There was no way you could have known that your very first foray into the world of illegal drugs would go this way. 

You’d seen plenty of tv shows. You knew what always happened. The parties, the dancing, the screaming and chaos. The disposal of inhibitions. The making out with someone dangerous to the thumping soundtrack of house music. 

The .

You, admittedly, had a few expectations about how this might go. 

You had not expected the oblivion. 

There was just so much of it. 

A stark sensation smacked hard at the back or your eyeballs when you opened your eyes and you were instantly aware of several realities. 

The first of which was just how dry your mouth was. 

You’d been asleep with your mouth open and your tongue was bone dry. It took some effort to close your mouth and it took even more effort to swallow. Everything croaked and scratched inside your throat and you wondered if you had merely passed out in this exact position and stayed there for six hours without moving an inch.

A second reality dawned and it came in the form of the warmth of a human body—no, two of them — one on each side of you. 

People; of the living sort, asleep in your bed. This was your bed. You’d checked. 

On one side, in an honest-to-God, big spoon position with your arm in his arms and your leg tucked between his knees and sleeping quite soundly, was Prince Baekhyun. 

On the other side, was Prince Kyungsoo — on his side, facing you with his chin propped up by a bent elbow and his silent eyes watching your clumsy crawl up from depths of a heavily drugged, entirely disgraceful, stupor. 

The oblivion was the most disorienting part. Your hazy mind had to reach through miles and miles of fog as you searched for something; anything, that might give you just a clue as to exactly what had happened last night after you accidentally took the mystery pills from the front pocket of Byun Baekhyun’s pajama pants. 

You’d made many promises with the heavens in these last few days but the latest one was a promise to never swallow anything that came out of Baekhyun’s pocket ever again. Ever.

Scenes were returning; albeit fractured and incomplete. 

A pair of hands here; wrapping lightly around your wrists and spinning you wildly in a circle to the rhythm of some pop song. Wild laughter and the loss of your grip; you went flying, you went falling. The sound of shattered glass.

The pull of pink lips into a frown. An unintelligible message on the frown. There was Baekhyun now, reassuring and calm. His soothing voice telling you something; the reassurance that you would fall asleep peacefully if you just cooperated and laid back down on the bed.

And your refusal. 

Your bluntness.  The memory of yourself shocked you. There was no way a Princess could say such things. 

And softness. Softness and the easy way a pair of familiar lips molded into yours. This memory, this one, it burned hotter than the others. This one, it was tacky against your fingertips. 

“D-Did—”

Your voice was a scraggly horror to your own ears and Kyungsoo’s eyes flitted around your face for a moment, no doubt holding back his disgust at your current state. 

“Did I try to kiss you last night?” 

You knew the answer as soon as the question was into the air. 

He did not need to answer for your shame to fully manifest. 

‘Kyungsoo, I love you, Kyungsoo. Did you know that you are my first love, Kyungsoo?’ 

You suddenly longed for the oblivion to return.

“Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, My love Kyungsoo—” again and again, the memory of you churned on like a broken record and yet there was no reply you could picture in your mind’s eye. No two sides to this conversation. 

Perhaps? — a foolish hope surged — perhaps you’d only imagined it?

“Oh, is that what you remember, Your Highness?” 

You’d been a mess. It had been real. His tone was dull, yet not entirely unkind. Not rebuking or biting. Not completely unamused. 

For how long? How long did you misbehave until you landed in a heap on this bed and lost consciousness? 

Yet, his only comment, ‘is that what you remember?’ — had you done worse things? 

“Was I...very bad?” Your question was tiny. You were embarrassed and strangely sore all over your body. This could have been from the way you slept, but it also worried you. Had something else; something incriminating, transpired?

Kyungsoo closed his eyes up for a moment and a small puff of air left his lips. Was it a half chuckle? Was it entirely mirthless? You wished you could read him better than this. You wished he would speak to you in whole sentences with descriptive words and details. You longed for him to open up and tell exactly what he was thinking. 

“You were a lot of things.”

