When I entered the classroom I noticed two things.

First, Sewoon was not on his seat.

Second, that Euiwoong guy was also not on his seat yet, and he was the class president. Youngmin had told us, that Euiwoong and Sewoon were living together, which I was totally NOT jealous about, so that both were missing was almost kind of scaring to me.

 

Where were they?
 

Mr. Hwang, or Minhyun, entered the classroom and looked surprised when he also noticed the two guys missing.

“Gwanghyun-ah, Hyunbin-ah, have you got any ideas where Sewoon and Euiwoong are” He asked the two guys.

Both of them shook their head. “We met them in their apartment yesterday and they seemed to be fine.” Gwanghyun answered, but one could hear the concern in his voice.

After having talked to some other students I got to know that Gwanghyun was the first one after Euiwoong to approach Sewoon and actually befriend him. Since he and Hyunbin were best friends it was only natural that they befriended as well.

 

Minhyun-hyung sighed deeply and put out his stuff.

“Even though I am worried about them, we need to start the lesson.”

And he started teaching math. I kept looking at Sewoon’s seat and couldn’t help but worry. “Jaehwan-hyung, he will be fine”, Donghyun said and patted my back but I knew that the younger boy was also worried.

 

Lesson had started an hour ago when Euiwoong stormed into the classroom, huge dark circles under his eyes. Minhyun and all of us looked at him, some were worried while others were curious why the president was late.

“I am sorry for being late. But Sewoon-hyung is missing. I don’t know when he left, but I realized it at 3 am when I went to the toilet.

I have been looking for him ever since but I can’t find him. He left his phone at home, so there is no way to contact him.”

He took a deep breath and his eyes had a worried expression.

“What?! But he was … fine when we left”. Gwanghyun pointed out, his face a mixture of fear and shock about his friend’s disappearance.

 

Youngmin-hyung got up and glared at Dongho who was smirking all the time. “Why the hell are you smirking? You know why he disappeared and it makes you proud. Like Donghyunnie said yesterday, we will make you pay for whatever pain you caused him.”

 

“Youngmin-ah, sit down and calm down as well. All we can do is start looking for Sewoon. I am also really worried and I’d also like to know the reason for his disappearance, but what matters at the moment is that we make sure he is safe. Euiwoong, Gwanghyun and Hyunbin. Has he ever mentioned something to you? Something about a special place other than his music room?” The guys shook their head.

“But I found this in his room, it was on his bed next to his phone. It’s a notebook where ‘Jaehwannie’ is written on. Jaehwan-ssi, you are the person he means, right?” Euiwoong pulled out a notebook and gave it to me.

My eyes widened as I took a closer look and recognized it.

“Mr. Hwang, it’s the notebook you gave him for songwriting back in Busan!”

I looked through the pages only reading the titles.

 

‘I am sorry’

‘I miss you’

‘Maknaeline’

‘It’s all my fault’

‘These words I could not tell you’

‘I couldn’t keep it’

 

When I read the last title my eyes widened. He did not mean our promise from ages ago, did he? I read some of the lyrics and my heart cried.

 

‘And now I am sitting again on a swing, remembering how you found me. I am imagining of being in your arms again, the arms I call my home.

I am thinking about what we could be, if I only managed to keep my promise.’

 

Realization hit me and suddenly I had an idea where to find him.

 

“Mr. Hwang, I think know where I can find Sewoon. I request to be excused in order to find him. Oh, and Euiwoong, where is the closest playground with a swing to your apartment?” I looked at Youngmin and Donghyun and nodded. It made all sense now.

Glaring at Dongho I got up.

 

“You are excused. Just make sure to let me know if you find him. Euiwoong, you are allowed to use your phone in class to send Jaehwan the address.”

I thanked the teacher while Euiwoong texted me an explanation of how to get to the playground. Thanking the boy I took my jacket and made my way out of school.

 

When I got to the playground I saw Sewoon sitting on a swing.

It reminded me of that day Minhyun-hyung had left the orphanage and Sewoon was scared about being alone in the end.

Just like that day, his head hang low and his was biting his lips.

“Ponyo!” I shouted just like that day and ran to him.

I sat down on the other swing and looked warmly at him.

