Twice – Someone Like Me

Do you know how much I want you
There’s no way to count my feelings with numbers
Someday if someone can find the end of numbers
But my heart will be
A little bigger (no one)

(Maybe)
Even with all the numbers in the world
(my finger)
My feelings can’t be expressed
I can’t count it but I wish that you knew
How my heart
Became bigger again from just now

Nowhere
You can’t find
Someone like me
Nothing can express
All of my feelings

With you, with you

How much I think about you
I can’t write down all of my feelings in letters either
Even when I add up all the words that I know
(know, know, know)
My heart will be lovelier than that

No words in the world can express
All of my feelings
I can’t write it down but I wish you knew
I wish that you would understand
My heart which became bigger again from just now

Nowhere
You can’t find
Someone like me
Nothing can express
All of my feelings

Nowhere
You can’t find

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me

Not enough with numbers
And not enough with words
Nothing in the world
Can express all of my feelings

Nowhere
I can’t find
Someone like me
Nothing in the world can express
All of my heart

Nowhere
I can’t find
Someone like me
Nothing in the world can express
All of my heart

Somehow, I want to show you
All of my heart

Author’s POV

A girl with average height and very big eyes walked around the hallway until she reached a specific room with a sign above the door saying ‘Discipline Office’. She twisted the knob and get inside.

“Let me go, you high-headed idiots! Untie me or I’ll strangle each of you once I freed myself instead!” A loud shout greeted her. “J-Jihyo-unnie, can you help me h-here?” A student with pale skin asked stutteringly due to a certain person’s threat. The girl with big eyes sighed while massaging her temples. “Ok. You can go out now, Dahyun-ah. Thank you for your help.” The former said and the pale girl happily bowed.

“Thank you, President!” Dahyun rushed her way out from the room, leaving the girl with big eyes and the student tied over a chair inside.

“Great. After an annoying fidgeting bird, a person who loves interrogation made her way to talk to me again.” The tied student exasperatedly said with a hint of mockery and sarcasm. “Very funny, Chou Tzuyu. So what did you do this time?” The girl with big eyes took a chair and sat in front of the tied student.

“Aish, guess we’ll do the usual after all.”, “Just get with it already, Tzuyu.” The former said while the other sighs heavily. “Fine. I messed up the teacher’s faculty room today for fun. Happy now, Park Jihyo?” Tzuyu said to the girl named Jihyo. Instead of answering, the former walked behind Tzuyu and started untying her. “It’s Jihyo-unnie, Chou. Keep that in mind.”

“Geez, arasso. OKAY.” Once freed, Tzuyu stood up and massaged her wrists. “Why do you keep on doing these things, Tzuyu? Inside and out of the school premises, you’re a trouble maker.” Jihyo said. “Because I want to, okay? Why suddenly asking such ridiculous question anyway?” Tzuyu asked back a little harshly.

“Simply because I care, Tzuyu. Why be like this when you can do better? I know I can kick you out from this school whenever I want, but I can’t and I won’t. I’m pretty stupid to educate a trouble maker who won’t even listen to anything I said, but I can’t find the way to let go of my childhood friend so easily, you know?” Jihyo answered monotonously. “I never asked you to do this, Jisoo. You should leave me like everyone does. I bring only trouble wherever I go.”

Tzuyu coldly said as she turned her back from Jihyo. “It’s better if you just let me off this place, Jisoo. That’s the best choice you can pick.” She added before leaving the girl staring blackly at the door. 

“I wish that you would understand why I am doing this, Chewy.” Jihyo weakly said as a lone tear came down from her face.

Tzuyu’s POV

Day after day, I move me feet all over this stupid school just to spend my time to useless things. Only trouble makes me feel noticed, alive and free. I am no attention seeker, but knowing that with these problems I make gets me the gaze of the only person I cared in this world, I can’t stop whatever I am doing until now.

Nothing in the world can give me a proper road except her, so I kept sticking around. I want to change myself too, but I just don’t know how. Thinking that I might only get worse each day, pushing her away became an option I want to follow recently.

