Her fingers unconsciously drummed at her sides, leaning her body against the lockers for support as she glared at the hallway where a certain girl was supposed to appear to about 23 minutes ago. Joy almost had half a mind to go back to the council and drag Jennie out there.

The only problem was first, they weren't friends and second, Jennie would only fight her and third, Irene is still the Student Council President and Joy wouldn't like any detention.

What was making Jennie take longer anyway? Is Irene going to confess? Joy hopes that's not the case.

Why the was she waiting for that anyway?! Jennie doesn't deserve her time and she surely doesn't deserve her friendship. Joy groaned. They're not friends. Just why does she wait around and look after that girl? Although Jennie has no idea of such things, of course.

Just as when she was about to leave, because why is she even doing this if Jennie hates her and is probably dating Irene by now when the said girl finally appeared.

She was smiling and Joy felt her stomach drop. Before she could spit some offending words, as usual when she was jealous, Jennie suddenly coughed. Hard. Joy almost scrambled to help her, fortunately, her brain caught up to her and she stopped herself from touching the older girl to rub her back.

Unfortunately, Joy opted for the 'being mean as to the person she likes' option. Again. Like every time.

"Wow, geez. Hold your virus in, loser." Joy scrunched up her face, trying to hide her worry, "And while you're at it, why don't you go and buy some new lungs?"

Jennie almost snapped her neck to give a menacing glare at Joy, "The is your problem?!"

Joy shrugged, an infuriating look on her face before she purposely bumped the girl, Jennie's scent lingering in her nostrils due to their close proximity. Joy regretted doing it, she was only digging her own grave and before she could get away, Jennie had grabbed her wrist, spinning her around to make them look at each other face to face and Joy could've laughed at how short the older girl was but the latter looked really pissed off. The angriest Joy has seen her.

"No really," Jennie growls out, her hand gripping Joy's wrist tightens, her other one clenching into a fist, "What the do you have against me?!"

Joy forced a smirk, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

In a fit of anger, Jennie managed to push her enough to make the taller girl stumble and fall on her . Joy was almost amazed, if not for the fact that she was furious at the moment.

Her anger, however, had to wait as the shorter girl already started on her rant.

"Don't you have anything to do with your life?!" Jennie screamed, wheezing as she continued, "Why don't you die then so you can ing leave me alone?"

Both of them blinked. That was really harsh. Even for Jennie and Joy could feel the sting in her heart turn into a full blown aching feeling. She finds it funny, her feelings that is, and she bursts out into bitter laughter. 

Jennie seems bewildered, "Joy I didn't mean—"

Joy flashes her a wide grin and Jennie flinched. It was clearly one of hurt.

"It's fine, sunbaenim. In fact, that's a good idea!" Joy fake brightens, "Since obviously, my feelings for you won't go away no matter how much I try."

Her eyes met Jennie's own who had widened significantly, "Surprised? That's ing right, I ing like you, Kim Jennie."

"And you know what's hard? I know you don't want it and if I wouldn't have made enemies with you, would you have known of my existence?"

"You would never because you've only ever looked at her! I tried everything to the point I pushed myself to like Wendy unnie but your ing name pops up every time!"

"And I know it, I ing know that you're in love with her that's why I try to push you away because I want to be the one who will leave but why do I still feel alone and miserable?!"

Her voice broke, tears starting to spill from her eyes and Joy furiously wiped them away. Jennie only stood there, dumbfounded.

"Joy I—" The older girl started but before she could continue, Joy had raised her hands up to stop her from talking.

She flashed a bittersweet smile as she caught her breath.

"No, sunbaenim." Joy breathed, "I don't need your ing pity."

She searched Jennie's face, trying to commit the girl's face in her memory because Joy doesn't think she'll be able to face Jennie again after admitting her feelings.

With her back already turned and her feet slowly dragging her away, Joy chuckles.

"And about what you said earlier," Joy started, "Don't worry I'll think about it."

"Joy wait!"

But Joy already had walked away, and this time, she swears, for real.

...

Her boots crunched against the snow, her hands cold and slowly she rang the doorbell of the orphanage and the children greeted her in delight.

Joy grinned, happiness slowly seeping back in her well being as she was warmly welcomed by everyone back, people who were abandoned and left alone yet had the biggest heart. This was her home. 

What was she thinking? She was an orphan for a reason. People leave and people refuse to accept her too. That's how it always has been. That's how it'll always be. Her feelings for Jennie were no different, Jennie was like them too.

And yet Joy still finds herself falling for the girl and she thinks that maybe this is her curse, maybe this is something she deserves after all the bad things she had done, forever alone and miserable and cold.

As she accepted a cup of coffee the nun had gave her, Joy finds herself staring out the window, at the quiet white snow and she finds it very lonely. Much like her.

Joy decided she didn't like winter.