PRESENT, 2017

"Baekhyunieee"

"Baekkkkkkk, it would be nice if you could at least respond to my messages, you know."

 

Another seenzoned. This would be nth time that Baekhyun saw my messages but he did not even bother to reply

I find it really frustrating that my best friend could not even spare a minute. Should I send him exclamation points like last time? Or should I just go to his apartment after I drop off Soo at the University?

Why am I even stressing over these things? He's my best friend. It's not like I ever asked Baek's permission before doing anything when it comes to him.

My thoughts were cut by my phone's ringing and saw that Baekhyun was already calling.

 

"I am already at the point where 'K.' would be a lot nicer to receive than none at all."

"What do you want, Yeol?"

"Do I really need a reason for nagging my best friend?"

"Look I have a deadline coming up. Besides, what kind of response are expecting from sending Kyungsoo's photos? I know you love him so much but he is really not my type."

 

You know I love you, too, right?

I miss you, Baekhyun.

 

"Going back, what can I help you, giant? And I believe you're supposed to be in the library where you're not allowed to even talk this loud."

"Okay, okay. Of course, I am decent enough to go outside. Don't get mad, please."

"I am not mad." He laughed. Oh, I missed that laugh. Sighed.

 

I know he wasn't mad at all. That was just a classic honest Baek.

 

"Fine. It's May 22nd next week. And.."

"And?"

"And... I want you to help me look for a present for Kyungsoo. It's our first anniversary, after all. You know that when it comes to Kyungsoo's love for books it feels like you're the one who is in a relationship with him and not me. I don't want to ask him what book he wants since it would be way too obvious. You know I'm really bad at getting presents, right?"

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I'm going with you only if you would buy me a book, too."

"I would buy you anything." I said it with a smirk as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

I went back to the library to fetch Soo since he has a 10 AM class. And yes, I'm at the library at freaking 8:30 in the morning! Not that I really mind. I got used to this routine every time Soo has an exam. Though he kept on telling me that I should sleep instead, I still insisted on having this kind of setup.

 

---

 

I have two plant visits next week. Then a meeting tomorrow with the architect I will be working with. I have two Autocad outputs due today.

Despite the important things I need to worry about, I could not help but feel nervous in meeting Baek after work. It felt like I would vomit anytime. Imagine, I even listed things that we could talk about.

 

1. What chapter are you already working on?

2. Have you met anyone that would be worthy enough for your character design?

3. Is your new editor treating you well?

4. Do you still spend your Sunday afternoons reading at the park or at your favorite coffee shop?

5. Do you have new friends?

6. How's your mum and dad?

7. Do you already have a copy of the latest J.K. Rowling book?

8. Are you eating well?

9. Did you even miss me? We haven't seen each for exactly three months and two weeks and two days. Not that I'm counting, anyway.

10. it. Scratch number 9. No. Scratch everything.

 

This is Byun Baekhyun. This is my best friend since childhood. I've seen him . He has seen me . And yet I could not stop feeling awkward around him. (Or is it just me? Based on what I see, Baek does not even feel this way. I should know since I know him more than anyone.)

It started last year. 22 May 2016.  It would be a year since we graduated from college. It would be a year since Kyungsoo became my boyfriend. And it would be a year since Baekhyun confessed.

As far as I can remember, we survived the dinner celebration at my house since our parents did all the talking. They talked about how proud they were that we reached this point.

They asked what would be the possible job openings that Baek and I might be interested in. They were so happy that they did not notice that my best friend and I were not talking. I mean, who would not be happy, right? It's not every day that college graduation happens.

Baekhyun left our home without even uttering a single word to me. He didn't even tell me that their family was planning to go to London for a week to completely celebrate his graduation. He deserved it anyway since he finished magna laude.

I could still remember how a day felt like a year since Baek did not even bother to contact me after that night. It was hell. It was making me lose my sanity.

My world really stopped when he canceled all his connections with me. No calls. No text messages. No sns posts. I was left with nothing.