Yet no matter how much I push her away, she just won’t stop pursuing me. I know she’s just doing this as a good friend, but I hope she’ll stop it already. I also care for her. Jihyo is the only exception in my unstoppable mess. Even with all the numbers in the world, only she’s the one I keep as my special someone, a person I secretly love and care in this pathetic life of mine.

My parents drowned their selves in work, disregarding my existence. My brother was no better. He left his responsibilities, running away from everything. Pressure once visited my door together with my father’s uninviting words that only speaks about company and such. Hell, I’m sick of it. This started me to go insane, changed the little innocent kid to nothing but a walking destruction.

Calling me a curse is better. It’s what I am after all, a black sheep. I’m nothing to love. Leave me be all you want, I won’t care too. If someone is sick about what I am, well, I am sick of living on whom I am too. I’m just a trash … a trash that wishes to be noticed by her.

“How I hope there’s nothing wrong in the first place so I can at least stay peacefully with her with no worries.” I whispered as I stare blankly at the clear sky.

“Tzuyu.” A very familiar voice called out but I stay unmoved. I then hear footsteps clearer than the gasp of the wind. My heart started beating fast again as her presence invades my solitude space. Even with just her scent made me want to take action, but I kept it in. ‘I don’t want to scare her away with a freak like me.’

“You’re cutting classes again.” She simply stated the fact and I scoffed. “As if it’s the first time I did this.” I heard her sigh. Expecting her to stood and walk away by now, I closed my eyes. But I suddenly felt a weight over my shoulder and my eyelids shot open. My head turn to face her.

“W-what are you doing?” I asked as I try not to freak out. Her warmth is something I love to feel. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m sitting next to you.” She answered which made me frown. “I completely know that, Jisoo. What I mean is, didn’t you just scolded me for cutting classes again? Why staying here? You should go back to your own class.” I monotonously said, trying to convince her to just go away.

Though I am feeling comfortable because she’s here with me, thinking about the consequences made me choose what I think is the best instead.

“I don’t want to. I already know what they’re studying. Just let me rest here with you instead.” Her answer actually surprised me. ‘What the hell are you saying, Jihyo?!’

“I don’t want to give you trouble, Jisoo. Go back in your class now or Mr. Park will get mad at you. You know how strict your father is, right?” I said as a matter of fact. Mr. Park is Jihyo’s father and the owner of this school. As his only daughter, Mr. Park tend to discipline her a little tighter that sometimes I think Jihyo was actually feeling suffocated over her father’s guidance.

With that reason also, I forced myself to give distance to her because Jihyo might only get hurt if Mr. Park knew about the friendship between his good daughter and a trouble maker.

“I don’t care. Let him be. I just want to stay here with you, Chewy.” I can’t help but to blush as I hear her mention my nickname. But then, the burdening thoughts came back and I straighten myself again.

“No. Stay away from me, Jisoo. I already told you that I only bring trouble. Out of all the people in this world, you’re the only one that I care. I always do bad things, and only bad things it is. If you stick with me, you’ll be in harm and I don’t want that.” I coldly said. ‘Please, just follow what I said, Jihyo.’

“I also want to decline that. I’m sorry, Tzuyu, but from now on, I want to be selfish. I’ll follow what my heart says instead of the people around me, including you. If sticking with you will only cause me harm, then so be it. I’ll just do bad things together with you, and I know you’ll protect in the end.” She then hugged me tightly.

I was caught off guard now. “Why, Jihyo? Why go over this extent for me? Can’t you see my sacrifices to keep you good and safe? Why keep being with someone like me?” I didn’t notice that I was actually trembling.

“It’s because I love you, Tzuyu. Do you know how much I want you to just stay with me? I don’t care if you’re a trouble maker. I can accept who you are in any ways. We might be very small for this huge world, but my heart will be a little bigger just for you. I’ll go to any extent if it’s for you, Tzuyu.” Only pure honesty is what I’m feeling from every word she said.

