She continued to stare at the ceiling, words still echoing inside her head, voices never leaving her alone, an image she can't shake of her mind and her feelings scattered all over the place she didn't know what was what.

Jennie tossed around her bed again, another cough raking her body and she cursed whoever it is that gave her such bad lungs. She flinched.

That's where it started. This damn cough was the whole reason that argument with Joy had escalated. Jennie desperately wants to change what was said and done.

"I ing like you, Kim Jennie."

Jennie groaned, every single word still etched on her mind, every emotion in that voice Jennie felt vibrate inside her, every expression that her eyes conveyed still stuck in her memory. Why can't that girl let her be in peace even if she's not around?

An image of someone flashed in her mind, stone cold face but soft caring eyes.

"Just take care on your way home too, alright?"

Guilt rises up to , remembering her determined promise to herself that she will only like Bae Irene. Bae Irene whom she had looked up to for a long time, Irene who even though she looked like a heartless cold ice queen, had taken care of Jennie and offered her a warm smile.

But does that mean Irene likes her that way? Jennie's pretty sure she'd seen the older girl be so touchy and comfortable with Kang Seulgi. Does she even have a chance? 

Joy's face popped into her head. 

Does she even deserve a chance to be with Irene? She hadn't given Joy even one chance so maybe she doesn't deserve one either.

"I hate this." Jennie muttered to no one, closing her tired eyes, "Irene sunbaenim should be the only one on my mind."

Sunbaenim.

Why is it when Joy called her that it didn't feel right? Like they took a step farther away from each other and Jennie frowned because she had never felt her closeness with the younger girl until it was seemingly severed in that moment. Joy had always preferred to just call her by her name without honorifics, even before they've hated each other.

"." Jennie curses.

She was thinking about her again. Every line of thought she has seems to lead straight to Park Joy and Jennie just can't shake it off. Jennie's supposed to hate her. You're not supposed to think about the people you hate right?

Or are you?

'There's a fine line between love and hate, Jennie. It's fairly easy to cross.'

"Shut the up, brain. I didn't ask for your opinion!" She screamed, frustrated.

Not a second later, there was a knock at her door and her mother's muffled voice could be heard, "Jennie, honey, you alright there?"

Jennie almost slapped herself. She had always made fun of Jisoo, that missing in action best friend of hers, for talking to the air and here she was doing the same thing.

"It's nothing umma. I was just practicing a line for an upcoming play." 

"Oh, alright. Good luck, honey."

Jennie tried to hide the scoff that threatened to come out . Yeah right. She wished luck would help her figure things out.

...

The new silence and peace irked on Jennie's nerves.

No sarcastic comment, no infuriating smirk, no abomination of hell to destroy her day. She should be happy right? Jennie bit the insides of her cheek, glaring at a certain someone's locker. 

Where the is she? Joy was a , yes but she was an outstanding student, she wouldn't be part of the Student Council if she wasn't and as far as Jennie heard, Joy liked school. Something that's quite hard to believe but it was the truth.

"Why don't you die then and ing leave me alone?"

"Don't worry, I'll think about it."

"Why did you ing say that, Kim Jennie?!" Jennie hissed under her breath.

"Say what?"

Jennie gasped, a hand on her chest who almost burst in surprise. She threw a menacing glare at her friend.

"Yah Kim Jisoo! You almost killed me!" 

Jisoo raised an eyebrow, "Don't be dramatic. Where's, Joy?"

Jennie's frown went deeper. She casts a suspicious look to her best friend because why the hell would she be looking for Joy?

"How would I ing know?" Jennie growls, "I'm not her ing keeper!"

"Wow. That's a new level of mean, Jen. I was just asking." Jisoo muttered, "Did something happen between you two?"

Before she could answer, Wendy interrupted, brows furrowed, eyes sharp and fists clenched before it almost flew to Jennie's face. Almost. Fortunately, Jisoo caught it with her own face. Wendy in turn gasped.

"Oh my God! I'm sorry, Jisoo! It wasn't meant for you!" Wendy fussed, checking on Jisoo's now busted lip, "I'm really sorry. Please tell Lisa I didn't mean it so she won't kill me for this."

Jisoo gives Jennie a look before turning back to Wendy, "I'm fine, really. What's gotten into you? You know Joy wouldn't be happy if you —"

"That's exactly it!" Wendy screeched, eyes full of hate as she looked at Jennie. "What did you ing say to her you ?!"

Jennie blinked. Wendy has never been violent nor was she foul-mouthed. She knew Wendy being Joy's best friend but she never knew she'd go this far. Speaking of which, Jennie had no idea what she did to warrant Wendy's hateful words. It was just another argument with Joy in which she had accidentally told the girl to go die and —oh.

"Why? What happened to Joy?" Jisoo had asked for Jennie and the latter was thankful for it.

Wendy's jaw tightened, "I've never seen her cry. Joy doesn't cry. She appeared at my doorstep crying and apologizing last night." 

"Where is she now?" This time, it was Jennie who asked, lips trembling as she thought about the last words they exchanged.

Wendy seemed hesitant. A second later she sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging.

"She lives at the orphanage," She started and Jennie's eyes widened in realization, "It's just a couple of blocks away from here but it's not hard to find."

Without waiting for another word, Jennie sprinted. She ran as fast as her lungs could take her, fighting through the snow filled paths and cold breeze.

Jennie blames it on her guilt, on her conscience. What she said was wrong and she intends to make it right and maybe start all over again.

Her phone rings and Jennie answers it, putting it on loudspeaker as she continued to make her way out the school gates.

"Hey, it's Irene. Uhm I don't know if you will come but could you meet me in the Student Council Room right now? I have something important to say."

Jennie paused to catch her breath, already wheezing and coughing hard, her eyes starting to blur.

She was already halfway to the orphanage, her sides aching with how much she ran and the cold making it hard for her to breathe.

Jennie thought about Irene and how just seeing her made the girl's day and how important what she was about to say must be because as far as she knows, Irene rarely uses her phone. She thought about the adorable look on the older girl's face whenever she tries to figure out the small thing and Jennie almost smiled.

But then she also thought about Joy, of their everyday fights, of the endless name calling and insults, of how she noticed that the younger girl was conveniently always there when Jennie was in trouble, of how alone that girl must be right now, of how much her rival actually means to her.

With her eyelids becoming heavy, Jennie felt herself fall face first into the snow, she hears a faint call of her name from the distance and she grinned as she saw Park Joy. Always conveniently there when she needs someone. Is it really her though? Jennie's finally pushed her away the last time.

Hands shaking, Jennie tried to reach out the girl's face as her body was being shaken. She felt her eyelids closing, her voice not cooperating as she tried to speak.

"I'm confused, Joy. I like Irene, I really do but why do I become unsure when I'm with you?"

"She had that stone cold face that haunts my dreams at night, my heart in her tight cold grip but there's also you who spits venom with your words and it bites at my insides but somehow I find myself cold with anxiety whenever I don't see you and I feel warm and tingly whenever I do."