A groan left your body and you covered your face with your one free hand. Beside you, Baekhyun inhaled sharply in his sleep and constricted his arms, tightening his hold on your other arm. His hand slipped down your forearm and you felt his warm fingers that had been intertwined with your hand flex with his shifting and he squeezed your hand tightly once, eventually relaxing into the comfort of his sleep again.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, your palm flat over your eyes to block out the view.

“Oh I know. You were very, very sorry last night too.” The volume of his voice was low and you peeked through your parted fingers to watch his lips as he spoke. 

“Above all else, at least, I know how sorry you are. Please don't apologize to me anymore, I get it. I do.” He inhaled a breath and his eyes were on your face now that you had unhidden your eyes from him you could see the pinkness in his cheeks that made him look much healthier than he had looked last night after—

“I do,” he softly repeated under his breath and his eyes dropped yours from their focus for a second before softly returning to touch yours again. His mind was running, you could see it in the shifting attention. 

“Today is our wedding day,” he whispered. 

It felt warm. It felt like someone had a heater in the room and you’d just come in from out in the snow — to hear him say these words. To hear the soft whisper with which he spoke them out loud, but only just, and the quiet reverence with which he held that message on his lips. It was a steady heat. It coated and it spread. 

His brown eyes held yours for a moment after he spoke as if he was waiting for your reply. 

“Today is our wedding day,” you matched his whisper and his eyes closed at once as he pulled his lips shut tight and you saw the muscles in his jaw clench down. 

“I was always going to marry you,” he said with his eyes closed and you could see the movement of his eyes behind closed lids. 

“I’m sorry I almost...missed it. That was not my intention — last night.” 

A shift was happening. It was happening on his face, and you could see the worry lines press into his forehead and beside his lips, on each side. His lips were trembling slightly and there was a change in his breathing. It was faster, as the painful memories surged. The close call with it. The terror of it all.

You moved then, lifting a hand to run featherweight fingertips along the length of his jaw, along the warmth of his cheek to come to rest a palm over the flesh of his face and he still did not open his eyes. 

The trembling lessened with your touch though and he pulled his lips open to take a breath through his mouth. 

He went quiet and you waited for him, with your hand touching his face so he could feel your presence there. So he knew you weren't giving up yet. 

The pull of his eyelids was slow. There was a battle inside of him and you could see him fighting to keep them closed. 

You moved your thumb lightly along the line off his bottom lip, a memory from last night of those very lips pursing slightly against your own. You’d been insistent last night. You remembered more now as you threw yourself into his arms with little regard for the IV that still stuck into his skin. You’d pulled back harshly when he winced out in pain and promptly, mere moments later, forgot again when you had decided that you simply could not live your life without kissing his lips. What kind of life was that? You’d bargained with yourself at the time. You’d done it simply because you could not see a reason why you shouldn’t. 

His lips were beautiful. He’d had so much medicine last night that they looked positively plump today. Your touch against him was what pulled his eyes open at last.

“Can—”

The beginning of his question brought you back up from his mouth to look into his eyes. You loved his face. You’d often dreamed of examining him up close like this. You’d often longed for liberties such as this. 

“Can I trust you?” 

This was it. This was the biggest roadblock between the two of you. Your lies and your sins against him had been substantial. You’d betrayed him, used him, stabbed him in the back. You didn't deserve his trust back, but you craved it like oxygen just the same. At the same time you had an overwhelming desire to protect him. From himself, from the others here in this palace that wanted to ruin him. From the things in the past that had hurt him. From all of the dangers of this life that he didn't know about. 

“Ara...she told me how hard you looked. She told me how much you cried. I don't believe you’d have helped save me last night if you really wanted to hurt me, but I just—” you felt the lean of his face as he pressed against your hand as he spoke.

“—I just, I don't know who to believe. But, I think I need to hear it from you. Can you answer me? Will you tell me the truth? Can I trust you?” 

You nodded twice, your sincerity showing strong on your features and he was looking at you. Gauging your honesty based on how convincing your movements had been no doubt. You could feel it in the shallow breaths he took, how desperate he was for this. 