“J-Jisoo…” She then caresses my face with her thumbs wiping away the tears I didn’t notice that are already rolling down my face.

“Call me stupid for choosing this, but I want you forever. My feelings can’t be expressed so easily because of the boundaries that hinder us, but I’m ready to take a step forward now. I can’t count it, the numerous times I told myself to just be honest and let everything go, but I wish that you knew it from the beginning that it’s my feelings that made me free myself from my worries.” She pulled me for a tight hug once more and started rubbing my back softly.

“What did I do to deserve you, Jihyo? Right now, I’m so damn happy. I can’t explain it clearly, but I’m happy.” I warmly said as tears keep on falling down my cheeks. My arms found its way to embrace Jihyo’s waist.

“I know that you’re hiding a lot of things from me. Even back then, your greatest fear was to open up something so serious to anyone. But do you know how much I think about you? Let it be daylight or nighttime, the thought of you is the only thing that’s stuck inside my head. All of my feelings are for you and only you.” Her statement made me smile.

“It feels like I became bigger again from just now because of these shared feelings of us that I never expected to be mutual. It’s like a dream come true. No words in the world can express how I am feeling right now. It’s greater than happiness, if you ask me. I can’t write it down but I wish you knew how long I hide this from you.”

“You can’t find any possible reasons for me to not love you. You’re too precious for me, much brighter than a diamond and much expensive than gold. It’s funny how we’re sharing sweet words in a poetic way and get pulled by our own cheesiness. I don’t think I can smile wider than I am now. I guess this is how magical love is, huh? So … will you take me with you?” She pinched my nose before brushing it with hers.

“If that’s what you really want then come with me. If you’re gone, there’s nowhere I can call home anymore. How my heart fluttered at your sweet words that made me realized that I am not alone in this tormenting world. Cruelty once made form from these hands of mine, but I promise to give pure care to your fragile heart as an exchange. I might not change into something nice and acceptable, but I promise to be a person who you can trust with everything you have.”

“With you, I know I’m safer. With you, I’m much happier. So I won’t go. I’d rather stay in your darkest path than in the road of light where there is no you at all. Not enough with numbers and not enough with words … that’s the only problem I have because it made me blank for a while. An unspoken words full of answers, that’s just how complicated our love story will be. But those won’t matter anyway, right?” I nodded and pulled her closer, making our body pressed to each other as no one planned to let go or even loosen up a little.

“I love you, Chou Tzuyu. I’m now a bad girl because of you.” I chuckled at her statement. Without any words, I kissed her forehead and sincerely said, “I love you too, Park Jisoo. You’re my bad girl from now until forever.”

We spent some time at the rooftop until the bell finally rung, indicating that it’s time to go home.

“Come on, I want to have a date with you. After all, it’s our first day together.” I warmly said as I stood up and reach out a hand for her. “You’re already being cheesy for our first day, Chou. But … ok. Take me somewhere nice, arasso?” Jihyo held my hand firmly which still sends me the chills and electric shock I felt ever since back from the first time we met.

“It actually feels good cutting classes.” Jihyo suddenly blurted out which made me laughed loudly. “I seriously can’t believe you, Park Jihyo.”

Author’s POV

Everything goes smoothly between the two. Tzuyu is still the trouble maker she is, but goes into her sweet and innocent self whenever she and Jihyo will sneak out to have their dates and quality times for each other.

But secrets do unfolds itself, one way or another.

One cold day inside JYP University, the couple is in their usual spot at the school rooftop, having lunch together, when Mr. Park suddenly appeared as he furiously opened the door. In the moment, Jihyo’s world froze in a way where fear slowly swallowed her. ‘We’ve been caught!’ She screamed in her mind as beads of sweat formed over her forehead.

“What is the meaning of this, Jihyo?!” Jinyoung angrily asked to his daughter who’s slowly cowering herself behind Tzuyu. “D-Dad, I … Tzuyu and I are--”, “I can’t believe you’ve turn into this, Jihyo. You disappointed me!” Jinyoung spat harshly, making the girl flinched.

