Momo flipped through the lab report for a third time, trying to find something that didn’t confirm her worst suspicions. It wasn’t to be and she clenched her jaw as she pushed down a rising wave of anger, sadness and frustration. The report detailed results of a patient’s blood test she’d sent in for analysis and it didn’t tell anything good. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to the sympathetic expression of the doctor who had handed her the report. “No good news, I’m afraid,” he said. Momo nodded and a forced a smile as her hands tightened their grip on the clipboard.

‘But who knows? Maybe we’re wrong this time?’

Momo shook her head at the attempt to comfort her. “You’re the best pathologist in this hospital,” she said. “You’ve never been wrong and much as I hope, I doubt you’re wrong this time either. She sighed and waved the clipboard. “Thanks for getting this back to me so fast. I should go and break the news now.” Turning as the other doctor nodded, she tucked the report under an arm and walked to the landing for the lifts. She stepped onto an empty lift and slumped her head against the mirrored walls as it descended for her floor. It seemed like every day she was fighting a losing battle that never made headway. For every patient that made a full recovery, another two ailing ones would take their place. She remembered the names of all her patients who had lost their fight against cancer and she hoped the report wasn’t the beginnings of another.

The lift doors opened and she walked forward distractedly, almost stumbling into Hyejin as she rounded a corner. Her friend grabbed her shoulders to stop her from falling and began to make a joke about her lack of coordination but stopped when she saw Momo’s expression. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, worry lining her face. “Did something happen?” Momo opened to explain then feeling tighten as her emotions rose up, decided it would be better if Hyejin read it for herself. A long minute passed as Hyejin flipped through the pages of the report before she finally said, “Damn.” She breathed out a sigh as she handed back the clipboard but drew it back as she frowned.

‘Do you want me to break the news for you?’

Momo shook her head.

‘I appreciate it, but I’m the doctor she’s most familiar with. It’ll be better if I’m the one to tell her.’

‘If you’re sure.’

Momo nodded and Hyejin gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Alright then. Good luck and I’ll be at my desk if you change your mind.” Momo nodded again then continued down the hallway to the patient rooms. She stopped outside one of the rooms and hesitated with her fist raised, trying to think of the best way to give her news. She took a deep breath then knocked and popped her head around the door. The girl lying on the bed turned at the interruption and grinned when she saw who it was. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and beckoned Momo into the dimly lit room. Momo stepped inside, giving the beeping monitors a cursory glance as she took a seat beside the hospital bed. “Good morning,” she said softly. “How are you feeling, Hee-ra?”

‘Better than ever!’

Hee-ra smiled up at her, putting on a brave face despite the numerous tubes running in and out of her body. Her voice was raspy and the words sounded like they were struggling to come out. Momo tried to match her smile but found it beyond her and placed a hand on Hee-ra’s as she took a deep breath. It was now or never.

‘I’m sorry but I’m not here for a check-up. We got your test results back from the lab a-and…’

Momo closed her eyes as she tried to force the words out. Hee-ra placed her free hand on Momo’s cheek. “It’s alright,” she said. “You can tell me.” Momo opened her eyes at the touch and found the strength to continue as she looked at the brave girl in front of her.

‘Well, we got your test results back and your last bout of chemo doesn’t seem to have had any effect. Your cancer’s progressed further.’

‘Oh.’

There was a grim silence as Hee-ra took this in, blinking rapidly. Her eyes started to glisten and her entire body seemed to deflate. “How long do I have?” she asked in a small voice. “Six months to a year,” Momo whispered, hating herself. “We could try another stem cell transplant but the chance of survival isn’t high.” Hee-ra just nodded, staring straight ahead. “Do you want me to call your mother here?” Momo asked, knowing Hee-ra wanted to be alone. Hee-ra nodded again, still staring at the wall. Momo got up, leaving the clipboard on the bedside table. She did a half-turn, wanting to do something to provide comfort for the grieving girl but her courage fled her and she continued walking. She closed the door behind her and walked towards her desk, trying to block out the sobbing coming from the room.

