"Why do you do that?" 

"Do what?" 

"Make little digs at yourself." 

ONE 

The first day of the new semester wasn't something I was looking forward to. What with, new clothes crowding my already full closet, memories from the weekend circling around in my head, and the apparent mud stain on the thigh of my jeans, there wasn't much to be looking forward to. Sure I could look forward to the 8 AMs that I set an alarm for every day of the week, or that my hair actually looked decent right now, but really all I wanted to do was sit and vegetate until I forgot about the past weekend. 

But did I let myself do that? No. Of course not. Never, because why in a million years would I let myself forget about the fact that the Adonis who probably drank too much at The Silent Flute and decided to spend his night talking to me while we both took far too many jaeger bombs? Why in a million years would I let myself forget about the softness of his fingers on my skin but the hardness of his fingertips as he traced every inch of my body as if he were trying to memorise every crevice, every imperfection? 

Probably because I'm selfish. So selfish. 

For once, amidst the haze of alcohol and my false sense of confidence, I felt beautiful. He made me feel like I was more than just numbers on a scale. But I shouldn't have used his for that, I shouldn't have given him the responsibility to make me feel decent about myself. However, I did. And that was selfish. 

That's why I was here, sitting in this auditorium in the very front row with my eyes on the syllabus in front of me and my ears listening to the professor talk about her attendance policy. I wasn't as lethargic as I thought I would be, with only four hours of actual sleep and dreams of deep eyes and those goddamn fingertips, I was wide awake. I tried to focus on the words on the page as the professor went through the register, mispronouncing names every so often, but I only looked up when I heard one name in particular. 

"Oh Sehun." 

Yes, okay, I'm officially convinced that life has decided to play some cruel joke on me. 

"Here." 

Okay, he was much closer to me than I was hoping he would be. His voice was clear and deep, and I made sure not to turn around at the sound of it. I kept every muscle still in my body except for the muscle that told my cheeks not to turn red, that one had a mind of its own and it was working very hard right now to make me resemble a strawberry. Embarrassment was not my strong suit. Neither was being 'low-key' because I could feel eyes on the back of my head and I would bet my entire savings account that they belonged to the person whose name had just been called out.  

"Kwon Sera." 

I swallowed back my breakfast from this morning. "Here," I managed to squeak. Oh my god, I squeaked. The sound that was produced from my mouth resembled a mouse. The professor didn't notice but he must have noticed. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me since I heard his name. 

So I kept my eyes planted on the syllabus but my attention was no longer on the professor, it was fully dedicated to not drifting to Sehun. For the past three days, I've been doing everything in my power to not drift to Sehun. Not thinking about him was a lot easier when I was helping Sooyoung put up her photographs around her room, or when I was scheduling out my entire semester and singing along to Shinee songs. But most of the time I didn't have anything to distract me from thinking back to Saturday night. 

It was surprising how easy it was to get caught up in the memory. There was a soft haze over it, both of us stumbling into a taxi, his hand comfortably on my thigh until it trailed further up my leg before to go under my jeans but failing due to the uncomfortable positioning. I don't remember him saying anything, or making any kind of move that said he was annoyed by that, his hand just moved to my back and under my blouse. I remember how Sehun laughed against my neck when I gasped at his lips pressing against one of my weak spots, soft and low, a laugh that left his body shaking until we got to his apartment and he only cared about my lips and getting all of my lipstick off. 

A loud cough made me jump, and the pen in my hand was thrown to the front of the room. "Miss Kwon, did you have a question?" 

The room was nearly empty and I was sitting there doing exactly what I didn't want to do, distract myself with thoughts of Saturday night. I moved quickly after a swift shake of my head and stuffed the syllabus into my bag while standing up and bending to grab the pen that I had thrown to the front of the room. I shot an apologetic smile to the professor and did my best not to wince when she made no response to my smile. Already on the wrong foot with this one. 

The only thing on my mind was going back to the safety of my apartment walls, but once I got to the top of the stairs everything about lying on my bed and watching The OC for the fifth time left my mind and was replaced by a single word. 

. 

"I need to talk to you." His voice wasn't as happy as it was on Saturday. He had a stone stare on his face that sent nervous shivers down my back. 

