not really angst but also not really anything else

Your laughter was the only thing I could see that night. we were on a rooftop of a friend of a friend of a friend's apartment, celebrating her birthday. I didn't know you. the weird thing is, my heart hurt when I look at you. as if you're the only thing that matters. and it's true, in some way because you're all I saw. actually. my guts were twisted, and it hurt. I don't know if you know this kind of hurt, it's so deep inside of you that there's no way it would ever go away just like that. it wants me to fall in love with you but I'm so scared because I think I saw you with your girlfriend, the pretty girl with shoulder-length hair, and you had your arm around her shoulder. I don't know what I was thinking but god damn I'm so hurt. and I can't stop thinking about you. your laughter. even if I was on the other side of the roof. I didn't hear you. but I saw you. the way your lips twist, and your eyes crinkle, and your shoulders move. your hair that's parted in the middle and it should have looked odd but it didn't. your eyes. how the fairy lights lit up in them. my guts twisted with every word you said to your girlfriend. my friends were standing next to me, talking about girls and who they want to this evening and all I could see was your smile. I don't want to see you like that. in fact, I should want to never see you again but I do. I was standing in the kitchen, the dimly lit area doused in blue neon light,