“Hey, why did you disappear? Do you know how worried we all were?”

He kept quiet. And I sighed deeply. The situation seemed similar but it wasn’t the same as several years ago.

We had grown up and a lot has happened in the last couple of years.

 

“Sewoon-ah. Mind spilling the tea? Mind telling me the real reason why you left? Mind telling me why Dongho scares you so much?”

And he finally looked at me, eyes in horror.

I had to fight the urge to simply hug him.

“Sewoonie. Euiwoong has found your songwriting notebook on your bed. Mind telling me about your last song? Or about any song in general? Sewoonie, you don’t need to be afraid to tell me anything.

Back then, I was young and didn’t know about love, but I know now, that I love you way too much to judge you for anything. Sewoonie, please. You don’t need to worry about anything. It’s okay.”

 

And he burst out into tears. I didn’t hug him. Not yet

He needed to let out his tears and the fears he was holding of being judged or pushed away. Sewoon once had told me, that his biggest fear was being pushed away, yet he pushed me away or more like he pushed himself away from me.

I didn’t know for sure, but after having read the lyrics for his song ‘I couldn’t keep it’ I had an idea why, and it scared me.

After a while he finally stopped crying and he looked at me.

 

I placed my hand on his check and creased it lovingly.

“You want to spill the tea now, my little Ponyo?” He blushed. Finally.

I got up and pulled him up as well. “Red always looks so good on you. I should make you blush more.” I kissed his check. He blushed even more.

 

“Ponyo, no matter what was the reason for your departure, I won’t judge you. It made you leave us, which means it was something big for you.

The only thing that saddens me, is that you didn’t talk to me about it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Sewoonie, please, spill the tea.”

 

He bit his lips again, the habit hasn’t changed after all these years. But right now I didn’t want him to do that.

So I leaned closer to his face and kissed his lips softly in order to make him stop (and maybe because I simply wanted to kiss him again, but that was only maybe a reason for my action).

 

After the kiss he took a deep breath and took my hands, holding onto like he did when he was only five years old and a storm was outside.

 

“Jaehwannie” I blushed, how long has it been since I have heard this name from his lips “Jaehwannie, I am begging you, listen to my story first.

 

It was the day after the fire. Remember how we were moved into the other orphanage in Busan? It all started that day. You know how I was feeling, I mean you have been by my side the entire time.

But the orphanage had another system of arranging the roommates. So as you know, Dongho” he shivered while saying the name and I patted his fingers “Dongo was my roommate. At first it was… Okay. We got along well b-but then.”

 

He took a deep breath again and started shivering.

 

“Dongho-hyung started acting… weird? I mean… My world was a mess and I was scared, confused and all of that.

But out of nowhere, he started… Touching me. It wasn’t something wild. Just small touches.

But one night… One night he was suddenly lying next to me. And it was scaring, Jaehwannie. I have never slept next to anyone but you and Howon-hyung. He hugged me. While I was trying to sleep. And his hug was nothing like the other hugs I had. I-I tried to push him away b-but… He simply hold me tightly. I was so scared…

He stopped his actions for the next following weeks until one night.”

 

Tears rolled down his checks and I patted them away with one hand. I could sense what was going to come. Sewoon’s face was pale as he remembered it and again I had to fight the urge to hug and kiss him in order to calm him down. But I knew if I kissed him now, I couldn’t stop.

 

“The night I am talking about, is the night I disappeared. I got out of the shower having nothing around me but my towel when suddenly…

Dongho pushed me against the wall the moment I walked into our room. And he… H-He came close to me. To my neck and… H-He bit me.

He removed the towel saying stuff like ‘Now I see what Jaehwan never got to see.’ and stuff like this. H-He… He said that if I was loud he’d tell you I asked him to do it… A-and I didn’t want you to think, that I threw our promise away that easily.

S-So I kept quiet. He threw me on my bed… Saying you wouldn’t be my first. A-and… And h-he took my innocence. It h-hurt so much Hyung ”

 

Sewoon burst out into tears and I hugged him tightly.

So that’s what Dongho meant when he said he took something from Sewoon what was meant to be mine. That’s why Sewoon disappeared that night, because he couldn’t keep our promise.

 

I wanted to cry at that moment. How could he be so loyal when he was rapped? All he thought about was the promise.

