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Joshua stared at the offending ribbon. Sky blue like the way his eyes glowed Jeonghan whispered. Shuddering Joshua opened the drawer by the register ready to throw it in until Jeonghan came back for it. But his master’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

Whirling around Joshua saw Pirnk leaning against the door way.

“Master?”

“Are you certain you want to reject him?” He raised his brows, seriously asking Joshua.

Biting his lip Joshua answered, “Accepting his suit would mean nothing. He isn’t sincere.”

The brow didn’t come down. “Really now? Coming into the store almost every day to learn your schedule and to bother you to spell new ribbons when he would’ve been fine with just a few of them. Even going so far as to take you out for lunch as a token of appreciation. He’s not serious?”

“It’ll go nowhere,” Joshua argued, “the difference in status is too great. I’m just some backwater minor noble. His family will never approve.”

“And when has the difference in status ever stopped you?”

Why was his master being like this? Why was he being so annoying?

Snapping, Joshua said, “This is a different matter than that of school! It’s not worth it! He’s not worth it!” He held up the ribbon in his fist, his hand shaking, “This isn’t worth it!”

“Is that what your heart says?” Pirnk moved close, standing right in front of Joshua. “It’s not worth it? Shall I burn it then?”

Automatically Joshua stepped back. “No! You can’t!”

“But you just said it wasn’t worth it my apprentice,” he pointed out.

“It belongs to a customer,” he reasoned, clenching the ribbon tight.

“Hand it to me Joshua and I’ll take care of it.”

“Not if you’re going to burn the thing!”

“It means something but it isn’t worth it?”

God, Joshua wished he would stop asking such hard questions. Joshua didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to think about why he wouldn’t let it go. Please let him live in his denial.

“Joshua?”

“It’s not worth the broken heart!”  He screamed. The words tumbled out of his mouth, “Going to see if what he said is true isn’t worth the possible humiliation and the broken heart. It isn’t. So please. Stop asking master.” He held his arms close, the ribbon dangling, to his chest as if he could defend himself from the words.

“Oh Joshua,” Pirnk said softly. He moved the last few steps until he enveloped Joshua into an one arm hug.

Joshua clenched his fists close to his chest, trying not to shake. “It’s not worth it,” he said quietly, voice laced with uncertainty.

“Do you know,” he started, “that I too had a similar experience?” He stopped, waiting for Joshua’s attention. Smiling down at Joshua’s uncertain face he continued, “A young noble also pursued me in my youth and I also rejected him. Countless, hundreds of times. He was more shameless than your young Lord Yoon. He also asked me to go to the Tying Festival.”

“Did you go?” Joshua asked. He hated himself for asking. For even contemplating how similar it sounded and if it ended well. And if his would end well.

“I told him no and marched him out of the store myself. But somehow the bastard managed to sneak his ribbon into my pocket.” He shook his head. “I was dead set on not going. But later that night I stared out the window asking myself if I would regret not trying. I decided that I would and so I went.”

“Was it worth it?” Joshua had to know. If it was worth it.

“It was,” he said quietly, running his hand down Joshua’s head. “We married a few years later. And we lived happily. Albeit he wasn’t such a high status as your young Lord Yoon, but he still had his family problems. Even when I lost him to illness so many years later it was all worth it.” He tilted Joshua’s head up. “Don’t give up. I cannot make you go but don’t regret your decisions in life Joshua. I will be here with magic books beyond your wildest dreams if young Lord Yoon breaks your heart. It will hurt but you would’ve tried. But there will be no what ifs playing in your head, haunting you later on in life.”

Joshua clenched the ribbon too hard; he felt his nails digging into his palms.

“Go back to your dorm room and think on what I said. All right?”

“Yes master,” he whispered.

Before Joshua stepped out the door, Pirnk said one last thing, “A person never chooses a ribbon like that unless it means something. Especially one that matches your eyes.”

Nodding Joshua left the store, ribbon burning a hole in his pocket.

“It was easier,” Joshua said, as if he were in a trance, “to make a decision after hearing what master had told me. I just had to know if it was worth it.” Unconsciously his hand squeezed, his nails digging into his hand. “Love was supposed to be something a wizard could never bottle. So, to hear about it. To have it and to be able to touch it. The possibility of having it made me move.”

“No more,” Niko said.

“It was soft at first. Like petals falling on you in the spring time,” Joshua continued, not hearing him. “Then it got deeper. More passionate. We went from soft kisses to hard touches and it—“

“NO MORE!” He yowled. “You’re hurting yourself Shua!”

Joshua jerked out of his story telling. “What?”

“Your hand,” Niko hissed.

Looking down Joshua saw blood, quickly he took the ribbon away from his bleeding hand.

Niko couldn’t help but notice that.

Getting up Joshua grabbed the healing potion, pouring a few drops onto his damaged hand. “I didn’t feel it,” he whispered.

“You were too absorbed into the story. No more,” he said. “I don’t need to hear more. Not like this.”

Joshua kneeled, scooping him into his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

Niko said nothing, nuzzling Joshua’s face with his own. As Joshua turned and moved, Niko stared at the ribbon that started it all. Oh, how he hated it.

Joshua leaned down and picked it up, secretly glad it didn’t stain. He remembered though that he had spelled it to repel blood those many years ago. But still. Putting it back in the box, he exited his study. Niko was right. No more trips down memory lane. Not when it was filled with pain.

His night class went slow, like the honey Joshua liked to lace his herbal tea with. Especially since that herbal tea was disgusting but did wonders for magical healing.

Waving good bye to all of his students, Joshua packed up.

“It’s a full moon tonight,” Niko said looking out the window, his eyes glinting in that inhuman color. “No more magic tonight Shua.” He turned to look at him, “Please.”

Joshua shook his head. “None.” Not this full moon. Joshua didn’t trust himself to do the normal things, like strengthen potions or add layers of magic to his talisman. Not when he felt shaky.

Gently putting the leash on Niko’s collar, the two of them left the building. They walked quietly into the parking lot, Niko pulling at the leash to get them to move quicker. Something about the night bothered him. Most likely from the incidental meeting of Joshua’s old lover.

They were close to the car when someone shouted out to them.

“Professor Hong!”

Joshua turned, his heart dropping. Why did it have to be him?

Jeonghan smiled at him. “I didn’t think I’d see you again today. What luck.”

Giving a tiny smile, a polite one, Joshua hoped. “Yea. What luck.”

“Going home for dinner?”

“Yes. The first week is tiring.” He hoped to move Jeonghan along by adding the tiring part.

“Did you want to go out and eat with me? My treat.” Jeonghan smiled at Joshua.

That old familiar smile he would give him when he tried to wheedle Joshua into doing things. Why was he so similar this life time? Why couldn’t he have been different? It would’ve made everything so much easier.

“Oh. No. I’m—“

An arm looped around his shoulders. “He’s having dinner with me.” Soonyoung smiled.

“Soonyoung,” Joshua said, inwardly grateful his friend was here. “I thought you were going to meet me at my place.”

He smiled, his eyes disappearing. “Decided to meet you here instead. Is that a problem?”

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, cutting in. “Sorry. I didn’t realize you had plans. Maybe next time?”

Joshua turned, giving him a faint smile. “Maybe.” Saved by his favorite faerie.

Soonyoung waved, before moving Joshua and Niko to their car.

Jeonghan frowned as the three of them left. Was Joshua taken? He didn’t protest to the other man’s touch and Niko even rubbed himself against the man’s legs. A close friend? A lover? Jeonghan would have to find out.

Something drew him to Joshua. He didn’t know what, but something compelled him to keep trying to find the other man. And Jeonghan wasn’t protesting.