let him do that and let his grades down and all, could I? I could nearly call myself Baekhyun's-grades-savior, though it would sound as if I was bragging about it; but in a matter of fact, there was nothing to brag about. Wishing Baekhyun wouldn't drink just a single week was just all false hope, he had been digging himself too deep into a negative hole. And it'd take more than one person to pull him up. Baekhyun was tough, I had to admit, but I'd betray him and myself if I started to ignore him and leave him helpless in a situation he's stuck in right now. His soul was a part of mine too, and if I ever actually left him, a part of my heart would be missing. Not trying to be a homo here (not that I'm actually against it, but, you know, just being honest about the situation and all).

I the radio to at least kill some silence that was left in the car. One hand on the steering wheel and another one turning on the volume of the radio that was basically playing You Are Enough (by Sleeping At Last,  if you're interested). Was it just me or was everything in this world depressing recently? I don't know, but to express my feelings by only words, I slightly felt a little distant to Baekhyun the other night. I looked to the side and imagined Baekhyun smiling while looking out of the window, which he always did when he was in the car. I looked back on the road while listening to the music. I wanted to close my eyes, but the road needed my focus right now - there was no time to fade out or whatever I wanted to. I pressed a little on the speeder and quickened the acceleration. My impatience had grown a little and wanted to see Baekhyun immediately and just shower him with any love and convincement that would be able to dig him out under a sullen cloud of negativity and depression.

I finally reached his house that wasn't that far away from my own apartment. There wasn't any sign of anyone home, it wasn't night so no lights were , and the curtains were drawn to block the view into their house. But there was no doubt that his mother would be home, and maybe him too. His mother only worked in the weekdays, which meant that Saturday was her day off. All I hoped was that Baekhyun would be the one to open the door, or that his mother would be opening and telling me Baekhyun was upstairs minding his own business. So I stepped out of the red car and walked over to the brown door around the white house. It looked peaceful here, the neighbourhood didn't have much loud of a noise either. To mention again, no cars had been driving this and here a lot in this kind of a neighbourhood; people were leisure and had a day off in the weekends. Unlike me, I lived in the city were the noise wouldn't disappear. And so, I stepped on the small stairs in front of the main door. I gave it a quick knock since there was no doorbell - like the old days. 

It t