He did not consider the fact that was a crime, but he only thought that it was his fault that he wasn’t innocent anymore.

I wrapped my arms around him even tighter. My Ponyo was crying terrible while saying he was sorry for breaking it.

And I couldn’t hear it anymore.

 

“My little Ponyo, why are you so loyal? Why are you so selfless? Why do you only think about our promise and not about how he did something cruel to you? You think just because you lost your ity I wouldn’t want you anymore?”

He nodded his head slowly and I couldn’t get him.

“Ponyo, I met you when you were only three years old. At that moment neither of us knew anything about making love and that stuff, but during that time, you were already the most important person in my life and you still are!

I never told you, but when I first saw you I thought an angel has come down to earth. The promise we made was because we were curious about it. But just because you are not a anymore , it does not mean I love you less than I have. You don’t need to worry, Ponyo.

I love you.

I always have.

And I always will. Until the end of my life.

Because meeting you was the best thing in my life.”

And this time I kissed him. I kissed him more eagerly in order to show him that the information he gave me did not change anything.

“Nothing will change the way I feel about you.”

“So, can I… come back to you? Even though you know the truth?”

“Ponyo, the door was never closed. You are more than welcome to come back. To the place you belong. Next to me.”

 

And this time he kissed me while mouthing “I am back home.” I felt his wide smile against our kiss and I pulled him closer to me. “Welcome home, my little Ponyo”, I mouthed into the kiss.

 

We stayed like that for a while. He was leaning against me and my arms were wrapped around him. He told me a lot about the night of his disappearance. He told me about the pain he felt and the fear he had while trying to get to Seoul.

I nodded and kissed his head from time to time in order to let him know, that it was okay. I told him that Dongho would have to pay. I told him that now there was no way for me to leave him ever again.

He smiled.

Only God knew how much I missed his smile.

 

 

It was lunch time when decided to head back to school. Sewoon hold onto my hand tightly. “I am scared of facing him, Hyung…” “He won’t be able to hurt you anymore, my little Ponyo, we will make sure of that. Just trust me.” And he nodded.

 

When we made our way to school I had texted Youngmin-hyung about our arrival, so he and Donghyun were waiting for us at the school entrence.

The moment Sewoon saw Youngmin he let go of my hand and ran over in order to hug him, and in case you are wondering I was not jealous.

 

“Youngmin-hyung.” I heard him saying when he buried his face in our friend’s chest. Youngmin wrapped his arms around the younger and his eyes got wet. “Sewoonie, you are back. Finally.”

They stayed for a while in their embrace until Donghyun pulled Sewoon out of Youngmin’s hug and hugged him himself.

“So Maknaeline is reunited again? Hyung, I missed you so much.” Our Maknae started crying. For the first time after a while, Donghyun behaved like the youngest he was. He hold onto Sewoon as if his life deepened on the elder.

“I am sorry… I thought I was not worth being with you after what happened… I-I have written so many songs of missing you guys, and I could not call my guitar Howon anymore because it made me miss you guys even more. Donghyunnie, I missed you so. I missed our games so much. I missed your hugs so much.”

 

The Maknaeline cried while being in each other’s arms. A sight Youngmin-hyung and I have seen many times when we were kids. But now, seeing them as almost grown up behaving like they used to felt so good.

“He is back, back for good. You were right… Dongho did something to Sewoon. And he will have to pay. I will make him pay for the pain he caused Sewoon. I will tell you later the details. Right now, let’s celebrate our reunion. Sewoon is back home.” I told Youngmin while we were watching them. Youngmin simply nodded.

“Let’s be happy for today. We haven’t been happy since the day Sewoon left. And I am sure Sewoon hasn’t been happy either. Euiwoong asked me to bring back his real smile, a smile that comes from his heart and not is forced.“

 

We made our way into the classroom, as a family, my arm was around Sewoon and he smiled warmly at me.

When we entered the classroom Euiwoong ran over to him and crashed him into a hug.

“Idiot… Why didn’t you tell us anything? I was so worried Hyung”, Euiwoong said while hugging his housemate.  “I am so sorry, Woongie. I-I was scared and… I needed someone to tell me it is okay.”

