"Come on then beautiful, breakfast is on the table." 

THREE

"Sora, I don't regret anything about Saturday night." 

That phrase was the only thing getting me through this situation I had put myself in. This morning I woke up with every intention of avoiding Oh Sehun like the plague but then something struck inside of me. I think it may have had something to do with the really good coffee I had during breakfast, or that my hair was behaving and my makeup had turned out better than most days, or maybe it was because something changed. Maybe I was too tired of hiding myself from the inevitable heartbreak that would be caused by Oh Sehun. 

So I told myself that I was more than my weight. 

I didn't look at myself in the mirror this morning and suddenly see myself as this complete Aphrodite, but I didn't let myself immediately on my thighs. I focused on the shine of my brown hair and how my smile didn't give me the double chin I always thought it did. I found myself not focusing on all the negatives. 

Which is probably how I found myself at Oh Sehun's apartment with twitching fingers, a stomach that was ready to explode from the amount of times it had flipped since I convinced myself of this plan, and a sudden wave of confidence that I knew would vanish the moment he opened that door - if he opened the door.

I wasn't expecting anything to happen from this, all I wanted was closure. It was the first step to getting over the sweet guy who made me feel beautiful. He needed to know why I needed him to tell me that Saturday night was a mistake, and why he couldn't be with a girl like me. I needed him to confirm my suspicions. 

My fingers trembled as they curled into a fist to knock on the door. With one final deep breath and a muttering of a swift term of encouragement to myself, you can do this Sora, you're wearing both shoes this time. So I knocked. I told myself that if he didn't come to the door in thirty seconds that I would turn around and just act like everything I had told myself in the mirror this morning was all a lie. But after I got to seventeen, the door opened to a bleary-eyed Oh Sehun with sweatpants low on his hips and a white t-shirt. 

"Sora?" He sounded confused as to why I was in front of him on a Sunday morning with a bag from Paris Baguette, which was one of his favourite cafes that wasn't on campus (he pointed it out when we drove past it on the cab ride.) "What are you doing here?" 

"I ..." I trailed off, my stomach felt as if it was about to vomit out butterflies. "I think we need to talk." 

"Um," he pulled at his bottom lip with his teeth and for a moment I was half expecting a girl to walk out of his room and say something about him coming back to bed. See where my mind goes when someone hesitates to invite me in? But then he smiled. "Yeah, sure, come in." 

He pulled the door open, giving me room to walk in. 

"I bought bagels. I wasn't sure what you ordered from there, I just remember you saying that it was your favourite." When I turned to him closing the door I had to take a moment to not stare at his broad shoulders. I smiled at him when we locked eyes, shaking the bag to emphasise that I did bring food to make this conversation go a bit easier. "I figured bagels would be safe." 

"I actually don't eat bread," Sehun said, his eyebrows quirking as he eyed the bag. "I'm actually a raw vegan." 

I knew he was messing with my when he said that because he had this little tiny smirk on his face. "Drop the act Oh." 

He laughed, rolling his eyes as he walked past me, grabbing the bag from my hands as he brushed against my shoulder. "Come on then beautiful, breakfast is on the table." 

I narrowed my eyes, he definitely just called me beautiful. My ears were not deceiving me, had he just used the word beautiful to beckon me? Or was it more of come on then, beautiful breakfast is on the table, as in the breakfast is beautiful? Either way, I was blushing. I cautiously made my way into the kitchen, one of the room I didn't have the pleasure of seeing on my first visit - he was a crappy tour guide, only showed me the living room and the bedroom. The kitchen was small, the fridge cluttered with post-it notes in handwriting I assumed belonged to him, little notes about needing more milk and shampoo. There were a plethora of cookbooks leaning against the wall, most of them were eating healthy, and some were about cooking in university, but I especially liked the ones titled Cooking for Kids. 

"Do you want your bagel toasted?" Sehun asked right as my eyes landed on a photo he had on the wall adjacent to his fridge. It was him and a girl, who shared some features with him, and he had her on his lap and they were smiling wide. They had the same smile, the same crinkled eyes and so it wasn't hard to tell that it was his sister.

"Um," I quickly moved my glance away from the picture and nodded at Sehun. "Yeah, that sounds fine."

"That's my sister."

"Semi right?" I questioned, chuckling when he looked at me surprised, probably because he only said her name when we were already living in the world of tipsy-ness.

"You remember her name?"

I remembered everything from that night. I remembered it so much that I was scared there wasn't any whiskey in those whiskey sours. Sure, there may have been this haze around some of the night, like a grainy video, but that didn't mean I didn't have a recollection of the almost five hours I had spent with him. "Why do you sound so surprised?" 

Sehun leaned against the island, bringing up the palm of his hand up so that he could rest his chin on it. My eyes found the vein on his forearm and I let my stare linger there while waiting for him to answer my question. "I ... I just figured you didn't remember a lot about that night." 

There was something in his voice as if he had justified me running out on him as the only thing I'd actually remember. He must have been under the impression that I woke up the next morning hungover and completely regretting having with some guy I had just met, but I knew what I did, and I hadn't regretted what happened, and I felt like I knew him. 

Instead of a reply, I said nothing and just sat there tracing his veins with my eyes over and over again. 

How do you tell a boy that you don't want him to not regret your night together? How do you tell him you want him to feed all those thoughts you had in your mind since some guy asked you out in 10th grade for about 15 minutes before admitting that it was just a joke? How do you do that?

"What do you remember about Saturday night?" Sehun mumbled like he was scared someone would hear us if he spoke too loud.

Shaking my head, I turned my interest to the marble on his countertop, connecting the lines with my fingers. "What do you remember about Saturday night?" I repeated, turning the question onto him.

"Everything," he said without hesitation. "I remember everything Sora."

I couldn't operate. There were words caught in my throat, but they were lodged there like that piece of food that was eaten too quickly and all you could do was stand through the pain of hot food sliding down your throat. 

He said those words with such conviction, he didn't sound angry. He sounded defeated. He remembered everything. 

"Sora, why didn't you stay?" 

Because I didn't want you to wake up and see me. Because I didn't want to give myself the impression that I was good enough for a guy who's scrunched up smile was the most enticing thing I had seen. Because I didn't want to romanticise a one night stand. Because I didn't want to be a pity . 

"Because we were drunk." Even though I felt sober the entire time. By the drop in his features and the significant lack of colour in his face he also remembered how both of us said that we felt sober. 

Sehun sighed. "All the more reasons for you to stay." 

I frowned. "I already apologised for leaving, okay. I already admitting to being stupid about leaving at two in the morning. Please stop bringing it up." 

"Sora," Sehun muttered, pulling tightly at his hair as his shoulders tensed at the awkwardness filling the air. "I'm not angry about that, honestly. More than anything, I'm confused." 

I cut him off. "Why are you confused? We drank, you felt sorry for me, we had , and I left." I noticed his entire body cringe at the bitter reality th