“Mr. Park, I don’t want to be disrespectful because you’re Jisoo’s father, but aren’t you crossing the line with your words to your daughter?” Tzuyu monotonously fired back while holding her girlfriend’s hand firmly behind her. Her face is showing strong determination and courage.

The old man laughed coldly before staring daggers at the two. “Crossing the line? Seriously, Ms. Chou?! Aren’t you forgetting who I am?! I’m her father and I have the rights to talk with authority at her. She’s a disgrace, a sinful human that has my name, flesh and blood! I didn’t raise her to be a dyke!” What Mr. Park said made Jihyo weak and broken.

Her father just said those harsh words as if she doesn’t have any feeling, as if she’s not his daughter at all. ‘Why are you like this, Dad? Can’t you see how hurt I am at what you said?’

Every word the man said made Tzuyu’s blood boil so much, but she kept unmoved to restrain herself from doing something bad. “You may be her father but that doesn’t mean you can say things to her like she’s an animal. Name? Flesh and blood? Are those connections between the two of you only matters? What about her feelings? Are you even human yourself? What if she’s a sinner because of what she is? Can’t you just accept her?”

Jinyoung greeted his teeth. “What a word, Ms. Chou! You’re the reason my daughter is like this! You’re a ing bad influence, even back when you two are just kids, I already knew that you are nothing but trouble. And I knew I should have thrown you away from this school even from the very start, you freaking dyke!” What the man muttered lit up something inside Jihyo.

“DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT, MR. PARK!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO CALL NAMES TO THE PERSON I LOVE!!!” The former’s voice boomed all over the place. Rage was visible to her deafening volume that even Tzuyu was taken aback from her action.

“You little imbecile girl! After all that I’ve done for you. Fine! You want me to roughen things up more, huh? Choose, my sinful daughter! Come back to my side and I’ll forget this day happened. You’ll leave that freak and continue to work hard for your future success. Or stay with her and I’ll cut our ties right here right now! Choose wisely, my foolish of a child.” The man showed a very ominous grin.

Without any hesitations, Jihyo answered straightforwardly. “Cut me off then! I’m nothing but a product to you anyway. A thing that you kept on building to be your money maker … you’re nothing but a selfish person, Mr. Park! I’ll happily walk away from someone like you! Thank you for EVERYTHING that you’ve done for me.”

Jinyoung was taken aback from her daughter’s reply. Anger was still visible in his face, but something inside him broke. What Jihyo said was all true, but he can’t falter and lower his ground because of his strong pride so he smirked. “What a waste? So that’s your decision, huh? Go off then, Jisoo. When the time where you’ll need me and my help comes, don’t try walking your way here in my school, or even in my house. You’re not my daughter anymore.”

The old man turned his back. “Strive hard, you foolish little girl. This world is too cruel to pity people like you. Bring disgrace to yourself and your lover with your chin raised high. Toughening up a strong wall is hard so ready yourself on everything that’s coming. Prove to me that your choice is truly acceptable.”

With that, Park Jinyoung walked his way off from the couple. His face never softened, but his heart does. Inside, he’s hurt and angry. Even in the beginning, he never actually showed any loving father figure to his daughter so he only deserved this as the consequences for his wrong deeds. He’s also proud on how brave his child had become.

Before he turned the door knob, he whispered, “Be happy, my sweet Jisoo. Daddy was bad and mean, but he loves you. Goodbye, my little girl.” He left with a lonely tear dropped from the corner of his eye.

Back to Jihyo and Tzuyu’s side, the older girl was crying uncontrollably in the younger’s embrace. She was not actually hurt when her father finally cut her off as his daughter. She’s crying because she knew that her father was hurt too. He never called her in her real name after the death of her mother. No matter how harsh his words are, she can still feel the sadness and guilt between them. And so she felt broken too, but what she did is a must to be done.

“I’m sorry, Jisoo. I know this is also my fault. But I promise you, everything’s gonna be alright.” Tzuyu just embraced the girl until she’s finally calm.

