Fate is always unpredictable. In this poker game called life, you never know what cards you'll be dealt with.

Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose.

Sometimes, things happen the way you want it....you feel lucky and you feel your heart swell with so much happiness.....

You feel bliss.

But things don't always go your way.... and this time, you feel as if the whole world crashed down on you... as if your heart was ripped out...

You feel like dying.

You feel so messed up....

....more so when you know that there's nothing you  can do to stop it.

                                          ~+~

"I can't lie to her anymore," Yerin's voice trembled as it cut through the silence of the thick midnight draught. Her hand gripped her phone tightly while her free arm wrapped against her own body. Whether it is because of the cold or because of the pain she felt, it was a lame attempt to stop her body from shaking.

"I don't want to hurt her....but I don't know how long I can take this," she continued saying, her teary eyes focused on the horizon as the sun begin to rise."I...I just want to be free, Yuju-ah...I want to let go, but I'm being selfish if I did.... she needs me"

A tear slid down her face.

"I love her, but I feel so chained. My heart is so tired...I-I don't know what to do," her voice faltered as a sob fully escaped her lips.

"O-Okay....I 'll see you after she heads out. Sure, you can give me a ride to work...Bye"

With a heavy heart and eyes shut tight, Yerin ended the call. Her hand immediately covered , stifling the sobs that were fighting to be let out.

......

......

A few feet from the blond haired girl, a brunette stood quietly by the balcony door, her lips pursed as she calmed her pounding heart.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she finally had the answer to her questions, her doubts....

Yerin was seeing someone else. And that someone happened to be some complete stranger to me.

Somehow, Sinb knew it herself.

She knew it the morning when Yerin never wakes her up with a kiss anymore..... when Yerin never visited her at college like she used to.... when Yerin never waits for her to come home...

And she knew it the moment she looked into Yerin's eyes. The eyes that melt her heart.

She knew it.... but because she loved Yerin so much, she refused to believe what her heart was telling her. She refused to believe that the one thing she cared about wanted to say goodbye.

She knew it.... and unconsciously, she just needed the comfirmation.

And now,she can't deny it......

She can't deny the pain coursing through her veins...she can't deny the feeling of a thousand needles piercing her heart....

........

It hurt so much.

........

........

Her hand feebly grasped her shirt...a silent tear rolling down her own cheek as she painfully listens to the sobs from the balcony.

Screw the fact that she got cheated on by the girl she considered her everything.... screw the fact that she was hurt....

'Cause what matters the most to her is the fact that she made Yerin cry'

Seeing Yerin hurt because of her was like sending multiple daggers through her heart.

........

........

Her knees begin to tremble as she finally looked away, unable to bear it a second longer.

Wiping her tears, she dragged her feet back to the bed and took comfort in the feeling of the warm blanket and pillows that she and Yerin shared.

Another tear slid down her cheek as she realized that this was the closest feeling to have Yerin in her arms.

......

Hearing the balcony door creak, she immediately closed her eyes, repressing the sobs and fighting the urge to scream from the pain that she' feeling.

A few footsteps heard and she slowly felt the bed dipping as Yerin crawled underneath the blankets with her.

Sinb held her breath and tried not to tremble as the blond haired girl s a shaky arm around her waist.

"I love you,Sinb," Yerin's teary voice resounded through the dark room as she held the brunette closer to her, her body still shaky as she hugged her tight.

"I'm.....I'm sorry..." 

Sinb swallowed the painful lump in and she suppressed the overwhelming urge to cry.

I love you, unnie....I'm just sorry I can't be enough for you...

                                           ~+~

"Yewon called," Yerin said, breaking the awkward silence that ensued as they sat down for breakfast. "She just checked up on you, asked how things are....she also-Sinb....?" 

She turned her gaze to the brunette, an eerie feeling forming at the pit of her stomach.

Something wasn't right.

Sinb had been unusually quiet ever since that morning. Yerin noticed that the girl was spacing out more than usual,  and in the back of her mind, her instinct was telling her that Sinb was evading her gaze,too.

"Sinb...?" She tried to call out and held her hand.

The brunette looked up with an impassive expression plastered on her face. Without saying anything, she slowly retracted her hand from the blond's weak grip.

"Are you okay.....?" Yerin asked hesitantly, suprised that her girlfriend withdrew her hand. Sinb loved holding her hand. It had always been her simple gesture of saying she loves her. The fact that Sinb broke off contact first....it hurt Yerin."Honey?" 

"I'm fine, unnie....I'm just tired." Sinb forced a smile, her heart clenching just a bit as she pondered if Yerin ever used the endearment 'honey' for that Yuju, too.

"Hmm, you do look tired," the older girl commented, her hand brushing the younger girl's hair out of habit.

Sinb flinched at the contact and quickly stood up. Her heart pounded hard against her chest, the small dose of bliss fading before she could even savor the moment.

"Something wrong....?" 

"I have to go, Y-Yerin unnie. I-I'm gonna be late," Sinb said as she quickly kissed her forehead like she always does.

Without another word, Sinb left the house, no 'goodbye'..... and no 'I love you'.

She walked out the door....leaving Yerin with tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

The Sinb I loved really is gone.

                                            ~+~

Sometimes in life, you lose. And in love, it's either you play the game again and kept on trying.... or you can give up and move on...

Sinb had already accepted this little fact, and she came to a conclusion.

Love was a game she'd willingly lose.... even if it kills her.

She'd sacrifice her heart....if only for the sake of Yerin's happiness...

......

......

It's hard to let you go, but I would.....only because you want me to.

                                        ~+~

​​​​After a week...

.....

....

"Sinb.....?" 

Sinb closed her eyes for a moment, her heart suddenly clenching at the thought of what she was about to do.

It was 9.00 pm. Time was ticking fast.

"Sinb...."

A hand on her shoulder sent chills to her spine, instantly slowing her erratic heartbeat. And right at that moment, Sinb knew that her heart would never open up again. Her heart would freeze the moment they say goodbyes.

Sinb would rather have it that way...because she didn't want to waste time, hurting herself endlessly by finding something that would never match up to what she's looking for...

No one would ever be able to replace Yerin, and that she was sure of.

Though her heart knew it was the biggest mistake to let Yerin go, Sinb would never regret setting her free.

....

....

"Sinb, it's cold out here. Let's just go home." Yerin turned around and was about to walk away, but suddenly halted at Sinb's voice.

"Are you happy with me, unnie...?" 

Yerin slowly turned around, eyebrows furrowing in curiosity as she sat back down next to her lover on the cold park bench.

"Of course, honey....I love you"

Sinb bit her lips and almost cried on the spot. She could feel the pain growing even more at how easy Yerin spouted a lie. She didn't want to think about what other things Yerin had lied about. She didn't want to start thinking, because it would only hurt her again and again.

Saying goodbye was hurtful enough. Hearing her lie then and there was just too much. 

....

"Are you okay? Let me take you home," Yerin suggested for the second time, but Sinb shook her head. 

"You know that I do love you,right?" Her voice was frail as she focused her eyes on those beautiful orbs that she loves so much.

"Yes, of course I know," Yerin answered, her expression softening under Sinb's intense gaze. 

Sinb smile feebly. "Never forget it,okay? Never forget me" her voice cracked at the end, and tears involuntarily fell from her eyes. 

"Sinb...."

More tears esc