Murderer.

The word repeated again and again in your mind, taking its own path through your consciousness, it swerved and ducked between what ifsand flat out denials until it faded into obscurity and lost any semblance of meaning.

Murderer.

A new light drifted in around you as the harsh bathroom fluorescents lost some of their blinding effects with the sunshine that was beginning to peek in through the windows. How long had you been staring at this message from your best friend in the world. Long enough for the sun to be rising and the birds to be singing, oblivious to the chaos that your world had been into, the sun merely rose and the birds woke up for a new day.

A new day that brought a new disaster even more difficult to accept than the last.

With the sunlight came a soft knock on your door. Two light raps against surface that did little to get your legs to move. Your body felt heavy and stiff as if you had taken root where you curled up against the bathroom cabinets, your knees tight against your chest and the note from may pressed deep into the palm of your hand.

When you rose to your feet, it was after the knock sounded out again a second time and your balance felt wobbly.

You rushed to the toilet and flushed the tiny scrap of paper down. It swirled around in a circle and vanished with the water that left the bowl. The absence of the note in its physical form did little to rub away the permanent image that had been seared into your memory. You could see every tiny scratch of pen against paper as if the note still sat inside your sweaty palm.

Whoever was at your door knocked again, a volume notch louder and you gripped the walls for support as you made your way to your front door.

You pulled the door open swiftly. Why bother with safety when the world had already collapsed?

A young woman in a maid’s uniform gasped in surprise and quickly covered with her hand as she bowed her head, dipping further down than usual as her eyes must have caught something in your expression to warrant the exaggerated respect.

“I beg your pardon for the intrusion your highness,” she spoke with her face angled down and her chin pressed against her neck. “I have been sent to be your new maid.”

Her hands were clenched hard together at her waist, concealing the tremble you knew you would see there. The same tremble they always had when first meeting you, unsure of what kind of person you would be. Unsure of what kinds of tortures you were capable of inflicting on the help.

“Sent by who?” You kept your voice level, despite the wreck of emotions you felt surging inside of your chest right now. The emotions you had been trying to push down for hours since you’d read May’s warning.

“His royal highness Prince Kyungsoo, your highness.”

The murderer. She left out his most damning title but you still felt it hit you as soon as his name left her lips.

You considered closing the door. The thought flashed through your mind and your hand gripped tighter around the handle of the door, but the part of your conscience that knew exactly how servants were treated when they disobeyed orders, that part of your understanding and empathy peaked within your chest and told you to just let the girl in and let her do her job.

“What is your name?” You had already turned around and began walking back into your home. Away from the doorway that led to the rest of the house that just as much a prison as any place you had been forced to remain.

“Ara,” she said softly behind you. She moved silently through your home and you caught yourself turning behind you again and again to make sure she was still there. How could someone move so silently?

And she was small. Smaller than May, and smaller than you. It didn't look like there was much to her at all. You half wondered if she was even old enough to have a job.

“Are you under orders to report everything you see here back to the prince?” Your mood was definitely sour. You could feel the biting words on your tongue and you didn’t bother to calm yourself before you spoke to Ara. When you turned you caught the wide surprised look in her eyes and the small tremble in her lower jaw as she pulled closed under your glare.

“I--I don’t understand,” she eked out through barely open lips, suddenly frozen in place except for her hands, which she wrung together still poised at her waist. You could see the tremble now. You could see the beads of sweat that appeared just above her brow and the stutter in her response was telling.

He sent her. She was his and he sent her to you. Not to help, but to report back and you had called her out on it, leaving her stunned and dumbfounded, incapable of forming any sort of lie to cover up the truth.

“I am asking you, if the prince has ordered you to spy on me.”

“Absolutely not your highness,” she recovered well though and pulled her shoulders back up from where they had sunk down under your harsh eyes. “He has only asked me to get you ready for today.”

Today? Was there something important happening today? Your mind searched through your memory as you tried to piece together the upcoming events you were supposed to be aware of and you came up blank. “What is happening today?”

“It is a last minute engagement lunch for you and the prince...ordered by the queen last night.”

The queen's orders. You could feel it slipping now. What last bit of flimsy control you had been tricked into believing you had over your own life was slipping out of your hands.

Ara gave you liberties over your dress that May never allowed. In fact, you were mostly on your own as you stood in front of the rack of designer dresses and when you placed your hand on the black, simple a-line garment, fit more for the funeral of a distant cousin twice removed than lunch with the queen, you braced for the quick slap at the back of your hand that should have come the instant you touched it.

