(Continued from Chapter 8)

Soel stood in front of the locked door unsure what to do. Uncle So’s chief eunuch stood between her and the closed door, blocking her way. Her pleading eyes that usually worked with all men and most women, seemed to have no impact on him. Soel had tried everything – she’d given him a whole lot of arguments on why he should let her in immediately to avoid a catastrophe but neither her logic nor her hyperbole had worked on him. Then she had tried pleading but that hadn’t worked either. He just repeated the same words over and over again in his exasperatingly monotonous voice – the King had retired to his chambers to rest and could not be disturbed until morning. As Soel turned away from the door dejectedly, she could see the eunuch relax visibly from the corner of her eye. The next instant however, Soel whipped around. The eunuch stretched out his arms instinctively but in the blink of an eye, Soel slid under one of his outstretched arms and burst into the room. The King looked up from where he was reading a book to see his daughter crashing into the room, taking refuge behind a table and threatening to throw a vase at the guards who tumbled in hot on her heels. King Gwangjong was on his feet in a flash. The guards and the eunuch quickly fell to their knees and begged his pardon for their grave error. Soel turned around and just gave him her most winning smile as she said, “Uhm… seeing as you are awake, your highness…. can we talk?” His eyes were fixed on Soel even as he shooed off the rest of the party, warning them not to let anyone else into his room.

Soel fixed her gaze on the floor and tried to gather her thoughts while the men hurried out and closed the door behind them. Now that she had crossed the insurmountable barrier and found herself in the King’s presence, she was not exactly sure what she wanted to say. She looked up to see him standing right in front of her, a concerned look on his face. “Are you alright? How are you feeling?” Soel was surprised at the urgency and earnestness behind the question. Did he know? How did he know? “Jung said that you witnessed the execution this morning and you were traumatized by it. He said your eyes were red and swollen from crying and you looked ashen, that you hid yourself all day and begged to be allowed to retire to bed early.” The words rushed out of his mouth as he struggled to control himself, looking into her eyes for assurance. But as she heard those words, the horrific memory that she had kept suppressed, rushed into to her mind with a vengeance. Soel shut her eyes tight to banish the memory. “Do you…. hate me?” The question took her by surprise. The soft, subdued, almost pleading voice was so unlike the usual majestic tone of the fearsome King or the deep, playful voice of her Uncle So. She looked up at the person standing before her, waiting for her response, willing her to forgive him with every fiber of his being. That person was not King Gwangjong. He was Wang So, the prince who had yearned for love all his life, who had relentlessly pursued it in every form - love, friendship and brotherhood - only to be abandoned over and over again by everyone he ever cared about. Soel reached out to wipe away his tears as she insisted, “Never….. I will never hate you”. He smiled as he moved forward and took her hands in his. “Jung said that if you were to fall sick, he would never bring you back to the palace again. He said he would rather be exiled than bring his daughter into this hell to suffer like that. I was so worried….. I wanted to come and see you, to talk to you….. but I was scared…. that you hated me…. that you would refuse to see me….. that if you did see me, you would get more agitated and fall sick. I was scared that I would lose you too.” He continued to smile valiantly even as tears streamed down his face. Soel bit her lips to keep the pain in her heart from taking over her entire being, to stop herself from crying out loud and to hold it all in so that she could focus. She had to be strong. She was not the one who needed comforting. She released her hands from his grip and stepped forward. “You’ll never lose me. Not even if you tried” she said as she embraced her father.

They spent much of the night talking. Soel started off by reminiscing about the happy times that they spent together, gazing at stars, riding the boat or just walking by the lake. Then she told him about her life in Chungju and about all the scrapes that she routinely got into. Wang So laughed heartily when he heard about the pranks she pulled and told her that she was just like her mother. She wanted to hear stories about her mother and so he told her. He recounted stories about her mother and all the other princes who had lived in the palace years ago, in what felt like a different lifetime. Some of the stories were funny like the one about her mother beating Uncle Eun black and blue. Soel laughed out loud even as she wished that things had turned out differently. If only Uncle Eun and Aunt Soon Doek had managed to flee the capital, maybe she could have met them; maybe they could have raced toy boats in the Damiwon pool; maybe Uncle Eun would have taught her how to use a slingshot and Aunt Soon Doek would have taught her how to fight.

Some stories were romantic and heart-warming. Soel listened with starry eyes, the story of how Wang So rescued a beautiful girl from certain death by sweeping her off her feet and on to his horse and how she chased him down demanding an apology for throwing her off the horse like a sack of potatoes right after the rescue. But there were others that were heart wrenching. When Wang So spoke about Hae Soo’s struggles, how she was tortured in prison, how she knelt in the rain on her broken legs to plead for an innocent life, how she suffered as a water maid ridiculed by those around her and protected by none, and about how he missed her in the years they were apart, neither of them could stop their tears. So they cried shamelessly as they held on to each other and remembered the person they both missed.

At long last, they addressed the elephant in the room. They talked about all the people who had died over the years and continued to die every day in the fight for the throne. King Gwangjong strived to explain as best as he could why he had to kill some of his subjects to keep the peace for all the others and Soel was eager to understand. Yet a consensus was not easy to find when her youthful optimism clashed with his cynical realism. She knew very little about the politics and power struggles that permeated every inch of the capital and there was so much he could not share with her without putting her in danger. But even in midst of their most heated arguments, Soel made it very clear that she wouldn’t give up. She would continue to ask questions and she would continue to argue. She would persist in her quest until she understood him fully or forced him to change, even if it took forever. “You’ll have to exile me to stop me” she said with a smile. It was almost daybreak when Soel finally lay down to sleep with her head on her father’s lap as he told her fairy tales of princes and princesses who lived happily ever after, with a smile on her lips and hope in her heart.