That was when it hit me again. At some point, Baek became my life. He's in every memory I can recall while growing up. Right now, I could not even see him.

Seeing and talking to him already became part of my system. I don't have a single memory that tells me that we lasted a day without talking. 'Cause even during school camps, we would sneak in at night just to talk about stars or how our group leader was annoying.

Maybe it's time to stop depending on him. Maybe being with Kyungsoo was a right decision.

I really love Baekhyun. No questions about it. I mean, we both know that it's there. We both know that our love exists even without putting it into words. We're best friends.

But I admit we never really talk about it until he confessed that night.

We became too comfortable with what we had. That's why I wasn't able to recognize that he was already falling for me.

The irony is that I always felt proud of myself for knowing what Baekhyun was thinking even in one glance. I know when he is troubled. I know when he is proud. I know when he has doubts. I know when he is certain.

 

But I didn't know when he already started loving someone.

Maybe I don't know him at all.

I’m such a jerk. And I'm a useless best friend, after all.

 

I was really thankful with Soo during those days. I know, I was supposed to be focusing on my new found relationship. However, Baek is not just someone I met in a class. He is Byun Baekhyun. He is my Byun Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo was really understanding for the entire week I'm troubled. He would remind me that we've been through a lot and Baek would not let things end this way.

And I started believing that, too.

When Baekhyun returned in town, I started feeling uncomfortable around him. It felt like he used the entire week to build walls around him that weren't there in the first place.

He even said he was sorry for making things awkward between us. He also said that he was not in the right mind since he mixed up friendship and love.

 

In short, he retracted everything he confessed. "It was just an illogical burst out in the moment. You know too well that I get too emotional sometimes," he said for five times that I started doubting his words.

Then all of sudden, we went back to the way we were as if nothing happened. The fact is something happened!

Yes, I spend most of my time with Soo. Yes, he spends most of his day writing his first novel. But things returned the way they used to. I don’t know if I am okay with it or not.

I don't even know why I am even bothered by something that happened a year ago. Based on what I see, Baekhyun is really doing great lately. It feels like I'm the only one who's so occupied about it.

I should probably let this go.

 

---

 

He'll be out at 7 PM. But Baek told me he has to go somewhere. So, we agreed to meet at 8 PM instead.

Contrary to the universe's belief, I finished my work early today. I'm already outside their building 30 minutes before the meeting time.

And there's this uneasy feeling again.

I should just text Soo. I'm getting uncomfortable over petty things again.

 

"Kyungsoooooo. Soooooooo. Are you in still class?"

 

Before I could press the send button, something caught my attention.

I just looked at them. I held my gaze as they walked towards the door.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I could barely manage to understand what was happening.

I was not sure if it was him. And yet a part of knew deep down it was really him. Growing up together allowed you to recognize physical features even from afar that you didn't know you unconsciously remember.

They went out of the front door.

It took me a moment to know that it was my signal to get myself out of the car.

The cold night breeze immediately cut my uncertain thoughts.

 

He saw me and waved eagerly with that bright smile I missed so much.

He was still clinging to his arms.

He was tracing random shapes as held on to his arms.

 

As I decrease the distance between us, I barely gave Baekhyun my attention. I didn't know I was scrutinizing the man whom Baek's clinging for dear life until he ran to me and wrapped his arms around my neck.

 

"Oh my god, you got yourself a new perfume. And what happened to the one I gave you? You still look the same. You're still tall. So, I'll just assume you're doing great."

 

And I looked at Baekhyun and I smiled. He laughed as he slides his hands around my waist and pulled me again into a tight hug.

 

"I miss you, Yeol. Work has been so stressful. And my other writing gigs are so demanding as if they're paying me enough. It was really nice to see you again."

 

I glanced again at the man Baek left at the front door. That was when he broke apart and I was forced to give my attention to him.

 

"I hope you know I am really thankful to see you after months. And I miss you so much, Baek."