But Ara wasn't May. Ara just stared ahead as if in a daze as you pulled the dress off the rack and slipped it on over your head. When you turned, giving her your back it took longer than a pause for her to zip you up and when you turned back around to face her, she had already left the room without so much as a word. In fact you hadn't even heard her leave. How could a human be so quiet when she moved?

Events with the queen were designed on a strict schedule. You arrived, the others invited arrived and usually after an hour of waiting the queen arrived last.

The shock on your face when you walked through the door into the dining room must have been obvious, but you were honestly too taken aback to help your expression. Your ears caught the heated discussion before your eyes took in the scene before you and your face caught flame as your eyes met three sets. The entirely unexpected eyes of Queen Hong sat at the head of the table, anything but calm and relaxed as she shot daggers across the table at the person seated opposite of Prince Kyungsoo.

The tail end of the discussion that stopped as soon as you entered the room had a name that would have woken you from your grave, especially when spoken from the lips of an agitated Prince Sehun.

”May Kim cannot be executed. Not even you would dare, Mother.”

Never in your life did you think you would witness such a tone taken with the queen. Yet, the disgust and hatred you heard in his voice spoke volumes and sent a sickening chill down your spine that made you shiver in your simple black dress and plain black flats.

What you thought you knew about the queen suddenly shifted. She wouldn’t dare, said the prince. He said it with such conviction that your heart swelled with a sudden flood of foolish hope. He said she could not be killed. He said it with his own lips, surely…

You bowed your head and tried to avoid the big round eyes of Kyungsoo who zoned in on your face the instant you walked through the door. His wine glass was already empty in front of him and the tinge of pink on his bottom lip told you the red had gone down smoothly. The pink on his top lip told you it probably wasn't his first glass.

“I beg your pardon for my tardiness, Your Highness.” You quickly dipped your head and aimed for the seat on the other side of Sehun. Anywhere that wasn't next to Kyungsoo would suffice honestly, but before you could reach for the seatback yourself, you felt the opportunity taken from you when Kyungsoo stood.

“Here,” He said in a soft voice and you glanced into the slow blinking burdening eyes of the queen as she waited. Kyungsoo had motioned for you to take the seat beside him, and the other two in the room, as well as the servants who stood at the doors simply waited for you to comply.

Any deviation would be questioned. Any dissent would be noted and used as evidence for something later, you were certain.

You sat down, and you felt the warm blanket of his hand as he reached for yours. You shifted before he could reach his destination as if the sudden thirst in your throat had nothing to do with him at all. Nothing to do with certain terrifying facts about his past that you had found out suddenly. Nothing to do with the smell of him that wafted across the minuscule space between your bodies, into your nose, into your recent memory and into your heart...no. You were simply thirsty. The tremble in the water glass gave you away and you felt his hand land over your bare knee just below the table. Hidden from view of the other two at the table who did not resume the conversation you had interrupted with your arrival.

Lunch was served and you forced a single bite from each course, washing it down with a drink of water between each sticky bite. The others at the table ate even less and full plates were taken away by blank faced servants. With dessert, came the topic of discussion you had been bracing for.

“How are preparations for the wedding coming? I’ve heard some interesting news from your housekeeper Kyungsoo.”

Your spoon stopped halfway to your mouth and you dropped your hand back a bit too roughly, causing the tiniest clatter of metal against fine china to ring out.

Beside you was silent. Where you should have heard steady breathing, Kyungsoo sat holding his breath with a remarkable stillness that only served to tell you that the queen had indeed been implying exactly what you feared.

Had someone else seen you leaving his room that morning? Could they be certain that the stains on his bedsheets were because of you?

The sticky pudding stuck in your throat felt like it might come back up at any second and you felt an obvious burning in your face that gave away your reaction instantly to anyone who looked at you.

The small cough from beside you as he reached for his wine and downed the remainder of glass number three told you that Kyungsoo was having a similar reaction to the revelation.

You’d known it...that nothing was a secret within palace walls. But having your first time with him practically flaunted in front of your faces like some tabloid headline made your head reel.

Your hands moved below the table where you gripped at your dress and nervously pulled at the fabric, suddenly feeling the length of your skirt inappropriate for your mood. You craved cover. You craved a cave to crawl inside and a rock to hide under for the rest of your life.

“We will move the wedding up to the week after next. Despite what you may believe, the public can do math and we can’t have any accidents.” She was speaking through what sounded like a funnel with the echo you heard in your ears and you shifted in your seat toward the whirring sound coming from that dreadful woman’s mouth.

You shook your head and began to lift yourself from your seat, only to feel a warm hand clamp down on your thigh roughly, keeping you firmly in your seat. You felt fingers digging hard into your flesh and you turned to find huge round eyes on your face. The microscopic head shake he gave you made you pause just enough to gather yourself. Just enough to realize what you had nearly done.