“Tzuyu … what are we going to do now?” The older girl asked with a hint of anxiety in her tone. “I’m sure we’re finally dropped from this school. The most possible way to cope up with everything for now is … for you to stay with me forever.” Tzuyu said which got Jihyo confused. “What do you mean?”

”It’s kind of unromantic because of what happened a while ago, but please … bear with it a bit, ok?” Jihyo just nodded. The younger girl knelt down and held the older one’s hand, sending warmth to her effortlessly.

“Today was a very long hectic day. A bad memory was planted right here at this spot, so I thought of covering it with something special.” Tzuyu then took something out from her pocket. Jihyo covered in surprise.

“I didn’t practiced nor expect to do this today so I’m feeling nervous. But even so … here goes nothing.” She showed the thing on her hand.

“Jihyo, we’ve been friends for so long. You’ve known so many things about me and so was I to you. You’ve shown kindness to me even when I turned into the dark side. You don’t know how thankful I am that you existed. I can’t say it out loud because I’m actually a coward, and I can’t write down all of my feelings in letters either. I always turn dumb whenever I want to let it out.

Even when I add up all the words that I know it still won’t be enough. There’s no way to count my feelings with numbers, coz it goes to infinity. And someday if someone can find the end of numbers, maybe that will be our descendants, the fruit of the love we’ll share together until we grow old. I don’t know, you don’t know, and nobody will know. We’ll search for the answer with our hands folded together, sharing warm.

Even if my fingers are already curly and rough, I’ll hold you forever. Someone like me doesn’t deserve you, but I’ll be selfish from now on. I’ll snatch you blindly and have you all for myself, like what I am doing right at this moment. These words are only for you to answer, Jihyo. For better or for worst, will you accept me with all your heart? Will you marry me, Jisoo?”

After the younger one’s long confession, she held out the simple silver ring in front of Jihyo, who’s already crying. “T-Tzuyu…” With trembling lips, Jihyo knelt down and stare at Tzuyu with loving eyes.

“Yes, Chewy-ah, I am ready to accept your everlasting love with all of my heart. I’ll be your wife till infinity destroys itself. Maybe we’re rushing things, but having you is enough to be sure of how our blurry road will be. My heart will be lovelier than that past me. I’ll center my attention for no one but you.” It was Tzuyu’s turn to tear up. The happiness in her heart was too overwhelming.

“Thank you so much, Jisoo. I love you.” She hugged the older girl tightly. “I love you more, Tzuyu. More than all the numbers in this world.” The two hugged each other as if no one wants to let go.

Tzuyu’s POV

After the day I confessed to Jihyo, I took everything my unloving parents left for me. I used my bank money to find us a better house to live together. Jihyo did the same too. She took her savings, clothes and such. We go to our own decision together without stopping. No hesitation at all as we walk pass the curious eyes of the others, we only minded the life we’ll be sharing for the future.

“I guess … this is it … our home.” Jihyo said as she stares at our house. It’s nothing special, just an average two-floored house that will be enough for us to spend our lives till our family of two grew more. It will be lively once we settled everything, because our presence will be its life. This home will be the proof of our love.

“Yeah, our lovely home.” I held her hand and slowly dragged her inside. Her eyes are shining in delight and I feel more alive at the sight.

“My heart which became bigger again from just now … just for you.” I said out of the blue, gaining her beautiful gaze into me. I thought she’ll find it weird so I looked away, only to feel her warm hands over my checks, gently turning me to face her. Her bright smile greeted me and I can’t help but to blush.

“Nothing can express my feelings right now, Chewy. It’s too overwhelming already, much brighter than the sun or the thousand fireworks in the sky. Nothing in the world has the right to describe it … maybe only you and I.” Her big eyes the fell onto my lips, sending a signal that I came to understand as my gaze fell into her own lips.

“You’re right. Only the two of us can express all of my feelings.” We both slowly lean in until our lips touched. It sends electricity into our body. The warmth is just right as our lips move in sync with each other.

