Christmas 2016

Amber wore her old hanbok once again, the one she used on last lunar new year, the pale pastel hanbok and fake flowers headpiece. She did the hairdo exactly same with what she done last year. She checked up her reflection once again on the mirror. Perfect. She flashed a smile before wearing black thick hoodie above her quite thin hanbok for winter day. She rushed into her fridge and took out a bouquet for inside. It was red and purple tulips bouquet. She didn't fancy about flowers language. She completely forgot the meaning of red and purple tulips that he told her years ago. But she believed the hidden meaning of the tulips were good. So she decided to buy this bouquet for today. 

Time was ticking. She rushed into the parking lot. It was four in the morning when she got inside her car. She put the bouquet on the empty passenger seat beside her. Then she drove the car to that little town, his hometown. She increased the speed. She wanted to arrive to that place very soon. The road was silence and quite dark. Amber hands trembled of fear. If only he was here with her, maybe she would calm a bit when passing the road to that certain forest near his house. It had been a year since the last time she visited his home. She wondered if he still stayed there.

Hours passed. She sighed in relief once she arrived safely to his home. But she felt uneasy when she saw the current condition of his home. His house was completely covered with thick snow, so did his used to be beautiful garden. She didn't find any sign of him. It seemed like he wasn't at home. She got out from her car with tulips bouquet on her hand. The cold wind blew to her, making her shivered as she wrapped her black hood around her. She walked slowly and carefully into his garden. She approached a tree that covered with snow in the middle of the garden. She still remembered how short that tree when the last time she visited his house. Now that tree already grew huge and tall. It looked so strong and could deal with windy winter day. 

“Come here, Angel!” Taeyang offered his hand to her once they arrived to his house on summer break last year. “I want to show you something.” He grinned.

“Something?” Amber was puzzled as she took his hand. “What is it?”

“You will find it soon.” He brought her to his small garden behind his house. 

She looked around as they walked passing some plants on his garden. She was so amazed with his garden. His house was relatively small but it had a pretty huge backyard. There were a lot of plants there, from beautiful flowers and cacti on arranged pots till veggies and some huge trees. His garden looked so neat and beautiful. 

“Your garden is so beautiful.” She praised.

“Thanks.” He replied. “My grandmother and my mother love gardening. It’s their artwork for decades.” He stopped walking once they arrived to the middle of the garden. “Here we are.” He faced her and smiled warmly.

Amber stood beside him. Her eyes met a medium-sized tree in front of her. That tree wasn’t tall and huge like the trees she usually saw on the street sides. It was slender enough and a bit short with few green leaves decorated its thin branches. She blinked and then tilted her head, thinking why he showed it to her.

Taeyang glanced at her, secretly adoring her beautiful side. It was a silence for a few seconds before he was speaking up. “What do you think about this tree, Angel?”

“Hmm?” She looked at him, completely confused. “I’m not sure but I think it’s a quite young tree since it’s not really huge like the common trees I used to see.”

Taeyang startled with her answer but he quickly composed himself with flashing a smile to her. “Then do you think how old this tree?”

She examined the tree again before answering him. “Probably around 3-5 years old?”

“It’s actually two years old.” He nodded.

“Two years old? Really?” She surprised as she took one step closer to the tree and caressed its rod. “What kind of tree is it?” She looked at him.

“What do you think about its kind, hmm?” He smirked slyly, trying to play a bit longer with her mind.

“Dunno.” She shrugged. “I think I never saw a tree like this before, or maybe I saw this kind of tree before but I forgot it? You know, the trees sometime look same when we travelled by car or bus.”

He nodded in agreement. “Yes, you are right.”

She was back to his side and linked her arm around him. “So, tell me about this tree, Baobei.” She pleaded with her sparkling eyes. 

He chuckled as he rested his forehead on hers. “Do you really want to know it now, Angel?”

“Yes, my Guardian Angel!” She beamed. “I’m really curious now; and you know curiosity can kill.”

He laughed softly before planting a soft kiss to her lips. “I know; and of course I won’t let my one and only love being killed by a mere curiosity.”

She smiled warmly. “Then tell me.”

“It’s a cherry blossom tree.” He answered.

Her eyes widened. “Cherry blossom tree? Sakura?”

He grinned. “Yes!” He sneaked his arm to her waist and pulled her closer. “It was quite hard to find this tree but I managed it. I planted it here last year and it grows well now.”

“Wow!” She whispered as she looked back to the tree. “Did it bloom beautifully last spring?”

“Yes, it did but not so pretty like the cherry blossom tree pictures on internet. It only bloomed a little on here and there.” He explained as pointed few branches with his free hand.

“I hope it will grow well and bloom beautifully next spring.” She prayed.

“Amen for that.” He replied.

“Can we come here next spring and see the cherry blossom tree blooms?” She asked.

“I’d love to bring you here again so we can spend the spring break together and seeing this cherry blossom tree.” He sealed his promise with another kiss on her lips.

Amber closed her eyes as she remembered those scenes. She smiled as she imagined when his soft lips touched hers on this place, in front of that tree. In the next second, she opened her eyes. She looked around, hoping she would see his real silhouette. But he wasn't here, obviously. She sighed as she put the bouquet under the frozen tree. 

"Merry Christmas, Baobei." She whispered softly with cracked voice. "I'm sorry for making you sad, making you disappointed. I'm so sorry for everything I've done which made you hurt. I'm sorry..." Amber rested her forehead on the tree. She mumbled again, released all unspoken words she held for years; all her emotions, all her feelings, all her regrets, all her unachieved dreams and plans with him. She started to cry on that tree. Slowly she sat down on the cold snowy ground. She covered her face and cries out till all her tears were gone.

Amber sat there for hours. She rested her back to the cold tree. She hugged her knees and tightened her hood. She shivered against the cold weather. She turned her head into tulip bouquet she took on the ground beside her. It already covered with snow. It made her realised how long she had been sat there. She looked up to the sky. The sun wasn't above her head anymore. She sneezed as she got up. She hugged herself, rubbing her own arms to make her felt a bit warmer. She walked carefully to his abandoned house. She approached one of his window, removed the flocking snow above with her hands. After that she took a peek inside his house. She couldn't see anything. It was pitch black inside, seemed like he hadn't come home for a long time. 

She sighed as she rested her forehead to his window. "Where are you, Baobei?" She started sobbing once again. “I missed you, really missed you. Will you back to me?” She whispered to none.

She took a deep breath as she wept her tears. She turned her back, leaving that house. She approached her car and unlocked it. She turned back once again to see his house for the last time before entering the car. She started the engine and switched on her music player. Her most favourite music from his mixtape was blasting in the next second. She looked at his house for the very last time. Then she drove her car back to Seoul. She increased the speed. Hopefully she would arrive to Seoul before dining time.