Author's note:

this chapter happened after the events of the previous chapter.

--------------------

As I lay here packing my stuff on the cold hotel floor I recall what happened back home. 

 

I slowly closed my eyes and hugged myself.

~

 I've always been in the shadow of my hyung.

 

Mr. Kim, your son is amazing!

 

the eldest is the best

 

the younger isn't as good as the older isn't he?

 

the Kim's eldest son is superb

 

Favoritism within my family was a natural occurence. My father was the hated son. My brother was his beloved son. I was the extra load. The 'accident waiting to happen'.

 

Hyung was treated best by people around him, teachers, batchmates, my parents. He was exceptionally brilliant. I admit I was jealous. I thought it was unfair.

 

Nevertheless, hyung treated me better than anybody ever did. Hyung was my first love, not my parents. Despite my jealousy I cared for him more than I cared for people around me.

 

But the tables turned six years ago when I was on my last year of highschool and hyung was working already........

 

I heard screaming downstairs so I got up from bed and scurried to where the sound came from. With every step I took my heart raced faster as the voices got clearer. I could hear hyungs cries, father's screams and beating.

 

"NO!", was what I heard before I saw my hyung kneeling on the ground. Tears stained his shirt. My father had his hand raised.

 

The first time I saw my brother so torn, the first time I saw my father hurt hyung, was the first time I felt like rubbish. I wasn't able to stop him from hurting. I just stood there frozen and watched as my brother wailed in agony.

 

That night my hyung left home. That night I didn't sleep soundly. That night I realized I was left with monsters and my inner demons.

 

Every single day after that I was treated like hyung. Pampered, respected, loved.

 

and all for what? Because hyung chose to go with somebody he loved.  I hate my parents for  what they did. I hate HIM , that dependant student he called his first love, for 'bewitching' my brother.

 

It was terrifying. It felt like a weight has been put on my shoulders. Like they were watching my every move.

 

My parents advertised me a lot after I entered college. Teachers started favoring me. I felt like there was a rope tied around me, tightening and tightening until I become lifeless. I became father's puppet. I had to be the perfect one now.

 

All those years of living behind hyung happened to be better than standing in the spotlight. I began to understand hyung's struggle. Everybody in school didn't look up to him, his batchmates despised him and it has happened to me. Because of the special treatment he's getting the students believed he pulled some strings to get to the top.

 

the rest of the time leading to this moment, I've lived hyung's horrid life. An unwelcoming school society and a choking  home atmosphere.

 

i just needed somebody true for once....

 

that's when Jungkook came.

 

~

 

I opened my eyes, tears continued flowing through. I was out of words. He was there when I needed him.

 

I feel sick. I pushed him away. I abandoned him because of my fickle mind.

 

I started to panic. I scrambled for my phone.

 

I dialed my parents home number.

 

"appa?"

 

I expected the warm voice he would use on me ever since hyung left but that wasn't the case.

 

"taehyung. You useless numbskull! Idiot! Don't bother coming home. We have no children. Feed that freeloader you call Jungkook and yourself ingrate! I regret ever adopting you. "

 

The line went off.

 

Then the words started to sink in.

 

Ingrate

 

Adopted

 

Fresh set of tears came out, my teeth started to chatter, my lips quivered, spine felt like wobbling jelly, my head hurt and the last bit of heart I had for them broke.

 

I quickly dialed Jungkook. Panic settled inside me once again.

 

"Jungkook please pick up. Please pick up. ", I chanted helplessly as my voice broke. I bit my nails as I waited for him.

 

"Tae?"

 

"kookie. I I need you now.", I cried out as hiccuped.