“Somehow, I want to show you that there will be a bright light in my dark road. Your risk will be answered with my own guiding words. I can’t find it for now, but I know I can since you’re here with me now. From nowhere to somewhere … we’ll find it together.” I sincerely said once we pulled away.

“If you can’t find it, then so do I. And that’s why we’ll search it. Nothing will stop the two of us. It’s simply just goodbyes for a new beginning to welcome us.”

Jihyo’s POV

“Jihyo-unnie, I know I asked this a lot of times already but … are you sure of your decisions?” My bestfriend, Mina, carefully asked. I just sighed and replied, “Yes, Minari. Even if it’s a choice that can lead into nothing but mess, I’m still fine. I don’t care of what might happen the next day because I’m sure that she’s with me. Whatever lies next to us, we’ll stay together so don’t worry. Remember this Mina. In love, it’s always the couple against the world.”

She just weakly smiled and nodded. “If you say so, Unnie. Please be happy till the end, ok?” She said. “I’m already happy, Mina. Ever since she came into my life, everything turned upside-down. But in the end, I was still happy, I really am.” With that, she finally showed her gummy smile.

Mina and I talked a little more before we decided to finally go part our ways. “Can we s-stay in contact? I’ll surely miss you, U-Unnie.” Mina stutteringly said as tears goes down from her eyes. “Sure. Promise me, you’ll take good care of my position in school, ok? I’ll take good care of myself so you better do the same to yourself, though I know a certain cub will do that work for you.” I caress her head like a mother usually do and a flush of pink appeared from her cheeks.

“You’ll forever be my bestfriend, Mina. Thank you for everything. I’ll go my own way and do bad things now.” The elegant Japanese friend of mine just nodded, still uncontrollably crying. “Goodbye, Myoui. See you when I see you.” I turned and started walking away. The tears I held in finally flow down my cheeks.

It really hurts to leave the people important to you. But that’s just how love is. You’ll sacrifice things to sustain your selfish needs. No one can tell me what to do since they don’t know the bad things I like. Only she and I understand this path we’re both going through. It’s so complicated to explain it clearly to the world so we just kept it only to the both of us.

As I rode the train to our home, my mind goes back to the times before this happened. I can’t help but smile because I realized that … things were actually less complicated now in this path. I guess there are no regrets that might hold me back anymore. I’ll love this pain together with her, and only that is enough.

Once I’m off the train, my walk was long and slow. I tried reminiscing every single thing for one last time before finally letting it go and face anew.

I stopped once I reached our house. My tears are already wiped away when I twisted the knob. Just when I swung the door open, a hand pulled me and I was engulfed in a warm embrace. “Are you ok, Jihyo? I know it’s hard so just say what you want to say right now. Pour it on me. I’ll accept it.” A kind voice from her came out.

“I’m fine, Tzuyu. Everything’s going to be all right. Don’t feel guilty over things. I’m doing this because I want to.” I pulled away and kissed my lover’s lips. She passionately kissed me back and led the both of us to our small room. She carefully made me sat over our bed before pulling away and hugged me once again.

“Thank you so much, Jisoo, for choosing someone like me. I love you.” She sincerely said before sobbing quietly. ‘Look at us. I was the one who’s crying a while ago. But now, she’s the one who’s sobbing while I comfort her.’

“I love you too, Tzuyu … more than everything in this big world. No matter how many times I’ll be asked why, I’ll always answer that it’s simply because I fell to someone like you.” We both tighten our embrace, sharing our warmth while letting the silence kept its presence around us.

Every touch made me shiver like an ice made contact on my bare skin. To me, our way of love was so unique like we’re sailing in the sea, only the two of us.

I might be out of my head for choosing to be bad, and might be out of my mind to be crazily in love with someone like Tzuyu, but its fine. It’s so good that I never minded it at all. Love is love no matter what after all.

Everything changed, but to me, every little things of it is still beautiful and wonderful. A path leading to downfall is nothing if I’m with you. I can pretend that I’m moving with flying colors as long as we’re together … even if we have to do bad things and go with the odds.