The matter was not up for discussion. Your freedom and your life were slipping again and there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it. You'd signed way your free will the second you agreed with your father’s plan to send you here to marry the prince...this prince...this--

Murderer.

With him sitting in front of you, with his hands on you, sweetly rubbing up and down your leg to offer some comfort, the word that repeated again, begging for some proof to back it up. The longer you felt that warmth from him, the less you wanted to believe May’s words.

The lunch was ending. The queen had said what she wanted to say to you both and you could feel the count down to this uncomfortable meeting and you had nearly forgotten that Sehun was even here when he noisily cleared his throat in what sounded like annoyance.

“Are you really just not even going to discuss this with me?” He said. Your focus shifted in a second to the only person, it seemed, who was fighting at all for May.

“It isn’t up for discussion Sehun.” She waved a dismissing hand as if the life of the most important person in your life did not deserve a second thought.

Beside you, warm fingers intertwined between your own trembling ones and you looked into his face for a split second before looking back across the table into the pink cheeks of the prince who seemed seconds from a full blown tantrum.

“You know you will need father’s approval for her execution.” His tone was harsher now. Whiny and entitled, but the queen rose to her feet and spun on her heels ready to leave the man to his fit well out of from her presence.

“What will he do when he finds out you’ve ordered someone carrying royal blood to be executed?” She had taken three steps by the time his question registered and her feet stopped moving. Your reaction to his words felt stifled with confusion. Royal blood? What royal blood? May was a servant through and through...right?

The grip Kyungsoo kept on your hand changed as his fingers went slack between yours. This was news to him as well. You could see it in the sag of his jaw and the quick agitated way his eyes darted between Sehun and Queen Hong.

She was frozen on the spot and you heard a quiet laugh from her chest before she spoke.

“Nonsense,” she said under her breath and Sehun inhaled a deep gasping breath to speak.

“My child,” he shouted at her back, “you cannot execute May Kim because she is pregnant with my child, Mother.”

His shout echoed off the walls before a tense silence filled your chest. It matched the silence in the room and everyone seemed to be holding a breath.

“You are lying.” She whispered a second before she spun around to face her son.

With a trembling hand, Sehun pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped across his screen a few times. He drew in a trembling inhale of air into his lungs and lifted the phone. As it passed your vision you saw a black and white, grainy image on his screen that must have been an ultrasound. He held his phone up for the queen to see and her eyes flitted over the screen briefly before she looked back up into his face.

Could it be true? Was May pregnant with Prince Sehun’s child?

Had you really been so oblivious to everything going on in your best friend’s life? How could you have missed something so profound...so significant?

What a ty friend you turned out to be. In your own little world, so consumed with your own woes that you completely missed such a huge life event such as May falling for someone and having what appeared to be a significant affair with him.

From the way he was fighting for her, you were certain he cared for her. Enough to face the queen head on to save her life.

“Leave us.” The queen’s voice broke through against your thoughts and you jumped with the sudden realization that she was talking to you. You looked into the face of the man who was pushing out of his seat next to you and gripping tightly around your hand, urging you to move quickly with him.

You were pulled through a side door of the dining room with barely enough time to nod your head in farewell to the two people who stood on opposite ends of a battle, unaware that you had even tried.

Your feet moved as your mind swam.

You hadn’t known May at all. She had been your maid for years. You had grown close enough with her pull her into your bed for comfort night after night, even before you came to this place, she was your constant.

But she clearly hadn’t trusted you enough to tell you the truth about her life.

Developing feelings and falling for Sehun had been a mistake. Even entertaining the mere thought of such a thing had been a mistake.

May had made a mistake.

And May had lied.

Your thoughts began to take an ugly shift the longer you dwelled on the thought of her sneaking in and out of your bed at night.

How many nights had she left to pursue these childish fantasies, a ing Prince for God’s sake.

If May had kept all of this from you, what else had she kept? What other kinds of secrets did she have? What other kinds of lies had she told?

Kyungsoo’s warm hand that had tried to comfort you all through the lunch still held a vice like grip around your own hand and you were being pulled through corridors you didn't recognize. A part of the home you had yet to visit, you recognized the look of the place, but you wouldn't have been able to find out your way out if you tried.

May was a liar and your feet felt like they wanted to stop moving. The floor felt sticky like a sudden patch of quicksand, you felt your own legs pause and you felt the tug against your hand when you stopped.

May was a liar and the floor was pulling against your legs as it came up quickly.

To your surprise you weren't swallowed up.