SEVEN

me : loneliness is a horrible thing
me : it makes you hollow 
me : it also chews you up and spits you out, yet you still crave for it
me : for that affection you are lacking
me : but i am so confused
me : i have friends, amazing friends who ensure im never alone
me : they're always by my side even if i don't want them to be
me : they always make sure to include me
me : yet im lonely and jealous because they have their other halves
me : their perfect person and i have... no one

kkukkungie : love
kkukkungie : you aren't alone
kkukkungie : you'll always have me, even if it isn't in the physical sense

me : but i need someone physically
me : someone to fall asleep with
me : who will cuddle me and not leave
me : who i can see looking at me...
me : like.. like im the only one in the world

        
kkukkungie : baby, i can be all these things for you
kkukkungie : but you need to figure out who i am first
kkukkungie : because it proves to me, that you want me as much as i want you
kkukkungie : and i am not leaving you empty-handed, am i?
kkukkungie : i bet you've made a list already, haven't you?

me : i have

kkukkungie : good job sweetheart
kkukkungie : keep working it out
kkukkungie : find the little clues
kkukkungie : find the missing pieces and finish the picture
kkukkungie : then you can have all the cuddles
kkukkungie : all the kisses in the world

me : with you?

kkukkungie : no with the mirror
kkukkungie : of course, i meant with me
kkukkungie : i think that the lack of sleep is getting to you

me : maybe
me : but i was sad and frustrated
me : i ranted, and you just listened
me : and calmed me down
me : i'll keep working to figure out who you are

kkukkungie : i don't doubt that for a single second sweetheart

❀

kihyun yawns sleepily, fighting to keep his eyes open as he stretches his arms above his head after placing the delicate flowers back on his desk. his eyes feel so heavy and he's tempted to go to bed and curl in the covers, if it wasn't for the ensemble in front of him. the bookmarks, silk ribbons, pressed flowers, colourful markers and pens, sheets of shiny laminating paper and not to mention the open empty hard-cover book, all there because he had decided to start a personal project of his own late at night. it'd been due to a sudden realisation that his precious flowers, kkukkungie's gifts to him, would slowly begin to wilt and die. the thought alone had caused him to almost cry, the flowers were courtship presents and he would damned to let them leave him. so the brunette had pressed his four oldest flowers into one of the heavier textbooks from his first-year, the pages on where the pressed-flower bookmark would rest being filled with the intricate details of his day in bright colours and also the letter of that day.

he should have known how long the book would take to fill, since he was doing everything by hand, but when the group suddenly made plans it had been like the rug was pulled from beneath his feet. it left him having to do everything later, despite the internal clock counting down agonising slow for his soft-petaled beauties.

gunhee was finally able to have a small break, it was only a week long but it meant so much more to the seven of them, knowing that he had been asking for it for the last six months. jooheon had wasted no time scheduling a movie night at the trio's flat, since it was the largest and had the best tv. kihyun couldn't find it in himself to disagree, the need to see his friend easily overwhelming it.

it had been a wild night, all seven loaded up on sugar as they watched movie after movie, going through disney to romance to scary and then back to disney. yet, they all had fallen asleep halfway through pocahontas.

minhyuk and hyunwoo had disappeared first, creeping away to their bedroom so that didn't have to share the couch or the blow-up mattress with the other couples. hyungwon slept on the said mattress, feet dangling off the edges but not seeming to care since his arm was thrown over a much smaller male, hoseok curled closely into his chest.

kihyun's heart ached however, when he had moved from the second couch to notice how jooheon and gunhee were sleeping on the first.

with his back resting on the arm of the couch, the older male had jooheon sitting sideways in his lap with his face pressed into his neck. his arms encircling the other male protectively as they slept whilst the smaller's fingers found purchase in his jumper by it tightly in his hands, as if he was afraid that his boyfriend would disappear otherwise. and even from where kihyun had stood, he could see the shining trails that caught the light, exposing that they were both crying in their sleep.

the long months of not seeing each other for more than twenty minutes as gunhee dropped him off at university, had taken it's toll on the both of them. jooheon had tried to stay strong, keep a brave face, but it weakened over time as he couldn't even face-time without having one of the staff cut it too short.

he sighed again when he thought about their predicament, the loneliness in his stomach seeming to curl and grow.

why could he have someone who physically loved him that much?