 

They stayed like that for a while. After a while their other friends joined the hug and it turned into a big group hug.

I smiled warmly. Sewoon really cared for those people and they have been by his side when he had left Busan. I had to thank them.

 

After a while the hug slowly broke and Ponyo pointed at me.

“I guess… I need to introduce you guys to someone really important.”

He blushed.

I made my way to them and bowed in front of them.

“This is Kim Jaehwan. I met him in Busan when I was a little kid. We grew up together. He is…” “I am his boyfriend”, I interrupted my Ponyo and kissed his check softly, just to see the wonderful red spreading on his cheek.

“Y-yes, he is my boyfriend. The most important person in my life to be honest. I am sorry about confusing you guys but… I really love him a lot.” He looked at me with so much love, that I blushed and pulled him into my arms.

 

“I love hearing this from you, my little Ponyo.

Anyways, thank you guys so much for taking care of him when he moved to Seoul. We did not get to know each other yet, but since you are important to Sewoon, I want to get to know you.”

I bowed lightly and smiled at them.

 

“I have never seen Sewoon smiling like this. I think that this is his real smile, a smile we need to get to know first. The pleasure is all mine, Jaehwan-ssi.” Euiwoong said.

 

Gwanghyun pulled his Hyung into a hug. “Now, Jung Sewoon, you have a lot of explanation to do.” The others agreed and Sewoon nodded.

“But I hope both of my families can become one big family.

We laughed about that comment.

“Okay, from a three member family to a four member family and now we are a seven member family. I do not agree to adding any more people into our family”, Youngmin said jokingly.

We all laughed about the eldest comment.

 

“And how about me?” a sudden voice asked.

Of course we all knew that voice. I felt the anger rising inside my body and looked at Sewoon. My boyfriend was shivering. He was still afraid after all.

 

“Why are you so close to Jaehwan, Sewoon? Doesn’t he think you are worthless? Doesn’t he know how much you begged me that night?”

I did not have to look at Sewoon in order to know how he looked right now.

 

“Kang Dongho, you got no idea how much I hate you right now. You think I’d believe you and not my boyfriend? Wow, how stupid you are. But, you were not that stupid, you used the chance when Sewoon’s mind was a mess, when he just had faced an incredible lost and was still dealing with it. You used the perfect timing to make him believe I’d blame him.

But you know what, Kang Dongho, you little game is over.

He told me everything about that night. And I believe him, with my heart, with my soul. So do not even try to say anything, because you cannot change the way I feel for him. Kang Dongho, you better sleep with eyes open from now on.”

 

Youngmin and Donghyun pulled Sewoon away from me and hugged him.

They did not want Sewoon to be close to Dongho, even though they did not know for sure what has happened.

 

Right after my monologue Minhyun-hyung entered the classroom. From his expression I could tell, that he had heard everything I said.

 

“What do you mean, Kim Jaehwan?” He asked with a stern voice.

I looked back at Sewoon mouthing “Let me tell them, please” and he bit his lips being scared for obvious reason.

“No one will judge you” I mouthed again.

He bit his lips again before nodding after a long while.

 

“He freaking him! He him the night before Sewoon left Busan.”

 

The cat was out of the box.

Dongho’s face had turned pale.

 

And as expected hell broke out. Minhyun-hyung had to do his best in keeping Donghyun and Youngmin from beating the out of Dongho while Sewoon’s other friends simply stared at his friend.

“That’s why you never wanted to go to a public bath, that’s why you never went swimming with us. Sewoonnie…” They hugged him tightly. And they cried.

 

And how about me? I had to fight the urge to beat the out of Dongho as well, but I knew that I could be in trouble for that, and right now I did not want to even risk getting in trouble. Not now when Sewoon had just returned to my side.

 

And how about Sewoon?

Tears rolled down his eyes but he smiled lightly.

Because the secret he kept in for so long was finally out.

 

 

A few months later

 

Winter has come.

Sewoon just left his apartment and made his way to the bus station, where he was supposed to meet his boyfriend.

 

Ever since that certain day many things have happened.

1. Jaehwan, Donghyun and Youngmin (and basically everyone else) had talked him into suing Dongho.
2. Sewoon won the lawsuit and Dongho was going into jail for at least 6 months.
3. He finally opened up about the past with Minhyun-hyung.