“I promise you, Kyungsoo. I’ll be by your side no matter what happens. No matter what comes up, I’m behind you. You can trust me. Please trust me.” 

A puff of air warmed your face when he exhaled.

“I want to,” he breathed and turned his face toward the hand you held cupped against his cheek. His lips pressed against your warm palm once, lightly, not a kiss, but enough contact to send your heart racing with the action. 

“Can we...just stop? Can we agree not to hurt each other ever again?” 

“Like a truce?” The hope inside of you inflated and you lifted your head off the pillow with the question. Just enough to free your shoulder where Baekhyun’s head had rested and the sleeping prince groaned out with the disturbance and finally freed your hand from his clutches as he grumbled something unintelligible and rolled away from you, at last. 

“Mhmm, truce.” His eyes blinked once with the agreement on his voice and you weighed your answer. 

Not to hurt him again…

Sitting in the back of your mind, lounging like an uninvited visitor occupying your once peaceful space, was your final truth you had for him. 

“Kyungsoo, I don’t ever want to hurt you again.” 

It wasn't exactly the truce he had wanted, but it was your best attempt at an answer for him right now. At least until he was well enough to know it all. Did he buy your attempt to satisfy his request for peace for now? Would he hurt too badly when he found the last truth you had for him? 

The strain of holding himself up on his arm was beginning to show. You felt the groan and tremble in his body when he shifted his weight, pulling his face away from your hand he merely fell back onto the pillow with a thump and lifted both of his hands up to rub roughly over his tired face. From the way he laid you could tell that he hadn’t been sleeping during the time when you had been. He’d been on top of the covers and was wearing a fresh set of clothing.

He’d mentioned Ara earlier and you saw the signs of her presence here with his clean clothing, clean smell as if he had been in and out of the shower already. Now that you looked at him, you began to see the signs of healing and health. 

You didn't smell a bit of alcohol anywhere around him and his eyes while he was looking at you were bright and clear. A stark contrast from the last few conversations you had had with him. 

“How are you feeling now? Did you get to speak with Dr. Kim at all? What did he say about your blood work? Did he say anything about going to the hospital?” 

As you got a closer look, you couldn’t stop the questions that erupted from your mouth. You were sitting up now. Unable to lay here any longer under the guise of sleep that you no longer needed. 

“Ahh...Dr. Kim said I’m fine now, physically. He had some suggestions or...uhh...orders, I guess. Said he would text me the name of a colleague, another kind of doctor who I can talk to.”

This knowledge set your heart at ease more than anything else. He was okay. He was going to be okay. And hopefully he would take Dr. Kim’s advice seriously and find something that would help. Someone to talk to, some outlet for the pain other than the self destruction. 

“He’s nice, I like him. He’s a good doctor but like… he’s also a good person. I can see why Baekhyun is in love with him. I think if I hadn’t been unconscious I might have fallen for him too.” 

Kyungsoo’s voice had lifted in volume and tone now and you felt a shift in the bed behind your back where Baekhyun was still sound asleep. Allegedly. 

“I actually invited him to the wedding today. You know, for saving my life and all that.”

“First of all, I saved your life — so jot that down.” Baekhyun abruptly sat up with a finger raised and pointed in Kyungsoo’s direction. His hair was a mess and a chunk at the top of his head stood up straight matching the raised finger. “Second of all, I am not in love with him. And I already uninvited him. So there.” 

Baekhyun plopped back down onto the bed in a huff, with his back facing you once again and you heard the stifled chuckle from Kyungsoo’s side of the bed.

“Yeah he told me that. So I re-invited him after you uninvited him and I explained that I outrank you in every possible way and that he should just ignore all royal orders that don't come from me, in the future.” 

Baekhyun sat up again. His eyes were wide on his brother and his mouth was open in disbelief, yet words escaped him. All he could do was scoff in disbelief once, turn away to scoff again and he was moving now, climbing out of the bed in annoyance and anger. 