I tried to act like I hadn't heard him, but I'd already made eye contact and he had definitely already stepped closer to me so that my escape route would involve doing some kind of acrobatics over his tall form. My mouth stayed shut as he looked at me expectantly, what he was expecting me to say I didn't know. I could probably say something about his hair looked really nice, and that I liked his white shirt but I doubted he cared about what I thought about his appearances. He definitely wanted more of an explanation of me running out of his room still drunk with only one shoe on.

"I have to get to my next lecture, so if you don't mind." I stepped to the right and he mirrored me. He must have seen right through my lie.

He kept his eyes on me. "We need to talk about what happened on Saturday."

I shut my eyes tight and prayed that the mental images wouldn't show up in my head. "There's nothing to talk about." There was actually a lot to talk about. If I were him I would be confused as to why the person I said could stay decided to just leave after I fell asleep. Okay, truth be told I wouldn't be surprised by it. may have sobered them up enough to see that they shouldn't have gotten into bed with me. But maybe Oh Sehun would be surprised to have someone not spend the night.

Sehun chuckled, of all things, before combing his fingers through his hair. "I can think of a few things to talk about."

I frowned. "Look I get it, it was a one-time thing and you didn't intend on it happening but it did so now you feel like you have to stand in front of me and remind me that all it was and all it ever will be is a one-night stand. You honestly don't have to explain it to me at all. I get it. You weren't having much luck with the hotter girls so you have to pick one of the uglier ones, it's no big deal. I'm not offended." So I wasn't offended, but with the way he was staring at me, I could tell that he certainly was.

"Is that what you think I'm going to say to you?" If anything, he looked a little angry and I wanted to rub away that little crease indented on his forehead.

I shrugged, rocking back and forth on my heels with a knowing smirk on my face. "Isn't it?"

I flinched when he flailed his arms around and scoffed. "No, that is not what I was going to say. What kind of dickheads are you dealing with?"

I don't think the answer he was looking for was 'the ones I make up in my head' so I didn't say anything.

"I was going to say you left a pair of socks at my apartment, and that it was stupid of you to leave while you were still drunk." That reaction was not one I was expecting. "If you wanted to leave in such a hurry, you should have at least let me call you a taxi." He really needed to stop being such a stand-up guy, I could not handle being rude to a stand-up guy. 

A part of me knew he was right. I shouldn't have walked home with one shoe and a stumbling stature, but I did and I didn't regret it. Sehun would've regretted it if I had stayed. "I didn't want to inconvenience you." The words were muffled by the sudden influx of students who had just been released by their lecturers but Sehun heard it. 

"You didn't want to inconvenience me? I spent the entire weekend frantic and looking in the news for some headline along the lines of 'Local university girl found dead on a street with one shoe.' Calling you a taxi would have been the most convenient thing I could have done." To say I was shocked by Sehun's sudden outburst would be an understatement. Baffled is more along the lines of how I felt. No one had ever shown me so much stress over a simple departure. 

"Sehun," my hand instinctively moved towards him arm but I put a stop on that real quick. "I made it home fine. You didn't have to worry about me then, you don't have to worry about me now." I smiled at him hoping that it would give him the reassurance he was searching for, but his expression didn't change. 

"Sora, I brought you to my apartment. It was my responsibility to see that you got home safely." 

That was wrong. I was far away from being one of his responsibilities. 

"I have to go Sehun." I finally said after my mouth dried to the consistency of sandpaper and I had timed out my allotted time for awkward silence for my entire life. "See you around." 

When I shoved past him, he didn't try to stop me. 

***

Sooyoung didn't waste any time when she showed up to my single apartment, immediately pouring out questions as soon as I opened the door. Just like I always do when she has a lot to say, I turned away from her brown doe-eyed stare and walked back to the living room to plop myself back onto the leather sofa had been there when I arrived. 

Sooyoung took a seat across from me on the sofa and crossed her legs together so she could face me. "I want to know everything. You didn't tell me anything about what happened on Saturday. Did he treat you well? Did he let you stay? Do you have his number? Is that why you've been avoiding my calls since Sunday morning? Have you been ing him all weekend? You have, haven't you?" After she finished she took three deep breaths before leaning on her elbows expectantly. 

"