 

And last but not least he finally got over the past. Manly thanks to his wonderful boyfriend, but also thanks to the others who kept helping him in any possible way.

 

Sewoon did not move out from his and Euiwoong’s shared apartment, he enjoyed living with the younger. It also made it even more special when he stayed at Jaehwan’s or the other stayed at his apartment.

 

Sleeping next to Jaehwan took a lot time and effort for Sewoon. He could not help it, but the first time they tried to, his body had turned into panic mode. It took a lot of Jaehwan’s and Euiwoong’s comforting in order to calm him down.

But it was okay now, they had worked it out.

 

So there he was, his guitar with him while waiting in the old winter for his boyfriend. They had gotten the opportunity to play in a well-known café in Seoul for a holiday party.

The holidays were coming soon and the couple hasn’t made any plans yet.

Youngmin and Donghyun decided to go back to Busan over the holidays in order to visit their parents’ grave. Euiwoong, Gwanghyun and Hyunbin would be spending their holidays with their families leaving only the couple left.

 

The now black haired male was so deeply in his thoughts, that he did not realize his boyfriend standing next to him, until the latter decided to poke his boyfriend.

“Yah, Jaehwan-hyung” Stop scaring me that much”, the younger pouted.

“Sorry, love, but you have been caught up in your own thoughts that you did not even realize me standing next to you.” The older kissed his forehead lightly.

“What were you thinking about, Ponyo.”

“I was thinking about the holidays. We are the only ones without any plans, Hyung.” His boyfriend laughed. “So, you want to do anything special? Because I know I’ll be getting everything I want for Christmas. It’s being able to spend some time with you, my little Ponyo.”

Sewoon’s checks blushed madly red. Jaehwan chuckled. “I know, I’ve said it several times already, but I simply love red on you, Sewonnie.”

 

The younger wanted to argue, but the bus arrived just at this moment. So the couple entered it and took seats in the back.  

 

Sewoon looked out of the window and saw the buildings passing by.

And he smiled.

He was happy about being found by his lover and his family members.

He was happy about his new found friends who were like family for him now as well.

He was happy with the current situation.

 

Thinking about the upcoming gig scared him a little bit, but he knew that Jaehwan was by his side. And having Jaehwan by his side was the best he could ever wish for.

 

During the last couple of years there have been many situations he’d been scared of.

But this time it was different.

 

-End-

 

Last author’s note

 

The story is over, I cannot really believe it guys. I have been working on this story for a while now, maybe that’s why it was so difficult to finish it for me.

I started writing in general ages ago, but I stopped it over 5 years ago.

Now I started again and it feels good.

The characters really grew onto me, and I apologize for any pain I made them go through.

 

During the time I wrote this story many things have happened and I got to know many amazing people.

I want to use this last chapter to say special thanks to some of these

 

First of let’s start with my closest Produce 101 mutal, Ayy:

Thanks for your never ending support, not only for this story but also during exam period in general. Thanks for every word of encouragement you told me.

Let’s stick to each other for a while

Love ya.

 

Second the amazing Mae, who hated me like every single chapter of this story, I hope you like this one a little bit and do not feel the urge to kill me.

Thanks for being by my side during that one night, you know which one, where I could not take it anymore.

Thanks for simply being the amazing person you are.

 

Third Jul. Just because you deserve special mentions, just because you can and I love you. (You know all I want to say anything so let’s cut it short, love ya hny)

 

Last but not least Rachel and Takao for being my inspirations to start writing again. I had forgotten how much I actually missed writing over the last couple of years. Especially during exam period writing had this calming effect on me. Thanks for reminding me!
Also thanks for mutaling with me, I still feel not worthy enough!

 

Thank you to anyone who read this story, wrote comments and upvoted it.

I had a lot of fun writing this story! Please keep supporting Jaehwan in Wanna One and Sewoon as a solo artist!

If you are interested into my future work, stay tuned for the end of September, because after my trip to Korea and Japan I will come up with a new Howon fanfiction, don’t worry, no (or not that much) angst as in this one.

 

But now, let’s finish this chapter for good, the author’s note is already way too long.

 

Thank you.

 

P.S. Comments are still loved