someone who would cry after being separated for months?

someone who would twirl him the way that gunhee did when jooheon and him first locked eyes?

someone who would be domestic and wrap him up in backhugs while he cooked, like minhyuk and hyunwoo do?

why couldn't he have someone who would cuddle him at night and fall asleep together, like hyungwon and hoseok?

it wasn't fair that while his friends all got their happy endings with their loved ones, that he was stuck with a pained heart and a horrible green monster twisting low in his belly. tapping his black pen against his temple in a manner he had copied from a certain cinnamon-haired male, he thought for the correct words to use before jotting them down under the electric blue marker header and slipping that day's letter into the resealable sleeve.

he would have missed the quiet knocks at their front door if pocahonta's opening screen hadn't decided to finish moments beforehand. kihyun sighed gratefully when he realised that he had just finished, so all he had to do was go answer the door before crawling into the bed that was calling his name.

slowly padding his way to the front door, he breathes out a sigh of relief to know that no one had stirred from the sudden knocks at the door at five to midnight. the door creaked as he opened it, and he couldn't help but wince before smiling at the male on the other side of the door.

jaebum smiled awkwardly and waved with his free hand, as wide awake as kihyun was, and the brunette wondered how he wasn't stumbling on his feet. he had tripped twice on the way  to the door because of how tired he was, it only made it worse that he had nothing to trip over.

"i won't stay long, kihyun, but a friend of mine asked me to drop these off for you." the older male says softly. he hands over a blue flower which kihyun holds like it was fragile glass, along with a seventh letter and plushie that he pulls from a bag in his hand. "he also said to read the tag" he adds in as an afterthought and kihyun nods.

"oh okay, thank you so much. see you in class tomorrow?" he asks quickly, knowing that both of them are eager for bed, and jaebum nods before walking back to his flat, a couple levels below his.

quickly huddling back to his room, kihyun tries not to damage the flower before he can place it in the vase with the rest. it had a cone shape to it with a thick stem, small flowers blossoming on the cone in a blue colour that bordered on violet. the plushie was soft to the touch, a wolf with warm brown eyes and a cinnamon-coloured pelt.

turning off all the lights except his bedside lamp, he quickly changes into his pyjamas before sitting on the edge of his bed, wolf in his lap. he lifts the soft toy closer to his face, fingertips reaching for the pale green tag that hung from it's neck with a emerald ribbon.

here's a plushie version of me, so that you don't feel alone at night love

he gasps a little at the kind gesture, bringing the animal closer to his face and revelling himself in it's scent. it takes a second or two before his eyes widen, pulling the toy away before bringing to back.

the wolf has a scent, but it's not that smell you get from newly bought toys. he's a little worn, and smells like spices and warmth, kkukkungie had sprayed his own cologne on there to make the older male feel more comfortable. and he does.

pulling the animal with him underneath the sheets, he tucks it into his side as he opens his letter. hungry eyes scan over the words and he briefly chokes at hoe sweet the other male was being tonight. 

hey love,

even with all my letters and our texts, it's clear to see how much you struggle with accepting someone who cares for you even if you crave attention and comfort. and yet, my precious jewel, i care for you more than mere words can express. i cannot fathom anything else but you when i see cherry blossoms, or cameras, flowers and now books. everything reminds me of you, and it just urges me to have you as my own, to protect you and love you like no one else can. for the short while that you cannot have me in the physical sense that you explained, have him. circle his body with your arms, and sleep peacefully knowing that you are in my mind, in my dreams and hopefully one day in the future, in my arms.

always yours,
xx

❀

hello honeybees,

to anyone who was wondering the state of the beginning of the chapter, i've been a little down lately and decided to use my mood to build on both kihyun's 'lonely' aspect of his character and xx's 'need-to-provide-comfort-and-safety-to-the-ones-he-loves' aspect. the fluff of the overall chapter is still high thankfully which i am glad for, who else is enjoying their small interactions?

yes i know that this chapter is quite-joogun centered, but it helps build their characters also... whelp.

also, i wanted to thank all of you who read, vote and comment on every chapter of this book when it comes out. this wasn't even supposed to be a hit, merely just a way to relax and wind down from caffeine, yet i cannot be more pleased from the love and support i have received from all of you.

sit tight and hold on for the ride, only twenty four chapters left!