~

The mood in the ward was subdued and sombre for the rest of the day, as was typical given the circumstances. The knowledge that yet another patient was due to depart them forever was enough to put a dampener on anyone’s mood. Momo sighed as she tidied up her desk, looking at the time in the corner of her computer screen. It was dark outside and the shift had already changed. She sighed and rubbed two fingers over her tired eyes. She’d tried to do what she could for Hee-ra and her mother during the day but at the moment, the two had just wanted time to process the news. She couldn’t blame them. Anyone finding out they or one of their family members was going to die wouldn’t take it easily. She sighed again and pressed the computer’s power button, getting her stuff to leave.

It was a long drive home, stuck in the peak hour traffic. The whole way, Momo couldn’t help wondering if she could have done anything differently and better during Hee-ra’s treatment. Despite knowing she’d followed standard procedure and been there for Hee-ra through every stage of treatment, a tiny voice in the back of her head whispered that it was her fault. It was a depressing thought that accompanied her until she arrived home. She let herself in and was welcomed by an assortment of delicious smells. She took off her shoes and walked to the kitchen to see what Mina had been cooking up.

‘Welcome home.’

Momo hummed at the greeting, feeling too tired to reply. She wrapped her arms around Mina’s waist, hugging her from behind and resting her chin on Mina’s shoulder. She nuzzled her face into Mina’s neck, breathing in her familiar scent. Mina seemed to instantly know something was wrong without Momo saying anything, asking, “Did something bad happen today?” Momo nodded but didn’t elaborate further, preferring to remain silent as she watched her girlfriend make dinner. Mina let her be and continued stirring the wok.

After a minute, Momo felt like she’d recovered enough energy to say what had been troubling her. “We got confirmation that one of our patient’s diseases has turned terminal. I’m just feeling a little down at the moment,” she said. “I should be fine once I’ve had some food in me.” Mina turned her head to look at her, studying her face.

‘Are you sure you’re fine?’

Momo nodded then smiled. “Maybe I’d feel better with a kiss?” she suggested. Mina snorted but gave her a quick peck before returning to her cooking.

‘Alright, I’m done. Let’s get this to the table.’

Mina served up the food onto a plate and they walked it to the dining table. Other dishes were already sitting there waiting for them. They ate in a comfortable silence with Momo feeling too tired to hold up her end of a conversation. When they were finished, Mina waved her away, saying she’d take care of clearing the table. Thanking Mina, Momo got up to take a shower for an early night. She’d been seated for most of the day filling out paperwork for Hee-ra, but she was mentally exhausted. Her mind felt sluggish and her thoughts came slow. She yawned a good night to Mina as she shuffled down the hallway to their bedroom, eager to be in bed.

She shed her clothes then stepped into the shower stall, relaxing as the hot water washed away some of her fatigue. She lathered up then raised her face to the showerhead, letting the water run the bubbles off her body. With her eyes closed to the world, she enjoyed a moment of peace before she was hit by a sudden feeling of worthlessness. She couldn’t help but feel like she wasn’t doing enough to help her patients with Hee-ra being the latest example and struggled to fight off the feeling. She turned off the water and dried off her body, changing into her pyjamas. Slipping under the covers, she left the bedside lamp on and placed her arms behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. She was still thinking about what she could’ve done differently with Hee-ra’s treatment and wondered if perhaps it really was her fault. She sighed and closed her eyes to the thought, trying to fall asleep so that she wouldn’t have to think so much.

~

Mina wiped her damp hands on the back of her jeans as the dishwasher started up. She sat down and pulled open the lid of her laptop, wanting to check her email and finish editing a spreadsheet before joining Momo in bed. She breathed out heavily as she was reminded of Momo’s news that one of her patients had turned terminal. It seemed like throughout Momo’s life, she had been surrounded by death of people near her. It was a horrible thing and Mina wished she could do more to comfort Momo. She sighed and set her mind to finishing her work so she could be with Momo in the comfort of their bed sooner. Her fingers danced across the keyboard as she typed out replies to a dozen emails accompanied by the washing sounds of water.

A few minutes lat