 

And I looked at the tall man again. This time, Baekhyun noticed it.

"Oh, sorry. I was caught up that you're here. I forgot to introduce the two of you."

 

Baek pulled me towards the front door where the man was standing. He was smiling and all I could think of was hard do I need to punch him to break his fine jawline.

 

"Sehun, this is Chanyeol. The introverted childhood best friend that turned into talkative slash annoying one when he entered in his first romantic relationship."

Baekhyun was smiling the entire time he said this.

 

"Chanyeol, this is my workmate Sehun who has a fans club in the publication for his looks. And the funny thing is he even got more supporters when they learned that he was gay."

Sehun squeezed Baek's arm and gave a warm smile.

 

"What? It's true okay. And, obviously, Sehun does not believe that a lot of our writers are going crazy over him.”

 

I don't know what to feel with Baek's enthusiasm for introducing us. He was just so happy about it. It really annoys me.

What's his relationship with Sehun, anyway? How come Baekhyun was clinging to his arms like lovebirds who found love in the office? I am quite pissed off that he hid this to me considering that he was the first one I told about Soo and I.

 

"Yeol? What's wrong?"

. I didn't know I was really occupied with my thoughts just now.

 

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of something. And nice to meet you Sehun." I extended my hands and he took it.

"Finally, I was able to meet you. Baekhyun kept talking about you." Sehun smiled.

"Yahh! Don't make sound it as if I don't have other friends aside from him."

"Oh, you do have other friends?"

"So, what is your point?"

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that 'nothing' response now, Sehun. I have Jongdae. I have Minseok, too. And I am still friends with the editor I worked with in the last company - Sir Junmyeon."

"You're getting too defensive right now, Byun Baekhyun. I didn't say anything.”

"Yah!!!"

 

Sehun teasingly pointed at Baekhyun and said,

 

"Oooohhhh. You have that guilty face of yours again."

"If you don't stop right now, I swear I would never accompany you to have a dinner again."

"Okay, I am really sorry. This won't happen again. I shall behave for the rest of night."

 

He fixed his standing position and gave Baekhyun a salute. And Baek just laughed there as if it was the funniest thing he ever saw. But there was nothing funny about it.

 

"Are you two dating?"

 

I suddenly blurted out. I could already feel the heat building up in my nerves.

 

"Chanyeol, no!" He laughed again. "We're just friends."

"So, we're 'just' friends now? Are we?" Sehun interjected before Baek could say anything.

"Stop giving Yeol the wrong idea okay." He looked at me and said, "No, really, Yeol we're just friends."

 

"Okay." That's only I could manage to say. I was trying my best to keep myself from saying things I might regret.

"Okay. So, we're leaving now Sehun. Thank you for the dinner. I'll see tomorrow. I have best friend duties to attend to."

 

Sehun gave me his attention which surprised me.

 

“It was nice meeting you again, Chanyeol. Please, drive Baekhyun home.”

Oh, off.

“You don’t have to tell me that,” I responded before I could stop myself. That’s my responsibility even before you met Baekhyun.

I felt Baekyun’s hand tightens around my arm.

 

“No. No. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry if I offended you. I’m just worried he might end up almost getting punch again by drunkard like last time.” Sehun continued.

Then I gave Baekhyun a questioning look.

“Sehun’s just overreacting Yeol. It was really nothing.”

 

And then he released his hand on my arms as he went to hug Sehun. Is giving goodbye hugs is now a thing with friends?

After they break apart, Sehun looked at me again and I said.

“Thank you for taking care of Baek, Sehun. Don’t worry I’ll drive him home.”

 

I am amazed that I was able to pull those words out as a decent human being. I already acted irrationally so many times tonight. This is the least I can do.

I don’t want to leave a bad impression on meeting Baek after three months and two weeks and two days of not seeing him.

But I could still feel my anger. This was why I didn’t say anything during our drive to the local bookstore.