At last he turned to you instead.  

“Are you really going to just let him do this to me? After everything I did?” 

You looked between the two men, Baekhyun with his wide eyes and hurt expression, full dramatics on display, and Kyungsoo with the satisfied smile crawling onto his lips. Looking positively beautiful and healthy sitting up further on the bed you both still occupied. 

“Next time I’m just going to call 911. Let the ambulance and palace guards sort you out. Let the queen find out and I’ll even call the reporters — the night before your wedding day, ing hell. Let’s see how far your stupid stocks fall then.” 

“Baekhyun, I think it would be nice to have Dante at the wedding. We are all very grateful to him.”

You hadn’t intended to side with Kyungsoo so easily but you hadn’t had a chance to thank Dr. Kim yet and the possibility of seeing him tonight didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world. 

“You don't even have to talk to him. Just pretend like he isn’t there.” 

This did not go over well. You saw the betrayal all over Baekhyun’s face and he closed up his lips and narrowed his eyes in your direction. His arms were crossed over his chest and stared silently at the both of you now. 

“Wow.” Was all the man said. “Wow. I see how it is.” 

“Yeah you see how it is,” Kyungsoo chimed up beside you and he leaned forward to grab a pillow from the bed, hurling it toward Baekhyun with a surprising bit of strength. “Maybe don't spoon all night long with my fiancé anymore. She’s practically your sister now. It’s sick, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun caught the pillow just as it hit his face and pulled it down in surprise at the sudden outburst of jealousy. 

“And why do your pajamas match with his? Is this a couple set or something?” He had abruptly turned all of his ire on you and you looked down to see that you still wore the matching bachelorette pajamas from your party that Baekhyun threw for you. 

The sight was unexpectedly funny to you and you giggled once, covering your face with both hands at the irrationally wide eyes on Kyungsoo’s face. You could not help it. The idea that Prince Kyungsoo would be jealous of you and Baekhyun; well that thought in and of itself was the funniest misconception yet. 

“Oh god, he's just jealous.” You heard Baekhyun say below his breath and you saw the eye roll as he dropped the defensive stance he had adopted once Kyungsoo started throwing things at him. “How cute,” he added flatly for extra insult and you laughed again, this time louder and Kyungsoo looked at you with his pout displayed clearly on his face. 

You could not help his jealousy. The man clearly had some major trust issues that you both would have to work out. But Baekhyun? And you? You were still giggling about it.

And Baekhyun was right. Kyungsoo was very cute right now. Adorable pout and furrowed eyebrows setting atop those big brown eyes. 

You leaned forward then, catching the bottom lip of Kyungsoo’s pout squarely between your top and bottom lip and you kissed him quickly. Before he had a second to react or move away. Before you missed this chance. 

Baekhyun sighed loudly at the sight. Shaking his head dramatically back and forth with a look of disgust flashing across his face. 

“Baekhyun threw me a bachelorette party last night. Before the wedding...to celebrate. I don't have any other friends to celebrate with. Isn’t he the sweetest, Kyungsoo?” 

“A fool.” Baekhyun announced to the room. “My brother is a fool.” 

“Ahh,” Kyungsoo’s face softened with the kiss, his ears took on a pink hue and his pout vanished instantly. “—a bachelorette party?” 

His expression was lovely. You longed for this moment to last forever. The softness in his eyes was addictive and yet the longer he looked at you, the longer the safe security you felt in this bedroom was beginning to grow stale. 

The clock on the wall was moving and your very recent truce with the man was grinding against your eardrums the longer you replayed the hopeful look in his eyes at the thought of a peaceful future with you. 

This could not last, not with what you still had to do. Not with the final truth that was calling. 

You’d gone quiet as you watched his face and after a while Kyungsoo’s quiet confirmation about last night’s party had gone unanswered for too long. It was growing awkward now; your silence. His eyes began to wander around the room and you saw him glance up at the ticking clock on your wall. 

He could feel it too. The burden of time.

A slow and deliberate sigh interru