You were always the strong one.

I remember all the times you were brave.

Do you remember all the times I was weak?

There was the time in elementary school when I was bullied by Siwon’s gang. They took my packet of banana milk and dumped the contents over my head while I was eating.

Everyone just laughed hysterically, pointing their fingers at me. No one made an effort to help.

I could feel tears streaming down my face. But nobody noticed because of the yellow liquid spilling all over my cheeks.

But then you showed up.

You didn’t say a word, simply grabbed my hand and led me out of the canteen. You told me to wash up and you even waited for me outside the bathroom.

When I came out you were holding an unopened packet of banana milk in your hands.

You handed it to me with a gentle smile on your face.

“You should learn how to stand up for yourself. Don’t let people bully you,” you said, and I remember feeling awed by your words, full of conviction and authority.

I wanted to be like you. You were so beautiful, so strong, so brave. You were the only one who dared to stand up for me when everyone else was too weak to do so. Even I didn’t have the courage to fight back.

The second time Siwon’s gang came after me you refused to stay quiet.

They were kicking me ruthlessly and I could feel myself about to lose consciousness. Then I heard your voice. I heard you screaming at the bullies to stop.

They did, but they threatened you. They said that if you interfered one more time, they would go after you instead. You remained stoic, unfazed.

On the other hand, when I heard that I got scared but I couldn’t do anything. I feared enough for myself, how could I fear for you too?

Yet, once again, you flashed that brilliant smile of yours and stretched your hand out towards me, asking me if I was okay.

You were so incredibly strong, so unafraid, I had no idea how you did it.

I wanted to be just like you.

But I was a coward.

It was unsurprising that we quickly became the best of friends. You entertained me with your sarcastic wit and caustic humor. You laughed boldly at how Siwon’s nose was stubby and rounded, like a pig’s, you laughed at the teachers, you laughed at almost everything and took everything with a pinch of salt.

I loved the sound of your laughter. It was refreshing, rejuvenating, rekindling.

We did our homework together after school, we bought ice cream from the street vendor near our school and walked home together.

We were always together.

Siwon finally left me alone. Maybe it was because of you.

You were my rescuer. My savior, really.

You smiled, laughed and joked so much that I would never be able to guess what was happening to you.

Siwon had shifted targets from me to you.

You took my place.

I found that out because one day after school I saw you getting attacked in the classroom after school, when the bullies thought no one was watching. They dumped the contents of your school bag to the ground and began stepping all over the papers and books, damaging them in the process.

You didn’t even cry. You just stood there, watching them, your face betraying no sort of emotion whatsoever.

I wanted to run up and yell at them to stop. I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. I wanted, more than ever, to grab your hand and run, and lead you to safety, just like what you did to me.

But I didn’t. I was afraid. I remained frozen, immobile.

The next thing I did caused a permanent imprint to form on my character, just like the ink of a permanent black sharpie all over a piece of fresh white paper.

I turned my back to you and walked away.

I didn’t look back, not even once.

    You acted like nothing was different. You continued laughing and smiling, putting on a brave front for me and for the world.

    Even at the age of twelve, you were incredibly mature and your strength surpassed that of even adults.

    I felt ashamed to be your friend. I didn’t deserve you.

    If you ever found out that I was there, that I witnessed you getting bullied,

    maybe you wouldn’t have stayed by my side and let me hurt you in the worst ways possible.

    Maybe now, you would have been complete.

    We entered the same middle school and that was when things started to change.

    Do you remember when the most popular clique in the school started tak