I decided that I need a girlfriend. SM didn't mind if we date as long as it's secret. 
I started texting Krstal again. We talked a lot a while back and I've got told that she likes me from her members. 

We started to meet up at the SM building since my members were still promoting and she didn't have a schedule. My ankle was also getting better quicker than even the doctor said. I could even stand on it but right now I was still using my crutches. 

It's been a week now since me and Krystal started talking and hanging and also meant that there was 1 week left for our tour to start. Tomorrow I was thinking of asking her to be my girlfriend, she was a really nice girl.

It's actually a free day today so some members were out and some were in the dorm. I made my way to the toilet just as Sehun was coming out with a towel around his wait. His dark hair was wet dripping with water and and so was his toned body. I've seen him like this before but not in a while and I never felt like this. That's when I knew that I wasn't jealous of him and Baekhyun because I want I relationship like that with someone. I think it's because I want that relationship with him. 

"Um Jongin would you move out the way? Im trying to get past," Sehun breaking me out of my thoughts and I hoped aside for him. 

After I'd finished using the toilet I waited 5 minutes thinking if I should talk too Sehun and decided that I would. I knocked on his door and heard a faint 'come in' I saw that Suho wasn't here so I sat on his bed. 

Sehun was sat on his bed staring at me and was now dressed but still had damp hair and a towel around his shoulders. He raised his eyebrows curious what brought me here. 

"Ok so I thought I was jealous and of yours Baekhyun's relationship and needed to get a girlfriend so... I've been talking to Krystal for about a week and she is really nice. But I just realised that I never have felt the same way I do when I'm with you then when I'm with her. I didn't know what my feelings were about you. I should've known because I find all our members handsome but my heart only flutters when I see you. When I'm with Krystal our relationship feels more platonic but with you, I still don't know what it is."

Sehun didn't say anything but sat next to be in Suho's bed and so I continued. 

"I was thinking about asking her to be my girlfriend tomorrow but I don't think I can with these unsolved feelings for you." I looked down embarrassed about my confession. 

"Do you me to help solve these feelings?"

"What?"
Sehun then grabbed my face but so gently and rubbed his thumb over my lips before leaning in and kissed me. But it wasn't like the kids before that lasted 2 seconds because I let him this time and he started moving his lips this time. He then slipped his tongue in my mouth and I knew I wanted this. 

He was kissing me softly but I began kissing him roughly. Is this what I wanted all along? 
He was the one who broke the kiss because I still wanted more. 

"I like you Oh Sehun. I am sure of it now," I said before pecking him on his lips again. 

I could see he was trying to hold in his smile by biting his lip which made him look y. 

"I'm so happy you told me this, I was going to ask Baekhyun to be my boyfriend today,"

"What? I thought you guys were already together."

"Nope I just tried flirting back. I will admit that I do like Baekhyun a bit more but I still couldn't get you off my mind. I did think though that the 'boyfriend' label would make me focus on him but now we will never know because I'm not going to ask him," he smiled. 

"No Sehun I'm not going to stop you from having a boyfriend just because I found out my feelings for you late. You can be with Baekhyun it's my own fault anyway."

"Why can't we be together since we both like each other?" Sehun pouted. 

"These feelings are still very new to me, I don't want to put a label on us yet I didn't think this would happen before I came into the room and now I'm very confused about my uality but I do want to spend time together if you wait for me." I say looking up to him. 

"Jongin, I've been waiting for you to say that you like me too for nearly 2 years now so of course I can wait. And just forgot your uality just do you. 

I smiled at that but then thought about Baekhyun. "What are going to tell Baekhyun?"

"The same thing you're going to tell Krystal. The truth but not so in depth so they don't particularly know who you're talking about." 

I was kind of worried about this. I didn't want to hurt her feeling. 

"Don't worry, she'll understand," Sehun said rubbing my back 

"I hope so."

"Also you do understand that you can't tell no one. You don't know who could accept us or not and this could end our career," Sehun said seriously. I almost forgot about what coming out would do to our careers. 

I hesitated and got up with my crutches "sorry...but I'm not sure if I can risk my whole career for this, I've wanted to be and idol since I was young and I can't throw it away like this...I should of thought about this before." I started hopping my way to the door. 

"Wait" 
I stopped at the door with my back to him. 
"What if they do accept us though, I've heard things from some of our fans that think we look together which means they would accept us. We still don't have to tell anyon-"

"Sehun! Are you really willing to give up your career for me?! You worked so hard for this, I won't let you do it! Also the fans think nearly everyone in the group looks good together."

"Do you know how many people date in secret and people don't find out until like 10 years later. I don't think it'll be that hard," Sehun said raising his voice a little. 

"Normally those people are in a heteroual relationship and not surrounded by 7 other members. You was right when you said that people might not accept us, you never know if one of our members could betray us," I said also raising my voice. 

"Why would they do that? That would also damage their career."

"Not really. They could still continue as a group or even do solo careers but for us since Korea still has a foul feeling about Homouality then there will be nothing for us."

"You still don't know for sure." I heard his voice soften and heard footsteps behind me. I didn't answer but felt Sehun's hands slip around my waist. 

"We don't have to tell anyone. It'll be our secret," Sehun whispered softly in my ear that have me tingles. 

"Sorry. I can't do this," I said with no emotion, went out the room to my room and laid on my bed face down. 

"What's wrong?"

I didn't even know Kyungsoo was in the room. 

"I'm not in the mood to talk right," my voice was muffled by my pillow. 

"Fine!" I heard his footsteps and my head shot up. 
"Kyungsoo?"

"What? You've made it clear that you never want to talk so I'm going to leave you alone," he sighed and left the room and I let him. 

I was kind of glad now that I had to stay off schedules for another week now I couldn't deal with all of this.

Also I nearly forgot about Krystal I've already told her that I want to meet. But I don't know if I should just tell her that I'm just interested in being friends or I could ask her to be my girlfriend. 
Urgh i didn't know what to do, I just wanted to forgot everything so I decided to take a nap. 

I woke up and checked my phone. 17:30. Wow I slept for about 5 hours and was pretty hungry. I began walking to the kitchen but decided to check Sehun's room since the door was a little open. 

My heart felt like it broke. Sehun and Baekhyun were making out on his bed. I watched a little more until it looked like they were going further. Now I couldn't figure out if those things he said to be me were true or he was just doing this to get back at me. Whatever he did I'm guessing he did ask Baekhyun to be his boyfriend. 

Suddenly I made up my mind in what I was going to say to Krystal tomorrow. 
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A/N thanks for the comments and keep them coming. I start college tomorrow but I'll still try to keep up and try to update at least 4 times a week. 💞💞